I'm in Paris at the moment and I would love it if the French spoke extra slow French to me! Its true it wont help me in the long run but right now when they speak I sometimes feel clueless. I think this situation applies to many other situations and the amount of acceptance one has of their inability to do something.
There is also the factor of protectiveness in families. Many disabled kids grow up in a secluded protected environment which only seems to increase their distance from everyone else. I had a friend who is in a wheelchair and her parents were extremely overprotective. They wouldn't allow her out with us if they felt something could go wrong.
Now THAT is a very interesting subject. My parents are exactly like that... they've got better over the years, but my mum can't wait to run to my rescue. I've had a phone call from her around three times a week for the past month WHILE I'VE BEEN AT WORK.
'Can I get you anything?'
'I'm at work mum. I told you I was at work.'
'When are you at work?'
'Every day. Full time.'
'Do you want a lift home?'
'No I'll do the bus, like I've been doing for the past three years, every day.
I've recently got divorced, so I'm living life by myself right now... and I think she's terrified of that. I think she used to view my wife as my carer. As she long as she was around, my mum didn't need to be. Which is bollocks because I live my life on my own, my own way, perfectly well. I am mine.
'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'
I think what most people struggle with is the balance between sympathy and acceptance. Do you help the wheelchair guy struggling up the ramp? Or is that condescending? It can be tough, especially as both disableds and ableds can as flippant in their views as each other.
I've often heard (especially physically) disabled people say that they most like to take questions from children as they are stripped of fear and prejudice. Now there's something to think about!
My point is, are you as caring to other people as you are to disabled people? It seems that you treat them with that extra sensitivity. Sometimes it takes not caring about someone to make them feel normal. Does that make sense?
Why do you need to understand? If they are no different to you then there is nothing to understand in the first place. If they feel it is affecting their life then surely I will be there to listen to their problems.
The first paragraph, you're right.... but here's the rub.....
Everyone is different from each other. No two people are the same and that makes humanity fascinating. You are creating an 'us' and 'them' scenario if you imagine that 'they are the same'.... (the same as who?) and that their only differences are 'problems'. Most people I know with a disability do not have any 'problems' at all. But we might want to talk about how we live our lives, and we might want to compare our stories with yours.
'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'
I've often heard (especially physically) disabled people say that they most like to take questions from children as they are stripped of fear and prejudice.
And I totally concur. Quite often a kid will say something to me and his mum will be like 'Terence! Get back here! Sorry about that, he doesn't mean it.' I just say 'Don't worry...did he wanna ask something?'
'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'
My dad suffered a massive cerebral aneurysm 7 years ago and was left with brain damage. He talks, walks, drives but is definately different. Personality wise, short term memory loss, physically less mobile, can't work, is really a different person. And some days you can tell more than others. And it's due to brain damage.
I see him as my dad. A different dad, but my dad. But it's weird how other people treat him. My family, his friends. I can see a difference. It makes me soooo angry sometimes. He's still the same person, some days he knows he's different, some days he forgets.
But I see what you are trying to say. He's disabled. He wasn't before - now he is. Which is weird in a way to see the change in attitudes. I feel the way he gets treated sometimes is condecending and with kid gloves. I'm just grateful that sometimes he doesn't notice and that his short term memory SUCKS so when he does, he forgets about it LOL! :-)
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. "
Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
My point is, are you as caring to other people as you are to disabled people? It seems that you treat them with that extra sensitivity. Sometimes it takes not caring about someone to make them feel normal. Does that make sense?
It makes perfect sense and is a very good point. I hope so and I think so. I try to treat everyone equally regardless. There's a fine balance to accommodating peoples extra needs if they're disabled and not drawing undue attention to it.
I guarantee you anyone who sees a parent treating their disabled child with extra care will assume the child requires that extra care.
And that's the most annoying thing about it all..... the slightest thing will perpetuate people's misconceptions.
My sister tells me things like 'Mum's got good advice and dad would bend over backwards to be there for you - take it, I know that I do - and would - if I was going through what you are, I'd honestly take all the advice and help I can get my hands on.' Obviously I am appreciate of their care....
