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  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Originally posted by exhale
    amen, Prof. Fins! :D

    Aldeburgh, and Southwold too

    if I hadn´t touched the grounds, I´d not believe
    that these places actually exist

    Southwold is truly pleasant. You write well of it. In four lines you say more to me than some people manage in a hundred million. Such economy and simplicity, but tender elegy, such repose is here. So many writers lose that in the bombast of industry. They lose that slow, peaceful, dropping silence that shakes the heart like a watchful fledgling apprehending a sky to fly. You have that enviable grasp of a chance to fly that space.

    Thank you.

    :)
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Southwold. They do nice beer too. :)
  • exhaleexhale Posts: 185
    cheers, mate! :D
    Write. Wind each new thought upon the stream;
    and in its contradiction of response,
    Or seeming stagnance, see that rippled gleam
    That might suggest true movement. If you sense
    a hidden wave in what seems blanket still,
    Write more, wind each desire, and you'll see
    The willows nod and rustle, and you will
    hear the rushing babble of the free
    gush of water, brimming, charged with light
    That is your reader's understanding heart.
  • exhaleexhale Posts: 185
    Originally posted by FinsburyParkCarrots
    Southwold is truly pleasant. You write well of it. In four lines you say more to me than some people manage in a hundred million. Such economy and simplicity, but tender elegy, such repose is here. So many writers lose that in the bombast of industry. They lose that slow, peaceful, dropping silence that shakes the heart like a watchful fledgling apprehending a sky to fly. You have that enviable grasp of a chance to fly that space.

    Thank you.

    :)

    now I know why my heart is so upset every time I post a poem :)
    Write. Wind each new thought upon the stream;
    and in its contradiction of response,
    Or seeming stagnance, see that rippled gleam
    That might suggest true movement. If you sense
    a hidden wave in what seems blanket still,
    Write more, wind each desire, and you'll see
    The willows nod and rustle, and you will
    hear the rushing babble of the free
    gush of water, brimming, charged with light
    That is your reader's understanding heart.
  • exhaleexhale Posts: 185
    I´ve been invited,
    so I am here
    Came out of darkness
    And I will share.
    I see bright lines
    In the thoughts of them
    Who are with me
    This night to play.

    hmmmm.... where have you gone ?
    Write. Wind each new thought upon the stream;
    and in its contradiction of response,
    Or seeming stagnance, see that rippled gleam
    That might suggest true movement. If you sense
    a hidden wave in what seems blanket still,
    Write more, wind each desire, and you'll see
    The willows nod and rustle, and you will
    hear the rushing babble of the free
    gush of water, brimming, charged with light
    That is your reader's understanding heart.
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Evening, invitee.
    I'm here, look, look, it's me.
    I'm never very far, I have to say.

    So, I'm sitting here at home,
    And I wait to read a poem
    Very soon, from you. Some time, today?

    :D
  • exhaleexhale Posts: 185
    It´s been a day, another day
    The sample of too many others;
    No sparks to catch my eye,
    No sound to make me fly.

    It´s difficult for me to write on Sunday,
    It is quiet and my mind should rest.
    That is why I put together
    These simple lines of simple words;
    They don’t even rhyme,
    Don´t follow any metre.

    Tomorrow I´ll be chasing
    Wroth and Behn and Cavendish,
    Steal their thoughts and add some mine
    To compose, that should be fine.

    I have read, however,
    Some poems form your pen,
    As always they´ve inspired
    Me, and you, and also them.

    Unfortunately people read,
    Just anything on yellow sheets,
    If they heard the message here,
    We all could live the dreams so near.
    Write. Wind each new thought upon the stream;
    and in its contradiction of response,
    Or seeming stagnance, see that rippled gleam
    That might suggest true movement. If you sense
    a hidden wave in what seems blanket still,
    Write more, wind each desire, and you'll see
    The willows nod and rustle, and you will
    hear the rushing babble of the free
    gush of water, brimming, charged with light
    That is your reader's understanding heart.
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    And how does Monday find you?

