Should I ask Agnes out on a date?

Thoughts_Arrive

Yes

dankind said:

I thought that this might be a good read for some folks here: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/giving-up-on-love_n_5dadbe28e4b0422422c8f557.

Thank you for sharing this. I found it a good read. I took comfort in it.

bflynn1

Renfield said:

OffSheGoes35 said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

The girl I met 2 weeks ago just walked right past me in the lecture theatre without saying hello. Why does nobody want to know me. I almost burst into tears in the middle of the lecture. I feel so hopeless and alone right now.

I'm going to ask some guys(and a gal) from our Agnes panel to answer. 
@bflynn1
@rgambs
@Renfield

Let's see if the bat signal still works.

Signal received...
But I read earlier this morning that she did see him later, waved and said hello...and that’s a good thing. She was probably occupied with her own thoughts when she did not acknowledge our ‘Drake’ (see Memoji thread). 🧔🏻

OffSheGoes35 said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

The girl I met 2 weeks ago just walked right past me in the lecture theatre without saying hello. Why does nobody want to know me. I almost burst into tears in the middle of the lecture. I feel so hopeless and alone right now.

I'm going to ask some guys(and a gal) from our Agnes panel to answer. 
@bflynn1
@rgambs
@Renfield

Let's see if the bat signal still works.

Sorry I'm late. And wow, I'm WAY behind in this thread haha. You just gotta try to find some confidence somewhere. Women can pick up on fear and insecurity like a sixth sense.

And don't be afraid to say "hey" first if she's walking by. If she's any sort of decent human being she'll respond. Then you can ask a follow up question or compliment and then BOOM, you're in a conversation. 

Thoughts_Arrive

Yes

I'd find it easier to make peace with my single life if not for the stigma and shame from my family

PJ_Soul

Yes

There are certainly a whole lot of things to love about the single life.

Thoughts_Arrive

Yes

PJ_Soul said:

There are certainly a whole lot of things to love about the single life.

What about the loneliness? Not having anyone to share your day with? That part hurts me.

deadendp

Thoughts_Arrive said:

PJ_Soul said:

There are certainly a whole lot of things to love about the single life.

What about the loneliness? Not having anyone to share your day with? That part hurts me.

This isn't a slam at all. Please understand this before you read it. 

Your loneliness pains you, but it seems to be something you obsess about. 

Fuck stigma. 

Fuck your family. 

You do what is best for you. 

Say hello. Will everyone say hello back? Unfortunately no, but I would love it if you have small goals. Say hello to three strangers in a week. Limit FB (outside of school obligation) to 4 hours a week.  Create one new painting a month. 

No excuses why you can't.  

No mom excuses. 

No single dude excuses. 

No job excuses. 

Sometimes you will have success. Sometimes you won't.  Pause, understand it isn't necessarily failure, but potentially people lost in themselves. 

I have a very dear friend who is the dictionary definition of introvert. These things would be difficult for her. I understand that may be the same for you but...goals. Small goals. Make them. Stick to them. No excuses. 

Thoughts_Arrive

Yes

Thanks.
It is something I obsess about because it is something I've never had. I yearn for the experience of love and being 35 time is slipping by.
If I had been in a relationship and ended up single again I don't think I'd be this obsessed. 
I'm thinking of deleting Facebook but am in a depression support group and it's hard to leave that as I help others.
Maybe deleting off my phone as that is where I am often glued.
Me saying hello to strangers frightens me, especially women. If I did that to a woman she'd think I am hitting on her. And in this day and age women don't want to feel harassed in public.

JPPJ84

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Thanks.
It is something I obsess about because it is something I've never had. I yearn for the experience of love and being 35 time is slipping by.
If I had been in a relationship and ended up single again I don't think I'd be this obsessed. 
I'm thinking of deleting Facebook but am in a depression support group and it's hard to leave that as I help others.
Maybe deleting off my phone as that is where I am often glued.
Me saying hello to strangers frightens me, especially women. If I did that to a woman she'd think I am hitting on her. And in this day and age women don't want to feel harassed in public.

Good morning!
you could practice saying hello to a guy. Some specific question about the lecture, a schedule. Find out if your uni has a sports program, have you looked that up yet? If they do and you find something you’d be interested in, like boxing, you’d have tons of opportunities to casually talk to strangers. Not in a way that frightens you but concerning a specific subject and with no pressure. Good luck

Spiritual_Chaos

https://youtu.be/2AMMb9CiScI

Thoughts_Arrive

Yes

JPPJ84 said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Thanks.
It is something I obsess about because it is something I've never had. I yearn for the experience of love and being 35 time is slipping by.
If I had been in a relationship and ended up single again I don't think I'd be this obsessed. 
I'm thinking of deleting Facebook but am in a depression support group and it's hard to leave that as I help others.
Maybe deleting off my phone as that is where I am often glued.
Me saying hello to strangers frightens me, especially women. If I did that to a woman she'd think I am hitting on her. And in this day and age women don't want to feel harassed in public.