... but there is a difference between me accepting their care, and my non-disabled sister accepting their care. The difference? Other people's misconceptions.
She doesn't understand that at all.
'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'
My dad suffered a massive cerebral aneurysm 7 years ago and was left with brain damage. He talks, walks, drives but is definately different. Personality wise, short term memory loss, physically less mobile, can't work, is really a different person. And some days you can tell more than others. And it's due to brain damage.
I see him as my dad. A different dad, but my dad. But it's weird how other people treat him. My family, his friends. I can see a difference. It makes me soooo angry sometimes. He's still the same person, some days he knows he's different, some days he forgets.
But I see what you are trying to say. He's disabled. He wasn't before - now he is. Which is weird in a way to see the change in attitudes. I feel the way he gets treated sometimes is condecending and with kid gloves. I'm just grateful that sometimes he doesn't notice and that his short term memory SUCKS so when he does, he forgets about it LOL! :-)
Cool - thanks for sharing
Yes, another experience entirely.... acquired disability. I have the 'luxury' of having had my disability all my life, so have come to terms with people's different ways of acting around it.. It's great that you're so perceptive.
'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'
My dad suffered a massive cerebral aneurysm 7 years ago and was left with brain damage. He talks, walks, drives but is definately different. Personality wise, short term memory loss, physically less mobile, can't work, is really a different person. And some days you can tell more than others. And it's due to brain damage.
Excuse the ignorance but I'm presuming this was a very sudden change? If so, that is surely the most difficult thing to deal with as not only is there a before and after, but that there is no time to adjust before you're in the thick of it.
I think there's several aspects to people's attitude to disabled.
one is unfamiliarity. in the same way it can happen with ethnicity. I grew up in a small town in France, middle class, church school :rolleyes:..very little contact with anyone non-white..I saw how that bread racism..simply because most people are afraid of 'difference'..now, having spent the last 10 years in england/London, I find it weird when I go somewhere where hardly anyone is non-white.. the uniformity rather than the diversity became strange.
with disability, there's the fact that it's both a small minority, some, like deafness or mental difficulties for example, not obvious from a distance so lots of time you won't notice and the fact that many disabilities, unlike ethicity/sex/religion, for practical reasons actually means you cannot socialise in the same way. e.g. people in wheelchairs are rare in the first place, but because, as you can testify Mark, transport is very complicated for them, it's even rarer for mobile people to come into contact with them in everyday life, making them seemingly rarer. then there's the disabilities that make communication difficult, like deafness or mental impairments.
the other aspect of people's attitude to disabled is that one is not sure how to act.
what I mean is that there ARE practical differences to someone with a disability, at least a physical one...it can't just be ignored completely.
and you can never be sure what the disabled person wants: should you help out, risking to be patronising because you're offering help that is not needed, or wait to be asked to help, risking to appear insensitive?
that makes people uncomfortable, because they don't know what they should do.
to go back to the original post quote..I don't think the eulogies were in any way offensive. what those people meant is that they did not consider that person DIS-abled, and they did not think of him by his difference.
it is in my opinion more telling of the writer's attitude that he is offended by it.
I always ASSUME people are going to treat me the same as everyone else; the fact I'm foreigner, or a woman, never entering my mind that it would mean I'd be treated differently.
if I do get treated differently though, THEN I'll throw a fit , but I'm not going to be in people's face about it beforehand.
that's why I don't like activist feminists...or many minority activists.
yes there's discriminations that need to be fought...but you don't do that by getting into people's face all the time, it only antagonises them...if you insist on being defined by your difference, that's the only thing people will see...Some people like to pose themselves as victims, moaning about their discrimination before it even happens.. well, that might make people not voice their opinion but it won't change, on the contrary.
I just know I TRY (yeah, I'm human, I fuck up ) to treat everyone the same, the way I'd like to be treated.
Nondisabled Americans do not understand disabled ones.
I disagree because not all disabled people think alike, and they would not all react in the same way to such comments. I know a guy in a wheelchair who makes fun of himself and other disabled people all the time...he doesn't let himself feel burdened by it. I also have known other disabled people who fly off the handle about every little comment made towards the disabled. It all depends on the person.
