Dying alone

rgambs

Thoughts_Arrive said:

rgambs said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

rgambs said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

rgambs said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I don't know about online dating.
Never tried it. I've always refused to go online as I like the magic of meeting in person by chance.
I don't have any good photos of myself, my friend offered to take photos of me.
Hell knows if I know what to write on my profile. I'm quite boring tbh.
What stops me from pursuing a relationship is the fact I don't have many friends.
Any woman that learns that about me will see a red flag.

You don't think there are women out there that have no friends?  There are.  In my experience, women have a harder time making and keeping friendships than guys do.  It's not the red flag you want it to be.
You can't just torpedo every chance you might have because you are afraid to be rejected.  No good photos?  Really?  That's no kind of excuse.  You like good music, that's where you start with your profile.

Finding your soul mate in a magical chance meeting is something that happens in the movies.  Women (not girls, you're an adult and so are they) are not a conquest, they are an exquisite blessing.  Online dating could expose you to dozens of exquisite blessings who are open to letting you get a peek into their life.  You can't pass that up because you are afraid they won't like you, most of them won't.  You won't like half of them either, that's natural and A-OK.  You don't have to search for Mrs. Right online, just search for nice and exciting experiences.

I married my first girlfriend, been together since we were 15 years old.  I got incredibly lucky to have a beautiful woman let me into her life and I wound my way around her like a damn rubber band and didn't let up.  Very lucky, yet if I'm truly honest, there are parts of me that envy folks like you.  You get to experience a whole plethora of beautiful women in that open and hopeful way that is so special, embrace it!

Not sure what to say. 
Recent events with the opposite sex have left me feeling shit.
I was adamant a fried from university liked me. She messaged me to say we should catch up (seeing she dropped out of university and we haven't seen each other for a while) so I said yes. She then cancelled on me the day before saying something has come up and then she rescheduled and again cancelled on me saying something has come up and she'll get back to me when she's free.
That was in June last year.
Another university friend used to always sit next to me in lectures and classes but then all of a sudden ditched me. I don't care as I didn't like her romantically and found her shallow. She was more following me around. Makes me wonder why females abandon me.

Abandon?  Avoid?  
Those vocabulary choices say more about your perspective than they do about the events that you describe.

Why do we fall master Wayne?

I can't understand how she went from wanting to see me in the city to never getting back to me again. Haven't heard from her since she cancelled on me. I guess she just had second thoughts and changed her mind.

That is just a projection, she's probably just busy.
I have a good friend lives 30 miles away, haven't seen him in a year and a half or so, neither of us abandoned the friendship.  We just haven't hooked up in a while.  Life gets in the way.

I understand people are busy but to go that long and no communication with this girl, I don't know.
To me it's not a friendship if you don't keep in touch often.
Me and my friend regularly chat online if we can't see each other.
I haven't heard from one of my old school friend's for a long time, he invited me to his 30th and that was 2 years ago now and haven't seen him since. It makes me feel like we are not even friends.

I understand that feeling, I've felt it before with my good friends.
Squash it down, it's self-indulgent bullshit.
 It also usually comes with an unwillingness to be the one to bridge the gap, "he/she hasn't called so he/she must not want to be my friend anymore, I'm not going to force myself on them" kind of thing.  
Bullshit, people are just bad at communicating with each other, it's natural.
Don't put so much pressure on everything, if anything will drive people away, that's what will do it.

josevolution

Loneliness sucks there is no way to sugarcoat it , I’ve been married for 26 yrs to the same woman with two adult kids I can’t fathom not having them in my life ..
i feel for anyone that’s living alone ..

Thoughts_Arrive

rgambs said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

rgambs said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

rgambs said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

rgambs said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I don't know about online dating.
Never tried it. I've always refused to go online as I like the magic of meeting in person by chance.
I don't have any good photos of myself, my friend offered to take photos of me.
Hell knows if I know what to write on my profile. I'm quite boring tbh.
What stops me from pursuing a relationship is the fact I don't have many friends.
Any woman that learns that about me will see a red flag.

