Relationships, Few or Many... or primarily Single Life

InquisitiveOne

Ignorance of a younger age


inquis

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My last relationship was 5 years..I loved him, I was faithful. He broke my heart. I was heartsick for quite sometime. Long story short...

Now that I have licked my wounds, I've never been so comfortable alone. Granted, sometimes it's well - lonely. But I'm not searching all day everyday for this earth moving love to come and find me. It will...I just hope I'm ready once it gets here. Most days I don't think I am. Being alone is dependable.
It looks worse written in front of me, but it is.

VictoryGin

InquisitiveOne wrote:

Being recently thrown back into the single lifestyle again... I've come to realize some things about the human condition when it comes to dating. Would like to conduct a small study/cross sampling of the pj faithful and see what turns up.


-Are you one of those people who simply enjoy being single? Don't have to deal with the compromises of a relationship, purely rely on yourself to get by and such. But have to endure an empty bed at night, going it alone through the years... filling it at random with random people to make you have a small sense of security or some such.

Are you my mom? My goodness.

I'm none of these things. I do enjoy being single, but I do not "endure an empty bed at night." Dang. I love, love having space in my bed. Are you kidding? And let's not kid ourselves. Do you believe all single people have an empty bed every night, haw.

Furthermore, "going it alone through the years"? Holy shit. Just because a person is not married, doesn't mean they are all alone in this cold, cruel world. I have plenty of people to keep me company when I want. I think you're placing too high a value on being married or in a serious relationship. One does not need to be married or in a hard core relationship in order to not feel "alone." People can find intimacy in various ways, if they so desire.

"filling it at random with random people to make you have a small sense of security or some such." . . . wow. again. you really have no clue.

Sorry, but I certainly don't fit what your perceptions of a single person are.

soulsinging

InquisitiveOne wrote:

--The other is the type of person, whom i have to admit i either despise or pity - Those who jump from relationship to relationship without stopping for a moment to realize what they have done, what they are doing to people around them. They are blinded by the fact that a new person will not be able to save them if they don't know how to save themsevles in the first place. Soon as a relationship is over, they jump into a new one right away... way to mask pain or put the old hurt behind them faster, only to have it blow up in their face all over again... Cycle of pain. I don't understand how people get by like that.

this is probably closest to me. if im not with someone im scheming to be. if a serious one ends, i tend to bounce around on the rebound for a while like im trying to outrun the hurt feelings or assauge my wounded ego and it usually does blow up on me. im in the middle of that right now actually.

pjtaper

1) is the type of person who has had that ONE or perhaps TWO Looonnnggg-term, deep and serious relationships. Does not readily become attached and takes time to search their feelings about another. After a relationship is over, they take their time to heal, and get back on track with their own lives.


That's me... and I also despise people that jump from one to another...

polaris

VictoryGin wrote:

Are you my mom? My goodness.

I'm none of these things. I do enjoy being single, but I do not "endure an empty bed at night." Dang. I love, love having space in my bed. Are you kidding? And let's not kid ourselves. Do you believe all single people have an empty bed every night, haw.

Furthermore, "going it alone through the years"? Holy shit. Just because a person is not married, doesn't mean they are all alone in this cold, cruel world. I have plenty of people to keep me company when I want. I think you're placing too high a value on being married or in a serious relationship. One does not need to be married or in a hard core relationship in order to not feel "alone." People can find intimacy in various ways, if they so desire.

"filling it at random with random people to make you have a small sense of security or some such." . . . wow. again. you really have no clue.

Sorry, but I certainly don't fit what your perceptions of a single person are.

yup ... ditto ...

Detroit2NYC

pjtaper wrote:

1) is the type of person who has had that ONE or perhaps TWO Looonnnggg-term, deep and serious relationships. Does not readily become attached and takes time to search their feelings about another. After a relationship is over, they take their time to heal, and get back on track with their own lives.


That's me... and I also despise people that jump from one to another...

