hey H.H., it's always hard when you're in that sort of male environment, where its like they havn't seen a woman in years, even though they're all going home to their gf's, daughters, wives, mothers. next time he stands close to you just say something really loud like "i don't appreciate you 'accidentally' brushing against me all the time". unfortunately you run the risk of "well, waht do you expect from a woman, she just can't handle it", but hopefully you have a cool boss who will do something about it
when i was 16 i worked at a pool after school, and this fat bastard was always flipping through work out mags and pointing out both women and men to me, and making sexual comments saying what i should do to him. in that pool i felt very secluded, like if i screamed noone would hear me, and there weren't that many ppl swimming, so i yelled at him "one more comment like that out of you and i'm filing a sexual harassment suit against you" not only did he shut up, he begged my forgiveness, i never had a problem again
See thing is... this environment isn't REALLY like that. I mean, the vast majority of them are MORE than respectful and there does be a lot of joking and stuff which in any other industry may be seen as harrassment but I actually see the funny side to it. I think it IS the end of it with him though, cos for a while, whenever he wouldn't move out of the way properly if I was passing so I'd have to brush past him :rolleyes: if there was anyone else in teh room I'd say 'excuse me' really loudly so they'd notice and if there wasn't anyone else in the room I'd walk away. Either he's got bored or lost interest.
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
I don't think he's the raping type... but who knows! He behaves in the same power trip way with the guys too! I think once or twice, when we were on work nights out, maybe I did cross the line... I know it COULD potentially be a dangerous game but I like to see him squirm the way he used to make me.
you say "used to." maybe the guy is just awkward and was trying to make friends. if he's stopped, maybe he's learned it's unacceptable and you should let the past go and get over it. some people are just jackasses like that, and if he's being an ass with the guys too, they'll be on your side if he ever does regress. until then, write it off as him being an idiot and just ignore him unless he gives you reason to worry again.
Abook, obviously if this has been going on for an extended period of time he's not getting the hint. And that statement of "getting away for an hour or two" obviously insinuates he wants to have sex. I hope you are saving those emails and that there is someone where you work that is over him and can, at the very least, reprimand him. I would never confront him with it because you don't know how he will react. Just keep collecting the evidence in case you need it.
Also, see if there are any witnesses to his behavior with you that can confirm your situation of harassment. But the most important and damning thing is his emails, because he was stupid enough to put his bad behavior on written documents. They can't fire you if you have this evidence that he is harassing you, or you can take them to court.
Good luck with your situation!
word
standin above the crowd
he had a voice that was strong and loud and
i swallowed his facade cos i'm so
eager to identify with
someone above the crowd
someone who seemed to feel the same
someone prepared to lead the way
not sure where i should post this, but i freind just told me that a coworker tried to rape her (he was thankfully too drunk to finish), and i can't talk to my other freinds about this because they're also her freinds, and i wanted to unload.
i just can't understand how when a woman says no that can be misinterpreted. the guy said that he knew that she would resist, but that he loved her and they belonged together, and had to convince her of that. i don't believe that i was raised in some extreem liberal hippy environment, i mean isn't everyone out there aware of rape? wasn't it drilled into everyone elses heads from the age of 6? what were the guys doing in sex ed and phys ed when we were learning that no means no, and how to defend ourselves? i was assuming that they were learning respect too. what kind of homes do these assholes come from? how low must your self-esteem be that you think that's teh way to have sex?
what's worse is that she told another co-worker, and he said "i'm sure that's not how he meant it" or some such idiocy. so she kept quiet about it, because she actually believed that she had done something to provoke this mother fucker.
now she's seeing a councillor, and she's told a few freinds, and another freind of ours is setting up a meeting between her and the guy's boss, and the girl is actually worried about confronting the boss because she doesn't want the mother fucking rapist to lose his job. she feels bad!!
what the fuck is wrong with men! i'm so fucking angry i'm screaming inside
i agree with you but your post seems one-sided in that you assume that only men can rape. women rape men too. i just think the crime should be looked at more objectively and not assuming that only men can committ this type of crime.
i agree with you but your post seems one-sided in that you assume that only men can rape. women rape men too. i just think the crime should be looked at more objectively and not assuming that only men can committ this type of crime.
98.5% of sexual abusers are male. That's a very serious majority. It's almost completely one-sided.