Good morning!
you could practice saying hello to a guy. Some specific question about the lecture, a schedule. Find out if your uni has a sports program, have you looked that up yet? If they do and you find something you’d be interested in, like boxing, you’d have tons of opportunities to casually talk to strangers. Not in a way that frightens you but concerning a specific subject and with no pressure. Good luck

Good morning, I think my body is a bit too old for university sports, I have bad knees haha.
Plus I don't think 18-22 year old university students want to be running around with an old 35 year old hack like me.
If I do boxing it would be at a local gym, there's one a walking distance from my home.

deadendp

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Thanks.
It is something I obsess about because it is something I've never had. I yearn for the experience of love and being 35 time is slipping by.
If I had been in a relationship and ended up single again I don't think I'd be this obsessed. 
I'm thinking of deleting Facebook but am in a depression support group and it's hard to leave that as I help others.
Maybe deleting off my phone as that is where I am often glued.
Me saying hello to strangers frightens me, especially women. If I did that to a woman she'd think I am hitting on her. And in this day and age women don't want to feel harassed in public.

Definitely cut back on some FB. Deleting from your phone is a great ideal!

I have people say hi to me all the time. It's when I had to ask for a phone number for a sale at work that the guy tapped my wedding ring and made some creepy comment about how he wanted to give me his number... that wasn't cool. I let him know it wasn't cool. So, don't tap some women's wedding ring and you are good! 

Oh my god dude, you are not old. Sports may not be your gig, but you aren't ready to start drawing retirement. Here's an idea, go to open drawing time. They used to life modeling open studio times. Go. You would be surprised who you might meet. 

Don't sit and say no, I can't, because...go and do. Will it be uncomfortable? Sure. But ... work a bit more about being comfortable. 

And...cut back on that obsessing. It's difficult, but don't let it eat you alive. 

Thoughts_Arrive

Yes

Yeah kind of not keen on team sports.
Maybe art classes, but often it is full of elderly women in the one's I know of and thought about joining, I need people my age.
There's this artist I follow on social media who is on my side of the city and I see her videos and photos from her art classes and never any people my age. There's one in the city near my university, I also have been thinking of trying there. I need to be shown how to mix colours and all other techniques. Maybe over summer.

Thoughts_Arrive

Yes

Btw, $375 for a term over summer not sure I can afford that right now, I probably missed enrolment, just had a look online.

https://victorianartistssociety.com.au/classes/class/acrylic-class

deadendp

We had free open drawing hours. That was what I was talking about. I was in art school at a university with a decently known art program. (Kent State (main campus), Kent Ohio.) They were regularly scheduled. If your university has an art school, call them to see when open hours are scheduled. Pretty sure that they would have them. Don't tell them you aren't an art major. You pay tuition. If they need to know, say it is a component of some research you are doing.

Old ladies have granddaughters.

Thoughts_Arrive

Yes

^ ^ "Old ladies have granddaughters" HAHA, good point
They do have an art school at my uni. Not sure if the offer life drawings.

JPPJ84

Damn that’s expensive. There’s got to be cheaper alternatives or the uni class deadendp suggests.
As for your other argument... do you want to attend an arts class to paint or to make new friends? Why not just do it for yourself? I attend loads of painting classes and it‘s 80% older women. So what? It’s fun to create art and have a look what others do and talk about it. 

Read the article again Mcgruff posted... if everything you do is with the intent to potentially meet a woman then I think you’re really missing out. You yourself should be your main focus. Your interests, passions. Do things for yourself, your enjoyment and fulfillment. Not anyone else.

deadendp

JPPJ84 said:

Damn that’s expensive. There’s got to be cheaper alternatives or the uni class deadendp suggests.
As for your other argument... do you want to attend an arts class to paint or to make new friends? Why not just do it for yourself? I attend loads of painting classes and it‘s 80% older women. So what? It’s fun to create art and have a look what others do and talk about it. 

Read the article again Mcgruff posted... if everything you do is with the intent to potentially meet a woman then I think you’re really missing out. You yourself should be your main focus. Your interests, passions. Do things for yourself, your enjoyment and fulfillment. Not anyone else.

Very good point. 

lastexitlondon

Yes

Agreed. I believe you may have an approach that sets you up for disappointment.  Do for the love of What ever it is. Not to meet a woman

Thoughts_Arrive

Yes

I guess when you approach 40 it's hard not to focus on finding love. I'm going to be the real life version of the 40 year old virgin.

hedonist

When it becomes an obsession and hinders you in life itself, it's time to make a change.  Even, as I and so many here have said time and again, do it via small changes.

Stop finding reasons not to take a chance on YOURSELF and simply try - for YOURSELF.

And if it's tough or you fail, try again.

Rinse, repeat.