Excuse the ignorance but I'm presuming this was a very sudden change? If so, that is surely the most difficult thing to deal with as not only is there a before and after, but that there is no time to adjust before you're in the thick of it.
I hope he's doing ok!
Cheers,
Steve
Yes, sudden. Happened in a blink of an eye. But grateful every day he's around. He has 3 more unruptured aneurysms so he's a "ticking time bomb" but each day is a blessing.
But, never the less, he's disabled from the aneurysm. He can no longer work, he is not physically able to do many things. He has a minimal short term memory, he can't keep track of money, has a hard time with math, gets blinding headaches, has a very different personality, sometimes can't get words out, has a hard time doing everyday things, gets tired very easy. And when he gets tired, he gets goofy and a kind of blank stare - a "brain damage" look to him. It's bizarre. A change. Different. Difficult at times, but in the big picture......we're so fortunate to have him here.
But it's a struggle too. And hard for me to see how people treat him too. He's still the same person. He still has feelings. Sometimes he knows he's different. He realizes people treat him different. And that sucks. Especially when it's from his friends and mostly, family. Particulary my mom. Who has a gift for being especially condencending, but she says "helpful" or "motivating". Ewww!
So I'm especially sensitive to this subject. And I tend to be very compassionate to disabled people. Not in an overtly fall-all-over myself way. But deep down, I hope for equality and happiness. And the abilty to overcome the dolts out there who don't understand that disabled people are just like everyone else.
And in some way, I have a special affection for people with things like aspergers, Autism, things like that. Who have the ability to live a simple life, know no difference, are truly special and blessed with gifts that people like myself will never know. Who love blindly, show their feelings with no care in the world and I hope will be able to overcome their disablities and be able to not have any stigma in this world. People whom I have met with autism or aspergers have always been the most kind, caring, loving, carefree individuals not hindered by silly "little" problems. And that to me has been the most uplifting feeling in the world.
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. "
Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
Thanks for your thoughts everyone... keep em coming. I've just opened a can of grog, so my thoughts might become illegible in not too long, just to warn you...
'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'
I've wanted to do this for quite a while; start a thread where we discuss our thoughts and ideas on the big D word. I thought I'd start us off with this, from No Pity by Joseph P. Shapiro:
Nondisabled Americans do not understand disabled ones.
That was clear at the memorial service for Timothy Cook, when longtime friends got up to pay him heartfelt tribute. "He never seemed disabled to me," said one. "He was the least disabled person I ever met," pronounced another. It was the highest praise these nondisabled friends could think to give a disabled attorney who, at thirty-eight years old, had won landmark disability rights cases, including one to force public transit systems to equip their buses with wheelchair lifts. But more than a few heads in the crowded chapel bowed with an uneasy embarrassment at the supposed compliment. It was as if someone had tried to compliment a black man by saying, "You're the least black person I ever met," as false as telling a Jew, "I never think of you as Jewish," as clumsy as seeking to flatter a woman with "You don't act like a woman."
I liked this, because I get comments such as these on most days.
Maybe they meant that they don't see him as a disabled person? Just like, I'm more than a white female. I wouldn't want to be catagorized by what I look like, but what I am deep down inside or what I do. Not just what shows on the outside.
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. "
Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
Maybe they meant that they don't see him as a disabled person? Just like, I'm more than a white female. I wouldn't want to be catagorized by what I look like, but what I am deep down inside or what I do. Not just what shows on the outside.
Yep. I think you and Pegasus are both right about that.
But I just think the language we use is interesting.
I myself don't see anything harmful in such comments either.
'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'
I did some marketing consultant work a few months back. I met up with the guy I worked for to go to a meeting with someone from an organisation providing service and info to disabled people in terms of where to have a new car converted to be wheelchair-friendly and stuff like that. Before we went in he said that our contact there had an accident when jumping into a pool drunk after graduation and was in a wheelchair since then 'but he seems to know what he's doing'. I was totally dumbfounded after this statement, but after reading this thread it seems as if it's unfortunately not just one idiot.