(Source: Canadian Mental Health Association)
"The opposite of a fact is falsehood, but the opposite of one profound truth may very well be another profound truth." ~ Niels Bohr
98.5% of sexual abusers are male. That's a very serious majority. It's almost completely one-sided.
(Source: Canadian Mental Health Association)
Yes, I agree angelica, but I think that onelongsong was just trying to make the point that men can be victims too. And not to discount their trauma.
Unfortunately all too often it is harder for a male victim to come forward and reporting and counselling services are seriously underfunded, understaffed and under organized for male victims.
onelongsong did not mention that males are victims at all--his point spoke about perpetrators only. Yes, boys and male adolescents are also assaulted, and yet it remains that they are usually assaulted by men. (again 98.5% of sexual abusers are men). Onelongsong was saying women can rape, and yet the fact is that while it's possible and happens, the number is very, very small.
"The opposite of a fact is falsehood, but the opposite of one profound truth may very well be another profound truth." ~ Niels Bohr
98.5% of sexual abusers are male. That's a very serious majority. It's almost completely one-sided.
(Source: Canadian Mental Health Association)
and how many males will report that they were raped by a woman? by best friend was raped by a babysitter as a young teen. i was raped by a woman twice my size almost 15 years ago. i know someone else who had a female boss and was told she would report that he assulted her if he didn't perform. in a recent case that got national attention; a woman gave a bloke oral sex; held the semen in her mouth; artificially inseminated herself and then sued him for child support. she was discovered and the man won the case. i've heard of several cases where female bosses abused their position to obtain sexual favours but i have no personal knowledge of them and won't comment.
and how many males will report that they were raped by a woman? by best friend was raped by a babysitter as a young teen. i was raped by a woman twice my size almost 15 years ago. i know someone else who had a female boss and was told she would report that he assulted her if he didn't perform. in a recent case that got national attention; a woman gave a bloke oral sex; held the semen in her mouth; artificially inseminated herself and then sued him for child support. she was discovered and the man won the case. i've heard of several cases where female bosses abused their position to obtain sexual favours but i have no personal knowledge of them and won't comment.
and how many males will report that they were raped by a woman? by best friend was raped by a babysitter as a young teen. i was raped by a woman twice my size almost 15 years ago. i know someone else who had a female boss and was told she would report that he assulted her if he didn't perform. in a recent case that got national attention; a woman gave a bloke oral sex; held the semen in her mouth; artificially inseminated herself and then sued him for child support. she was discovered and the man won the case. i've heard of several cases where female bosses abused their position to obtain sexual favours but i have no personal knowledge of them and won't comment.
I'm looking at the crime objectively as you suggested tara to do. And while women can rape, and 1 in 6 or more males are sexual assault survivors, the vast majority of sexual abusers remain men. Sexual assault clinics, phone lines etc, get calls by male survivors, and according to the data, women abusers are a tiny minority. That does not minimise the pain, trauma and abuse when it in fact does happen to a man caused by a woman. Nothing can minimise that. It merely shows me that there is good reason that male rape is considered a far-reaching problem. And based on numbers is much more prevalent than female rape occurences.
"The opposite of a fact is falsehood, but the opposite of one profound truth may very well be another profound truth." ~ Niels Bohr
I'm looking at the crime objectively as you suggested tara to do. And while women can rape, and 1 in 6 or more males are sexual assault survivors, the vast majority of sexual abusers remain men. Sexual assault clinics, phone lines etc, get calls by male survivors, and according to the data, women abusers are a tiny minority. That does not minimise the pain, trauma and abuse when it in fact does happen to a man caused by a woman. Nothing can minimise that. It merely shows me that there is good reason that male rape is considered a far-reaching problem. And based on numbers is much more prevalent than female rape occurences.
using your words:
the thread as posted seemed to minimize the trauma; disillusion; inability to commit to a lasting trusting relationship; need for counseling; and embarrassment faced by men that have been raped.
and i don't give a rats ass about stats and numbers. 1 person raped is 1 person too many.
using your words:
the thread as posted seemed to minimize the trauma; disillusion; inability to commit to a lasting trusting relationship; need for counseling; and embarrassment faced by men that have been raped.
tara focussing on her concerns and issues, and the other women sharing their experiences and upsets/concerns in this thread is about sharing their experiences. Women having anger about men who assault, and sharing that is a valid offshoot of these problems. I don't see how one person having a problem and talking about it in any way minimises another person's problem.
and i don't give a rats ass about stats and numbers. 1 person raped is 1 person too many.
