How do you ask someone about HIV?

gue_barium

If you're thinking of getting tested, I think it's free at most County health departments.

NMyTree

humanlight wrote:

Hey, it is much easier to tell people what to do, than do it yourself. I know this .

I'm a guy and I've been on both sides of the fence, with this. Although, I really couldn't classify myself as a man-ho, regardless of how much I would like to have that bragging-right:D

I can tell you what I said and how I said it. Understand this is not verbatim, because it's been a while, so my words may not be exactly as I had said it and how it was said to me; but close enough in theme and approach.

" (insert the guys name), I would like to discuss something with you. Something I feel is very important.

Lately I find myself very attracted to you and you know I care deeply for you. And I would love for us to get closer and become sexually involved ( feel free to substitute other terms like .....I would love to fuck your brains out, or lick you all over your body, or Baby, you're hot, I'm horny and I want to screw:D Depending on what kind of relationship you have with this guy and what you want from it)

But as you know, in this day and age we both have to be very careful. I want us both to feel comfortable and safe with each other. Please don't take this the wrong way, because I mean no offense. This is about both of us, not just you. All it takes is one time, with one person and anyone can get a disease. But how do feel about us both getting tested for HIV and other STDs before we become intimate? Please remember I will also get tested to make sure that I'm disease-free and that you will be safe. "


Something along those lines. Actually, I remember it being a lot easier to say, then, than to typo it out, now...lol.

You know, I'm sure this guy knows he's slept around a lot. If he's a rational and mature individual, he should have no problem with you broaching the subject and asking. Nor should he be offended by the truth. If he does get offended so easily, considering he's certainly aware of his sexual habits; then maybe this may be a guy for you to stear yourself clear of.

humanlight

NMyTree wrote:

I'm a guy and I've been on both sides of the fence, with this. Although, I really couldn't classify myself as a man-ho, regardless of how much I would like to have that bragging-right:D

I can tell you what I said and how I said it. Understand this is not verbatim, because it's been a while, so my words may not be exactly as I had said it and how it was said to me; but close enough in theme and approach.

" (insert the guys name), I would like to discuss something with you. Something I feel is very important.

Lately I find myself very attracted to you and you know I care deeply for you. And I would love for us to get closer and become sexually involved ( feel free to substitute other terms like .....I would love to fuck your brains out, or lick you all over your body, or Baby, you're hot, I'm horny and I want to screw:D Depending on what kind of relationship you have with this guy and what you want from it)

But as you know, in this day and age we both have to be very careful. I want us both to feel comfortable and safe with each other. Please don't take this the wrong way, because I mean no offense. This is about both of us, not just you. All it takes is one time, with one person and anyone can get a disease. But how do feel about us both getting tested for HIV and other STDs before we become intimate? Please remember I will also get tested to make sure that I'm disease-free and that you will be safe. "


Something along those lines. Actually, I remember it being a lot easier to say, then, than to typo it out, now...lol.

You know, I'm sure this guy knows he's slept around a lot. If he's a rational and mature individual, he should have no problem with you broaching the subject and asking. Nor should he be offended by the truth. If he does get offended so easily, considering he's certainly aware of his sexual habits; then maybe this may be a guy for you to stear yourself clear of.

Thanks a lot. It really helped! What happened to the good ol' days when you could just screw someone. Nope, we live in a very different world. Damn the 60's!!

humanlight

gue_barium wrote:

If you're thinking of getting tested, I think it's free at most County health departments.

Do they have to do blood tests, b/c I am extremely phobic of needles? How long does it take to get the results?

CorporateWhore

I'm sure VictoryGin knows the answer to this question pretty well.

CorporateWhore

If it were me, I would want my girlfriend to ask me about it in a very comfortable but serious tone. Making light of it makes me feel like a douche. Ask him in a one on one setting with privacy. I've heard the number of partners and asking whether he has been tested for HIV are both questions that can and should be asked. If you're seriously considering dating him, you HAVE to know those things and he should be willing to tell you if he's serious too.

gue_barium

humanlight wrote:

Do they have to do blood tests, b/c I am extremely phobic of needles? How long does it take to get the results?

It is a blood test.
If I remember right, it takes a few days, maybe up to a week for the result.

humanlight

CorporateWhore wrote:

If it were me, I would want my girlfriend to ask me about it in a very comfortable but serious tone. Making light of it makes me feel like a douche. Ask him in a one on one setting with privacy. I've heard the number of partners and asking whether he has been tested for HIV are both questions that can and should be asked. If you're seriously considering dating him, you HAVE to know those things and he should be willing to tell you if he's serious too.

would you be offended? And would you choose to be with someone who has an incurable STD?

blackredyellow

humanlight wrote:

would you be offended? And would you choose to be with someone who has an incurable STD?