You don't think there are women out there that have no friends?  There are.  In my experience, women have a harder time making and keeping friendships than guys do.  It's not the red flag you want it to be.
You can't just torpedo every chance you might have because you are afraid to be rejected.  No good photos?  Really?  That's no kind of excuse.  You like good music, that's where you start with your profile.

Finding your soul mate in a magical chance meeting is something that happens in the movies.  Women (not girls, you're an adult and so are they) are not a conquest, they are an exquisite blessing.  Online dating could expose you to dozens of exquisite blessings who are open to letting you get a peek into their life.  You can't pass that up because you are afraid they won't like you, most of them won't.  You won't like half of them either, that's natural and A-OK.  You don't have to search for Mrs. Right online, just search for nice and exciting experiences.

I married my first girlfriend, been together since we were 15 years old.  I got incredibly lucky to have a beautiful woman let me into her life and I wound my way around her like a damn rubber band and didn't let up.  Very lucky, yet if I'm truly honest, there are parts of me that envy folks like you.  You get to experience a whole plethora of beautiful women in that open and hopeful way that is so special, embrace it!

Not sure what to say. 
Recent events with the opposite sex have left me feeling shit.
I was adamant a fried from university liked me. She messaged me to say we should catch up (seeing she dropped out of university and we haven't seen each other for a while) so I said yes. She then cancelled on me the day before saying something has come up and then she rescheduled and again cancelled on me saying something has come up and she'll get back to me when she's free.
That was in June last year.
Another university friend used to always sit next to me in lectures and classes but then all of a sudden ditched me. I don't care as I didn't like her romantically and found her shallow. She was more following me around. Makes me wonder why females abandon me.

Abandon?  Avoid?  
Those vocabulary choices say more about your perspective than they do about the events that you describe.

Why do we fall master Wayne?

I can't understand how she went from wanting to see me in the city to never getting back to me again. Haven't heard from her since she cancelled on me. I guess she just had second thoughts and changed her mind.

That is just a projection, she's probably just busy.
I have a good friend lives 30 miles away, haven't seen him in a year and a half or so, neither of us abandoned the friendship.  We just haven't hooked up in a while.  Life gets in the way.

I understand people are busy but to go that long and no communication with this girl, I don't know.
To me it's not a friendship if you don't keep in touch often.
Me and my friend regularly chat online if we can't see each other.
I haven't heard from one of my old school friend's for a long time, he invited me to his 30th and that was 2 years ago now and haven't seen him since. It makes me feel like we are not even friends.

I understand that feeling, I've felt it before with my good friends.
Squash it down, it's self-indulgent bullshit.
 It also usually comes with an unwillingness to be the one to bridge the gap, "he/she hasn't called so he/she must not want to be my friend anymore, I'm not going to force myself on them" kind of thing.  
Bullshit, people are just bad at communicating with each other, it's natural.
Don't put so much pressure on everything, if anything will drive people away, that's what will do it.

I'm lucky my friend hasn't given up with me because a few times in the past I've raised not seeing him for months on end with him and said I feel like we're not mates anymore an he's always been sad to hear that and reassured me all is like normal. I'm more comfortable now not seeing him for a while. That was me before antidepressants though. Since deactivating my Facebook account in October last year I feel like people have become more distant with me. Still a bit down over things.

And yes, I don't want to feel like I am forcing myself on others so I never make the first step in contacting.

Thoughts_Arrive

josevolution said:

Loneliness sucks there is no way to sugarcoat it , I’ve been married for 26 yrs to the same woman with two adult kids I can’t fathom not having them in my life ..
i feel for anyone that’s living alone ..

I was lonely when I used to have more 'friends'. Wrong crowd.

stuckinline

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I was lonely when I used to have more 'friends'. Wrong crowd.