I don't think tara or any other person who has been assaulted, or those in this thread who have been harassed, or anyone who has supported someone through an assault much cares about stats or numbers either.
"The opposite of a fact is falsehood, but the opposite of one profound truth may very well be another profound truth." ~ Niels Bohr
I'm sorry to hear this abook . I was in a similar situation. I've worked in construction for years and never ONCE felt uncomfortable around any of the lads... until recently. A new guy at work (well he's here over a year) and for the first time I thought 'is this some kinda sexual harrassment thing?' but how the fuck do you report somebody for making ya feel uncomfortable? Or for standing too close? It just seems so trivial, doesn't it? But, like you, I used to have to back away from him, into a corner so to speak. Or he'd brush against me and then apologise, accidents happen, right? Why when he's on his own in the canteen does he feel the need to point out a naked woman in the newspaper... TO ME??? Or ask personal questions? It all sounds ridiculous really. He's still here but he's calmed down a LOT... I used every opportunity to put HIM down when I got a chance in the way he'd talk to other people and I get a lot of fun out of it cos he actually can't take it. Now also when he comes near me, I walk away.
First off, I thank you, Helen, Jeanie, tara, catefrances, SuzannePjam and everyone else who sent me a pm for your advice and support about this.
I was weary of posting about this because I thought I might come across as weak or a pushover. What he did was wrong and it did make me very uncomfortable but I guess in the end I didn't want to make a big deal out of it and ruin his career. This is mostly because to go through the process of reporting him, I would have to go through even more unwanted stress and attention. That's the last thing I wanted...I just wanted it to go away. I didn't have a strong urge to punish him or make him be sorry. I don't even know if being fired and whatnot really changes the person or not. I think in many cases it just makes them more angry than anything else. I probably could have talked to him and told him I didn't appreciate his advances and try to let him see the situation from my eyes but to be honest, I just wanted to get away from the guy and be around him the least amount of time possible just hoping he'd get the hint without a confrontation. I just couldn't stand being in his presence. I hope that makes some sense, I know I can be odd about things from time to time.
If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
-Oscar Wilde
First off, I thank you, Helen, Jeanie, tara, catefrances, SuzannePjam and everyone else who sent me a pm for your advice and support about this.
I was weary of posting about this because I thought I might come across as weak or a pushover. What he did was wrong and it did make me very uncomfortable but I guess in the end I didn't want to make a big deal out of it and ruin his career. This is mostly because to go through the process of reporting him, I would have to go through even more unwanted stress and attention. That's the last thing I wanted...I just wanted it to go away. I didn't have a strong urge to punish him or make him be sorry. I don't even know if being fired and whatnot really changes the person or not. I think in many cases it just makes them more angry than anything else. I probably could have talked to him and told him I didn't appreciate his advances and try to let him see the situation from my eyes but to be honest, I just wanted to get away from the guy and be around him the least amount of time possible just hoping he'd get the hint without a confrontation. I just couldn't stand being in his presence. I hope that makes some sense, I know I can be odd about things from time to time.
Abook love, you are the one who has to make the decisions for your life.
You are the girl in charge of your world! So I think what ever decision you make is the right one.:) And as long as YOU are ok with your decision, nothing else matters. Nothing odd about you girl!! You are as odd as me!! Made perfect sense.
Abook love, you are the one who has to make the decisions for your life.
You are the girl in charge of your world! So I think what ever decision you make is the right one.:) And as long as YOU are ok with your decision, nothing else matters. Nothing odd about you girl!! You are as odd as me!! Made perfect sense.
You have always been such a sweetie to me and a breath of fresh air around here, Jeanie.
If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
-Oscar Wilde
i agree with you but your post seems one-sided in that you assume that only men can rape. women rape men too. i just think the crime should be looked at more objectively and not assuming that only men can committ this type of crime.
i would just like to clarify, that i did not mean that only men can rape, i was posting because i was incredibly angry, furious in fact about the fact that someone i know, someone that i trust could try to rape a close freind of mine. i posted here because i knew that i would get the support that i needed, and couldn't really go to freinds about. men suffer incredible trauma from rape, it is just not something i had just experienced at the moment that i posted the original message. i've delt a lot with sexual harassment and rape in the past few years, and it's getting to be all too much. in addition to harassment, i've dealt with three rapes of freinds of mine, and have personally dealt with a variety of harassment from men, but i don't have much experience with men as victims. but if you need to talk, we're all here for you
No problem can be solved from the same consciousness that created it.
