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How do you ask someone about HIV?

humanlighthumanlight Posts: 271
edited August 2007 in A Moving Train
I am thinking of starting a new sexual relationship, and I know this person is experienced to say the least. He is a very dear friend to me, has been for 17 years. How do I ask him if he has been tested, and not offend him?
"F**K you, I have laundry to do" -ed
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Comments

  • macgyver06macgyver06 Posts: 2,500
    tell him you want to get tested because you may have it.
  • humanlighthumanlight Posts: 271
    no way! That sounds terrible. You have to be kidding! I have been tested, and I am fine. But how do you ask without offeneding someone?
    "F**K you, I have laundry to do" -ed
  • mammasanmammasan Posts: 5,656
    Honestly I would just come out and ask. Tell him that you are not trying to offend him but you just want to be sure. If he really cares about you he will not mind being asked.

    The woman I'm dating asked me. We are both fixed so pregnancy is not a concern but she asked me before we became intimate if I hyad been tested. I didn't mind being asked.
    "When one gets in bed with government, one must expect the diseases it spreads." - Ron Paul
  • humanlighthumanlight Posts: 271
    mammasan wrote:
    Honestly I would just come out and ask. Tell him that you are not trying to offend him but you just want to be sure. If he really cares about you he will not mind being asked.


    would it offend you if someone asked you that question?
    "F**K you, I have laundry to do" -ed
  • mammasanmammasan Posts: 5,656
    humanlight wrote:
    would it offend you if someone asked you that question?

    No not at all. As I stated above the woman I'm dating asked me and I was not offended at all.
    "When one gets in bed with government, one must expect the diseases it spreads." - Ron Paul
  • spiral outspiral out Posts: 1,052
    I would straight out ask to. It's an important thing to know.

    I wouldn't be offended if i was asked. I would be glad that the person cared enough about themselves to ask.
    Keep on rockin in the free world!!!!

    The economy has polarized to the point where the wealthiest 10% now own 85% of the nation’s wealth. Never before have the bottom 90% been so highly indebted, so dependent on the wealthy.
  • KannKann Posts: 1,146
    The easiest (and best in my opinion) way to do this is ask him to go with you so you both do a test at the same time and share both of your results. As a way to seal a relationship.
    This will definitely ease up the sexual life of the couple, and doing it both at the same time lifts the "I don't trust you" notion.
  • mammasanmammasan Posts: 5,656
    spiral out wrote:
    I would straight out ask to. It's an important thing to know.

    I wouldn't be offended if i was asked. I would be glad that the person cared enough about themselves to ask.


    Exactly.
    "When one gets in bed with government, one must expect the diseases it spreads." - Ron Paul
  • humanlighthumanlight Posts: 271
    So then if they say, "no I havent." Then I say show me your papers before we get it on. I don't know, the whole process is scarry to me.
    "F**K you, I have laundry to do" -ed
  • mammasanmammasan Posts: 5,656
    humanlight wrote:
    So then if they say, "no I havent." Then I say show me your papers before we get it on. I don't know, the whole process is scarry to me.

    Well if the person hasn't been tested ask them if they would go with you to get tested, as Kann suggested. If your partner really cares about you this will not be a problem. If my girlfriend where to ask me to go with her to get tested I would do it.
    "When one gets in bed with government, one must expect the diseases it spreads." - Ron Paul
  • NMyTreeNMyTree Posts: 2,374
    humanlight wrote:
    I am thinking of starting a new sexual relationship, and I know this person is experienced to say the least. He is a very dear friend to me, has been for 17 years. How do I ask him if he has been tested, and not offend him?


    You're a therapist and you don't know how to approach this subject matter?


    Uh boy:rolleyes:


    :D
  • JuberooJuberoo Posts: 472
    If you cannot be frank about such a serious issue, why do you want to enter a relationship with this person?
    Makes much more sense, to live in the present tense.

    A truly liberal person is conservative when necessary.

    Pro-life by choice.
  • macgyver06macgyver06 Posts: 2,500
    i heard hiv was a hoax
  • macgyver06macgyver06 Posts: 2,500
    seriously though..turnt he subject into a joke with him so you are both laughing than ask him to go with you so you both can.
  • humanlighthumanlight Posts: 271
    NMyTree wrote:
    You're a therapist and you don't know how to approach this subject matter?


