Thanks. It is something I obsess about because it is something I've never had. I yearn for the experience of love and being 35 time is slipping by. If I had been in a relationship and ended up single again I don't think I'd be this obsessed. I'm thinking of deleting Facebook but am in a depression support group and it's hard to leave that as I help others. Maybe deleting off my phone as that is where I am often glued. Me saying hello to strangers frightens me, especially women. If I did that to a woman she'd think I am hitting on her. And in this day and age women don't want to feel harassed in public.
Definitely cut back on some FB. Deleting from your phone is a great ideal!
I have people say hi to me all the time. It's when I had to ask for a phone number for a sale at work that the guy tapped my wedding ring and made some creepy comment about how he wanted to give me his number... that wasn't cool. I let him know it wasn't cool. So, don't tap some women's wedding ring and you are good!
Oh my god dude, you are not old. Sports may not be your gig, but you aren't ready to start drawing retirement. Here's an idea, go to open drawing time. They used to life modeling open studio times. Go. You would be surprised who you might meet.
Don't sit and say no, I can't, because...go and do. Will it be uncomfortable? Sure. But ... work a bit more about being comfortable.
And...cut back on that obsessing. It's difficult, but don't let it eat you alive.
Yeah kind of not keen on team sports. Maybe art classes, but often it is full of elderly women in the one's I know of and thought about joining, I need people my age. There's this artist I follow on social media who is on my side of the city and I see her videos and photos from her art classes and never any people my age. There's one in the city near my university, I also have been thinking of trying there. I need to be shown how to mix colours and all other techniques. Maybe over summer.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
We had free open drawing hours. That was what I was talking about. I was in art school at a university with a decently known art program. (Kent State (main campus), Kent Ohio.) They were regularly scheduled. If your university has an art school, call them to see when open hours are scheduled. Pretty sure that they would have them. Don't tell them you aren't an art major. You pay tuition. If they need to know, say it is a component of some research you are doing.
Damn that’s expensive. There’s got to be cheaper alternatives or the uni class deadendp suggests. As for your other argument... do you want to attend an arts class to paint or to make new friends? Why not just do it for yourself? I attend loads of painting classes and it‘s 80% older women. So what? It’s fun to create art and have a look what others do and talk about it.
Read the article again Mcgruff posted... if everything you do is with the intent to potentially meet a woman then I think you’re really missing out. You yourself should be your main focus. Your interests, passions. Do things for yourself, your enjoyment and fulfillment. Not anyone else.
Damn that’s expensive. There’s got to be cheaper alternatives or the uni class deadendp suggests. As for your other argument... do you want to attend an arts class to paint or to make new friends? Why not just do it for yourself? I attend loads of painting classes and it‘s 80% older women. So what? It’s fun to create art and have a look what others do and talk about it.
Read the article again Mcgruff posted... if everything you do is with the intent to potentially meet a woman then I think you’re really missing out. You yourself should be your main focus. Your interests, passions. Do things for yourself, your enjoyment and fulfillment. Not anyone else.
I guess when you approach 40 it's hard not to focus on finding love. I'm going to be the real life version of the 40 year old virgin.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
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hedonist
standing on the edge of forever Posts: 24,524
When it becomes an obsession and hinders you in life itself, it's time to make a change. Even, as I and so many here have said time and again, do it via small changes.
Stop finding reasons not to take a chance on YOURSELF and simply try - for YOURSELF.
Goodnight. Lol. Some people are in the middle of working with 2-3 hours to lunch. Listening to Waiting for the Sun and drawing a Gorilla comforting a little girl.
See you in a few hours
"Mostly I think that people react sensitively because they know you’ve got a point"
There are certainly a whole lot of things to love about the single life.
What about the loneliness? Not having anyone to share your day with? That part hurts me.
While I am social, I don't feel loneliness. My own company is very satisfying to me when I'm alone. Frankly, while I never get the opportunity and don't expect to any time soon, I would be pretty pleased to just be completely alone with myself for an extended and uninterrupted period of time, like a kind of true break from other people, lol. But that's just me. Some people get lonely easily, some never feel lonely no matter what, some do, but it takes a whole lot of alone time to feel that way. I think it has a lot to do with disposition.
That said, I do have people to share my day with. My mom, my sister, my friends, and several of my co-workers, as well as myself via my inner voice. I wear my feelings on my sleeve - I don't "save" my personal life only for someone I'm romantically involved with. So I don't need a romantic partner to feel like I'm sharing what I want to. My experience has been that a lot of unpleasantness can also come with a romantic relationship - they are far from bliss man, and certainly not some kind of pinnacle of human connection in the majority of cases, once you get passed the sexual factor. Being in love can be so great... but being in love romantically isn't generally the end all and be all of existence like the movies would have us believe. And loneliness can most definitely be felt when you're in a romantic relationship, depending on the relationship. Sometimes that can be the deepest loneliness of all. I think sometimes people, you included, might put too much weight on the romantic side of this concept of human connection. I feel like you need someone or some people to be close to, who you feel really safe with to share your true self with and trust to accept you as you are, including your flaws ... That person or those people doesn't necessarily have to be a girlfriend or wife. Perhaps if you're able to open up on that level in friendship, you'd be much better prepared to open up to woman you want a relationship with? Just a thought. You will need to learn how to stop being in your own head so much with other people, and stop projecting so much to find that, maybe.
