He still emails me to this day...last week saying 'how about us slipping away for an hour or two today.' I never reply...what a weirdo! I just want him to go away. I don't want to make a big deal...just leave me alone. I wish he would just get the hint. It felt good getting that off my chest.
Abook, obviously if this has been going on for an extended period of time he's not getting the hint. And that statement of "getting away for an hour or two" obviously insinuates he wants to have sex. I hope you are saving those emails and that there is someone where you work that is over him and can, at the very least, reprimand him. I would never confront him with it because you don't know how he will react. Just keep collecting the evidence in case you need it.
Also, see if there are any witnesses to his behavior with you that can confirm your situation of harassment. But the most important and damning thing is his emails, because he was stupid enough to put his bad behavior on written documents. They can't fire you if you have this evidence that he is harassing you, or you can take them to court.
Good luck with your situation!
"Where there is sacrifice there is someone collecting the sacrificial offerings."-- Ayn Rand
"Some of my friends sit around every evening and they worry about the times ahead,
But everybody else is overwhelmed by indifference and the promise of an early bed..."-- Elvis Costello
I really can't recommend getting violent with the guy, as that puts her (or whomever is acting on her behalf) at risk of being jailed. She's got enough to deal with right now without having to feel guilty about her dad/brother/boyfriend sitting in a cell on her account.
not to mention, the guys advocating this are the kind of guys who are likely to have done what this guy did to her friend.
not to mention, the guys advocating this are the kind of guys who are likely to have done what this guy did to her friend.
Maybe. Or it could be that it's happened to our mothers or sisters. Or it could be that you don't have kids and you don't know how you'd react. Either way, he probably wouldn't press charges for assault if he knew he was facing an attempted rape charge.
I know what you're trying to do soulsinging, but it's not gonna happen. You're stuck with me.
not to mention, the guys advocating this are the kind of guys who are likely to have done what this guy did to her friend.
Perhaps you should get out into the real world for awhile and see what humans are capable of before you hit your 21,000 post. You can carry your keyboard with you as a security blanket.
War is Peace
Freedom is Slavery
Ignorance is Strength
Perhaps you should get out into the real world for awhile and see what humans are capable of before you hit your 21,000 post. You can carry your keyboard with you as a security blanket.
That's right because violence always solves everything. :rolleyes:
That's right because violence always solves everything. :rolleyes:
Throughout the history of time, violence has always been the leader concerning change. Think about the Indians and what we did to them, the Revolutionary war, Civil War, Civil Rights movements (and if you think they were peaceful, ummmm no), the war in Iraq, etc....those are just a very few of the thousands of instances where violence was chosen over diplomacy.
There's nothing wrong with violence. It's part of being human and knowing when to use it. I think someone harming your child is a great place for some good old fashioned ass beatings.
I think the advocates for non-violence are the ones who are defenseless. It'll never go away though.
we could just stick to the topic of the thread..............................
Jeanie, I think we're trying to justify why we would handle this situation different ways. Some would use violence, some would press charges, and some would do nothing. All the rest is a pissing match explaining why we would choose how we'd handle it.
Jeanie, I think we're trying to justify why we would handle this situation different ways. Some would use violence, some would press charges, and some would do nothing. All the rest is a pissing match explaining why we would choose how we'd handle it.
Don't be so hard on us:)
I understand that coryhill. And I also understand that this is just the way that some guys need to handle things like this. I'm not saying it's right or wrong. I would just hate to think that this thread would go the way of the previous rape thread and become so intimidating for the ladies or gents who may wish to post their experiences that they wouldn't post. I get that this makes guys very angry and I get that some of them need to be pro active. This whole subject also makes me very angry, wanting to seek justice and sometimes even retribution. But I also understand that people who have faced this threat need to be in a non threatening environment. And they don't really care about who is going to do what to theirs or others attackers. They would just like somewhere quiet to be able to speak of their trauma. So I'm not trying to be hard on you or anyone else. I really appreciate that people are angry and wanting to do something to help. I just think it would be better if things were very calm and soothing here.