I can relate to this. It's not the quantity of friends that matters, it's the quality of friends. It might be better to hang out with a few really good friends, than a larger group of so-called friends.
Just relax, if you have time, do some volunteer work. You will meet like minded people and have the opportunity to help out a cause.

hedonist

stuckinline said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I was lonely when I used to have more 'friends'. Wrong crowd.

I can relate to this. It's not the quantity of friends that matters, it's the quality of friends. It might be better to hang out with a few really good friends, than a larger group of so-called friends.
Just relax, if you have time, do some volunteer work. You will meet like minded people and have the opportunity to help out a cause.

That's been suggested by me and others.  Hell, even a part-time job.

Honestly, TA, I do feel for you but it seems most if not all advice requested is shot down by some excuse.

Others believing in you doesn't mean shit if you don't, yourself.  That's where it begins.  Just be, ease up, find small ways to gain control of and peace in YOUR life instead of finding ways you can't.

Thirty Bills Unpaid

hedonist said:

stuckinline said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I was lonely when I used to have more 'friends'. Wrong crowd.

I can relate to this. It's not the quantity of friends that matters, it's the quality of friends. It might be better to hang out with a few really good friends, than a larger group of so-called friends.
Just relax, if you have time, do some volunteer work. You will meet like minded people and have the opportunity to help out a cause.

That's been suggested by me and others.  Hell, even a part-time job.

Honestly, TA, I do feel for you but it seems most if not all advice requested is shot down by some excuse.

Others believing in you doesn't mean shit if you don't, yourself.  That's where it begins.  Just be, ease up, find small ways to gain control of and peace in YOUR life instead of finding ways you can't.

Yup.

When I read your posts in the last month (like in the Pink Floyd thread)... I felt as if you had gotten yourself to a better place. I feel right now you're in a rut again. More positive thoughts are necessary.

Get a dog. Take it to the dog park. Meet other people at the dog park and talk about your dogs (make sure to talk about the other person's dog much more than you talk about your dog). And bask in the love that dog will give you. No pitbull!

And don't confide these insecurities to the people you meet. It's not as if they won't care... it's just other people are weak too even if they don't show it. As cold as it sounds... people don't typically want to add someone to their life that will drain them of their energies... they want someone in their life that will add to their enjoyment levels.

Once you've gotten to know someone for a while, that's when your insecurities can be revealed slowly- if you even still have them.

Bottom line: self improvement and relationships (at all levels) are work and require energy and attention. These things won't just happen because you'd like them to (for anyone). They require a significant effort.

Get to work.

tweedyfanjen

HesCalledDyer said:

Pretty sure at this point I’ll continue to live alone and I’ll die alone.

I'm 40, I’m not interested in women my age, and younger women (understandably) aren’t interested in men my age unless they have money, which I don’t.

Why you aren't you interested in women your age? You're very much limiting yourself with that. My brother who is going through a divorce right now is dating someone 10 years his junior. And he definitely doesn't have money. He's just a really nice guy.

HughFreakingDillon

Thirty Bills Unpaid said:

But you can't just say 'I'm going to be confident' and then you're confident. It's more acquired versus blessed.

Positive self talk, amongst other things, helps you develop. But there is no formula for all people. I just offered a tactic. It's up to the OP whether or not they think they can work through their struggle or not with it.

I know. just offering up a different perspective on how what sounds so easy to some is excrutiating for others, that's all. 

Thirty Bills Unpaid

HughFreakingDillon said:

Thirty Bills Unpaid said:

But you can't just say 'I'm going to be confident' and then you're confident. It's more acquired versus blessed.

Positive self talk, amongst other things, helps you develop. But there is no formula for all people. I just offered a tactic. It's up to the OP whether or not they think they can work through their struggle or not with it.

I know. just offering up a different perspective on how what sounds so easy to some is excrutiating for others, that's all. 

Heard. We're all trying to help. I hate seeing someone struggle.

HughFreakingDillon

Thirty Bills Unpaid said:

hedonist said:

stuckinline said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I was lonely when I used to have more 'friends'. Wrong crowd.

