Relationships, Few or Many... or primarily Single Life

Milhouse VanHouten

VictoryGin wrote:

It really bothers me when people assume those things for single life. Just because marriage is still upheld in our society, doesn't mean single people are deficient. Like others have said, there are many ways to do something.

Definitely, it's simply a matter of different priorities for different people. The most galling part of it is when people assume something is "wrong" with you when you don't make pursuing a relationship your #1 goal in life.

Goddamn, I mean it's not like we're swingers or something truly unnatural like that...

CenterCity

Milhouse VanHouten wrote:

Definitely, it's simply a matter of different priorities for different people. The most galling part of it is when people assume something is "wrong" with you when you don't make pursuing a relationship your #1 goal in life.

Goddamn, I mean it's not like we're swingers or something truly unnatural like that...

well its just that.....do you consider yourself well-rounded? do you want to be a well-rounded person?

Milhouse VanHouten

CenterCity wrote:

well its just that.....do you consider yourself well-rounded? do you want to be a well-rounded person?

Yeah, for the most part. I guess it's for others to judge whether or not I'm well-rounded, but I'm very comfortable w/myself, for the most part.

hailhailkc

It's a very individual thing, that's for sure. Personally, I'm about to be engaged (as soon as I have enough money for the ring), and while I enjoyed being single, I've come to realize how much happier I am now that I'm in a serious, life long commitment with a beautiful woman. That's just me though, as marriage isn't for everyone. Some people get married young, some later on, some never.

I would have stayed single my entire life if I had never found the right woman. Now that I have though, I can't imagine life without her.

I love Ann Coulter. She had me at hello.

(Ha!!! No...seriously though...I really am getting engaged soon, and I've found the woman of my dreams. I encourage everyone to seek their own path in regards to relationships, because only you really know what will make you happy.)

Abookamongstthemany

hailhailkc wrote:

It's a very individual thing, that's for sure. Personally, I'm about to be engaged (as soon as I have enough money for the ring), and while I enjoyed being single, I've come to realize how much happier I am now that I'm in a serious, life long commitment with a beautiful woman. That's just me though, as marriage isn't for everyone. Some people get married young, some later on, some never.

I would have stayed single my entire life if I had never found the right woman. Now that I have though, I can't imagine life without her.

I love Ann Coulter. She had me at hello.

(Ha!!! No...seriously though...I really am getting engaged soon, and I've found the woman of my dreams. I encourage everyone to seek their own path in regards to relationships, because only you really know what will make you happy.)

Congratulations Shawn...or soon to be congratulations. I wish the both of you nothing but happy, fulfilling moments shared together.

hailhailkc

Abookamongstthemany wrote:

Congratulations Shawn...or soon to be congratulations. I wish the both of you nothing but happy, fulfilling moments shared together.

Thank you very much. I wish the same for you and Kabong.

Abookamongstthemany

hailhailkc wrote:

Thank you very much. I wish the same for you and Kabong.

Aww thanks...I guess I'll let him share in my happy moments after all he did get me a hoodie in DC! (jk, sweetie )

soulsinging

Milhouse VanHouten wrote:

Definitely, it's simply a matter of different priorities for different people. The most galling part of it is when people assume something is "wrong" with you when you don't make pursuing a relationship your #1 goal in life.

Goddamn, I mean it's not like we're swingers or something truly unnatural like that...

that's odd, i get people saying there's something wrong with me all the time becos i DO make pursuing a relationship my #1 goal in life.

VictoryGin

soulsinging wrote:

that's odd, i get people saying there's something wrong with me all the time becos i DO make pursuing a relationship my #1 goal in life.

Are you emitting vibes of desperation? Maybe they're not criticizing the desire for a relationship, but criticizing the overwhelming desperation. I don't know. I'm just thinking of someone that I know.

soulsinging

VictoryGin wrote:

Are you emitting vibes of desperation? Maybe they're not criticizing the desire for a relationship, but criticizing the overwhelming desperation. I don't know. I'm just thinking of someone that I know.

it's entirely possible. i think in general im too eager to please. ill do huge favors for people i dont even know just cos im too nice to say no. i think to a woman looking at me as a potential mate, that'd probably seem desperate.

Hands bound

I've experienced a WIDE range of relationships.

I've had 3 serious relationships (one I'm in for the restof my life ) One in HS for a year, one after HS for 2 1/2 years and now we're over 3 years into this one.

I've also had my short lived ones. I dated a guy for a week once...he started talking about getting married and having kids with me after a few days. I ran.
Fine if we've been together for a while, but after less than a WEEK?! No thanks.

I've had one-night stands and I've been single.

I'm so comfy in my relationship now. I love every minute of it, even when he steals the covers at night.

I don't despise anyone...it's their lives and their choices and sure people are going to get hurt along the way, but seriously, who HASN'T been hurt by someone along the way? It's sad if it's you and I'm speaking as someone who's been dumped, told they weren't good enough then begged to come back, physically and emotionally abused and everything in between.