Apparently his injury must have been similar to the one portrayed in Friday Night Lights, a spine injury not involving anything having remotely to do with the brain. The guy could have my wannabe-boss for breakfast regarding business (and was way easier to look at ) which makes me hope he saw right through him and sent his sorry ass to hell after I quit.
You can tell a man from what he has to say - Neil & Tim Finn
They love you so badly for sharing their sorrow, so pick up that guitar and go break a heart - Kris Kristofferson
I did some marketing consultant work a few months back. I met up with the guy I worked for to go to a meeting with someone from an organisation providing service and info to disabled people in terms of where to have a new car converted to be wheelchair-friendly and stuff like that. Before we went in he said that our contact there had an accident when jumping into a pool drunk after graduation and was in a wheelchair since then 'but he seems to know what he's doing'. I was totally dumbfounded after this statement, but after reading this thread it seems as if it's unfortunately not just one idiot.
Apparently his injury must have been similar to the one portrayed in Friday Night Lights, a spine injury not involving anything having remotely to do with the brain. The guy could have my wannabe-boss for breakfast regarding business (and was way easier to look at ) which makes me hope he saw right through him and sent his sorry ass to hell after I quit.
Some good things there... thanks Sonja
'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'
it's weird how some people seem to equate physical disability with mental deficiency, speaking slowly to someone in a wheelchair (or speaking to the accompanying person instead of them)
the very same people tend to do that with foreign people too..like because someone doesn't speak good English they're stupid :rolleyes:
it's weird how some people seem to equate physical disability with mental deficiency, speaking slowly to someone in a wheelchair (or speaking to the accompanying person instead of them)
the very same people tend to do that with foreign people too..like because someone doesn't speak good English they're stupid :rolleyes:
Yes yes *nod nod* I get that...
'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'
My dad was "disabled" (although anything but!), so I grew up with both sides. He was in crutches when he married my mom and they had me, so I never knew him any other way. I would see the way people who didn't know him treat him differently, but he always handled it with such ease I never thought too much about it. Once I remember I had a friend from high school over and she was so mad because I hadn't warned her. I could see her point because she'd been embarrassed when she asked what had happened, but it just never occurred to me to tell her.
"I'd rather be with an animal." "Those that can be trusted can change their mind." "The in between is mine." "If I don't lose control, explore and not explode, a preternatural other plane with the power to maintain." "Yeh this is living." "Life is what you make it."
My dad was "disabled" (although anything but!), so I grew up with both sides. He was in crutches when he married my mom and they had me, so I never knew him any other way. I would see the way people who didn't know him treat him differently, but he always handled it with such ease I never thought too much about it. Once I remember I had a friend from high school over and she was so mad because I hadn't warned her. I could see her point because she'd been embarrassed when she asked what had happened, but it just never occurred to me to tell her.
When my ex wife told her best friend she was marrying me, the bitch got really mad..... said what are you doing? How irresponsible etc...... Fuck knows why...... just because I was disabled :rolleyes: People have weird attitudes.
'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'
When my ex wife told her best friend she was marrying me, the bitch got really mad..... said what are you doing? How irresponsible etc...... Fuck knows why...... just because I was disabled :rolleyes: People have weird attitudes.
I remember my mom and dad telling me that her parents were concerned when they decided to get married. They said things like are you sure he can support you (this was back in the 50's btw). Well, they ended up loving my dad and siding with him on everything! haha I think people that have difficulties in general are so used to overcoming them they just tend to be stronger and more well rounded. I know you've gone through another tough time, but I know you'll come shining!
"I'd rather be with an animal." "Those that can be trusted can change their mind." "The in between is mine." "If I don't lose control, explore and not explode, a preternatural other plane with the power to maintain." "Yeh this is living." "Life is what you make it."
I remember my mom and dad telling me that her parents were concerned when they decided to get married. They said things like are you sure he can support you (this was back in the 50's btw). Well, they ended up loving my dad and siding with him on everything! haha I think people that have difficulties in general are so used to overcoming them they just tend to be stronger and more well rounded. I know you've gone through another tough time, but I know you'll come shining!
