Dying is an experience and part of life. It only happens once like so many things in life. I will take it on like all experiences I go through. After death, my spirit will go onto the next experience.
Amy The Great #74594
New Orleans LA 7/4/95 reschedule 9/17/95
Chicago IL 1998, 10/9/00, 06/18/03, 05/16/06, 05/17/06
08/23/09, 08/24/09, Lolla 08/05/07
Champaign IL 4/23/03
Grand Rapids MI VFC 10/03/04
Grand Rapids MI 19May06
Noblesville IN 05/07/10 Cleveland OH 05/09/10
PJ 20 2011
Baltimore MD, Charlottesville VA, Seattle WA 2013
St. Louis MO, Milwaukee WI 2014
Tampa FL, Chicago IL, Lexington KY 2016 Missoula MT 2018
Pretty sure at this point I’ll continue to live alone and I’ll die alone.
I'm 40, I’m not interested in women my age, and younger women (understandably) aren’t interested in men my age unless they have money, which I don’t.
Why you aren't you interested in women your age? You're very much limiting yourself with that. My brother who is going through a divorce right now is dating someone 10 years his junior. And he definitely doesn't have money. He's just a really nice guy.
I'm just attracted to younger women. They're livelier, like to live in the now, and do fun things on a whim like I do. Where I live, women my age have been thrown to the pack too many times. 40 looks like 55. Most of them have been married once or twice (I don't want to deal with redneck ex-husbands), have kids (I don't want kids, ever. Not mine, not someone else's), own or have owned houses (something else I never want to do), and/or they're just generally fucked up in the head from all the previous baggage.
On top of that, I just have unordinary ideas for how I want things to be in a relationship and I just don't think any woman, regardless of age, is going to go for it. (Like living separately and possibly never getting married.)
That sounds like you never really fell in love before. I promise, when you have found the right girl you'll change your mind about living separately! No need to get married or have kids but I'm pretty sure there will be two seats at your small table permanently. That's sent to all of us. Someday it happens. Just don't give up and think positive. And smile!
I have. Once. Didn't realize what I had at the time.
Pretty sure at this point I’ll continue to live alone and I’ll die alone.
I'm 40, I’m not interested in women my age, and younger women (understandably) aren’t interested in men my age unless they have money, which I don’t.
Why you aren't you interested in women your age? You're very much limiting yourself with that. My brother who is going through a divorce right now is dating someone 10 years his junior. And he definitely doesn't have money. He's just a really nice guy.
I'm just attracted to younger women. They're livelier, like to live in the now, and do fun things on a whim like I do. Where I live, women my age have been thrown to the pack too many times. 40 looks like 55. Most of them have been married once or twice (I don't want to deal with redneck ex-husbands), have kids (I don't want kids, ever. Not mine, not someone else's), own or have owned houses (something else I never want to do), and/or they're just generally fucked up in the head from all the previous baggage.
On top of that, I just have unordinary ideas for how I want things to be in a relationship and I just don't think any woman, regardless of age, is going to go for it. (Like living separately and possibly never getting married.)
That sounds like you never really fell in love before. I promise, when you have found the right girl you'll change your mind about living separately! No need to get married or have kids but I'm pretty sure there will be two seats at your small table permanently. That's sent to all of us. Someday it happens. Just don't give up and think positive. And smile!
I have. Once. Didn't realize what I had at the time.
Young and dumb? There are loves out there for you yet!
Monkey Driven, Call this Living?
0
brianlux
Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 42,314
Pretty sure at this point I’ll continue to live alone and I’ll die alone.
I'm 40, I’m not interested in women my age, and younger women (understandably) aren’t interested in men my age unless they have money, which I don’t.
Why you aren't you interested in women your age? You're very much limiting yourself with that. My brother who is going through a divorce right now is dating someone 10 years his junior. And he definitely doesn't have money. He's just a really nice guy.
I'm just attracted to younger women. They're livelier, like to live in the now, and do fun things on a whim like I do. Where I live, women my age have been thrown to the pack too many times. 40 looks like 55. Most of them have been married once or twice (I don't want to deal with redneck ex-husbands), have kids (I don't want kids, ever. Not mine, not someone else's), own or have owned houses (something else I never want to do), and/or they're just generally fucked up in the head from all the previous baggage.