    Uh boy:rolleyes:


    :D


    Hey, it is much easier to tell people what to do, than do it yourself. I know this :).
    "F**K you, I have laundry to do" -ed
  • humanlighthumanlight Posts: 271
    Juberoo wrote:
    If you cannot be frank about such a serious issue, why do you want to enter a relationship with this person?


    No, I know that I can....I just don't know the best way to do it. So, that it does not sound like I am calling him a man hoe! Cause he kind of is.
    "F**K you, I have laundry to do" -ed
  • mammasanmammasan Posts: 5,656
    humanlight wrote:
    No, I know that I can....I just don't know the best way to do it. So, that it does not sound like I am calling him a man hoe! Cause he kind of is.

    Well he shouldn't take it that way. Like I said if he really cares about you it will not bother him.
    "When one gets in bed with government, one must expect the diseases it spreads." - Ron Paul
  • humanlighthumanlight Posts: 271
    mammasan wrote:
    Well he shouldn't take it that way. Like I said if he really cares about you it will not bother him.

    Thank you for your wisedom. I hope it goes okay. If it don't, then I guess I get an answer either way.
    "F**K you, I have laundry to do" -ed
  • ledveddermanledvedderman Posts: 7,761
    I would try something along these lines...

    "I cannot believe the (fill in appropriate sports team) (won/lost) again last night. That game was (awesome/awful). Have you ever been tested for HIV? I mean come on that play in the (choose a number) (quarter/half/period) was (total bullshit/on the money). Seriously though, get tested. Playoffs here we come"
    E8toX.gif

    http://www.reverbnation.com/brianzilm
  • humanlighthumanlight Posts: 271
    ledvedderman wrote:
    I would try something along these lines...

    "I cannot believe the (fill in appropriate sports team) (won/lost) again last night. That game was (awesome/awful). Have you ever been tested for HIV? I mean come on that play in the (choose a number) (quarter/half/period) was (total bullshit/on the money). Seriously though, get tested. Playoffs here we come"


    That sounds like I have torettes! But it would be funny!
    "F**K you, I have laundry to do" -ed
  • gue_bariumgue_barium Posts: 5,515
    If you're thinking of getting tested, I think it's free at most County health departments.
    all posts by ©gue_barium are protected under US copyright law and are not to be reproduced, exchanged or sold
    except by express written permission of ©gue_barium, the author.
  • NMyTreeNMyTree Posts: 2,374
    humanlight wrote:
    Hey, it is much easier to tell people what to do, than do it yourself. I know this :).


    I'm a guy and I've been on both sides of the fence, with this. Although, I really couldn't classify myself as a man-ho, regardless of how much I would like to have that bragging-right:D

    I can tell you what I said and how I said it. Understand this is not verbatim, because it's been a while, so my words may not be exactly as I had said it and how it was said to me; but close enough in theme and approach.

    " (insert the guys name), I would like to discuss something with you. Something I feel is very important.

    Lately I find myself very attracted to you and you know I care deeply for you. And I would love for us to get closer and become sexually involved ( feel free to substitute other terms like .....I would love to fuck your brains out, or lick you all over your body, or Baby, you're hot, I'm horny and I want to screw:D Depending on what kind of relationship you have with this guy and what you want from it)

    But as you know, in this day and age we both have to be very careful. I want us both to feel comfortable and safe with each other. Please don't take this the wrong way, because I mean no offense. This is about both of us, not just you. All it takes is one time, with one person and anyone can get a disease. But how do feel about us both getting tested for HIV and other STDs before we become intimate? Please remember I will also get tested to make sure that I'm disease-free and that you will be safe. "


    Something along those lines. Actually, I remember it being a lot easier to say, then, than to typo it out, now...lol.