Thankyou...... means a lot, really
'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'
When my ex wife told her best friend she was marrying me, the bitch got really mad..... said what are you doing? How irresponsible etc...... Fuck knows why...... just because I was disabled :rolleyes: People have weird attitudes.
that shows how much of a 'friend' she was :mad:
raising some concerns, because it does have problems that one might not consider and as a friend you should try to make sure people are not blinded to them, it's one thing.. but get mad (nothing to do with disability, just any relationship..my, older, sister is hooking up with some guy right now I'm not keen on.. racist fuckhead from the only time I met him ..her ex-husband wasn't the smartest guy around but he's a nice guy overall..but what can I do? it's not MY business in the end..as long as he doesn't touch her..then he's dead!)
raising some concerns, because it does have problems that one might not consider and as a friend you should try to make sure people are not blinded to them, it's one thing.. but get mad (nothing to do with disability, just any relationship..my, older, sister is hooking up with some guy right now I'm not keen on.. racist fuckhead from the only time I met him ..her ex-husband wasn't the smartest guy around but he's a nice guy overall..but what can I do? it's not MY business in the end..as long as he doesn't touch her..then he's dead!)
It's difficult isn't it.... as far as I know though, she was only worried becaue she felt I couldn't look after her being in a wheelchair..
'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'
It's difficult isn't it.... as far as I know though, she was only worried becaue she felt I couldn't look after her being in a wheelchair..
what millennium does she lives in?
a woman, well anyone, needs emotional support, not physical one!
I've met Nazreen, she can take care of herself! (and if she couldn't, that's her own fault not yours!)
what millennium does she lives in?
a woman, well anyone, needs emotional support, not physical one!
I've met Nazreen, she can take care of herself! (and if she couldn't, that's her own fault not yours!)
Yeah.. I remember us both meeting you. 'twas a good night... ah well, yeah she can look after herself..... and so can I.....
'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'
I know you can
and gosh did I get pissed that night! still not sure how I made it home in one piece as I cycled home!! :eek:
I'm not sure.... there was a point where we lost touch... not sure what happened at the end of the night.... I think Naz wanted to leave early..... man I wish I hadn't bowed now..... All you guys on the Pit have proved to be more loyal.
'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'
Comments
Now THAT is a very interesting subject. My parents are exactly like that... they've got better over the years, but my mum can't wait to run to my rescue. I've had a phone call from her around three times a week for the past month WHILE I'VE BEEN AT WORK.
'Can I get you anything?'
'I'm at work mum. I told you I was at work.'
'When are you at work?'
'Every day. Full time.'
'Do you want a lift home?'
'No I'll do the bus, like I've been doing for the past three years, every day.
I've recently got divorced, so I'm living life by myself right now... and I think she's terrified of that. I think she used to view my wife as my carer. As she long as she was around, my mum didn't need to be. Which is bollocks because I live my life on my own, my own way, perfectly well. I am mine.
- the great Sir Leo Harrison
I've often heard (especially physically) disabled people say that they most like to take questions from children as they are stripped of fear and prejudice. Now there's something to think about!
Cheers,
Steve
The first paragraph, you're right.... but here's the rub.....
Everyone is different from each other. No two people are the same and that makes humanity fascinating. You are creating an 'us' and 'them' scenario if you imagine that 'they are the same'.... (the same as who?) and that their only differences are 'problems'. Most people I know with a disability do not have any 'problems' at all. But we might want to talk about how we live our lives, and we might want to compare our stories with yours.
- the great Sir Leo Harrison
And I totally concur. Quite often a kid will say something to me and his mum will be like 'Terence! Get back here! Sorry about that, he doesn't mean it.' I just say 'Don't worry...did he wanna ask something?'
- the great Sir Leo Harrison
Amen.
I guarantee you anyone who sees a parent treating their disabled child with extra care will assume the child requires that extra care.
My dad suffered a massive cerebral aneurysm 7 years ago and was left with brain damage. He talks, walks, drives but is definately different. Personality wise, short term memory loss, physically less mobile, can't work, is really a different person. And some days you can tell more than others. And it's due to brain damage.