On top of that, I just have unordinary ideas for how I want things to be in a relationship and I just don't think any woman, regardless of age, is going to go for it. (Like living separately and possibly never getting married.)
That sounds like you never really fell in love before. I promise, when you have found the right girl you'll change your mind about living separately! No need to get married or have kids but I'm pretty sure there will be two seats at your small table permanently. That's sent to all of us. Someday it happens. Just don't give up and think positive. And smile!
I have. Once. Didn't realize what I had at the time.
Young and dumb? There are loves out there for you yet!
This!
Not everyone gets it right the first time. I've had a close significant other in my late teens/early 20's and two previous marriages. It wasn't until I turned 51 and married for the third time before finding a lasting relationship with my wife. We struggle at times but we keep learning how to make it work.
That learning is reflected in something I read last night in Jeff Bridges and Bernie Glassman's book, The Dude and the Zen Master. Speaking of how Bridges and his wife get along he says:
"We do have one ancient war that comes up again and again which basically runs like this: you just don't get it; you just know get me; you just don't know me; you don't understand. And that's true. I don't entirely know Sue or her perspective, I never will. And she won't know me or where I coming from, really, entirely. But as this ancient war rages, with each battle it becomes more apparent that this inability to know the other's perspective is what we have in common. Knowing that, we learn to take our differences and opinions not so seriously, we open up. Having fought this out for over thirty-five years, I now find that when the war raises its head again, I feel: Great, here it is again, now we get to learn how to love each other even more."
The Dude is wise!
"Pretty cookies, heart squares all around, yeah!" -Eddie Vedder, "Smile"
Pretty sure at this point I’ll continue to live alone and I’ll die alone.
I'm 40, I’m not interested in women my age, and younger women (understandably) aren’t interested in men my age unless they have money, which I don’t.
Why you aren't you interested in women your age? You're very much limiting yourself with that. My brother who is going through a divorce right now is dating someone 10 years his junior. And he definitely doesn't have money. He's just a really nice guy.
I'm just attracted to younger women. They're livelier, like to live in the now, and do fun things on a whim like I do. Where I live, women my age have been thrown to the pack too many times. 40 looks like 55. Most of them have been married once or twice (I don't want to deal with redneck ex-husbands), have kids (I don't want kids, ever. Not mine, not someone else's), own or have owned houses (something else I never want to do), and/or they're just generally fucked up in the head from all the previous baggage.
On top of that, I just have unordinary ideas for how I want things to be in a relationship and I just don't think any woman, regardless of age, is going to go for it. (Like living separately and possibly never getting married.)
That sounds like you never really fell in love before. I promise, when you have found the right girl you'll change your mind about living separately! No need to get married or have kids but I'm pretty sure there will be two seats at your small table permanently. That's sent to all of us. Someday it happens. Just don't give up and think positive. And smile!
I have. Once. Didn't realize what I had at the time.
Young and dumb? There are loves out there for you yet!
More like young and a controlling asshole. Which I guess files under "dumb" in a sense.
Pretty sure at this point I’ll continue to live alone and I’ll die alone.
I'm 40, I’m not interested in women my age, and younger women (understandably) aren’t interested in men my age unless they have money, which I don’t.
Why you aren't you interested in women your age? You're very much limiting yourself with that. My brother who is going through a divorce right now is dating someone 10 years his junior. And he definitely doesn't have money. He's just a really nice guy.
I'm just attracted to younger women. They're livelier, like to live in the now, and do fun things on a whim like I do. Where I live, women my age have been thrown to the pack too many times. 40 looks like 55. Most of them have been married once or twice (I don't want to deal with redneck ex-husbands), have kids (I don't want kids, ever. Not mine, not someone else's), own or have owned houses (something else I never want to do), and/or they're just generally fucked up in the head from all the previous baggage.
On top of that, I just have unordinary ideas for how I want things to be in a relationship and I just don't think any woman, regardless of age, is going to go for it. (Like living separately and possibly never getting married.)
That sounds like you never really fell in love before. I promise, when you have found the right girl you'll change your mind about living separately! No need to get married or have kids but I'm pretty sure there will be two seats at your small table permanently. That's sent to all of us. Someday it happens. Just don't give up and think positive. And smile!
I have. Once. Didn't realize what I had at the time.
Pretty sure at this point I’ll continue to live alone and I’ll die alone.
