PJ fans in 12 step Recovery

HughFreakingDillon

tish said:

How would a day at the cottage be different if you skipped a happy hour/evening? More play with kids?

Pretty sure AA literature says no one can pronounce us an alcoholic and if you're not sure go try some more controlled drinking. Hats off to you if you can do it!

well that's the entire group's social time. we all gather at one of the cottages and we socialize. am I forced to drink? no. I just mean it would be a very difficult time to try to stop. 

and no, it wouldn't mean more play with the kids. it would mean I'm hanging out alone, and I do enough of that the rest of the year lol. they are 14 and 17 and all of our friends' kids are the same age, so they're all good friends and hang out. 

Thanks!

Poncier

HughFreakingDillon said:

mickeyrat said:

What are you looking to address hugh?

. But I like to think that maybe there are some things I can accomplish on my own? I don't know. 

I'll just address this from a personal standpoint.
You can if you have the willpower do this on your own. I stopped drinking 33 years (and 2 days) ago and have never done AA. Was challenging at first but got easier over time. All depends on you and your personality and level of self-control/will power. By no means am I saying avoid AA, it's a great program for many many people (as folks here will attest). It just wasn't for me. (I would joke that I don't smoke nor drink coffee so I wouldn't fit in at meetings). Just have to find your own path, whether it's through a program or not. I realized at a pretty young age that I needed to change my ways, so I made the change. Had the support of my friends & family (became the designated driver for my friend group in our 20's), which is critical. I assume your wife and kids would be full on in support of you. 
But my way of doing things wouldn't work for everyone, so you'll have to basically find out on your own if you can get things under control or you are better off seeking assistance. 

mickeyrat

HughFreakingDillon said:

mickeyrat said:

What are you looking to address hugh?

I'm a weekend warrior. Drink to excess every weekend (about a 40 of whiskey every friday/saturday evenings). Usually alone watching tv or listening to music or whatever. We have two teenage girls who see their dad eventually "fall asleep" watching tv. 

I always rationalized it wasn't a problem because my trigger isn't stress or depression, and I don't "crave" it in the sense that everyone talks about in movies and tv. During the week I might have a beer or a glass of wine with dinner, and stop there, no issue. In my deepest pit of depression, I actually didn't touch the stuff. I like to drink when I'm in a good mood. When my wife stopped partying (when we had kids), I never stopped. 

My sister's husband died of alcoholism about 8 years ago. Very quick progression from moderately problem drinker to homelessness and death (I actually always saw my sister as more of a problem than him-I guess cuz she can be a bitch when she drinks but it doesn't go farther than that). Another rationalization "I'm not (BIL)". 

I don't abuse anyone, I'm not angry or say nasty things. I'm pretty normal, except obviously tipsy. 

We talked to the kids about it last week, and while they knew what I was doing, they didn't think it was a problem of any kind. I told them it's not normal behaviour, and it's unlikely most of their friends' dads/parents do the same. 

My intake meeting was fine. Filled out the forms of what my patterns are, etc. chatter with her for about an hour about life.Then I had my first counselor meeting on Monday. My wife's counselor told her that if I didn't want to completely abstain, I could do what it called "harm reduction". My counselor, after telling him about my progression over the years and my pattern, that it would be virtually impossible for me to succeed at that. And that I should go to an AA meeting that night, and this is how I think and this is what I do and this is what I'm going to do in the future, etc. 

I'm like "woah, dude, slow down". One thing I don't like, is people putting me in a box. I know that I'm probably already in that box, but I don't like being told I'm there. I resist that in all facets of life. I know. it's a liability. I like to think I'm pretty self aware, for all my faults, I know there are things I obviously don't know, but I don't tell me what I'm "going to do" and that it's "beyond your control". I know the first step is acceptance and all that. I know it's an issue. But I like to think that maybe there are some things I can accomplish on my own? I don't know. 

But as I said, I have a BIG problem with control. for the longest time, I thought (and to an extent, still think) it's my wife trying to control how I act and what I do. Yeah, I know what I'm doing isn't healthy, and not great for the kids to see. But she just goes so apeshit into everything; there's no grey; it's "you need to go to a 28 day in house program". I'm like "FUCK OFF, that's absurd". Does someone who can do Sober October of his own volition (and no friends or bets involved) with no issue need to be committed? Um, no. 

So I'm not sure what to do. I start holidays this weekend and we'll be at the lake and happy hour is 3pm to midnight pretty much every day. I know there's no "right time" to quit, but if ever there a WRONGEST time, it's now. 

Well, I can assure you members of AA may have an opinion about others and their habits but the only opinion that matters is that of the individual about themselves.

That said, I would encourage to attend a few to sort out the question for yourself. Either way, you might find useful the things we do whether you decide you're alcoholic or not.

open mind. you decide. one way or the other.

now having shared elsewhere about mental health , its a fact many use alcohol to medicate themselves. how you describe your use doesnt fit with what Ive heard from others on this aspect but I think it wise to look at that just the same.

so alcoholic or not, heavy or problem drinker or not, AA. has some useful tools....

as circumstances would have it, I know of a group in Winnipeg with some good folks in it. Attended their zoom version a few times.

HughFreakingDillon

mickeyrat said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

mickeyrat said:

What are you looking to address hugh?

I'm a weekend warrior. Drink to excess every weekend (about a 40 of whiskey every friday/saturday evenings). Usually alone watching tv or listening to music or whatever. We have two teenage girls who see their dad eventually "fall asleep" watching tv. 