I see him as my dad. A different dad, but my dad. But it's weird how other people treat him. My family, his friends. I can see a difference. It makes me soooo angry sometimes. He's still the same person, some days he knows he's different, some days he forgets.
But I see what you are trying to say. He's disabled. He wasn't before - now he is. Which is weird in a way to see the change in attitudes. I feel the way he gets treated sometimes is condecending and with kid gloves. I'm just grateful that sometimes he doesn't notice and that his short term memory SUCKS so when he does, he forgets about it LOL! :-)
Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
I saw Hard To Imagine LIVE at MSG!
It makes perfect sense and is a very good point. I hope so and I think so. I try to treat everyone equally regardless. There's a fine balance to accommodating peoples extra needs if they're disabled and not drawing undue attention to it.
Cheers,
Steve
And that's the most annoying thing about it all..... the slightest thing will perpetuate people's misconceptions.
My sister tells me things like 'Mum's got good advice and dad would bend over backwards to be there for you - take it, I know that I do - and would - if I was going through what you are, I'd honestly take all the advice and help I can get my hands on.' Obviously I am appreciate of their care....
... but there is a difference between me accepting their care, and my non-disabled sister accepting their care. The difference? Other people's misconceptions.
She doesn't understand that at all.
- the great Sir Leo Harrison
Cool - thanks for sharing
Yes, another experience entirely.... acquired disability. I have the 'luxury' of having had my disability all my life, so have come to terms with people's different ways of acting around it.. It's great that you're so perceptive.
- the great Sir Leo Harrison
Excuse the ignorance but I'm presuming this was a very sudden change? If so, that is surely the most difficult thing to deal with as not only is there a before and after, but that there is no time to adjust before you're in the thick of it.
I hope he's doing ok!
Cheers,
Steve
one is unfamiliarity. in the same way it can happen with ethnicity. I grew up in a small town in France, middle class, church school :rolleyes:..very little contact with anyone non-white..I saw how that bread racism..simply because most people are afraid of 'difference'..now, having spent the last 10 years in england/London, I find it weird when I go somewhere where hardly anyone is non-white.. the uniformity rather than the diversity became strange.
with disability, there's the fact that it's both a small minority, some, like deafness or mental difficulties for example, not obvious from a distance so lots of time you won't notice and the fact that many disabilities, unlike ethicity/sex/religion, for practical reasons actually means you cannot socialise in the same way. e.g. people in wheelchairs are rare in the first place, but because, as you can testify Mark, transport is very complicated for them, it's even rarer for mobile people to come into contact with them in everyday life, making them seemingly rarer. then there's the disabilities that make communication difficult, like deafness or mental impairments.
the other aspect of people's attitude to disabled is that one is not sure how to act.
what I mean is that there ARE practical differences to someone with a disability, at least a physical one...it can't just be ignored completely.
and you can never be sure what the disabled person wants: should you help out, risking to be patronising because you're offering help that is not needed, or wait to be asked to help, risking to appear insensitive?
that makes people uncomfortable, because they don't know what they should do.
to go back to the original post quote..I don't think the eulogies were in any way offensive. what those people meant is that they did not consider that person DIS-abled, and they did not think of him by his difference.
it is in my opinion more telling of the writer's attitude that he is offended by it.
I always ASSUME people are going to treat me the same as everyone else; the fact I'm foreigner, or a woman, never entering my mind that it would mean I'd be treated differently.
if I do get treated differently though, THEN I'll throw a fit
that's why I don't like activist feminists...or many minority activists.
yes there's discriminations that need to be fought...but you don't do that by getting into people's face all the time, it only antagonises them...if you insist on being defined by your difference, that's the only thing people will see...Some people like to pose themselves as victims, moaning about their discrimination before it even happens.. well, that might make people not voice their opinion but it won't change, on the contrary.