Perhaps you should get out into the real world for awhile and see what humans are capable of before you hit your 21,000 post. You can carry your keyboard with you as a security blanket.
dont have a keyboard, i have a laptop. im well aware of what people are capable. just kinda been hoping some of us have evolved beyond the caveman stage. but hey, i've always been a dreamer. in any case, i look forward to prosecuting you one day. and the guy in question at the beginning of this thread. you two can be lovers inside.
anyway, here's hoping the OP speaks to somebody. it's depressing that she's afraid to even speak to management lest the guy get fired. the guy clearly didnt show a similar concern for her well-being when he tried to rape her.
in any case, i look forward to prosecuting you one day. and the guy in question at the beginning of this thread.
LOL. I hope you are the prosecutor because I would be found not guilty because you would be too busy posting on the message board (21,000 posts??) to bring a solid case against me. That and the fact you have admitted in the past to being arrested and spending time in jail would make for an interesting appeal if I was convicted. LOL.
War is Peace
Freedom is Slavery
Ignorance is Strength
Maybe. Or it could be that it's happened to our mothers or sisters. Or it could be that you don't have kids and you don't know how you'd react. Either way, he probably wouldn't press charges for assault if he knew he was facing an attempted rape charge.
.
i can understand that, and it's good to know that there are some men who feel that men who abuse women need to be taught a lesson. (man, in high school, much to my dismay, my bro had a nice long talk with any boy that even looked at me) i however am not about to gather an ass whooping party, i don't think that i have any freinds who have ever been in a fight, so it would be mildly comedic, and accomplish nothing. wait, i do know one guy, he used to be a frat boy, he's now 37, out of shape, and a dad. in any case, i'm not saying that it's not a fair reaction, but it's not my style.
in any case, my freind just emailed me to say that i had helped her make the decision to go see the police, which she did this morning, so that's good, things are rolling. . i doubt that anything will happen, since it happend in august, and it took her till december to tell anyone, and till yesterday to tell me, but a file's been started, and he will be publicly shamed
No problem can be solved from the same consciousness that created it.
Albert Einstein
LOL. I hope you are the prosecutor because I would be found not guilty because you would be too busy posting on the message board (21,000 posts??) to bring a solid case against me. That and the fact you have admitted in the past to being arrested and spending time in jail would make for an interesting appeal if I was convicted. LOL.
why dont you bring up the post count again? it seems to be the only response of which you're capable. i do waste a bit too much time with the back and forth on the moving train... but luckily, im not on the job just yet.
sadly, my background would not save your ass on appeal. at least you do a good job of pretending to know what you're talking about.
i can understand that, and it's good to know that there are some men who feel that men who abuse women need to be taught a lesson. (man, in high school, much to my dismay, my bro had a nice long talk with any boy that even looked at me) i however am not about to gather an ass whooping party, i don't think that i have any freinds who have ever been in a fight, so it would be mildly comedic, and accomplish nothing. wait, i do know one guy, he used to be a frat boy, he's now 37, out of shape, and a dad. in any case, i'm not saying that it's not a fair reaction, but it's not my style.
in any case, my freind just emailed me to say that i had helped her make the decision to go see the police, which she did this morning, so that's good, things are rolling. . i doubt that anything will happen, since it happend in august, and it took her till december to tell anyone, and till yesterday to tell me, but a file's been started, and he will be publicly shamed
good luck to her. it's a tough process. here's hoping he gets what he deserves.
i can understand that, and it's good to know that there are some men who feel that men who abuse women need to be taught a lesson. (man, in high school, much to my dismay, my bro had a nice long talk with any boy that even looked at me) i however am not about to gather an ass whooping party, i don't think that i have any freinds who have ever been in a fight, so it would be mildly comedic, and accomplish nothing. wait, i do know one guy, he used to be a frat boy, he's now 37, out of shape, and a dad. in any case, i'm not saying that it's not a fair reaction, but it's not my style.
in any case, my freind just emailed me to say that i had helped her make the decision to go see the police, which she did this morning, so that's good, things are rolling. . i doubt that anything will happen, since it happend in august, and it took her till december to tell anyone, and till yesterday to tell me, but a file's been started, and he will be publicly shamed
That's good to hear. It's doubtful the police can do anything after all that time but it will help her to take charge of the situation. I still think she should take some action at work. Yeah he could get beaten into a pulp but wounds heal. Having "rapist" following him around to every job he tries to get will hurt him more in the long run.