I can relate to this. It's not the quantity of friends that matters, it's the quality of friends. It might be better to hang out with a few really good friends, than a larger group of so-called friends.
Just relax, if you have time, do some volunteer work. You will meet like minded people and have the opportunity to help out a cause.

That's been suggested by me and others.  Hell, even a part-time job.

Honestly, TA, I do feel for you but it seems most if not all advice requested is shot down by some excuse.

Others believing in you doesn't mean shit if you don't, yourself.  That's where it begins.  Just be, ease up, find small ways to gain control of and peace in YOUR life instead of finding ways you can't.

Yup.

When I read your posts in the last month (like in the Pink Floyd thread)... I felt as if you had gotten yourself to a better place. I feel right now you're in a rut again. More positive thoughts are necessary.

Get a dog. Take it to the dog park. Meet other people at the dog park and talk about your dogs (make sure to talk about the other person's dog much more than you talk about your dog). And bask in the love that dog will give you. No pitbull!

And don't confide these insecurities to the people you meet. It's not as if they won't care... it's just other people are weak too even if they don't show it. As cold as it sounds... people don't typically want to add someone to their life that will drain them of their energies... they want someone in their life that will add to their enjoyment levels.

Once you've gotten to know someone for a while, that's when your insecurities can be revealed slowly- if you even still have them.

Bottom line: self improvement and relationships (at all levels) are work and require energy and attention. These things won't just happen because you'd like them to (for anyone). They require a significant effort.

Get to work.

excellent advice. 

PJ_Soul

Whether you are single now or not seems pretty irrelevant. I would assume about 50% of people die after their spouse does anyhow.
Anyway, if you are the surviving partner or just alone when you're old, and you want to be discovered in a timely fashion if you die suddenly at home, make sure that you have  a "buddy". Just a neighbor, probably also old so you can reciprocate, who you check in with every day. If one or the other doesn't hear from their death buddy by a certain time each day, then they check in on you and vice versa. This is good for not rotting if you died, and also, of course, for if you've had an accident or medical incident that prevents you from moving or whatever. I'm pretty sure there are also apps that do this - if you don't sign in by the scheduled time it can alert someone.

dankind

rgambs

Thoughts_Arrive said:

rgambs said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

rgambs said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

rgambs said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

rgambs said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I don't know about online dating.
Never tried it. I've always refused to go online as I like the magic of meeting in person by chance.
I don't have any good photos of myself, my friend offered to take photos of me.
Hell knows if I know what to write on my profile. I'm quite boring tbh.
What stops me from pursuing a relationship is the fact I don't have many friends.
Any woman that learns that about me will see a red flag.

You don't think there are women out there that have no friends?  There are.  In my experience, women have a harder time making and keeping friendships than guys do.  It's not the red flag you want it to be.
You can't just torpedo every chance you might have because you are afraid to be rejected.  No good photos?  Really?  That's no kind of excuse.  You like good music, that's where you start with your profile.

Finding your soul mate in a magical chance meeting is something that happens in the movies.  Women (not girls, you're an adult and so are they) are not a conquest, they are an exquisite blessing.  Online dating could expose you to dozens of exquisite blessings who are open to letting you get a peek into their life.  You can't pass that up because you are afraid they won't like you, most of them won't.  You won't like half of them either, that's natural and A-OK.  You don't have to search for Mrs. Right online, just search for nice and exciting experiences.

I married my first girlfriend, been together since we were 15 years old.  I got incredibly lucky to have a beautiful woman let me into her life and I wound my way around her like a damn rubber band and didn't let up.  Very lucky, yet if I'm truly honest, there are parts of me that envy folks like you.  You get to experience a whole plethora of beautiful women in that open and hopeful way that is so special, embrace it!