I just know I TRY (yeah, I'm human, I fuck up
I disagree because not all disabled people think alike, and they would not all react in the same way to such comments. I know a guy in a wheelchair who makes fun of himself and other disabled people all the time...he doesn't let himself feel burdened by it. I also have known other disabled people who fly off the handle about every little comment made towards the disabled. It all depends on the person.
Yes, sudden. Happened in a blink of an eye. But grateful every day he's around. He has 3 more unruptured aneurysms so he's a "ticking time bomb" but each day is a blessing.
But, never the less, he's disabled from the aneurysm. He can no longer work, he is not physically able to do many things. He has a minimal short term memory, he can't keep track of money, has a hard time with math, gets blinding headaches, has a very different personality, sometimes can't get words out, has a hard time doing everyday things, gets tired very easy. And when he gets tired, he gets goofy and a kind of blank stare - a "brain damage" look to him. It's bizarre. A change. Different. Difficult at times, but in the big picture......we're so fortunate to have him here.
But it's a struggle too. And hard for me to see how people treat him too. He's still the same person. He still has feelings. Sometimes he knows he's different. He realizes people treat him different. And that sucks. Especially when it's from his friends and mostly, family. Particulary my mom. Who has a gift for being especially condencending, but she says "helpful" or "motivating". Ewww!
So I'm especially sensitive to this subject. And I tend to be very compassionate to disabled people. Not in an overtly fall-all-over myself way. But deep down, I hope for equality and happiness. And the abilty to overcome the dolts out there who don't understand that disabled people are just like everyone else.
And in some way, I have a special affection for people with things like aspergers, Autism, things like that. Who have the ability to live a simple life, know no difference, are truly special and blessed with gifts that people like myself will never know. Who love blindly, show their feelings with no care in the world and I hope will be able to overcome their disablities and be able to not have any stigma in this world. People whom I have met with autism or aspergers have always been the most kind, caring, loving, carefree individuals not hindered by silly "little" problems. And that to me has been the most uplifting feeling in the world.
Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
I saw Hard To Imagine LIVE at MSG!
- the great Sir Leo Harrison
Maybe they meant that they don't see him as a disabled person? Just like, I'm more than a white female. I wouldn't want to be catagorized by what I look like, but what I am deep down inside or what I do. Not just what shows on the outside.
Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
I saw Hard To Imagine LIVE at MSG!
Yep. I think you and Pegasus are both right about that.
But I just think the language we use is interesting.
I myself don't see anything harmful in such comments either.
- the great Sir Leo Harrison
Apparently his injury must have been similar to the one portrayed in Friday Night Lights, a spine injury not involving anything having remotely to do with the brain. The guy could have my wannabe-boss for breakfast regarding business (and was way easier to look at
They love you so badly for sharing their sorrow, so pick up that guitar and go break a heart - Kris Kristofferson
Some good things there... thanks Sonja
- the great Sir Leo Harrison
the very same people tend to do that with foreign people too..like because someone doesn't speak good English they're stupid :rolleyes:
Yes yes *nod nod* I get that...
- the great Sir Leo Harrison
When my ex wife told her best friend she was marrying me, the bitch got really mad..... said what are you doing? How irresponsible etc...... Fuck knows why...... just because I was disabled :rolleyes: People have weird attitudes.
- the great Sir Leo Harrison
Thankyou...... means a lot, really
- the great Sir Leo Harrison
raising some concerns, because it does have problems that one might not consider and as a friend you should try to make sure people are not blinded to them, it's one thing.. but get mad
It's difficult isn't it.... as far as I know though, she was only worried becaue she felt I couldn't look after her being in a wheelchair..
- the great Sir Leo Harrison
a woman, well anyone, needs emotional support, not physical one!
I've met Nazreen, she can take care of herself! (and if she couldn't, that's her own fault not yours!)
Yeah.. I remember us both meeting you.
- the great Sir Leo Harrison
and gosh did I get pissed that night! still not sure how I made it home in one piece as I cycled home!! :eek:
I'm not sure.... there was a point where we lost touch... not sure what happened at the end of the night.... I think Naz wanted to leave early..... man I wish I hadn't bowed now..... All you guys on the Pit have proved to be more loyal.
- the great Sir Leo Harrison