I'm 40, I’m not interested in women my age, and younger women (understandably) aren’t interested in men my age unless they have money, which I don’t.
Why you aren't you interested in women your age? You're very much limiting yourself with that. My brother who is going through a divorce right now is dating someone 10 years his junior. And he definitely doesn't have money. He's just a really nice guy.
I'm just attracted to younger women. They're livelier, like to live in the now, and do fun things on a whim like I do. Where I live, women my age have been thrown to the pack too many times. 40 looks like 55. Most of them have been married once or twice (I don't want to deal with redneck ex-husbands), have kids (I don't want kids, ever. Not mine, not someone else's), own or have owned houses (something else I never want to do), and/or they're just generally fucked up in the head from all the previous baggage.
On top of that, I just have unordinary ideas for how I want things to be in a relationship and I just don't think any woman, regardless of age, is going to go for it. (Like living separately and possibly never getting married.)
That sounds like you never really fell in love before. I promise, when you have found the right girl you'll change your mind about living separately! No need to get married or have kids but I'm pretty sure there will be two seats at your small table permanently. That's sent to all of us. Someday it happens. Just don't give up and think positive. And smile!
I have. Once. Didn't realize what I had at the time.
Young and dumb? There are loves out there for you yet!
More like young and a controlling asshole. Which I guess files under "dumb" in a sense.
Who hasn't done assholish or dumb things? I know I have- definitely. We learn from that. From what I know of you on these boards, Dyer, I would say you are a good dude and we will toast you one of these days when the right lady comes into your life!
"Pretty cookies, heart squares all around, yeah!" -Eddie Vedder, "Smile"
Pretty sure at this point I’ll continue to live alone and I’ll die alone.
I'm 40, I’m not interested in women my age, and younger women (understandably) aren’t interested in men my age unless they have money, which I don’t.
Why you aren't you interested in women your age? You're very much limiting yourself with that. My brother who is going through a divorce right now is dating someone 10 years his junior. And he definitely doesn't have money. He's just a really nice guy.
I'm just attracted to younger women. They're livelier, like to live in the now, and do fun things on a whim like I do. Where I live, women my age have been thrown to the pack too many times. 40 looks like 55. Most of them have been married once or twice (I don't want to deal with redneck ex-husbands), have kids (I don't want kids, ever. Not mine, not someone else's), own or have owned houses (something else I never want to do), and/or they're just generally fucked up in the head from all the previous baggage.
On top of that, I just have unordinary ideas for how I want things to be in a relationship and I just don't think any woman, regardless of age, is going to go for it. (Like living separately and possibly never getting married.)
That sounds like you never really fell in love before. I promise, when you have found the right girl you'll change your mind about living separately! No need to get married or have kids but I'm pretty sure there will be two seats at your small table permanently. That's sent to all of us. Someday it happens. Just don't give up and think positive. And smile!
I have. Once. Didn't realize what I had at the time.
Young and dumb? There are loves out there for you yet!
More like young and a controlling asshole. Which I guess files under "dumb" in a sense.
the way I look at it, then she wasn't the right one. you wouldn't have treated the right one like that, no matter your age. it was a learning experience. I had a 5 year relationship in my early 20's that you could say was borderline emotionally abusive (on both our parts), and yeah, when I think back, sure, I and she could have been nicer. But maybe that was something I needed to learn. To prepare me for my subsequent relationships and marriage.
"Oh Canada...you're beautiful when you're drunk" -EV 8/14/93
Pretty sure at this point I’ll continue to live alone and I’ll die alone.
I'm 40, I’m not interested in women my age, and younger women (understandably) aren’t interested in men my age unless they have money, which I don’t.
Why you aren't you interested in women your age? You're very much limiting yourself with that. My brother who is going through a divorce right now is dating someone 10 years his junior. And he definitely doesn't have money. He's just a really nice guy.
I'm just attracted to younger women. They're livelier, like to live in the now, and do fun things on a whim like I do. Where I live, women my age have been thrown to the pack too many times. 40 looks like 55. Most of them have been married once or twice (I don't want to deal with redneck ex-husbands), have kids (I don't want kids, ever. Not mine, not someone else's), own or have owned houses (something else I never want to do), and/or they're just generally fucked up in the head from all the previous baggage.
On top of that, I just have unordinary ideas for how I want things to be in a relationship and I just don't think any woman, regardless of age, is going to go for it. (Like living separately and possibly never getting married.)
