Bullying from a far

lastexitlondon

Now we have the baby its not possible

lastexitlondon

I have to sleep now im shattered. I will be back tomorrow

HesCalledDyer

Get a consultation with a lawyer. Stop by your local police station.  Those outlets can offer the best methods of response to matters like this.  Don't let it fester to a point where something blows up in anyone's face.  Since he seems to have cowardly tendencies in face-to-face confrontations, a little scare from the boys in blue might just end the behavior.  Don't let him continue to emotionally abuse any of you.  By being indifferent and not taking proper action, he sees it as an open invitation to continue.  That's how bullies and manipulators work.

And I know it's tough but don't ever blame yourself for the wrongs others do upon you. That is solely a reflection of themselves and not you.

lastexitlondon

HesCalledDyer said:

Get a consultation with a lawyer. Stop by your local police station.  Those outlets can offer the best methods of response to matters like this.  Don't let it fester to a point where something blows up in anyone's face.  Since he seems to have cowardly tendencies in face-to-face confrontations, a little scare from the boys in blue might just end the behavior.  Don't let him continue to emotionally abuse any of you.  By being indifferent and not taking proper action, he sees it as an open invitation to continue.  That's how bullies and manipulators work.

And I know it's tough but don't ever blame yourself for the wrongs others do upon you. That is solely a reflection of themselves and not you.

Thats exactly what has happened by me not responding he has the impression he can say as he wants . But i can't get help because what do i say..
 He told his kid to call me names? They won't care. Its cowardly to the extreme. My partner aent my phone number to him and said any futher conversation you can have woth rob. He replied i have no desire to talk to him I will only talk to you about the kids. So he can name call and send them with negative messages but doesn't want to talk to me only about me. And im not to do the same.  Hard

JH6056

lastexitlondon said:

She is now at college which she doesn't attend. He doesn't care. He sleeps until mid day. Sometimes she goes out to dupe him she is at college.she missed school 2 years nothing happened to the dad. He just gave up. She works 3 days that she hasn't got college. But soon he will have gos benefits cut if she doesn't attend then he wilk be very angry. She didnt come last time because she insisted on going home. Lets be clear we live in a small 2 bed flat with hos son my baby and us 2. There is no place for her to stay. We are on a council waiting list and have raised it with the council but we rent privately on benefits because ive had a mental breakdown.its a shit  situation. Also i have 3 lovely safe . Wise children that used to come over and stayed on the couch the odd night. Don't come anymore because of the son . Who is hard work around others. Im at breaking point. The authorities are not helping. And she would have to move in full time in our only space the front room. My councillor said it's not possible for my mental health. It's all a mess. Non of which i caused. I moping up others mess again

That is a LOT.

One more suggestion: do you ever do family counselling? Sometimes that is really powerful, because if you get a good counselor, they can facilitate sessions in a way where each person can be seen and heard in a way that maybe they weren't before, and that is important to them and their healing.  I only mean of course for you, your wife, and her 2 kids (and I dunno, maybe your other 3 kids too sometimes?)?

I am much more useful at giving advice when I know the specific resources available in an area, but I just hope you guys take care of your adult minds and health first, because the healthier you are, the better you can handle your kids and provide for them.

I also added some thoughts to my above post, just in case we posted at the same time.

I've got to sign off, you have a lot going on.  The families in similar situations that I've worked with for years, the single most important factor that helps them be successful is a human, can be a professional or a regular person/neighbor/clergy/counselor/extended family/friend, but that one steady human who can just keep reflecting positivity and point out what's going ok or the positives of even the most negative situations.  They don't have to be therapists, just someone you can trust, vent to, and who sees and reflects back to you hhow hard you're working to try to keep it all together.  If you haven't found that person, a counselor is definitely the next best thing.  Well, you should go to the counselor no matter what!  But this other person is really important too.

And back to your original question, just keep focusing on the positives with your son and daughter, even if it's hard to find the positives many days.  And 

Good luck!

lastexitlondon

This is getting beyond bullying and its all subliminal no actual written proof. Now he is making lies to the boys school we have to go to a meeting i can't find a way to stop this man

Degeneratefk

mickeyrat said

the opinions of me by others are none of my business.

think how small he must feel to act out in this way AND involve the kids. small and worthless.

simply put, you can DEMAND of the kids to keep that to themselves. But I wonder, do they believe what dad says?

Well said

lastexitlondon

This has just gone very wrong..ive now upset my partner and she has stormed out to go and confront him. But it might be whats needed

Thoughts_Arrive

There's a bit of bullying going on from afar on this very forum...

PureandEasy

I know it's a difficult situation but it does seem as though your partner is not standing up for you, especially to her own children. She should sit them down and explain that their father cannot accept the divorce and he's lashing out at you and that they should not pay attention to his nastiness.  You need to forget about him and show her children that you're a good man, and do this by actions.  You seem to be cowering from his insults instead of showing by actions. Spend time with the kids, take an interest in them. Talk to them. They will come around. Be kind and supportive, do not show bitterness toward their father, that is only feeding their confusion. They're young and impressionable, plus they are children of divorce, give them time and they will come to realize you're not the ogre their father makes you out to be.  Most of all, let it go. The dudes a jerk. Pity him instead of playing his game. Let it GO!

hedonist

Excellent advice - you're a wise woman, P&E.

PureandEasy

hedonist said:

Excellent advice - you're a wise woman, P&E.

