The Thoughts on Disability thread

harmless_little_f***

I've wanted to do this for quite a while; start a thread where we discuss our thoughts and ideas on the big D word. I thought I'd start us off with this, from No Pity by Joseph P. Shapiro:

Nondisabled Americans do not understand disabled ones.
That was clear at the memorial service for Timothy Cook, when longtime friends got up to pay him heartfelt tribute. "He never seemed disabled to me," said one. "He was the least disabled person I ever met," pronounced another. It was the highest praise these nondisabled friends could think to give a disabled attorney who, at thirty-eight years old, had won landmark disability rights cases, including one to force public transit systems to equip their buses with wheelchair lifts. But more than a few heads in the crowded chapel bowed with an uneasy embarrassment at the supposed compliment. It was as if someone had tried to compliment a black man by saying, "You're the least black person I ever met," as false as telling a Jew, "I never think of you as Jewish," as clumsy as seeking to flatter a woman with "You don't act like a woman."


I liked this, because I get comments such as these on most days.

steve_inhiding

It's a horrible topic, isn't it.

Whenever I've met a disabled, I try to act as though they're a completely abled person, even though everyone knows they're not. It's the elephant in the room. I think that as long as you see and treat them as equal in as many ways as possible, then you're doing ok.

Cheers,
Steve

Indian Summer

What are you talking about when you say "because I get comments such as these on most days". Just curious.


I have a slight disability, and I don't even like to let others know about it unless it's absolutely necessary.

Indian Summer

steve_inhiding wrote:

It's a horrible topic, isn't it.

Whenever I've met a disabled, I try to act as though they're a completely abled person, even though everyone knows they're not. It's the elephant in the room. I think that as long as you see and treat them as equal in as many ways as possible, then you're doing ok.

Cheers,
Steve

I think most people are the same way.

harmless_little_f***

Indian Summer wrote:

What are you talking about when you say "because I get comments such as these on most days". Just curious.


I have a slight disability, and I don't even like to let others know about it unless it's absolutely necessary.

You know the 'You don't act like a disabled person'.... 'I'd never have guessed you were disabled'... stuff like that. What should a disabled person act like?

RolandTD20Kdrummer

There's a blind dude and another guy that drags his legs around on crutches at my gym. No matter what your situation is, it could always be worse. Work with what you got to make it better.

harmless_little_f***

steve_inhiding wrote:

It's a horrible topic, isn't it.

Whenever I've met a disabled, I try to act as though they're a completely abled person, even though everyone knows they're not. It's the elephant in the room. I think that as long as you see and treat them as equal in as many ways as possible, then you're doing ok.

Cheers,
Steve

Interesting you say it's a 'horrible topic.' I find i a very interesting topic.

But I think the point of the passage is this: Why should you have to act like they are an able-bodied person? Why can people not admit that other people have a disability, without shame? Do you try and pretend black people are white as well?

Not meaning to be funny, just debating...

steve_inhiding

my brother has aspergers syndrome and he will never lead even close to a "normal" life, so all I can ask of the world is that he is treated fairly by the general public. Most people on meeting him, think he's just a weirdo (a view I held for a good 20 years or so). He's not. To him, he's completely normal. Again, this took me 20 years to realise. And in an odd way, because of this, I love him more and have more tolerance than before, for both him and others in a similar position.

harmless_little_f***

steve_inhiding wrote:

my brother has aspergers syndrome and he will never lead even close to a "normal" life, so all I can ask of the world is that he is treated fairly by the general public. Most people on meeting him, think he's just a weirdo (a view I held for a good 20 years or so). He's not. To him, he's completely normal. Again, this took me 20 years to realise. And in an odd way, because of this, I love him more and have more tolerance than before, for both him and others in a similar position.

Cool. It's interesting.... the experiences of someone like your brother are different to my own, so it's good to get this angle.

norm

harmless_little_f*** wrote:

But I think the point of the passage is this: Why should you have to act like they are an able-bodied person? Why can people not admit that other people have a disability, without shame? Do you try and pretend black people are white as well?