That sounds like you never really fell in love before. I promise, when you have found the right girl you'll change your mind about living separately! No need to get married or have kids but I'm pretty sure there will be two seats at your small table permanently. That's sent to all of us. Someday it happens. Just don't give up and think positive. And smile!
I have. Once. Didn't realize what I had at the time.
Pretty sure at this point I’ll continue to live alone and I’ll die alone.
I'm 40, I’m not interested in women my age, and younger women (understandably) aren’t interested in men my age unless they have money, which I don’t.
Why you aren't you interested in women your age? You're very much limiting yourself with that. My brother who is going through a divorce right now is dating someone 10 years his junior. And he definitely doesn't have money. He's just a really nice guy.
I'm just attracted to younger women. They're livelier, like to live in the now, and do fun things on a whim like I do. Where I live, women my age have been thrown to the pack too many times. 40 looks like 55. Most of them have been married once or twice (I don't want to deal with redneck ex-husbands), have kids (I don't want kids, ever. Not mine, not someone else's), own or have owned houses (something else I never want to do), and/or they're just generally fucked up in the head from all the previous baggage.
On top of that, I just have unordinary ideas for how I want things to be in a relationship and I just don't think any woman, regardless of age, is going to go for it. (Like living separately and possibly never getting married.)
That sounds like you never really fell in love before. I promise, when you have found the right girl you'll change your mind about living separately! No need to get married or have kids but I'm pretty sure there will be two seats at your small table permanently. That's sent to all of us. Someday it happens. Just don't give up and think positive. And smile!
I have. Once. Didn't realize what I had at the time.
Young and dumb? There are loves out there for you yet!
More like young and a controlling asshole. Which I guess files under "dumb" in a sense.
the way I look at it, then she wasn't the right one. you wouldn't have treated the right one like that, no matter your age. it was a learning experience. I had a 5 year relationship in my early 20's that you could say was borderline emotionally abusive (on both our parts), and yeah, when I think back, sure, I and she could have been nicer. But maybe that was something I needed to learn. To prepare me for my subsequent relationships and marriage.
Your opinion is your own but I certainly don’t think that you can put any of the fault for any of a guy’s controlling behaviour on his female partner for “not being the right one”. Any abusive behaviour sits squarely on the person behaving that way.
my small self... like a book amongst the many on a shelf
0
F Me In The Brain
this knows everybody from other commets Posts: 31,388
Pretty sure at this point I’ll continue to live alone and I’ll die alone.
I'm 40, I’m not interested in women my age, and younger women (understandably) aren’t interested in men my age unless they have money, which I don’t.
Why you aren't you interested in women your age? You're very much limiting yourself with that. My brother who is going through a divorce right now is dating someone 10 years his junior. And he definitely doesn't have money. He's just a really nice guy.
I'm just attracted to younger women. They're livelier, like to live in the now, and do fun things on a whim like I do. Where I live, women my age have been thrown to the pack too many times. 40 looks like 55. Most of them have been married once or twice (I don't want to deal with redneck ex-husbands), have kids (I don't want kids, ever. Not mine, not someone else's), own or have owned houses (something else I never want to do), and/or they're just generally fucked up in the head from all the previous baggage.
On top of that, I just have unordinary ideas for how I want things to be in a relationship and I just don't think any woman, regardless of age, is going to go for it. (Like living separately and possibly never getting married.)
That sounds like you never really fell in love before. I promise, when you have found the right girl you'll change your mind about living separately! No need to get married or have kids but I'm pretty sure there will be two seats at your small table permanently. That's sent to all of us. Someday it happens. Just don't give up and think positive. And smile!
I have. Once. Didn't realize what I had at the time.
Young and dumb? There are loves out there for you yet!
More like young and a controlling asshole. Which I guess files under "dumb" in a sense.
the way I look at it, then she wasn't the right one. you wouldn't have treated the right one like that, no matter your age. it was a learning experience. I had a 5 year relationship in my early 20's that you could say was borderline emotionally abusive (on both our parts), and yeah, when I think back, sure, I and she could have been nicer. But maybe that was something I needed to learn. To prepare me for my subsequent relationships and marriage.
Your opinion is your own but I certainly don’t think that you can put any of the fault for any of a guy’s controlling behaviour on his female partner for “not being the right one”. Any abusive behaviour sits squarely on the person behaving that way.