Bottom line is you gotta do what makes you happy...this life is too short.

blackredyellow

I'm not the type to jump from one relationship to the other... I've had a couple of quick ones over the years, but in the past 12 years or so, I've had two real relationships... one that was about 3 years, and my current one of about 2 1/2 years. We are getting married, so this should be my last one.

I was single for a lot of that time, and didn't mind it at all. I liked living alone, and the flexabilty to basically do anything that I wanted to do. Sure there were times that I would have liked to come home to someone, but for the most part I was entirely fine with being single.

I never really understood the people that would have to jump into a relationship within like a week of another one ending. It just seemed like those people are too dependant.

angelica

soulsinging wrote:

it's entirely possible. i think in general im too eager to please. ill do huge favors for people i dont even know just cos im too nice to say no. i think to a woman looking at me as a potential mate, that'd probably seem desperate.

I can relate to being very eager to please.

What I've learned is that those of us who are wired as idealists must learn to walk a fine line. It's like we live to help; we're empathic and can almost feel the feelings of others, even when they don't feel them, themselves. Our base challenge is learning to stay centred and to always include ourselves in each equation. It's all too easy for us to overlook our own needs, but it's important not to, or we'll self-sabotage and create our own drama in order to learn the hard way.

The amazing part is when we can get a handle on that, and only then, we idealists have the potential for deep, meaningful loving relationships. And when we get a handle on not allowing our own selves to be expendable, we increase in our abilities with being truly loving and with authentically giving, unselfishly. If only we find the "right" person. Obviously, the right person will value who we truly are, niceness on one hand, warts on the other. Another way we self-sabotage is by finding the wrong person, in order to learn how not to sell ourselves up the river for other people. A good education is hard to come by and can cost a LOT. All the more reason to "get" the lessons as quick as possible.

eddies grrl

soulsinging wrote:

that's odd, i get people saying there's something wrong with me all the time becos i DO make pursuing a relationship my #1 goal in life.

no, we said there was something wrong with you when you acted like a self-pitying, whiny, self-defeating loser after your g/f broke up with you.

soulsinging

eddie's grrl wrote:

no, we said there was something wrong with you when you acted like a self-pitying, whiny, self-defeating loser after your g/f broke up with you.

yeah, i took that one pretty hard. i dont think i ever had my heart broke like that. but hey, ive bounced back ok. i told you all i was just venting

Boom The Cat

soulsinging wrote:

yeah, i took that one pretty hard. i dont think i ever had my heart broke like that. but hey, ive bounced back ok. i told you all i was just venting

Just a question, is it like a change thing? Do you get bored and leave? Or do you carry it out until she leaves you? I say this because, what if you met someone and you either fell in love, or just stayed together?

hsewif

angelica wrote:

I can relate to being very eager to please.

What I've learned is that those of us who are wired as idealists must learn to walk a fine line. It's like we live to help; we're empathic and can almost feel the feelings of others, even when they don't feel them, themselves. Our base challenge is learning to stay centred and to always include ourselves in each equation. It's all too easy for us to overlook our own needs, but it's important not to, or we'll self-sabotage and create our own drama in order to learn the hard way.

The amazing part is when we can get a handle on that, and only then, we idealists have the potential for deep, meaningful loving relationships. And when we get a handle on not allowing our own selves to be expendable, we increase in our abilities with being truly loving and with authentically giving, unselfishly. If only we find the "right" person. Obviously, the right person will value who we truly are, niceness on one hand, warts on the other. Another way we self-sabotage is by finding the wrong person, in order to learn how not to sell ourselves up the river for other people. A good education is hard to come by and can cost a LOT. All the more reason to "get" the lessons as quick as possible.

You label it as being an idealist...

I've been doing some research and the traits you mention are also a result of being raised in a dysfunctional/alcoholic home.

Interesting.

my2hands

Hands bound wrote:

Bottom line is you gotta do what makes you happy...this life is too short.

I think this says it all

decides2dream

eddie's grrl wrote:

no, we said there was something wrong with you when you acted like a self-pitying, whiny, self-defeating loser after your g/f broke up with you.

seriously tho, i do agree in a sense....pursuing a relationship as your #1 goal doesn't sound healthy to me. sure, we all want love in our lives...but i think you need to find happiness in yourself first...and if/when you meet someone, go from there. i don't think seeking out a partner as a 'goal' is such a wise decision. wanting to have a life partner, a true and deep lifetime love...sure something to desire.....but i just don't see it as something to chase after. anyway...just my own personal thoughts on it. anyway...i don't think pursuing any one 'thing'...whether a relationship, a career, whatever...is ever wise...better to look for more than one outlet for happiness in your life.

CenterCity

definately:
1. few
2. single
3. many