Albert Einstein
i would just like to clarify, that i did not mean that only men can rape, i was posting because i was incredibly angry, furious in fact about the fact that someone i know, someone that i trust could try to rape a close freind of mine. i posted here because i knew that i would get the support that i needed, and couldn't really go to freinds about. men suffer incredible trauma from rape, it is just not something i had just experienced at the moment that i posted the original message. i've delt a lot with sexual harassment and rape in the past few years, and it's getting to be all too much. in addition to harassment, i've dealt with three rapes of freinds of mine, and have personally dealt with a variety of harassment from men, but i don't have much experience with men as victims. but if you need to talk, we're all here for you
maybe you need to move or something. if you've been sexually harassed a LOT in just the past few months, you must be living or working in some place awful.
you say "used to." maybe the guy is just awkward and was trying to make friends. if he's stopped, maybe he's learned it's unacceptable and you should let the past go and get over it. some people are just jackasses like that, and if he's being an ass with the guys too, they'll be on your side if he ever does regress. until then, write it off as him being an idiot and just ignore him unless he gives you reason to worry again.
But see, I know you didn't mean to but you practically made excuses for him there and made it sound like it's just the way it is and I should give him a chance. I think he's eased up on me though cos he realised I don't get intimidated by him anymore... the girl who works for him had the same problem when she started and there was another girl, who's gone now, who said the same things too. Yes, he's just an ass apparently but it doesn't excuse his behaviour or make ya feel more comfortable around him and it's still harrassment but what you just said is the reason I, and many others, wouldn't report it as so cos it seems like you're just being stupid.
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
maybe you need to move or something. if you've been sexually harassed a LOT in just the past few months, you must be living or working in some place awful.
It doesn't have to be like that though. If you're someone who's willing to listen to others and share you're own story, it really is amazing the amount of people who've been through the same thing but were ashamed to talk about it. It may seem stupid to be ashamed or some of the other reasons we've given here for not talking, but if people knew how many people it actually happens to, and I mean KNEW instead of just reading statistics, I really think things would change. I really think more people need to speak up and assure others that they're not alone. Chances are it's happened to a good friend of theirs too... at LEAST one.
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
First off, I thank you, Helen, Jeanie, tara, catefrances, SuzannePjam and everyone else who sent me a pm for your advice and support about this.
I was weary of posting about this because I thought I might come across as weak or a pushover. What he did was wrong and it did make me very uncomfortable but I guess in the end I didn't want to make a big deal out of it and ruin his career. This is mostly because to go through the process of reporting him, I would have to go through even more unwanted stress and attention. That's the last thing I wanted...I just wanted it to go away. I didn't have a strong urge to punish him or make him be sorry. I don't even know if being fired and whatnot really changes the person or not. I think in many cases it just makes them more angry than anything else. I probably could have talked to him and told him I didn't appreciate his advances and try to let him see the situation from my eyes but to be honest, I just wanted to get away from the guy and be around him the least amount of time possible just hoping he'd get the hint without a confrontation. I just couldn't stand being in his presence. I hope that makes some sense, I know I can be odd about things from time to time.
You don't need to explain yourself... I haven't reported anyone either, probably for the same reasons as you. I think I'm pretty strong and don't need to get revenge or anything like that... although others aren't, and if something like that ever happens me again, I think I'll have to go that route of bringing things out in the open cos you just don't know what these people are capable of doing to others. If more are aware of what they're like they might stay clear. I'm not saying that's what YOU should do at ALL, you seem really strong too, but I think we all actually learn from stuff like this . I don't want confrontation either and know it would be anything but easy but God help the next person who tries anything like this.
Although one thing I DID do was tell one of the guys at work about how he's such a creep. I think it's good to have somebody else aware of the situation just in case things progress. Also if things get worse to keep a note of every little incident no matter how insignificant it may seem on paper. Once I told the other guy I did feel better about it.
