written

1…457910…12

Comments

  • FinsburyParkCarrots
    FinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Originally posted by exhale
    amen, Prof. Fins! :D

    Aldeburgh, and Southwold too

    if I hadn´t touched the grounds, I´d not believe
    that these places actually exist

    Southwold is truly pleasant. You write well of it. In four lines you say more to me than some people manage in a hundred million. Such economy and simplicity, but tender elegy, such repose is here. So many writers lose that in the bombast of industry. They lose that slow, peaceful, dropping silence that shakes the heart like a watchful fledgling apprehending a sky to fly. You have that enviable grasp of a chance to fly that space.

    Thank you.

    :)
  • FinsburyParkCarrots
    FinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Southwold. They do nice beer too. :)
  • exhale
    exhale Posts: 185
    cheers, mate! :D
    Write. Wind each new thought upon the stream;
    and in its contradiction of response,
    Or seeming stagnance, see that rippled gleam
    That might suggest true movement. If you sense
    a hidden wave in what seems blanket still,
    Write more, wind each desire, and you'll see
    The willows nod and rustle, and you will
    hear the rushing babble of the free
    gush of water, brimming, charged with light
    That is your reader's understanding heart.
  • exhale
    exhale Posts: 185
    Originally posted by FinsburyParkCarrots
    Southwold is truly pleasant. You write well of it. In four lines you say more to me than some people manage in a hundred million. Such economy and simplicity, but tender elegy, such repose is here. So many writers lose that in the bombast of industry. They lose that slow, peaceful, dropping silence that shakes the heart like a watchful fledgling apprehending a sky to fly. You have that enviable grasp of a chance to fly that space.

    Thank you.

    :)

    now I know why my heart is so upset every time I post a poem :)
    Write. Wind each new thought upon the stream;
    and in its contradiction of response,
    Or seeming stagnance, see that rippled gleam
    That might suggest true movement. If you sense
    a hidden wave in what seems blanket still,
    Write more, wind each desire, and you'll see
    The willows nod and rustle, and you will
    hear the rushing babble of the free
    gush of water, brimming, charged with light
    That is your reader's understanding heart.
  • exhale
    exhale Posts: 185
    I´ve been invited,
    so I am here
    Came out of darkness
    And I will share.
    I see bright lines
    In the thoughts of them
    Who are with me
    This night to play.

    hmmmm.... where have you gone ?
    Write. Wind each new thought upon the stream;
    and in its contradiction of response,
    Or seeming stagnance, see that rippled gleam
    That might suggest true movement. If you sense
    a hidden wave in what seems blanket still,
    Write more, wind each desire, and you'll see
    The willows nod and rustle, and you will
    hear the rushing babble of the free
    gush of water, brimming, charged with light
    That is your reader's understanding heart.
  • FinsburyParkCarrots
    FinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Evening, invitee.
    I'm here, look, look, it's me.
    I'm never very far, I have to say.

    So, I'm sitting here at home,
    And I wait to read a poem
    Very soon, from you. Some time, today?

    :D
  • exhale
    exhale Posts: 185
    It´s been a day, another day
    The sample of too many others;
    No sparks to catch my eye,
    No sound to make me fly.

    It´s difficult for me to write on Sunday,
    It is quiet and my mind should rest.
    That is why I put together
    These simple lines of simple words;
    They don’t even rhyme,
    Don´t follow any metre.

    Tomorrow I´ll be chasing
    Wroth and Behn and Cavendish,
    Steal their thoughts and add some mine
    To compose, that should be fine.

    I have read, however,
    Some poems form your pen,
    As always they´ve inspired
    Me, and you, and also them.

    Unfortunately people read,
    Just anything on yellow sheets,
    If they heard the message here,
    We all could live the dreams so near.
    Write. Wind each new thought upon the stream;
    and in its contradiction of response,
    Or seeming stagnance, see that rippled gleam
    That might suggest true movement. If you sense
    a hidden wave in what seems blanket still,
    Write more, wind each desire, and you'll see
    The willows nod and rustle, and you will
    hear the rushing babble of the free
    gush of water, brimming, charged with light
    That is your reader's understanding heart.
  • FinsburyParkCarrots
    FinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    And how does Monday find you?

    :)
  • exhale
    exhale Posts: 185
    Oh Mariam, dear queen of Palestine,
    Would you for once make up your mind!
    Is it the love for him that makes you cry,
    Or do you hate him ´cause he made you cry?
    Don´t feel sorry for yourself today
    For it is time to raise your voice and say
    What is past is past,
    You died and this should last;
    Don´t look at my face, I can´t see your eyes,
    Alone I should be living for the rest of my life.
    Pushed from side to side -
    Your mother on one, husband on the other.
    Blindfolded you grovel to see the spark of light,
    Don´t want to escape from this circle of lies.
    You´re loosing the battle, do save your virtue
    Of being the brave one, when no one can hurt you.
    Salome, the evil, most of your readers condemn,
    Although in my eyes she´s quite an emblem
    Standing for gender that should´ve been praised,
    The weakness of yours will make it a waste.
    Give me your hand now and follow my steps,
    My mind can be peaceful but heart never forgets;
    There is so much strength in female alive,
    You´ll learn how to use it and you will survive!
    Write. Wind each new thought upon the stream;
    and in its contradiction of response,
    Or seeming stagnance, see that rippled gleam
    That might suggest true movement. If you sense
    a hidden wave in what seems blanket still,
    Write more, wind each desire, and you'll see
    The willows nod and rustle, and you will
    hear the rushing babble of the free
    gush of water, brimming, charged with light
    That is your reader's understanding heart.
  • FinsburyParkCarrots
    FinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    A good celebration of Salome in there!