Probably wont help this guy...As a former prosecutor who prosecuted alot of domestic violence and crimes of violence against women, the one thing this type of person fears the most is proseuction due to the lack of control they have in that situation. At least in a physical fight they can swing back. Prosecute. Make it public.
Probably wont help this guy...As a former prosecutor who prosecuted alot of domestic violence and crimes of violence against women, the one thing this type of person fears the most is proseuction due to the lack of control they have in that situation. At least in a physical fight they can swing back. Prosecute. Make it public.
precisely, thank you. violence is something they understand and thrive on. you get yourself in trouble and give them what they want. prosecution makes their shame and disgrace public and strips them of any control, then puts them into a position where they can feel what it's like to be the victim of the crime they perpetrate. a beating is too easy on a guy like that.
why dont you bring up the post count again? it seems to be the only response of which you're capable. i do waste a bit too much time with the back and forth on the moving train... but luckily, im not on the job just yet.
OK. 21,000 ???????
War is Peace
Freedom is Slavery
Ignorance is Strength
i can understand that, and it's good to know that there are some men who feel that men who abuse women need to be taught a lesson. (man, in high school, much to my dismay, my bro had a nice long talk with any boy that even looked at me) i however am not about to gather an ass whooping party, i don't think that i have any freinds who have ever been in a fight, so it would be mildly comedic, and accomplish nothing. wait, i do know one guy, he used to be a frat boy, he's now 37, out of shape, and a dad. in any case, i'm not saying that it's not a fair reaction, but it's not my style.
in any case, my freind just emailed me to say that i had helped her make the decision to go see the police, which she did this morning, so that's good, things are rolling. . i doubt that anything will happen, since it happend in august, and it took her till december to tell anyone, and till yesterday to tell me, but a file's been started, and he will be publicly shamed
This is excellent news tara! Very brave of your friend and I really wish her and you well.
Soulsinging and Rushlimbo do you think you could take your little pissing competition somewhere else? Why not start a new thread? Not having a go, just think it would be better if you had this conversation somewhere else.
thanks for the laugh sapperskunk, but i'm not the ass-kicking type, except with my brother (he's a big guy, it's a fair fight, don't worry).
and as many of you mentioned, this is all too common, this is my third freind who has confessed this to me, the first two were raped, this one almost. it makes me sad how common it is, and how many of you women responded here to say that you have experience with this, i wish i could take it away from everyone. thank you hippiemom for the advice, that was very good sense, it helps to hear it from a consellor.
abookamongsthemany, i've had experiences like that too, i've always tried to laugh it off. when i was in india i went to report a theft so that i could make an insurance claim, the police officer stood about 6 inches from me, i kept backing off, he moved forward, he used the situation to physically intimidate me, luckily i was a foreigner and that was the only time i would have to deal with them.
thank you to all the men who responded. hearing this for the third time made me so angry at men, at how patriarchal our society is, at how other men didn't believe her. it made me happy to hear that there are men out there who felt as strongly as i did.
lastly, to make this pj related ( ) i emailed her a few of the tracks off of the self-pollution radio broadcast where eddie is talking about fundraising for a group that provides self-defense classes for women, and another track that he played where a man talks about what he wants to do to men who disrespect women. she emailed me back saying that she's starting to understand why i'm obsessed with eddie. i truely think that it helps to hear it from a man.
and hippiemom, yes, i am trying to support her in whatever she chooses, she really doesn't want to prosecute, but i'm trying to encourage her to tell the boss (she quit awhile after it happened), i think that something needs to happen so that he doesn't do it again. i told her that she may not want to hurt him, but that she owes it to his potential future victims to do something about it.
thanks everyone for helping me out, i sort of feel like i don't have the right to be upset, but you're all making me feel a hell of a lot better.