Not sure what to say. 
Recent events with the opposite sex have left me feeling shit.
I was adamant a fried from university liked me. She messaged me to say we should catch up (seeing she dropped out of university and we haven't seen each other for a while) so I said yes. She then cancelled on me the day before saying something has come up and then she rescheduled and again cancelled on me saying something has come up and she'll get back to me when she's free.
That was in June last year.
Another university friend used to always sit next to me in lectures and classes but then all of a sudden ditched me. I don't care as I didn't like her romantically and found her shallow. She was more following me around. Makes me wonder why females abandon me.

Abandon?  Avoid?  
Those vocabulary choices say more about your perspective than they do about the events that you describe.

Why do we fall master Wayne?

I can't understand how she went from wanting to see me in the city to never getting back to me again. Haven't heard from her since she cancelled on me. I guess she just had second thoughts and changed her mind.

That is just a projection, she's probably just busy.
I have a good friend lives 30 miles away, haven't seen him in a year and a half or so, neither of us abandoned the friendship.  We just haven't hooked up in a while.  Life gets in the way.

I understand people are busy but to go that long and no communication with this girl, I don't know.
To me it's not a friendship if you don't keep in touch often.
Me and my friend regularly chat online if we can't see each other.
I haven't heard from one of my old school friend's for a long time, he invited me to his 30th and that was 2 years ago now and haven't seen him since. It makes me feel like we are not even friends.

I understand that feeling, I've felt it before with my good friends.
Squash it down, it's self-indulgent bullshit.
 It also usually comes with an unwillingness to be the one to bridge the gap, "he/she hasn't called so he/she must not want to be my friend anymore, I'm not going to force myself on them" kind of thing.  
Bullshit, people are just bad at communicating with each other, it's natural.
Don't put so much pressure on everything, if anything will drive people away, that's what will do it.

I'm lucky my friend hasn't given up with me because a few times in the past I've raised not seeing him for months on end with him and said I feel like we're not mates anymore an he's always been sad to hear that and reassured me all is like normal. I'm more comfortable now not seeing him for a while. That was me before antidepressants though. Since deactivating my Facebook account in October last year I feel like people have become more distant with me. Still a bit down over things.

And yes, I don't want to feel like I am forcing myself on others so I never make the first step in contacting.

Remember that to be a good friend to him you need to trust him and not be so quick to question his loyalty and motives.  

dignin

PJ_Soul said:

Whether you are single now or not seems pretty irrelevant. I would assume about 50% of people die after their spouse does anyhow.
Anyway, if you are the surviving partner or just alone when you're old, and you want to be discovered in a timely fashion if you die suddenly at home, make sure that you have  a "buddy". Just a neighbor, probably also old so you can reciprocate, who you check in with every day. If one or the other doesn't hear from their death buddy by a certain time each day, then they check in on you and vice versa. This is good for not rotting if you died, and also, of course, for if you've had an accident or medical incident that prevents you from moving or whatever. I'm pretty sure there are also apps that do this - if you don't sign in by the scheduled time it can alert someone.

There is an app for almost everything.

dankind

HesCalledDyer

tweedyfanjen said:

HesCalledDyer said:

Pretty sure at this point I’ll continue to live alone and I’ll die alone.

I'm 40, I’m not interested in women my age, and younger women (understandably) aren’t interested in men my age unless they have money, which I don’t.

Why you aren't you interested in women your age? You're very much limiting yourself with that. My brother who is going through a divorce right now is dating someone 10 years his junior. And he definitely doesn't have money. He's just a really nice guy.

I'm just attracted to younger women. They're livelier, like to live in the now, and do fun things on a whim like I do.  Where I live, women my age have been thrown to the pack too many times. 40 looks like 55.  Most of them have been married once or twice (I don't want to deal with redneck ex-husbands), have kids (I don't want kids, ever. Not mine, not someone else's), own or have owned houses (something else I never want to do), and/or they're just generally fucked up in the head from all the previous baggage.