Not meaning to be funny, just debating...

try to think from the person meeting you perspective....i've meet people in wheelchairs and sometimes i'll get an attitude like "what are you looking at?" and other times the person will make a joke or a comment to put me at ease.....am i making sense?

harmless_little_f***

cutback wrote:

try to think from the person meeting you perspective....i've meet people in wheelchairs and sometimes i'll get an attitude like "what are you looking at?" and other times the person will make a joke or a comment to put me at ease.....am i making sense?

I usually do try and do that on meeting people... Some people don't know how to take it though. They think you're being 'down on yourself' just because you talk about it.

I've heard disabled comedians start with something like..

'So, I was Disabled...

well, I wasn't, until I came here tonight and somebody pressed the Off button.'

steve_inhiding

harmless_little_f*** wrote:

Interesting you say it's a 'horrible topic.' I find i a very interesting topic.

But I think the point of the passage is this: Why should you have to act like they are an able-bodied person? Why can people not admit that other people have a disability, without shame? Do you try and pretend black people are white as well?

Not meaning to be funny, just debating...

By a "horrible topic" I mean that it's a topic with a stigma that it shouldn't have and that it's hard to know how someone else will treat it. If that makes sense.

I say I try to treat a disabled like anyone else. I don't mean I force wheel-chair bound people to wheel themselves upstairs (as fun as that may be ) but that I try not to patronise them.

My brother's disablility isn't physical, but he definately needs care and help and in a strange (and ironical way) I'm glad he has it as I feel I've grown and learned important lessons from dealing with it.

Cheers,l
Steve

harmless_little_f***

steve_inhiding wrote:

By a "horrible topic" I mean that it's a topic with a stigma that it shouldn't have and that it's hard to know how someone else will treat it. If that makes sense.

I say I try to treat a disabled like anyone else. I don't mean I force wheel-chair bound people to wheel themselves upstairs (as fun as that may be ) but that I try not to patronise them.

My brother's disablility isn't physical, but he definately needs care and help and in a strange (and ironical way) I'm glad he has it as I feel I've grown and learned important lessons from dealing with it.

Cheers,l
Steve

That's cool man, good attitude... thanks for your contribution.

By the way there IS a way to get yourself upstairs in a wheelchair.. I've seen it done.. Must try it one day.

steve_inhiding

harmless_little_f*** wrote:

By the way there IS a way to get yourself upstairs in a wheelchair.. I've seen it done.. Must try it one day.

that's something for youtube, pm me with that please

harmless_little_f***

steve_inhiding wrote:

that's something for youtube, pm me with that please

Not a bad idea at all.....

harmless_little_f***

harmless_little_f*** wrote:

Not a bad idea at all.....

SHIT

someone's beaten me to it....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRgiz2a3Njs

NoK

We are all disabled in our own way.

steve_inhiding

quite seriously though, I'd like to continue this discussion about disablility as it affects so many people. And you're right that it is an incredibly under-discussed aspect of society. I think that the fact that so many people are undiagnosed (especially the mentally ill) is creating a huge problem as everyone is affected by this.

As I highlighted before, this is a topic dear to me and I'd love to see more general awareness.

Cheers,
Steve

harmless_little_f***

NoK wrote:

We are all disabled in our own way.

No offence meant - at all - but cliches like this only serve to illustrate the fear people have of talking about these things.

steve_inhiding

Were you thinking of a specific disability when you started this post?

I'm sure you've noticed that my particular point of interset lies in mental disability, as that's the area I've been exposed to.

Cheers,
Steve

harmless_little_f***

steve_inhiding wrote:

Were you thinking of a specific disability when you started this post?

I'm sure you've noticed that my particular point of interset lies in mental disability, as that's the area I've been exposed to.

Cheers,
Steve

No problem... I'm not thinking of a particular one because to some extent, we all share experiences and stigmatisation. I have Spina Bifida and am in a wheelchair.. like you, I think there is a general unwillingness for people to engage critically in the subject, for fear of offending people. If disabled people can get out of being objects of pity, then debate can start.