    :)
  • exhaleexhale Posts: 185
    Oh Mariam, dear queen of Palestine,
    Would you for once make up your mind!
    Is it the love for him that makes you cry,
    Or do you hate him ´cause he made you cry?
    Don´t feel sorry for yourself today
    For it is time to raise your voice and say
    What is past is past,
    You died and this should last;
    Don´t look at my face, I can´t see your eyes,
    Alone I should be living for the rest of my life.
    Pushed from side to side -
    Your mother on one, husband on the other.
    Blindfolded you grovel to see the spark of light,
    Don´t want to escape from this circle of lies.
    You´re loosing the battle, do save your virtue
    Of being the brave one, when no one can hurt you.
    Salome, the evil, most of your readers condemn,
    Although in my eyes she´s quite an emblem
    Standing for gender that should´ve been praised,
    The weakness of yours will make it a waste.
    Give me your hand now and follow my steps,
    My mind can be peaceful but heart never forgets;
    There is so much strength in female alive,
    You´ll learn how to use it and you will survive!
    Write. Wind each new thought upon the stream;
    and in its contradiction of response,
    Or seeming stagnance, see that rippled gleam
    That might suggest true movement. If you sense
    a hidden wave in what seems blanket still,
    Write more, wind each desire, and you'll see
    The willows nod and rustle, and you will
    hear the rushing babble of the free
    gush of water, brimming, charged with light
    That is your reader's understanding heart.
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    A good celebration of Salome in there!

    Your manipulation of iambic metre is very good and I like your clever use of couplets; you deliberately border on the informal, even given the allusions to Elizabeth Cary's "Tragedy of Mariam". Your poem feels all the more human for its shifts from elevated to understated discourse. There's also a sophisticated wit here, a lively mind at work! Thank you.

    :)
  • exhaleexhale Posts: 185
    Pleased you liked it Prof. Fins. :)

    was working on it bit by bit,
    usually I just let my words flow.

    Perhaps next time I should think about what I´m writing :D
    Write. Wind each new thought upon the stream;
    and in its contradiction of response,
    Or seeming stagnance, see that rippled gleam
    That might suggest true movement. If you sense
    a hidden wave in what seems blanket still,
    Write more, wind each desire, and you'll see
    The willows nod and rustle, and you will
    hear the rushing babble of the free
    gush of water, brimming, charged with light
    That is your reader's understanding heart.
  • exhaleexhale Posts: 185
    England just scored again!
    :D:D:D
    Write. Wind each new thought upon the stream;
    and in its contradiction of response,
    Or seeming stagnance, see that rippled gleam
    That might suggest true movement. If you sense
    a hidden wave in what seems blanket still,
    Write more, wind each desire, and you'll see
    The willows nod and rustle, and you will
    hear the rushing babble of the free
    gush of water, brimming, charged with light
    That is your reader's understanding heart.
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Ah, but can you turn it into a poem?

    ;)
  • exhaleexhale Posts: 185
    There was a little boy called Rooney,
    As they would say a little loony,
    Indeed he scored two goals tonight,
    Pissed off the Croats and made them fight.

    Little Rooney now a king,
    Gained himself a pair of wings.
    With two good kicks he made some millions,
    And fans too much, perhaps three billions.

    I will go to bed now
    Cause I´m talking crap,
    I hope we´ll meet tomorrow
    My friend, the good old chap.

    :D:D:D
    Write. Wind each new thought upon the stream;
    and in its contradiction of response,
    Or seeming stagnance, see that rippled gleam
    That might suggest true movement. If you sense
    a hidden wave in what seems blanket still,
    Write more, wind each desire, and you'll see
    The willows nod and rustle, and you will
    hear the rushing babble of the free
    gush of water, brimming, charged with light
    That is your reader's understanding heart.
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Originally posted by exhale
    There was a little boy called Rooney,
    As they would say a little loony,
    Indeed he scored two goals tonight,
    Pissed off the Croats and made them fight.

    Little Rooney now a king,
    Gained himself a pair of wings.
    With two good kicks he made some millions,
    And fans too much, perhaps three billions.

    I will go to bed now
    Cause I´m talking crap,
    I hope we´ll meet tomorrow
    My friend, the good old chap.

