why does religion compel females to apologize?

blondieblue227

I'm chatting with a friend about it. it's very hard to her to explain.

what is your opinion?

I feel sad and angry when i hear a woman say "I'm sorry" over and over. I've noticed it's my lady friends that go to church that say "I'm sorry" the most.

I'm sad my friend does not see it as belittling herself.

hedonist

I’ve never complained (or apologized for) my religious or spiritual beliefs.

Is that what you mean, or just apologizing in general?

Either way, I haven’t noticed it at all. 

Hobbes

Mea culpa?

mickeyrat

hedonist said:

I’ve never complained (or apologized for) my religious or spiritual beliefs.

Is that what you mean, or just apologizing in general?

Either way, I haven’t noticed it at all. 

my guess is more of the people pleasing variety. like apologizing for things that arent theirs to own?

tempo_n_groove

This made me think of the show Dead to Me.

1ThoughtKnown

Being Canadian compels everyone to apologize. It’s gender neutral 🇨🇦😁

JeBurkhardt

I go to church, but I have never noticed it. However getting my wife to apologize about anything is darn near impossible. 

F Me In The Brain

JeBurkhardt said:

I go to church, but I have never noticed it. However getting my wife to apologize about anything is darn near impossible. 

  

Spiritual_Chaos

Maybe because, her god woke up on the wrong side of the bed? And it just don't matter now. Because little by little. We hgave you verything you dreamed of. Little by little. The wheels of your life has slowly fallen off. Little by little. You have to give it all in all your life. And all the time I just ask myself why, are you really here?

gvn2fly1421

JeBurkhardt said:

I go to church, but I have never noticed it. However getting my wife to apologize about anything is darn near impossible. 

Whole lotta truth here!

hedonist

JeBurkhardt said:

I go to church, but I have never noticed it. However getting my wife to apologize about anything is darn near impossible. 

Ha! I will say I have no problem apologizing to my husband if I’m in the wrong.  But for the hell of it? Never! Not with others either…that silly taking oneself down in order to “keep the peace”. Buncha tripe. 

I do feel bad for anyone, man or woman, to have been taught or lived through certain experiences to feel that way. 

Hobbes

hedonist said:

JeBurkhardt said:

I go to church, but I have never noticed it. However getting my wife to apologize about anything is darn near impossible. 

Ha! I will say I have no problem apologizing to my husband if I’m in the wrong.  But for the hell of it? Never! Not with others either…that silly taking oneself down in order to “keep the peace”. Buncha tripe. 

I do feel bad for anyone, man or woman, to have been taught or lived through certain experiences to feel that way. 

If loving you is wrong, I don't want to be right.

hedonist

Hobbes said:

hedonist said:

JeBurkhardt said:

I go to church, but I have never noticed it. However getting my wife to apologize about anything is darn near impossible. 

Ha! I will say I have no problem apologizing to my husband if I’m in the wrong.  But for the hell of it? Never! Not with others either…that silly taking oneself down in order to “keep the peace”. Buncha tripe. 

I do feel bad for anyone, man or woman, to have been taught or lived through certain experiences to feel that way. 

If loving you is wrong, I don't want to be right.

Oh, Luther 💜

blondieblue227

Hey!

Thanks for your responses.

I'll go off the people pleasing comment.
I think that's part of it.
Maybe saying SORRY for nothing did wrong is her way of showing men she's subservient. Any thoughts on that?

...And some cultures / religion teach that to young girls.

I asked her to watch this video. She said she disagreed with many of the statements on the video due her faith in Jesus.
Video: https://youtu.be/G8sYv_6uyss
What does Jesus say about apologizing for nothing did wrong?

Do you think she's getting something out saying SORRY? It deflects attention to her, because some people will detour from the conversation to console her?

Kat

I'd hate to see a stand taken on ever apologizing. It's something a certain politician refuses to do and others are following that lead. I feel that not apologizing helps to create a more toxis environment. I think apologies have power. Apologizing for every little thing isn't what I mean but a sincere apology for something of importance goes a long way.
I'm sorry if I didn't explain that very well.

blondieblue227

"Apologizing for every little thing"

This is what I'm referring to. constantly saying, "I'm sorry".

"I'm sorry if I didn't explain that very well." Kat, that's exactly it. If we don't understand you, it's up to us to ask you more questions. No need for you to be SORRY.

F Me In The Brain

blondieblue227

Kat said:

I'd hate to see a stand taken on ever apologizing. It's something a certain politician refuses to do and others are following that lead. I feel that not apologizing helps to create a more toxis environment. I think apologies have power. Apologizing for every little thing isn't what I mean but a sincere apology for something of importance goes a long way.
I'm sorry if I didn't explain that very well.

if in fact this was a joke it hit the nail on the head. the joke explained perfectly what i'm trying to understand.

hedonist

Kat said:

I'd hate to see a stand taken on ever apologizing. It's something a certain politician refuses to do and others are following that lead. I feel that not apologizing helps to create a more toxis environment. I think apologies have power. Apologizing for every little thing isn't what I mean but a sincere apology for something of importance goes a long way.
I'm sorry if I didn't explain that very well.

Also, apologize out of a legit sense of having committed some kind of wrong. DON’T do it if “that’s the thing” or it’s demanded.