    Your manipulation of iambic metre is very good and I like your clever use of couplets; you deliberately border on the informal, even given the allusions to Elizabeth Cary's "Tragedy of Mariam". Your poem feels all the more human for its shifts from elevated to understated discourse. There's also a sophisticated wit here, a lively mind at work! Thank you.

    :)
  • exhale
    exhale Posts: 185
    Pleased you liked it Prof. Fins. :)

    was working on it bit by bit,
    usually I just let my words flow.

    Perhaps next time I should think about what I´m writing :D
    Write. Wind each new thought upon the stream;
    and in its contradiction of response,
    Or seeming stagnance, see that rippled gleam
    That might suggest true movement. If you sense
    a hidden wave in what seems blanket still,
    Write more, wind each desire, and you'll see
    The willows nod and rustle, and you will
    hear the rushing babble of the free
    gush of water, brimming, charged with light
    That is your reader's understanding heart.
  • exhale
    exhale Posts: 185
    England just scored again!
    :D:D:D
    Write. Wind each new thought upon the stream;
    and in its contradiction of response,
    Or seeming stagnance, see that rippled gleam
    That might suggest true movement. If you sense
    a hidden wave in what seems blanket still,
    Write more, wind each desire, and you'll see
    The willows nod and rustle, and you will
    hear the rushing babble of the free
    gush of water, brimming, charged with light
    That is your reader's understanding heart.
  • FinsburyParkCarrots
    FinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Ah, but can you turn it into a poem?

    ;)
  • exhale
    exhale Posts: 185
    There was a little boy called Rooney,
    As they would say a little loony,
    Indeed he scored two goals tonight,
    Pissed off the Croats and made them fight.

    Little Rooney now a king,
    Gained himself a pair of wings.
    With two good kicks he made some millions,
    And fans too much, perhaps three billions.

    I will go to bed now
    Cause I´m talking crap,
    I hope we´ll meet tomorrow
    My friend, the good old chap.

    :D:D:D
    Write. Wind each new thought upon the stream;
    and in its contradiction of response,
    Or seeming stagnance, see that rippled gleam
    That might suggest true movement. If you sense
    a hidden wave in what seems blanket still,
    Write more, wind each desire, and you'll see
    The willows nod and rustle, and you will
    hear the rushing babble of the free
    gush of water, brimming, charged with light
    That is your reader's understanding heart.
  • FinsburyParkCarrots
    FinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Originally posted by exhale
    There was a little boy called Rooney,
    As they would say a little loony,
    Indeed he scored two goals tonight,
    Pissed off the Croats and made them fight.

    Little Rooney now a king,
    Gained himself a pair of wings.
    With two good kicks he made some millions,
    And fans too much, perhaps three billions.

    I will go to bed now
    Cause I´m talking crap,
    I hope we´ll meet tomorrow
    My friend, the good old chap.

    :D:D:D

    You have just earned the title of forum genius-in-residence for that. :D
  • Amaterasu
    Amaterasu Posts: 317
    Originally posted by PastaNazi
    amen to that... and it's not to say it's the only way... but it's yours, and it's mine, too


    i'm cool when ppl say chop this, add more... those i can rightfully ignore... but i've been told not to swear in my poetry...

    and i'm like, "yo mother fucker, why fucking not? fuck that fucking shit...." <walking away mumbling to self: motherfucking try to fucking tell me not to fucking cuss... sheeeyiiiiiit.... fucking ass...>


    :D:D:D:D



    crumble on, exhale :D

    Pasta this is Amaterasu:
    Between you and me, THAT is just beautiful.
  • Amaterasu
    Amaterasu Posts: 317
    +
  • Amaterasu
    Amaterasu Posts: 317
    Originally posted by exhale
    For one more reason I will sing to you,
    Confess my sins, my sorrows cause I´m sad,
    Waiting calmly in this state,
    Rolling on and on the ideas in my head
    In slow motion, cautiously, not to overlook one bit.
    Constantly superimposing words you said,
    When we drove along the waterside
    And laughed, I noticed something else was there to share;
    But it was concealed as you wouldn´t want to make mistake.
    I shall so faithfully believe,
    That this cohesion for all times should last, so fast
    You have changed the tone of utterance…
    I don´t want to die in silence.
    I´ve shared everything I have
    Now everybody knows what I was and what I am,
    But I doubt they are my fans.
    I will still write,
    Give more and more until I´m out
    Of every slice of my heart;
    And you will hold the knife,
    Looking at me bending forward, pleading for forgiveness
    Being the other part…
    Of what?

    A PENDULUM
  • DopeBeastie
    DopeBeastie Posts: 2,513
    Originally posted by Amaterasu
    Pasta this is Amaterasu:
    Between you and me, THAT is just beautiful.

    Why hello, amaterasu...

    it's a little on the cussy side, but it'll do

    :)
  • exhale
    exhale Posts: 185
    Originally posted by FinsburyParkCarrots
    You have just earned the title of forum genius-in-residence for that. :D

    wow! I´m so proud of myself :D

    what is that ?

    :D
    Write. Wind each new thought upon the stream;
    and in its contradiction of response,
    Or seeming stagnance, see that rippled gleam
    That might suggest true movement. If you sense
    a hidden wave in what seems blanket still,
    Write more, wind each desire, and you'll see
    The willows nod and rustle, and you will
    hear the rushing babble of the free
    gush of water, brimming, charged with light
    That is your reader's understanding heart.

Categories