I think that you are also at a disadvantage in this context because your family sounds like the shits. Feeling like you're not alone in the world is a feeling that is usually grown from some kind of family support, where the love is unconditional (FYI, there is no such thing as romantic unconditional love). I'm really sorry you can't find that acceptance/love from them like many are lucky to. I'm sure that would remove a big chunk of your sense of loneliness.... But I bet it would help to get the fuck away from them, as so many others have said. I hope you are able to soon!
Post edited by PJ_Soul on
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
There are certainly a whole lot of things to love about the single life.
What about the loneliness? Not having anyone to share your day with? That part hurts me.
While I am social, I don't feel loneliness. My own company is very satisfying to me when I'm alone. Frankly, while I never get the opportunity and don't expect to any time soon, I would be pretty pleased to just be completely alone with myself for an extended and uninterrupted period of time, like a kind of true break from other people, lol. But that's just me. Some people get lonely easily, some never feel lonely no matter what, some do, but it takes a whole lot of alone time to feel that way. I think it has a lot to do with disposition.
That said, I do have people to share my day with. My mom, my sister, my friends, and several of my co-workers, as well as myself via my inner voice. I wear my feelings on my sleeve - I don't "save" my personal life only for someone I'm romantically involved with. So I don't need a romantic partner to feel like I'm sharing what I want to. My experience has been that a lot of unpleasantness can also come with a romantic relationship - they are far from bliss man, and certainly not some kind of pinnacle of human connection in the majority of cases, once you get passed the sexual factor. Being in love can be so great... but being in love romantically isn't generally the end all and be all of existence like the movies would have us believe. And loneliness can most definitely be felt when you're in a romantic relationship, depending on the relationship. Sometimes that can be the deepest loneliness of all. I think sometimes people, you included, might put too much weight on the romantic side of this concept of human connection. I feel like you need someone or some people to be close to, who you feel really safe with to share your true self with and trust to accept you as you are, including your flaws ... That person or those people doesn't necessarily have to be a girlfriend or wife. Perhaps if you're able to open up on that level in friendship, you'd be much better prepared to open up to woman you want a relationship with? Just a thought. You will need to learn how to stop being in your own head so much with other people, and stop projecting so much to find that, maybe.
I think that you are also at a disadvantage in this context because your family sounds like the shits. Feeling like you're not alone in the world is a feeling that is usually grown from some kind of family support, where the love is unconditional (FYI, there is no such thing as romantic unconditional love). I'm really sorry you can't find that acceptance/love from them like many are lucky to. I'm sure that would remove a big chunk of your sense of loneliness.... But I bet it would help to get the fuck away from them, as so many others have said. I hope you are able to soon!
That's something that I needed to hear. I'm going to take that piece of advice under consideration. Thank you, that was a point well made!
(FYI, there is no such thing as romantic unconditional love)
True. I’ve known my wife for more than 20 years now, and I only recently found out that she thinks “Stairway to Heaven” is a better song than “Highway to Hell.” I’m not going to lie. The thought of divorce did cross my mind.
(FYI, there is no such thing as romantic unconditional love)
True. I’ve known my wife for more than 20 years now, and I only recently found out that she thinks “Stairway to Heaven” is a better song than “Highway to Hell.” I’m not going to lie. The thought of divorce did cross my mind.
She is the one who should divorce you!! LZ's worst song is better than AC/DC's best!
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
(FYI, there is no such thing as romantic unconditional love)
True. I’ve known my wife for more than 20 years now, and I only recently found out that she thinks “Stairway to Heaven” is a better song than “Highway to Hell.” I’m not going to lie. The thought of divorce did cross my mind.
Sounds like a good enough reason to contemplate a split!
Comments
I have people say hi to me all the time. It's when I had to ask for a phone number for a sale at work that the guy tapped my wedding ring and made some creepy comment about how he wanted to give me his number... that wasn't cool. I let him know it wasn't cool. So, don't tap some women's wedding ring and you are good!
Oh my god dude, you are not old. Sports may not be your gig, but you aren't ready to start drawing retirement. Here's an idea, go to open drawing time. They used to life modeling open studio times. Go. You would be surprised who you might meet.
Don't sit and say no, I can't, because...go and do. Will it be uncomfortable? Sure. But ... work a bit more about being comfortable.
And...cut back on that obsessing. It's difficult, but don't let it eat you alive.
2016: Lexington and Wrigley 1
Maybe art classes, but often it is full of elderly women in the one's I know of and thought about joining, I need people my age.
There's this artist I follow on social media who is on my side of the city and I see her videos and photos from her art classes and never any people my age. There's one in the city near my university, I also have been thinking of trying there. I need to be shown how to mix colours and all other techniques. Maybe over summer.
https://victorianartistssociety.com.au/classes/class/acrylic-class
Old ladies have granddaughters.
2016: Lexington and Wrigley 1
They do have an art school at my uni. Not sure if the offer life drawings.
As for your other argument... do you want to attend an arts class to paint or to make new friends? Why not just do it for yourself? I attend loads of painting classes and it‘s 80% older women. So what? It’s fun to create art and have a look what others do and talk about it.
2016: Lexington and Wrigley 1
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Stop finding reasons not to take a chance on YOURSELF and simply try - for YOURSELF.
And if it's tough or you fail, try again.
Rinse, repeat.
See you in a few hours
True. I’ve known my wife for more than 20 years now, and I only recently found out that she thinks “Stairway to Heaven” is a better song than “Highway to Hell.” I’m not going to lie. The thought of divorce did cross my mind.