Tara, this actually happened me before, a guy I worked with at a party tried to rape me... somehow, luckily, I managed to have a physical advantage over him, maybe because he was on every kind of drug imaginable at the time. So I kicked him off me and stupidly told myself it was down to him being on the drugs, which I know now doesn't make a bit of fucking difference. Anyway, I didn't tell anyone about it :rolleyes: cos you somehow manage to convince yourself that maybe he feels bad and is embarrassed or... well really I don't know what I was thinking. The following week he raped a girl! She didn't press charges either. I still had to look at him at work after that, and I really regret not saying something to a boss, I work in construction though and it's slightly more difficult (maybe) in an all male industry, or not reporting him... cos maybe this IS a weekly thing for him.
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
I was an a similar situation but it didn't go near as far. The head of HR where I work used to come on to me all the time. I never gave him anything to go on back but he never got the hint. He would say things like 'We should discuss this over dinner' and 'I've always wanted a wife like you' to which I'd just laugh off and ignore. But then he started getting creeper and creeper. He sent me emails betting on election results saying what would the prize be if he won. I said how about a pepsi and he said he had a greater prize in mind. Ugghh. I work a lot of the time in a dark room developing artwork and no one is allowed back there with me. He started started showing up back there telling me how nice I looked in what i was wearing and how he prefered me to wear my hair this way...I mean WTF. But with each time he'd come back there he'd get closer and closer to me and I'd keep backing up to where I was knocking into things. He was in a position way over me and I really didn't know what to do. He never grabbed at me but sometimes he would rub my back as he passed by and once he put his fingers around the back of my neck and squeezed. That pissed me off but again all I did was just pull away. It's weird how powerless it makes you feel at work and him being able to fire me, lie about me, who knows. I didn't even feel like the normal me when it would happen. I don't know how it just strips you of your dignity and power so quickly. I felt helpless. I thought a long time about wanting to report him but I didn't want to ruin someones life when he didn't ruin mine...he just made me VERY uncomfortable. I mean I guess he just had a crush and didn't know how to control it but it was very uncalled for. At times I was scared and didn't know what might happen next. That's where the problem comes in. No one should feel so pressured and uneasy in their workplace. There were times I 'd hear him talking outside to other employees and I'd get real still and pretend I wasn't in there until he'd go away. He still emails me to this day...last week saying 'how about us slipping away for an hour or two today.' I never reply...what a weirdo! I just want him to go away. I don't want to make a big deal...just leave me alone. I wish he would just get the hint. It felt good getting that off my chest.
Just be there to support your friend and try not to pressure her into doing anything she's not comfortble with just yet. Just be there for her until she finds her own strength. Your friendship will make her stronger.
I'm sorry to hear this abook . I was in a similar situation. I've worked in construction for years and never ONCE felt uncomfortable around any of the lads... until recently. A new guy at work (well he's here over a year) and for the first time I thought 'is this some kinda sexual harrassment thing?' but how the fuck do you report somebody for making ya feel uncomfortable? Or for standing too close? It just seems so trivial, doesn't it? But, like you, I used to have to back away from him, into a corner so to speak. Or he'd brush against me and then apologise, accidents happen, right? Why when he's on his own in the canteen does he feel the need to point out a naked woman in the newspaper... TO ME??? Or ask personal questions? It all sounds ridiculous really. He's still here but he's calmed down a LOT... I used every opportunity to put HIM down when I got a chance in the way he'd talk to other people and I get a lot of fun out of it cos he actually can't take it. Now also when he comes near me, I walk away.