Unfortunately, I've seen it in my own family.  My oldest brother married at 18, had three boys, then divorced when the oldest was 11.  He remarried and my exSIL did everything she could to make those boys hate his new wife.  It eventually worked against her, two of the boys moved in with their dad while still in high school.  All 3 love their step-mother and she and my brother have been married way longer now than his 1st marriage.  Divorce is hard on kids, shame on the parent(s) who use their children as pawns when they can't let go of the past. 

Sorry, I love those boys as if they were my own so I get a little worked up talking about it.  Go ahead, ask them who their favorite Aunt is?? 

lastexitlondon

I too am a child of divorce and my step dad IS my dad as far as im concerned. What a man he is. I haven't coward away. Ive shown love . Spent more time with them.than my own 3 kids so the be kind and show love hasn't worked. I have not reacted for 3 years until our new baby and my partner were called names. That i will not tolerate. Im as soft ice cream to all my children and have bent over backwards to be even softer to these damaged kids. Don't forget i have 3 others of my own that are very well rounded kids . I know the ropes here. But this is relentless. Im not even refered to by my name in their house. Im dickhead or tramp or whatever insult he wants. But im still here tak8ng his son to school making his dinner. Taking him swimming. I don't do that for my own. I feel mugged off and stupid. Anger grows

lastexitlondon

I would also add no retaliation has been made from us even though thos man has stolen £4000 from my partner and go away with it because the crown prosecution decided not to prosecute because they were still legally married the day he stole her credit card and pretended to be her online. Also he sent social services to.our door alleged that i had hit this boy when i have never hit anyone in my life. Now we have that on our records for ever. It easy to say let it go because i haven't held on
  Being bullied by an invisible man that hides away and sends nastiness through kids and false stories through authority .

mickeyrat

lastexitlondon said:

I would also add no retaliation has been made from us even though thos man has stolen £4000 from my partner and go away with it because the crown prosecution decided not to prosecute because they were still legally married the day he stole her credit card and pretended to be her online. Also he sent social services to.our door alleged that i had hit this boy when i have never hit anyone in my life. Now we have that on our records for ever. It easy to say let it go because i haven't held on
  Being bullied by an invisible man that hides away and sends nastiness through kids and false stories through authority .

did social services find that to be a credible allegation?

lastexitlondon

Nooo we were pleased actually because they said they get time waster jealous ex partners all the time. And actually they went and told him off and he said the lady was a feminist . So he was shown to be a complete liar and false allegations obviously ive never touched anyone my 3 kids are all wonderful loving humans. He ahs had safeguarding issues afainst him because the daughter he is responsible for keeps taking overdoses in his house .

mickeyrat

lastexitlondon said:

Nooo we were pleased actually because they said they get time waster jealous ex partners all the time. And actually they went and told him off and he said the lady was a feminist . So he was shown to be a complete liar and false allegations obviously ive never touched anyone my 3 kids are all wonderful loving humans. He ahs had safeguarding issues afainst him because the daughter he is responsible for keeps taking overdoses in his house .

so while I expect it was alarming initially, you have a record of his behavior building that can work to your benefit.

above it came across like it was haunting you two.

lastexitlondon

It is very horrible because of my morals and great manner with all children to be accused is like a dagger in my soul. I am a father . Dad. Friend to my children. I feel dirty and tainted because its on all dr notes for this boy  that social investigated this non incident. Im hurt of course

stuckinline

lastexitlondon

We understand this is difficult for you. Please refer to pureandeasy's post:

"I know it's a difficult situation but it does seem as though your partner is not standing up for you, especially to her own children. She should sit them down and explain that their father cannot accept the divorce and he's lashing out at you and that they should not pay attention to his nastiness.  You need to forget about him and show her children that you're a good man, and do this by actions.  You seem to be cowering from his insults instead of showing by actions. Spend time with the kids, take an interest in them. Talk to them. They will come around. Be kind and supportive, do not show bitterness toward their father, that is only feeding their confusion. They're young and impressionable, plus they are children of divorce, give them time and they will come to realize you're not the ogre their father makes you out to be.  Most of all, let it go. The dudes a jerk. Pity him instead of playing his game. Let it GO!"

lastexitlondon

Will do. Im taking them swimming

i_lov_it

Thoughts_Arrive said:

There's a bit of bullying going on from afar on this very forum...

Try having your Partner hanging out and drinking with strange Guys to 5am at some Pub...while you wait patiently at Home not knowing where she is wtf???...I am not Joking...

Thoughts_Arrive

i_lov_it said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

There's a bit of bullying going on from afar on this very forum...

Try having your Partner hanging out and drinking with strange Guys to 5am at some Pub...while you wait patiently at Home not knowing where she is wtf???...I am not Joking...

Are you ok?
I've seen you post this a few times in different threads?
Is this a recent event (this past weekend?)

i_lov_it

Thoughts_Arrive said:

i_lov_it said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

There's a bit of bullying going on from afar on this very forum...

Try having your Partner hanging out and drinking with strange Guys to 5am at some Pub...while you wait patiently at Home not knowing where she is wtf???...I am not Joking...

Are you ok?
I've seen you post this a few times in different threads?
Is this a recent event (this past weekend?)

Hey yeah I'm ok...this is just a small sample from her...

I would say relatively recent about six months ago now...She's now my ex but obviously at the time we were together...and as lastexitlondon rightly pointed out on another Thread you can't be a door mat even if it takes awhile to relise that...doesn't mean it doesn't hurt though...

Thank you for caring TA

Thoughts_Arrive

All good man. Hopefully you meet someone soon that treats you better and your ex becomes a distant memory.