    :D:D:D

    You have just earned the title of forum genius-in-residence for that. :D
  • AmaterasuAmaterasu Posts: 317
    Originally posted by PastaNazi
    amen to that... and it's not to say it's the only way... but it's yours, and it's mine, too


    i'm cool when ppl say chop this, add more... those i can rightfully ignore... but i've been told not to swear in my poetry...

    and i'm like, "yo mother fucker, why fucking not? fuck that fucking shit...." <walking away mumbling to self: motherfucking try to fucking tell me not to fucking cuss... sheeeyiiiiiit.... fucking ass...>


    :D:D:D:D



    crumble on, exhale :D

    Pasta this is Amaterasu:
    Between you and me, THAT is just beautiful.
  • AmaterasuAmaterasu Posts: 317
    +
  • AmaterasuAmaterasu Posts: 317
    Originally posted by exhale
    For one more reason I will sing to you,
    Confess my sins, my sorrows cause I´m sad,
    Waiting calmly in this state,
    Rolling on and on the ideas in my head
    In slow motion, cautiously, not to overlook one bit.
    Constantly superimposing words you said,
    When we drove along the waterside
    And laughed, I noticed something else was there to share;
    But it was concealed as you wouldn´t want to make mistake.
    I shall so faithfully believe,
    That this cohesion for all times should last, so fast
    You have changed the tone of utterance…
    I don´t want to die in silence.
    I´ve shared everything I have
    Now everybody knows what I was and what I am,
    But I doubt they are my fans.
    I will still write,
    Give more and more until I´m out
    Of every slice of my heart;
    And you will hold the knife,
    Looking at me bending forward, pleading for forgiveness
    Being the other part…
    Of what?

    A PENDULUM
  • DopeBeastieDopeBeastie Posts: 2,513
    Originally posted by Amaterasu
    Pasta this is Amaterasu:
    Between you and me, THAT is just beautiful.

    Why hello, amaterasu...

    it's a little on the cussy side, but it'll do

    :)
  • exhaleexhale Posts: 185
    Originally posted by FinsburyParkCarrots
    You have just earned the title of forum genius-in-residence for that. :D

    wow! I´m so proud of myself :D

    what is that ?

    :D
    Write. Wind each new thought upon the stream;
    and in its contradiction of response,
    Or seeming stagnance, see that rippled gleam
    That might suggest true movement. If you sense
    a hidden wave in what seems blanket still,
    Write more, wind each desire, and you'll see
    The willows nod and rustle, and you will
    hear the rushing babble of the free
    gush of water, brimming, charged with light
    That is your reader's understanding heart.
  • exhaleexhale Posts: 185
    I cannot write strong words right now
    I am too deep in sorrow,
    My heart – a wound, you stabbed a sword
    Right into the middle.

    The size of blade I cannot tell
    I am not conscious any longer,
    My body – a shell, as I fell
    Broken, crushed, is it now over?

    For quite some time I was just fine
    Until I used my mouth,
    Uttered words of two short lines
    Eager for the truth.

    I lied that time when you denied
    This love you don´t want to share,
    Pretend´ to sleep, not see your fear
    As I wouldn´t really care.

    The dreadful pain inside my brain
    You could push aside,
    Blow away all thoughts and prayers
    Before those two collide.

    I´m writing letters to my boy
    The only one to reach,
    My gleaming future, the only joy,
    Still living in my speech.

    I ask you now, my Jake, my light,
    How come that I can feel
    Your heart beat calm just next to mine
    Your soul is here, it´s real.

    Is there a move you will do next?
    Again, you´re somewhere else…
    I cannot breathe, it´s in my chest,
    Must I hold your face?

    It is hard to tell how long i´ll stay
    Before emotions run me over,
    I´ll fight the fate up to that day
    When i´m declared a soldier.
    Write. Wind each new thought upon the stream;
    and in its contradiction of response,
    Or seeming stagnance, see that rippled gleam
    That might suggest true movement. If you sense
    a hidden wave in what seems blanket still,
    Write more, wind each desire, and you'll see
    The willows nod and rustle, and you will
    hear the rushing babble of the free
    gush of water, brimming, charged with light
    That is your reader's understanding heart.
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Best poem I've seen on here. Ever.
  • exhaleexhale Posts: 185
    it is most honest one...

    thank you for reading it
    Write. Wind each new thought upon the stream;
    and in its contradiction of response,
    Or seeming stagnance, see that rippled gleam
    That might suggest true movement. If you sense
    a hidden wave in what seems blanket still,
    Write more, wind each desire, and you'll see
    The willows nod and rustle, and you will
    hear the rushing babble of the free
    gush of water, brimming, charged with light
    That is your reader's understanding heart.
  • exhaleexhale Posts: 185
    It´s all a word and word is all,
    You feel, you chase,
    You kill, you hate,
    Goes on and on and never stops.
    Write. Wind each new thought upon the stream;
    and in its contradiction of response,
    Or seeming stagnance, see that rippled gleam
    That might suggest true movement. If you sense
    a hidden wave in what seems blanket still,
    Write more, wind each desire, and you'll see
    The willows nod and rustle, and you will
    hear the rushing babble of the free
    gush of water, brimming, charged with light
    That is your reader's understanding heart.
  • exhaleexhale Posts: 185
    Why tonight everybody needs to be upset?
    Why hurt each other, when we wouldn´t want the pay back?
    How many questions are there still to ask?
    How many times I have to fall for that?