Me too. I used to think I would never be "that girlfriend". But then I fell, and put in 3.5 years with a person I thought I would marry. Thats history (almost a year) and I have just figured out how to be ME again, and I'm quite happy about it. I learned from the life experience, and I enjoy the company of friends and new people that happen to wander into my life.

I'm not lonely. Looking for the "next one" shouldn't be a priority. My priorities are seeking truth in life and being the best and happiest person I can be, regardless of others.

soulsinging

pjtaper wrote:

1) is the type of person who has had that ONE or perhaps TWO Looonnnggg-term, deep and serious relationships. Does not readily become attached and takes time to search their feelings about another. After a relationship is over, they take their time to heal, and get back on track with their own lives.


That's me... and I also despise people that jump from one to another...

nice... i despise you too.

thankyougrandma

Been single for a while now, and still enjoying it, don't know if i've made a choice somewhere, but i know that's how it is. I don't feel mentally ill, retarded or lacking something, being single doesn't mean preaching abstinence either, i'd say it's quite the opposite...

Boom The Cat

I'm a number 1, nothing wrong with Jumping from girl to girl, but I couldnt keep up with it myself.

libragirl

I fall in the 2 time long term relationship category. I havent dated all so much but have been in 2 (one right now) serious relationships. You hit the nail on the head when you said "doesnt get readily attached" I tend to take time to warm up to people and usually find stuff wrong with folks early on that turns me off. I guess some people would say im picky, but i think i just have high standards.

InquisitiveOne

VictoryGin wrote:

I'm none of these things. I do enjoy being single, but I do not "endure an empty bed at night." Dang. I love, love having space in my bed. Are you kidding? And let's not kid ourselves. Do you believe all single people have an empty bed every night, haw.

Furthermore, "going it alone through the years"? Holy shit. Just because a person is not married, doesn't mean they are all alone in this cold, cruel world. I have plenty of people to keep me company when I want. I think you're placing too high a value on being married or in a serious relationship. One does not need to be married or in a hard core relationship in order to not feel "alone." People can find intimacy in various ways, if they so desire.

"filling it at random with random people to make you have a small sense of security or some such." . . . wow. again. you really have no clue.

Sorry, but I certainly don't fit what your perceptions of a single person are.

Thanks for the input, put a different light and viewpoint upon the subject that i was currently unaware of when writing. Changed up the top post a bit.

decides2dream

i am not single...but yea, there are other choices there. me, i am definitely the relationship sort, long-term relationships...but sure, i had my share of quickie flings, few dates, whateva. now i am married forever...hahaha....but even within a relationship, one can have a LOT of freedom. no, it's not the norm...but it works beautifully for a great # of us. so yea, i think of myself as a fairly independent, single-minded kinda person...who just also has the benefit of a husband too. there is a happy medium of respecting one's space and desires...and sharing a life together. really, it's true...i am proof positive. others might look at you funny from time to time....but if you in the couple are happy...that's all that matters. and yea, just celebrated our 14th anniversary yesterday.

reversedarwinism

this subject is so broad, it seems absolutely rediculous to try to catoragize people into three, ten or thousands of catagories. it is going to be different for everybody, because we are all raised different. the pressures of socities and religions add to our own "ideas" of what we should be doing. Ideas are very, very powerful things to us humans. there a lot of people that are happy about their situation and many who are not.

Personally, i don't think i could fit into any of those catagories. the people i look up to most in this world are the men and women i know that have made the real deal, long term relationship work for their entire lives. yet, i don't know if that is for me or if that will ever happen for me. I think it takes two people consciencely making the choice for that every single day. but hey, this subject has only been perplexing people since ....... people.

miller8966

Ive been single for a while and i dont mind it. No nagging or having to do stupid shit like going to clubs and dance ( the thought make me vomit). Some of it i miss though, the compainionship and the fun times. But theres a reason it ended and people always look back in retrospect and remember the good times and not the bad.

reversedarwinism

decides2dream wrote:

i am not single...but yea, there are other choices there. me, i am definitely the relationship sort, long-term relationships...but sure, i had my share of quickie flings, few dates, whateva. now i am married forever...hahaha....but even within a relationship, one can have a LOT of freedom. no, it's not the norm...but it works beautifully for a great # of us. so yea, i think of myself as a fairly independent, single-minded kinda person...who just also has the benefit of a husband too. there is a happy medium of respecting one's space and desires...and sharing a life together. really, it's true...i am proof positive. others might look at you funny from time to time....but if you in the couple are happy...that's all that matters. and yea, just celebrated our 14th anniversary yesterday.

mmmmm.....
i'm not really sure why people would look at you funny. are you saying that you have an "open" relationship? either way, i give you congradulations on your appearent happiness.