I always rationalized it wasn't a problem because my trigger isn't stress or depression, and I don't "crave" it in the sense that everyone talks about in movies and tv. During the week I might have a beer or a glass of wine with dinner, and stop there, no issue. In my deepest pit of depression, I actually didn't touch the stuff. I like to drink when I'm in a good mood. When my wife stopped partying (when we had kids), I never stopped. 

My sister's husband died of alcoholism about 8 years ago. Very quick progression from moderately problem drinker to homelessness and death (I actually always saw my sister as more of a problem than him-I guess cuz she can be a bitch when she drinks but it doesn't go farther than that). Another rationalization "I'm not (BIL)". 

I don't abuse anyone, I'm not angry or say nasty things. I'm pretty normal, except obviously tipsy. 

We talked to the kids about it last week, and while they knew what I was doing, they didn't think it was a problem of any kind. I told them it's not normal behaviour, and it's unlikely most of their friends' dads/parents do the same. 

My intake meeting was fine. Filled out the forms of what my patterns are, etc. chatter with her for about an hour about life.Then I had my first counselor meeting on Monday. My wife's counselor told her that if I didn't want to completely abstain, I could do what it called "harm reduction". My counselor, after telling him about my progression over the years and my pattern, that it would be virtually impossible for me to succeed at that. And that I should go to an AA meeting that night, and this is how I think and this is what I do and this is what I'm going to do in the future, etc. 

I'm like "woah, dude, slow down". One thing I don't like, is people putting me in a box. I know that I'm probably already in that box, but I don't like being told I'm there. I resist that in all facets of life. I know. it's a liability. I like to think I'm pretty self aware, for all my faults, I know there are things I obviously don't know, but I don't tell me what I'm "going to do" and that it's "beyond your control". I know the first step is acceptance and all that. I know it's an issue. But I like to think that maybe there are some things I can accomplish on my own? I don't know. 

But as I said, I have a BIG problem with control. for the longest time, I thought (and to an extent, still think) it's my wife trying to control how I act and what I do. Yeah, I know what I'm doing isn't healthy, and not great for the kids to see. But she just goes so apeshit into everything; there's no grey; it's "you need to go to a 28 day in house program". I'm like "FUCK OFF, that's absurd". Does someone who can do Sober October of his own volition (and no friends or bets involved) with no issue need to be committed? Um, no. 

So I'm not sure what to do. I start holidays this weekend and we'll be at the lake and happy hour is 3pm to midnight pretty much every day. I know there's no "right time" to quit, but if ever there a WRONGEST time, it's now. 

Well, I can assure you members of AA may have an opinion about others and their habits but the only opinion that matters is that of the individual about themselves.

That said, I would encourage to attend a few to sort out the question for yourself. Either way, you might find useful the things we do whether you decide you're alcoholic or not.

open mind. you decide. one way or the other.

now having shared elsewhere about mental health , its a fact many use alcohol to medicate themselves. how you describe your use doesnt fit with what Ive heard from others on this aspect but I think it wise to look at that just the same.

so alcoholic or not, heavy or problem drinker or not, AA. has some useful tools....

as circumstances would have it, I know of a group in Winnipeg with some good folks in it. Attended their zoom version a few times.

thanks mick. I'll keep that in mind. 

HughFreakingDillon

Poncier said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

mickeyrat said:

What are you looking to address hugh?

. But I like to think that maybe there are some things I can accomplish on my own? I don't know. 

I'll just address this from a personal standpoint.
You can if you have the willpower do this on your own. I stopped drinking 33 years (and 2 days) ago and have never done AA. Was challenging at first but got easier over time. All depends on you and your personality and level of self-control/will power. By no means am I saying avoid AA, it's a great program for many many people (as folks here will attest). It just wasn't for me. (I would joke that I don't smoke nor drink coffee so I wouldn't fit in at meetings). Just have to find your own path, whether it's through a program or not. I realized at a pretty young age that I needed to change my ways, so I made the change. Had the support of my friends & family (became the designated driver for my friend group in our 20's), which is critical. I assume your wife and kids would be full on in support of you. 
But my way of doing things wouldn't work for everyone, so you'll have to basically find out on your own if you can get things under control or you are better off seeking assistance. 

thanks for the perspective. I appreciate it. 

Hobbes

17 years.

Fifthelement

Hobbes said:

17 years.

Congrats @Hobbes

Spunkie

Wowwee hobbes! Picture me smushing cake in your face 😛 

Poncier

Hobbes said:

17 years.

Outstanding.
Congrats.
Calvin will be pleased.

GlowGirl

Poncier said:

Hobbes said:

17 years.

Outstanding.
Congrats.
Calvin will be pleased.

Hobbes said:

17 years.

Congrats!!! That’s an amazing achievement. 

mickeyrat

Hobbes said:

17 years.

good shit right there....

Spunkie

...



Here's where Hedo would pipe in and cheer for ya, Hobbes!

mickeyrat

mickeyrat

goddamn this fucking disease.

my best friend was found od'd this morning.

things were strained between us recently. I felt it necessary to stop sponsoring him.  Hadnt really spoken for 7 weeks. not sure when he actually relapsed but he had celebrated 4 yrs in December

lastexitlondon

That's sad as hell. 

Loujoe

Sorry Miles. Sure you made a huge difference to him when you could.

Tons of love your way bud

mickeyrat

goddamit. Our intergroup does a monthly newsletter. I am group secretary for my home group , so I get a copy. Hadn't looked at til this morning as I set waiting for the meeting to start. Was buried in the mail on my passenger seat.

How appropriate to my news.....

F Me In The Brain

Sorry for the loss of your friend

Spunkie

That fuckin sucks. Sorry M. 💔

GlowGirl

I am sorry about your friend. I hope you are doing ok.