    Between the time exchanging lines,
    So many precious moments passed you by,
    Not now, but many years ahead
    You will cry for minutes so wastefully spent.

    Pain´s a bitch
    Trust me, I know ´her´ very well;
    But every time she comes around
    I fight less, and less, and less…
    Write. Wind each new thought upon the stream;
    and in its contradiction of response,
    Or seeming stagnance, see that rippled gleam
    That might suggest true movement. If you sense
    a hidden wave in what seems blanket still,
    Write more, wind each desire, and you'll see
    The willows nod and rustle, and you will
    hear the rushing babble of the free
    gush of water, brimming, charged with light
    That is your reader's understanding heart.
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    I agree, exhale. In fact I might
    be said to be ungrungy, for I don't
    get upset or angsty: I don't fight
    too much, and this, my little font
    of inspiration springs from love, at base.
    Okay, I can be like a bull at times
    But all I mean to do is coax some grace
    from people, so they wave their cloak of rhymes
    just like a matador who has the crowd
    in thrall. Exhale, you have a poet's heart
    And while the would-be poets shout out loud
    about their deep profundity, your art
    Outfames theirs: wise, reflective, thoughtful, true.
    That's my sonnet-tribute, here, for you.

    :)
  • exhaleexhale Posts: 185
    ...speechless

    thank you
    Write. Wind each new thought upon the stream;
    and in its contradiction of response,
    Or seeming stagnance, see that rippled gleam
    That might suggest true movement. If you sense
    a hidden wave in what seems blanket still,
    Write more, wind each desire, and you'll see
    The willows nod and rustle, and you will
    hear the rushing babble of the free
    gush of water, brimming, charged with light
    That is your reader's understanding heart.
  • exhaleexhale Posts: 185
    No other way I will be able to get over,
    Some might not want to read it because the tone is of black colour.
    I need to heal the lesion caused by your possession
    Of rules, and laws, and facts, and norms…
    I wish so much I could accuse you for being the inconstant,
    Committing errors, unforgettable mistakes, blunders that outstand;
    With reason that would suit me I´d read some texts by Whitney,
    Listen to her lessons and then I´d turn to Sidney.
    But now I cannot judge you for fighting all your fears,
    Renouncing therefor everything what has in past been seen.
    Future memories you called the thoughts
    You saw them right in front of you,
    So alive, you said, they were to few
    Standing out completely from the mass.
    Please, undo the curse that lies upon my body,
    ……………..


    ***i need you all out there to complete the last line!***

    the limited knowledge has finally won the victory over my mind
    Write. Wind each new thought upon the stream;
    and in its contradiction of response,
    Or seeming stagnance, see that rippled gleam
    That might suggest true movement. If you sense
    a hidden wave in what seems blanket still,
    Write more, wind each desire, and you'll see
    The willows nod and rustle, and you will
    hear the rushing babble of the free
    gush of water, brimming, charged with light
    That is your reader's understanding heart.
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    The line will come.
    Originally posted by exhale
    No other way I will be able to get over,
    Some might not want to read it because the tone is of black colour.
    I need to heal the lesion caused by your possession
    Of rules, and laws, and facts, and signs…
    I wish so much I could accuse you for being the inconstant,
    Committing errors, unforgettable mistakes, blunders that outstand;
    With reason that would suit me I´d read some texts by Whitney,
    Listen to her lessons and then I´d turn to Sidney.
    But now I cannot judge you for fighting all your fears,
    Renouncing therefor everything what has in past been seen.
    Future memories you called the thoughts
    You saw them right in front of you,
    So alive, you said, they were to few
    Standing out completely from the mass.
    Please, undo the curse that lies upon my body,
    ……………..


    ***i need you all out there to complete the last line!***

    the limited knowledge has finally won the victory over my mind
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    A friendly bump all the way to deserved prominence of place at the top of the poetry forum, for my favourite thread.

    :)
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