(i can't spell for crap today)

decides2dream

reversedarwinism wrote:

mmmmm.....
i'm not really sure why people would look at you funny. are you saying that you have an "open" relationship? either way, i give you congradulations on your appearent happiness.

(i can't spell for crap today)

hahaha. ya know, i was thinking of specifying that i did not mean such in a sexual way. no, moreso b/c for example, last year i went and lived/studied abroad for 6 weeks on my own, and you'd have thought i was discussing something shocking when i shared my plans with collegues/friends.....all like...'what about your husband?'....'is everything ok?'......'how can you do that?'...etc. we just allow each other the space to persue our own interests/lives...but yes, always come back home to each other. anyway, i don't find happiness to be a constant state of being...it ebbs and flows like all emotions, but yes, we just try to find balance between individual and couple wants/needs...and it works for us. there are just so many ways of being single, in a relationship, married, etc....you just have to figure out what works for you.

Detroit2NYC

Being single doesn't mean you have to forego companionship. I have a group of very close lifetime best friends who I surround myself with. I could be single till the day I die, and never spend one minute "alone".



Also, single does not mean you have to live a life without passion or intimacy. On the other hand single does not automatically trigger an automatic green light for promiscuity either. An intelligent, self respecting individual can be highly selective, reasonably prudent, and still have an amazing sex life...

VictoryGin

Detroit2NYC wrote:

Being single doesn't mean you have to forego companionship. I have a group of very close lifetime best friends who I surround myself with. I could be single till the day I die, and never spend one minute "alone".



Also, single does not mean you have to live a life without passion or intimacy. On the other hand single does not automatically trigger an automatic green light for promiscuity either. An intelligent, self respecting individual can be highly selective, reasonably prudent, and still have an amazing sex life...

ha. maybe it's a brooklyn thing?

although, that wouldn't explain polaris (hi!) and thankyougrandma

It really bothers me when people assume those things for single life. Just because marriage is still upheld in our society, doesn't mean single people are deficient. Like others have said, there are many ways to do something.

Staceb10

I've been primarily single. I married young and got divorced young and just haven't felt the need to do it again. I've had some relationships but none serious enough to live together or anything like that. I enjoy my lifestyle. If I find someone that I want to be with then I will but I'm not sitting around worrying about it. I know people that need someone to make them feel complete or define them as a person but I've just never been like that.

hsewif

reversedarwinism wrote:

this subject is so broad, it seems absolutely rediculous to try to catoragize people into three, ten or thousands of catagories. it is going to be different for everybody, because we are all raised different. the pressures of socities and religions add to our own "ideas" of what we should be doing. Ideas are very, very powerful things to us humans. there a lot of people that are happy about their situation and many who are not.

Personally, i don't think i could fit into any of those catagories. the people i look up to most in this world are the men and women i know that have made the real deal, long term relationship work for their entire lives. yet, i don't know if that is for me or if that will ever happen for me. I think it takes two people consciencely making the choice for that every single day. but hey, this subject has only been perplexing people since ....... people.

I agree because at some point over the years, I have fallen into all of them!

When I was younger, I hated being single. As I aged, there were times that I loved not being tied down. I had a few long term relationships (2+ years and a live-in) along the way...mixed in with some jumping around, too.

All people that jump around shouldn't be lumped together. The times I did it, I didn't do anything wrong in the first place so why should I sit around and figure anything out?