    You know, I'm sure this guy knows he's slept around a lot. If he's a rational and mature individual, he should have no problem with you broaching the subject and asking. Nor should he be offended by the truth. If he does get offended so easily, considering he's certainly aware of his sexual habits; then maybe this may be a guy for you to stear yourself clear of.
  • humanlighthumanlight Posts: 271
    NMyTree wrote:
    I'm a guy and I've been on both sides of the fence, with this. Although, I really couldn't classify myself as a man-ho, regardless of how much I would like to have that bragging-right:D

    I can tell you what I said and how I said it. Understand this is not verbatim, because it's been a while, so my words may not be exactly as I had said it and how it was said to me; but close enough in theme and approach.

    " (insert the guys name), I would like to discuss something with you. Something I feel is very important.

    Lately I find myself very attracted to you and you know I care deeply for you. And I would love for us to get closer and become sexually involved ( feel free to substitute other terms like .....I would love to fuck your brains out, or lick you all over your body, or Baby, you're hot, I'm horny and I want to screw:D Depending on what kind of relationship you have with this guy and what you want from it)

    But as you know, in this day and age we both have to be very careful. I want us both to feel comfortable and safe with each other. Please don't take this the wrong way, because I mean no offense. This is about both of us, not just you. All it takes is one time, with one person and anyone can get a disease. But how do feel about us both getting tested for HIV and other STDs before we become intimate? Please remember I will also get tested to make sure that I'm disease-free and that you will be safe. "


    Something along those lines. Actually, I remember it being a lot easier to say, then, than to typo it out, now...lol.

    You know, I'm sure this guy knows he's slept around a lot. If he's a rational and mature individual, he should have no problem with you broaching the subject and asking. Nor should he be offended by the truth. If he does get offended so easily, considering he's certainly aware of his sexual habits; then maybe this may be a guy for you to stear yourself clear of.

    Thanks a lot. It really helped! What happened to the good ol' days when you could just screw someone. Nope, we live in a very different world. Damn the 60's!!
    "F**K you, I have laundry to do" -ed
  • humanlighthumanlight Posts: 271
    gue_barium wrote:
    If you're thinking of getting tested, I think it's free at most County health departments.


    Do they have to do blood tests, b/c I am extremely phobic of needles? How long does it take to get the results?
    "F**K you, I have laundry to do" -ed
  • CorporateWhoreCorporateWhore Posts: 1,890
    I'm sure VictoryGin knows the answer to this question pretty well.
    All I know is that to see, and not to speak, would be the great betrayal.
    -Enoch Powell
  • CorporateWhoreCorporateWhore Posts: 1,890
    If it were me, I would want my girlfriend to ask me about it in a very comfortable but serious tone. Making light of it makes me feel like a douche. Ask him in a one on one setting with privacy. I've heard the number of partners and asking whether he has been tested for HIV are both questions that can and should be asked. If you're seriously considering dating him, you HAVE to know those things and he should be willing to tell you if he's serious too.
    All I know is that to see, and not to speak, would be the great betrayal.
    -Enoch Powell
  • gue_bariumgue_barium Posts: 5,515
    humanlight wrote:
    Do they have to do blood tests, b/c I am extremely phobic of needles? How long does it take to get the results?

    It is a blood test.
    If I remember right, it takes a few days, maybe up to a week for the result.
    all posts by ©gue_barium are protected under US copyright law and are not to be reproduced, exchanged or sold
    except by express written permission of ©gue_barium, the author.
  • humanlighthumanlight Posts: 271
    CorporateWhore wrote:
    If it were me, I would want my girlfriend to ask me about it in a very comfortable but serious tone. Making light of it makes me feel like a douche. Ask him in a one on one setting with privacy. I've heard the number of partners and asking whether he has been tested for HIV are both questions that can and should be asked. If you're seriously considering dating him, you HAVE to know those things and he should be willing to tell you if he's serious too.


    would you be offended? And would you choose to be with someone who has an incurable STD?
    "F**K you, I have laundry to do" -ed
  • blackredyellowblackredyellow Posts: 5,889
    humanlight wrote:
    would you be offended? And would you choose to be with someone who has an incurable STD?

    I wouldn't be offended, but if the person was HIV positive, I would be ghost.
    My whole life
    was like a picture
    of a sunny day
    “We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”
    ― Abraham Lincoln
  • sweet adelinesweet adeline Posts: 2,191
    i wouldn't be offended because all that would mean is that its business time.
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