I don't know, I had a gf in high school that I cheated on regularly and it was because she drove a red car.
It wasn't until I got older that I realized I would only be good to women who drove yellow cars. (Or, flesh tone...)
Pretty sure at this point I’ll continue to live alone and I’ll die alone.
I'm 40, I’m not interested in women my age, and younger women (understandably) aren’t interested in men my age unless they have money, which I don’t.
Why you aren't you interested in women your age? You're very much limiting yourself with that. My brother who is going through a divorce right now is dating someone 10 years his junior. And he definitely doesn't have money. He's just a really nice guy.
I'm just attracted to younger women. They're livelier, like to live in the now, and do fun things on a whim like I do. Where I live, women my age have been thrown to the pack too many times. 40 looks like 55. Most of them have been married once or twice (I don't want to deal with redneck ex-husbands), have kids (I don't want kids, ever. Not mine, not someone else's), own or have owned houses (something else I never want to do), and/or they're just generally fucked up in the head from all the previous baggage.
On top of that, I just have unordinary ideas for how I want things to be in a relationship and I just don't think any woman, regardless of age, is going to go for it. (Like living separately and possibly never getting married.)
That sounds like you never really fell in love before. I promise, when you have found the right girl you'll change your mind about living separately! No need to get married or have kids but I'm pretty sure there will be two seats at your small table permanently. That's sent to all of us. Someday it happens. Just don't give up and think positive. And smile!
I have. Once. Didn't realize what I had at the time.
Young and dumb? There are loves out there for you yet!
More like young and a controlling asshole. Which I guess files under "dumb" in a sense.
the way I look at it, then she wasn't the right one. you wouldn't have treated the right one like that, no matter your age. it was a learning experience. I had a 5 year relationship in my early 20's that you could say was borderline emotionally abusive (on both our parts), and yeah, when I think back, sure, I and she could have been nicer. But maybe that was something I needed to learn. To prepare me for my subsequent relationships and marriage.
Yeah, I totally get what you mean. I had no experience in long term relationships back then. We went about 2 years and all my priors were 2 months max (oddly enough, that's how it's been since then, too). I didn't really know how to treat anyone, much less someone I cared about. I grew up with divorced parents, lived with my mom. My stepdad was a complete fucking asshole and my dad, while much easier to get along with, was also very controlling and had (still does) an extremely bad temper (like, 100x worse than mine!) So those were the examples I grew up around. Not that I'm trying to pass the buck but when you're young you do learn from example. My mom was a nurse and either worked 7p-7a shifts or was contracted out of town 3-4 days at a time, so I was often left home alone with my stepdad. Even though this was my early 20s, I had spent the most impressionable and fragile years of my life hating almost every second of being home. All that had built up over the years and the only thing I knew was anger and frustration. So I took all that out on my girlfriend. Classic case of projection. I'm feeling terrible about myself, so I'm gonna make you feel terrible, too. It wasn't anything she did, it was me putting my problems on her.
The happy ending to all that is when she broke it off, I don't think I ever felt so empty. It really struck a chord with me and I realized that's not how you treat people - anyone - especially someone you supposedly care about and I knew I needed to change. So I worked on that. And it's a long process that I continue working on every day. 18 years later I still definitely have my moments (as many of you have been privy to here) but I have her and that relationship to thank for becoming a better person. She and I still keep in touch to this day (not often, but ya know, "happy birthdays" or "merry christmases"). I really appreciate that.
Now, I'm just old and out of context for this area.
Pretty sure at this point I’ll continue to live alone and I’ll die alone.
I'm 40, I’m not interested in women my age, and younger women (understandably) aren’t interested in men my age unless they have money, which I don’t.
Why you aren't you interested in women your age? You're very much limiting yourself with that. My brother who is going through a divorce right now is dating someone 10 years his junior. And he definitely doesn't have money. He's just a really nice guy.
I'm just attracted to younger women. They're livelier, like to live in the now, and do fun things on a whim like I do. Where I live, women my age have been thrown to the pack too many times. 40 looks like 55. Most of them have been married once or twice (I don't want to deal with redneck ex-husbands), have kids (I don't want kids, ever. Not mine, not someone else's), own or have owned houses (something else I never want to do), and/or they're just generally fucked up in the head from all the previous baggage.