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
Comments
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
you say "used to." maybe the guy is just awkward and was trying to make friends. if he's stopped, maybe he's learned it's unacceptable and you should let the past go and get over it. some people are just jackasses like that, and if he's being an ass with the guys too, they'll be on your side if he ever does regress. until then, write it off as him being an idiot and just ignore him unless he gives you reason to worry again.
word
he had a voice that was strong and loud and
i swallowed his facade cos i'm so
eager to identify with
someone above the crowd
someone who seemed to feel the same
someone prepared to lead the way
i agree with you but your post seems one-sided in that you assume that only men can rape. women rape men too. i just think the crime should be looked at more objectively and not assuming that only men can committ this type of crime.
(Source: Canadian Mental Health Association)
http://www.myspace.com/illuminatta
Rhinocerous Surprise '08!!!
Yes, I agree angelica, but I think that onelongsong was just trying to make the point that men can be victims too. And not to discount their trauma.
Unfortunately all too often it is harder for a male victim to come forward and reporting and counselling services are seriously underfunded, understaffed and under organized for male victims.
*~You're IT Bert!~*
Hold on to the thread
The currents will shift
http://www.myspace.com/illuminatta
Rhinocerous Surprise '08!!!
and how many males will report that they were raped by a woman? by best friend was raped by a babysitter as a young teen. i was raped by a woman twice my size almost 15 years ago. i know someone else who had a female boss and was told she would report that he assulted her if he didn't perform. in a recent case that got national attention; a woman gave a bloke oral sex; held the semen in her mouth; artificially inseminated herself and then sued him for child support. she was discovered and the man won the case. i've heard of several cases where female bosses abused their position to obtain sexual favours but i have no personal knowledge of them and won't comment.
yikes.
http://www.myspace.com/illuminatta
Rhinocerous Surprise '08!!!
using your words:
the thread as posted seemed to minimize the trauma; disillusion; inability to commit to a lasting trusting relationship; need for counseling; and embarrassment faced by men that have been raped.
and i don't give a rats ass about stats and numbers. 1 person raped is 1 person too many.
I don't think tara or any other person who has been assaulted, or those in this thread who have been harassed, or anyone who has supported someone through an assault much cares about stats or numbers either.
http://www.myspace.com/illuminatta
Rhinocerous Surprise '08!!!
First off, I thank you, Helen, Jeanie, tara, catefrances, SuzannePjam and everyone else who sent me a pm for your advice and support about this.
I was weary of posting about this because I thought I might come across as weak or a pushover. What he did was wrong and it did make me very uncomfortable but I guess in the end I didn't want to make a big deal out of it and ruin his career. This is mostly because to go through the process of reporting him, I would have to go through even more unwanted stress and attention. That's the last thing I wanted...I just wanted it to go away. I didn't have a strong urge to punish him or make him be sorry. I don't even know if being fired and whatnot really changes the person or not. I think in many cases it just makes them more angry than anything else. I probably could have talked to him and told him I didn't appreciate his advances and try to let him see the situation from my eyes but to be honest, I just wanted to get away from the guy and be around him the least amount of time possible just hoping he'd get the hint without a confrontation. I just couldn't stand being in his presence. I hope that makes some sense, I know I can be odd about things from time to time.
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
-Oscar Wilde
Abook love, you are the one who has to make the decisions for your life.
You are the girl in charge of your world! So I think what ever decision you make is the right one.:) And as long as YOU are ok with your decision, nothing else matters. Nothing odd about you girl!!
*~You're IT Bert!~*
Hold on to the thread
The currents will shift
You have always been such a sweetie to me and a breath of fresh air around here, Jeanie.
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
-Oscar Wilde
i would just like to clarify, that i did not mean that only men can rape, i was posting because i was incredibly angry, furious in fact about the fact that someone i know, someone that i trust could try to rape a close freind of mine. i posted here because i knew that i would get the support that i needed, and couldn't really go to freinds about. men suffer incredible trauma from rape, it is just not something i had just experienced at the moment that i posted the original message. i've delt a lot with sexual harassment and rape in the past few years, and it's getting to be all too much. in addition to harassment, i've dealt with three rapes of freinds of mine, and have personally dealt with a variety of harassment from men, but i don't have much experience with men as victims. but if you need to talk, we're all here for you
Albert Einstein
maybe you need to move or something. if you've been sexually harassed a LOT in just the past few months, you must be living or working in some place awful.
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
Although one thing I DID do was tell one of the guys at work about how he's such a creep. I think it's good to have somebody else aware of the situation just in case things progress. Also if things get worse to keep a note of every little incident no matter how insignificant it may seem on paper. Once I told the other guy I did feel better about it.
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you