On top of that, I just have unordinary ideas for how I want things to be in a relationship and I just don't think any woman, regardless of age, is going to go for it.  (Like living separately and possibly never getting married.)

stuckinline

Back to thread integrity:
This is not directed to anyone specific, just general advice based on a recent death in the family.
1. If you do not have a will, please make a will according to your local laws.
2. Please make your final wishes known. Do you want to be buried, cremated, etc. Think of this as a final gift to your family and friends, and one less thing for them to deal with.
3. If it is not included in your will, please take the time to write down your wishes and sign and date the document, i.e. 'my bedroom furniture' goes to X, my PJ vinyl collection goes to Y. This will also make it easier on the people sorting through your items.
4. Give a spare key to your place to someone you trust. This will also make it a lot easier for someone you trust to enter your home in case of emergency. 

kce8

HesCalledDyer said:

tweedyfanjen said:

HesCalledDyer said:

Pretty sure at this point I’ll continue to live alone and I’ll die alone.

I'm 40, I’m not interested in women my age, and younger women (understandably) aren’t interested in men my age unless they have money, which I don’t.

Why you aren't you interested in women your age? You're very much limiting yourself with that. My brother who is going through a divorce right now is dating someone 10 years his junior. And he definitely doesn't have money. He's just a really nice guy.

I'm just attracted to younger women. They're livelier, like to live in the now, and do fun things on a whim like I do.  Where I live, women my age have been thrown to the pack too many times. 40 looks like 55.  Most of them have been married once or twice (I don't want to deal with redneck ex-husbands), have kids (I don't want kids, ever. Not mine, not someone else's), own or have owned houses (something else I never want to do), and/or they're just generally fucked up in the head from all the previous baggage.

On top of that, I just have unordinary ideas for how I want things to be in a relationship and I just don't think any woman, regardless of age, is going to go for it.  (Like living separately and possibly never getting married.)

 
That sounds like you never really fell in love before. I promise, when you have found the right girl you'll change your mind about living separately!  
No need to get married or have kids but I'm pretty sure there will be two seats at your small table permanently. 
 That's sent to all of us. Someday it happens. Just don't give up and think positive. 
And smile!  

Thoughts_Arrive

Thirty Bills Unpaid said:

hedonist said:

stuckinline said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I was lonely when I used to have more 'friends'. Wrong crowd.

I can relate to this. It's not the quantity of friends that matters, it's the quality of friends. It might be better to hang out with a few really good friends, than a larger group of so-called friends.
Just relax, if you have time, do some volunteer work. You will meet like minded people and have the opportunity to help out a cause.

That's been suggested by me and others.  Hell, even a part-time job.

Honestly, TA, I do feel for you but it seems most if not all advice requested is shot down by some excuse.

Others believing in you doesn't mean shit if you don't, yourself.  That's where it begins.  Just be, ease up, find small ways to gain control of and peace in YOUR life instead of finding ways you can't.

Yup.

When I read your posts in the last month (like in the Pink Floyd thread)... I felt as if you had gotten yourself to a better place. I feel right now you're in a rut again. More positive thoughts are necessary.

Get a dog. Take it to the dog park. Meet other people at the dog park and talk about your dogs (make sure to talk about the other person's dog much more than you talk about your dog). And bask in the love that dog will give you. No pitbull!

And don't confide these insecurities to the people you meet. It's not as if they won't care... it's just other people are weak too even if they don't show it. As cold as it sounds... people don't typically want to add someone to their life that will drain them of their energies... they want someone in their life that will add to their enjoyment levels.

Once you've gotten to know someone for a while, that's when your insecurities can be revealed slowly- if you even still have them.

Bottom line: self improvement and relationships (at all levels) are work and require energy and attention. These things won't just happen because you'd like them to (for anyone). They require a significant effort.

Get to work.

I wish I could own a dog, not allowed where I am living.
I take comfort in my sister's dog.
Everytime my best friend (only friend) asks how I am I rarely tell him how bad I feel as you said, people want to be around people that add to their enjoyment levels.
Pink Floyd is life right now.