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
I used every opportunity to put HIM down when I got a chance in the way he'd talk to other people and I get a lot of fun out of it cos he actually can't take it. Now also when he comes near me, I walk away.
might wanna be careful about the putting down. if this guy is the raping type, being humiliated by a woman could set him off on you. the walking away thing is a good one. or just tell him flat out when he's making you uncomfortable. if he thinks you're over-reacting, it's his problem.
hey H.H., it's always hard when you're in that sort of male environment, where its like they havn't seen a woman in years, even though they're all going home to their gf's, daughters, wives, mothers. next time he stands close to you just say something really loud like "i don't appreciate you 'accidentally' brushing against me all the time". unfortunately you run the risk of "well, waht do you expect from a woman, she just can't handle it", but hopefully you have a cool boss who will do something about it
when i was 16 i worked at a pool after school, and this fat bastard was always flipping through work out mags and pointing out both women and men to me, and making sexual comments saying what i should do to him. in that pool i felt very secluded, like if i screamed noone would hear me, and there weren't that many ppl swimming, so i yelled at him "one more comment like that out of you and i'm filing a sexual harassment suit against you" not only did he shut up, he begged my forgiveness, i never had a problem again
No problem can be solved from the same consciousness that created it.
Albert Einstein
might wanna be careful about the putting down. if this guy is the raping type, being humiliated by a woman could set him off on you. the walking away thing is a good one. or just tell him flat out when he's making you uncomfortable. if he thinks you're over-reacting, it's his problem.
I don't think he's the raping type... but who knows! He behaves in the same power trip way with the guys too! I think once or twice, when we were on work nights out, maybe I did cross the line... I know it COULD potentially be a dangerous game but I like to see him squirm the way he used to make me.
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
Comments
Abook, obviously if this has been going on for an extended period of time he's not getting the hint. And that statement of "getting away for an hour or two" obviously insinuates he wants to have sex. I hope you are saving those emails and that there is someone where you work that is over him and can, at the very least, reprimand him. I would never confront him with it because you don't know how he will react. Just keep collecting the evidence in case you need it.
Also, see if there are any witnesses to his behavior with you that can confirm your situation of harassment. But the most important and damning thing is his emails, because he was stupid enough to put his bad behavior on written documents. They can't fire you if you have this evidence that he is harassing you, or you can take them to court.
Good luck with your situation!
"Some of my friends sit around every evening and they worry about the times ahead,
But everybody else is overwhelmed by indifference and the promise of an early bed..."-- Elvis Costello
not to mention, the guys advocating this are the kind of guys who are likely to have done what this guy did to her friend.
Maybe. Or it could be that it's happened to our mothers or sisters. Or it could be that you don't have kids and you don't know how you'd react. Either way, he probably wouldn't press charges for assault if he knew he was facing an attempted rape charge.
I know what you're trying to do soulsinging, but it's not gonna happen. You're stuck with me.
Why would you start was has no end?
edited for being mean
Freedom is Slavery
Ignorance is Strength
Perhaps you should get out into the real world for awhile and see what humans are capable of before you hit your 21,000 post. You can carry your keyboard with you as a security blanket.
Freedom is Slavery
Ignorance is Strength
That's right because violence always solves everything. :rolleyes:
No really.
*~You're IT Bert!~*
Hold on to the thread
The currents will shift
Throughout the history of time, violence has always been the leader concerning change. Think about the Indians and what we did to them, the Revolutionary war, Civil War, Civil Rights movements (and if you think they were peaceful, ummmm no), the war in Iraq, etc....those are just a very few of the thousands of instances where violence was chosen over diplomacy.
There's nothing wrong with violence. It's part of being human and knowing when to use it. I think someone harming your child is a great place for some good old fashioned ass beatings.
I think the advocates for non-violence are the ones who are defenseless. It'll never go away though.
Why would you start was has no end?
*~You're IT Bert!~*
Hold on to the thread
The currents will shift
Jeanie, I think we're trying to justify why we would handle this situation different ways. Some would use violence, some would press charges, and some would do nothing. All the rest is a pissing match explaining why we would choose how we'd handle it.
Don't be so hard on us:)
Why would you start was has no end?