Milhouse VanHouten

VictoryGin wrote:

It really bothers me when people assume those things for single life. Just because marriage is still upheld in our society, doesn't mean single people are deficient. Like others have said, there are many ways to do something.

Definitely, it's simply a matter of different priorities for different people. The most galling part of it is when people assume something is "wrong" with you when you don't make pursuing a relationship your #1 goal in life.

Goddamn, I mean it's not like we're swingers or something truly unnatural like that...

CenterCity

Milhouse VanHouten wrote:

Definitely, it's simply a matter of different priorities for different people. The most galling part of it is when people assume something is "wrong" with you when you don't make pursuing a relationship your #1 goal in life.

Goddamn, I mean it's not like we're swingers or something truly unnatural like that...

well its just that.....do you consider yourself well-rounded? do you want to be a well-rounded person?

Milhouse VanHouten

CenterCity wrote:

well its just that.....do you consider yourself well-rounded? do you want to be a well-rounded person?

Yeah, for the most part. I guess it's for others to judge whether or not I'm well-rounded, but I'm very comfortable w/myself, for the most part.

hailhailkc

It's a very individual thing, that's for sure. Personally, I'm about to be engaged (as soon as I have enough money for the ring), and while I enjoyed being single, I've come to realize how much happier I am now that I'm in a serious, life long commitment with a beautiful woman. That's just me though, as marriage isn't for everyone. Some people get married young, some later on, some never.

I would have stayed single my entire life if I had never found the right woman. Now that I have though, I can't imagine life without her.

I love Ann Coulter. She had me at hello.

(Ha!!! No...seriously though...I really am getting engaged soon, and I've found the woman of my dreams. I encourage everyone to seek their own path in regards to relationships, because only you really know what will make you happy.)

Abookamongstthemany

hailhailkc wrote:

It's a very individual thing, that's for sure. Personally, I'm about to be engaged (as soon as I have enough money for the ring), and while I enjoyed being single, I've come to realize how much happier I am now that I'm in a serious, life long commitment with a beautiful woman. That's just me though, as marriage isn't for everyone. Some people get married young, some later on, some never.

I would have stayed single my entire life if I had never found the right woman. Now that I have though, I can't imagine life without her.

I love Ann Coulter. She had me at hello.

(Ha!!! No...seriously though...I really am getting engaged soon, and I've found the woman of my dreams. I encourage everyone to seek their own path in regards to relationships, because only you really know what will make you happy.)

Congratulations Shawn...or soon to be congratulations. I wish the both of you nothing but happy, fulfilling moments shared together.

hailhailkc

Abookamongstthemany wrote:

Congratulations Shawn...or soon to be congratulations. I wish the both of you nothing but happy, fulfilling moments shared together.

Thank you very much. I wish the same for you and Kabong.

Abookamongstthemany

hailhailkc wrote:

Thank you very much. I wish the same for you and Kabong.

Aww thanks...I guess I'll let him share in my happy moments after all he did get me a hoodie in DC! (jk, sweetie )

soulsinging

Milhouse VanHouten wrote:

Definitely, it's simply a matter of different priorities for different people. The most galling part of it is when people assume something is "wrong" with you when you don't make pursuing a relationship your #1 goal in life.

Goddamn, I mean it's not like we're swingers or something truly unnatural like that...

that's odd, i get people saying there's something wrong with me all the time becos i DO make pursuing a relationship my #1 goal in life.

VictoryGin

soulsinging wrote:

that's odd, i get people saying there's something wrong with me all the time becos i DO make pursuing a relationship my #1 goal in life.

Are you emitting vibes of desperation? Maybe they're not criticizing the desire for a relationship, but criticizing the overwhelming desperation. I don't know. I'm just thinking of someone that I know.

soulsinging

VictoryGin wrote:

Are you emitting vibes of desperation? Maybe they're not criticizing the desire for a relationship, but criticizing the overwhelming desperation. I don't know. I'm just thinking of someone that I know.

it's entirely possible. i think in general im too eager to please. ill do huge favors for people i dont even know just cos im too nice to say no. i think to a woman looking at me as a potential mate, that'd probably seem desperate.