Believe it or not, I’m not talking about Trump

Not all apologies are necessary. 

blondieblue227

hedonist said:

Also, apologize out of a legit sense of having committed some kind of wrong. DON’T do it if “that’s the thing” or it’s demanded.

Not all apologies are necessary. 

If nothing was done wrong....
Does anybody know(or take a guess) why a person repeatedly apologizes and connects that behavior to Jesus?

Does my friend's Jesus demand her apologize nearly every time we interact?

I think I'll ask her that, because I want to understand.

Religion is so weird to me. It does strange things to people's minds. Or maybe the person was weird to begin with and religion magnifies it?

cblock4life

Sometimes apologizing profusely can be a part of how they were raised.  I tend to over apologize when I’m in someone’s way or if I feel like I’m bothering someone but I’ve figured out that it was because we (me and siblings) were getting in the way when dad was home.  Not really, as I’ve learned as an adult but he was just a d*** like that.  There may be more to it then the religious background, but maybe not. 

cblock4life

blondieblue227 said:

hedonist said:

Also, apologize out of a legit sense of having committed some kind of wrong. DON’T do it if “that’s the thing” or it’s demanded.

Not all apologies are necessary. 

If nothing was done wrong....
Does anybody know(or take a guess) why a person repeatedly apologizes and connects that behavior to Jesus?

Does my friend's Jesus demand her apologize nearly every time we interact?

I think I'll ask her that, because I want to understand.

Religion is so weird to me. It does strange things to people's minds. Or maybe the person was weird to begin with and religion magnifies it?

I think it can be both.  If you’re really looking for somewhere to belong I think everyone believes religions solve that problem.  I’ve seen totally normal friends find God/religion based on an experience and change completely and stay that way so who am I to say they didn’t experience something.  You’ll feel better if you speak with your friend. Your mind is running wild with questions and speculation so better to know the truth. 

Malroth

I find a genuine apology is really easy to tell if sincere.

Other times it's just easier to say sorry, than "I didn't mean to hit you with my grocery cart, I was looking the other way"

It's almost always the response when someone tells you about a death, even if you didn't kill them.

I say it a lot out of habit in these instances.

I remember a section of the book "Americanah" Where a nigerian woman wonders why this country says sorry so much, even when

we did nothing wrong.  So it may be cultural?

oftenreading

Why does religion compel buses to apologize? 

F Me In The Brain

hedonist

Ha!

blondieblue227

I thank Ten Club for allowing chat of Religion. Most Facebook groups don't and it's frustrating. As lost as the original person starting the chat is not antagonizing can be healthy to communicate with other online.

My friend watched the video I asked her to and responded to me. I'm not going to push her anymore on the issue. I am going to use thoughts gathered in this chat and write a letter to her. I'll keep it and I might email it to her if the repeat sorry starts again.

I'm a survivor of Parental Narcissistic Abuse. They would say sorry and do the same hurtful thing 3 days later. They would also make up things (create lies) they wanted me to be sorry for. So that's why "I'm sorry" triggers me.
I have to be in the wrong and mean it for the words "I'm sorry." to come out of my mouth. (yes, that will be in the letter)

possible reasons she's repeatedly saying Sorry
- Her perception of religion (she mention Jesus in her thoughts after watching video)
- How she was raised
- The need to belong (this concept is confusing to me, maybe because I'm ok with not belonging at times. As a motivator to repeatedly apologize in order to be included, I understand)


Nobody has on commented how/why females in America apologize.
(ranking order/caste)

PJPOWER

I think it’s probably best to not make too many assumptions, as there could be several reasons for people “over-apologizing”.  Low self-confidence, anxiety, etc could be contributing factors.  It’s not only a religious thing and it’s not an “American” thing.  In fact, the British do it more than Americans according to this article:
https://www.cnbc.com/2019/04/16/saying-im-sorry-can-make-people-think-poorly-of-you-research-heres-what-successful-people-do-instead.html
It is annoying when people over-apologize, in the same way filler words can be annoying when someone is presenting.
Question is, what made you deduce that it is a Christian or American thing?  Maybe you are drawing false conclusions based on your own personal biases related to those topics?  

lastexitlondon

I cant see this  as a woman or religion  problem.. we all have scars . Narcissists cause so much damage. Traumas of any kind mould us. Good and bad

hedonist

lastexitlondon said:

I cant see this  as a woman or religion  problem.. we all have scars . Narcissists cause so much damage. Traumas of any kind mould us. Good and bad

Agreed. Can’t speak for others but I’ve never apologized for my “religion” (it’s complicated) or because I’m a woman. My stepdad pulled that mind game shit with me and I wasn’t having it. Won’t have it, from anyone.

I’ll never do that to others, or to myself. It’s fruitless.

And maybe I’m fortunate (?) but I haven’t seen this prevalence of apologizing among the women I know. 

dankind

hedonist said:

lastexitlondon said:

I cant see this  as a woman or religion  problem.. we all have scars . Narcissists cause so much damage. Traumas of any kind mould us. Good and bad

Agreed. Can’t speak for others but I’ve never apologized for my “religion” (it’s complicated) or because I’m a woman. My stepdad pulled that mind game shit with me and I wasn’t having it. Won’t have it, from anyone.

I’ll never do that to others, or to myself. It’s fruitless.

And maybe I’m fortunate (?) but I haven’t seen this prevalence of apologizing among the women I know. 

Sounds like you hang out with a buncha self-righteous bitches, man.