I wouldn't be offended, but if the person was HIV positive, I would be ghost.

sweet adeline

i wouldn't be offended because all that would mean is that its business time.

humanlight

blackredyellow wrote:

I wouldn't be offended, but if the person was HIV positive, I would be ghost.

What about herpies? there is no cure for that. Is that better or worse? Just asking. Sex is kind of sickening when you really think of the consequences.

humanlight

sweet adeline wrote:

i wouldn't be offended because all that would mean is that its business time.

This is true...and I think he may take it that way too. It probably would be excited that I asked him, cause that would mean he is getting some humanlight action.

NMyTree

Sex isn't disgusting at all, if you're with someone who is disease-free. You just have tomake sure you're with the right person. Diseases are a fact of life.



Make sure you both test for Chlamydia.

Here's a list of other diseases, you may want to test for:



http://www.health.state.ri.us/disease/communicable/std/factsheets.php


Chancroid

Chlamydia

Crabs

Gonorrhea

Hepatitis

Herpes

Human Papillomavirus/Genital Warts

Lympogranuloma Venereum (LGV)

Molluscum Contagiosum

Nongonococcal Urethritis (NGU)

Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID)

Scabies

Syphilis

Vaginitis

humanlight

NMyTree wrote:

Sex isn't disgusting at all, if you're with someone who is disease-free. You just have tomake sure you're with the right person. Diseases are a fact of life.



Make sure you both test for Chlamydia.

Here's a list of other diseases, you may want to test for:



http://www.health.state.ri.us/disease/communicable/std/factsheets.php


Chancroid

Chlamydia

Crabs

Gonorrhea

Hepatitis

Herpes

Human Papillomavirus/Genital Warts

Lympogranuloma Venereum (LGV)

Molluscum Contagiosum

Nongonococcal Urethritis (NGU)

Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID)

Scabies

Syphilis

Vaginitis

Oh my God!!! Totally not in the mood now. So, would you be with someone who had one of these?

NMyTree

humanlight wrote:

Oh my God!!! Totally not in the mood now. So, would you be with someone who had one of these?

Depends on which one.

I've been with two women in my life, who came down with Vaginitis.

One as a result of giving birth and the other because of anti-biotics from a sinus infection. Both seeked treatment and it took a few weeks for their vaginal balance to even out and clear up. After that, they never got it again.

Conditions like Vaginitis or Scabies (which is a mite) are not really like Chlamydia or some of the other viruses or diseases.

Then there's Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, which is caused by Chlamydia, gonorrhea or other bacteria. it's really a result of the initial infection.

You may want to read up on the list (up above), they are not all what you seem to think they are.

But as for the others, no, I wouldn't be sexually involved with someone who had some of those diseases. Most are easily treated and eliminated and if discovered at an early stage; there should be no permanent damage.

Read into it and you can decide for yourself.

gue_barium

NMyTree wrote:

You may want to read up on the list (up above), they are not all what you seem to think they are.

Read into it and you can decide for yourself.

HPV is apparently the most prevalent in the population. Most people that carry it are asymptomatic. There are different strains of the virus, the worst kind can cause cervical cancer, and possibly testicle cancer. Other variations on the virus include symptoms such as gential warts. It is believed most strains of HPV run their course in the human body within two years.

CorporateWhore

humanlight wrote:

would you be offended? And would you choose to be with someone who has an incurable STD?

I wouldn't be offended because you can't be offended by someone wanting to protect themselves from disease.

I would definitely not want to be with someone who has an incurable STD. I would be a good friend for them, though.

gue_barium

CorporateWhore wrote:

I wouldn't be offended because you can't be offended by someone wanting to protect themselves from disease.

I would definitely not want to be with someone who has an incurable STD. I would be a good friend for them, though.

If I met and fell in love with someone who then told me she had herpes, I wouldn't love her any less. Herpes is controllable. If she told me she had HIV...If i really loved her, I might take my chances. I mean, there's a lot of people with HIV that don't have any problems with it... HIV and AIDS aren't a proven connection.

Brain of J.Lo

humanlight wrote:

I am thinking of starting a new sexual relationship, and I know this person is experienced to say the least. He is a very dear friend to me, has been for 17 years. How do I ask him if he has been tested, and not offend him?

If you can be comfortable enough with the guy to do all sorts of wonderfully perverted things to each other, you should be comfortable enough to say "have you been tested?"

Anyone who is offended by that should really step back and examine why. It's for the greater good. Just ask him.

gue_barium

Brain of J.Lo wrote:

If you can be comfortable enough with the guy to do all sorts of wonderfully perverted things to each other, you should be comfortable enough to say "have you been tested?"

Anyone who is offended by that should really step back and examine why. It's for the greater good. Just ask him.

The best bet is to get tested before dating.