I understand that coryhill. And I also understand that this is just the way that some guys need to handle things like this. I'm not saying it's right or wrong. I would just hate to think that this thread would go the way of the previous rape thread and become so intimidating for the ladies or gents who may wish to post their experiences that they wouldn't post. I get that this makes guys very angry and I get that some of them need to be pro active. This whole subject also makes me very angry, wanting to seek justice and sometimes even retribution. But I also understand that people who have faced this threat need to be in a non threatening environment. And they don't really care about who is going to do what to theirs or others attackers. They would just like somewhere quiet to be able to speak of their trauma. So I'm not trying to be hard on you or anyone else. I really appreciate that people are angry and wanting to do something to help. I just think it would be better if things were very calm and soothing here.
*~You're IT Bert!~*
Hold on to the thread
The currents will shift
dont have a keyboard, i have a laptop. im well aware of what people are capable. just kinda been hoping some of us have evolved beyond the caveman stage. but hey, i've always been a dreamer. in any case, i look forward to prosecuting you one day. and the guy in question at the beginning of this thread. you two can be lovers inside.
anyway, here's hoping the OP speaks to somebody. it's depressing that she's afraid to even speak to management lest the guy get fired. the guy clearly didnt show a similar concern for her well-being when he tried to rape her.
LOL. I hope you are the prosecutor because I would be found not guilty because you would be too busy posting on the message board (21,000 posts??) to bring a solid case against me. That and the fact you have admitted in the past to being arrested and spending time in jail would make for an interesting appeal if I was convicted. LOL.
Freedom is Slavery
Ignorance is Strength
i can understand that, and it's good to know that there are some men who feel that men who abuse women need to be taught a lesson. (man, in high school, much to my dismay, my bro had a nice long talk with any boy that even looked at me) i however am not about to gather an ass whooping party, i don't think that i have any freinds who have ever been in a fight, so it would be mildly comedic, and accomplish nothing. wait, i do know one guy, he used to be a frat boy, he's now 37, out of shape, and a dad. in any case, i'm not saying that it's not a fair reaction, but it's not my style.
in any case, my freind just emailed me to say that i had helped her make the decision to go see the police, which she did this morning, so that's good, things are rolling. . i doubt that anything will happen, since it happend in august, and it took her till december to tell anyone, and till yesterday to tell me, but a file's been started, and he will be publicly shamed
Albert Einstein
why dont you bring up the post count again? it seems to be the only response of which you're capable. i do waste a bit too much time with the back and forth on the moving train... but luckily, im not on the job just yet.
sadly, my background would not save your ass on appeal. at least you do a good job of pretending to know what you're talking about.
good luck to her. it's a tough process. here's hoping he gets what he deserves.
he could be doing it to many
http://groups.msn.com/PearlJamNirvana/messages.msnw
That's good to hear. It's doubtful the police can do anything after all that time but it will help her to take charge of the situation. I still think she should take some action at work. Yeah he could get beaten into a pulp but wounds heal. Having "rapist" following him around to every job he tries to get will hurt him more in the long run.
precisely, thank you. violence is something they understand and thrive on. you get yourself in trouble and give them what they want. prosecution makes their shame and disgrace public and strips them of any control, then puts them into a position where they can feel what it's like to be the victim of the crime they perpetrate. a beating is too easy on a guy like that.
OK. 21,000 ???????
Freedom is Slavery
Ignorance is Strength
you flatter me... im still 200 short of that mark. maybe one day though... until then, ill enjoy getting the meatheads all wound up.
This is excellent news tara! Very brave of your friend and I really wish her and you well.
*~You're IT Bert!~*
Hold on to the thread
The currents will shift
*~You're IT Bert!~*
Hold on to the thread
The currents will shift
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
might wanna be careful about the putting down. if this guy is the raping type, being humiliated by a woman could set him off on you. the walking away thing is a good one. or just tell him flat out when he's making you uncomfortable. if he thinks you're over-reacting, it's his problem.
when i was 16 i worked at a pool after school, and this fat bastard was always flipping through work out mags and pointing out both women and men to me, and making sexual comments saying what i should do to him. in that pool i felt very secluded, like if i screamed noone would hear me, and there weren't that many ppl swimming, so i yelled at him "one more comment like that out of you and i'm filing a sexual harassment suit against you" not only did he shut up, he begged my forgiveness, i never had a problem again
Albert Einstein
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you