On top of that, I just have unordinary ideas for how I want things to be in a relationship and I just don't think any woman, regardless of age, is going to go for it. (Like living separately and possibly never getting married.)
That sounds like you never really fell in love before. I promise, when you have found the right girl you'll change your mind about living separately! No need to get married or have kids but I'm pretty sure there will be two seats at your small table permanently. That's sent to all of us. Someday it happens. Just don't give up and think positive. And smile!
I have. Once. Didn't realize what I had at the time.
Young and dumb? There are loves out there for you yet!
More like young and a controlling asshole. Which I guess files under "dumb" in a sense.
the way I look at it, then she wasn't the right one. you wouldn't have treated the right one like that, no matter your age. it was a learning experience. I had a 5 year relationship in my early 20's that you could say was borderline emotionally abusive (on both our parts), and yeah, when I think back, sure, I and she could have been nicer. But maybe that was something I needed to learn. To prepare me for my subsequent relationships and marriage.
Your opinion is your own but I certainly don’t think that you can put any of the fault for any of a guy’s controlling behaviour on his female partner for “not being the right one”. Any abusive behaviour sits squarely on the person behaving that way.
Let me be crystal clear: I said or implied nowhere that it was her fault. It was still his. Same as it was mine when I was a dick to my ex. Same as how it was hers for being a twat to me. People, I think, just tend to work harder at relationships when they are "the one". (and no, I don't believe in "the one", I just used that terminology for ease of discussion-in my case my wife is "the one" but I'm sure in different cities or circumstances there are others "ones" out there as well).
"Oh Canada...you're beautiful when you're drunk" -EV 8/14/93
Pretty sure at this point I’ll continue to live alone and I’ll die alone.
I'm 40, I’m not interested in women my age, and younger women (understandably) aren’t interested in men my age unless they have money, which I don’t.
Why you aren't you interested in women your age? You're very much limiting yourself with that. My brother who is going through a divorce right now is dating someone 10 years his junior. And he definitely doesn't have money. He's just a really nice guy.
I'm just attracted to younger women. They're livelier, like to live in the now, and do fun things on a whim like I do. Where I live, women my age have been thrown to the pack too many times. 40 looks like 55. Most of them have been married once or twice (I don't want to deal with redneck ex-husbands), have kids (I don't want kids, ever. Not mine, not someone else's), own or have owned houses (something else I never want to do), and/or they're just generally fucked up in the head from all the previous baggage.
On top of that, I just have unordinary ideas for how I want things to be in a relationship and I just don't think any woman, regardless of age, is going to go for it. (Like living separately and possibly never getting married.)
That sounds like you never really fell in love before. I promise, when you have found the right girl you'll change your mind about living separately! No need to get married or have kids but I'm pretty sure there will be two seats at your small table permanently. That's sent to all of us. Someday it happens. Just don't give up and think positive. And smile!
I have. Once. Didn't realize what I had at the time.
Young and dumb? There are loves out there for you yet!
More like young and a controlling asshole. Which I guess files under "dumb" in a sense.
the way I look at it, then she wasn't the right one. you wouldn't have treated the right one like that, no matter your age. it was a learning experience. I had a 5 year relationship in my early 20's that you could say was borderline emotionally abusive (on both our parts), and yeah, when I think back, sure, I and she could have been nicer. But maybe that was something I needed to learn. To prepare me for my subsequent relationships and marriage.
Yeah, I totally get what you mean. I had no experience in long term relationships back then. We went about 2 years and all my priors were 2 months max (oddly enough, that's how it's been since then, too). I didn't really know how to treat anyone, much less someone I cared about. I grew up with divorced parents, lived with my mom. My stepdad was a complete fucking asshole and my dad, while much easier to get along with, was also very controlling and had (still does) an extremely bad temper (like, 100x worse than mine!) So those were the examples I grew up around. Not that I'm trying to pass the buck but when you're young you do learn from example. My mom was a nurse and either worked 7p-7a shifts or was contracted out of town 3-4 days at a time, so I was often left home alone with my stepdad. Even though this was my early 20s, I had spent the most impressionable and fragile years of my life hating almost every second of being home. All that had built up over the years and the only thing I knew was anger and frustration. So I took all that out on my girlfriend. Classic case of projection. I'm feeling terrible about myself, so I'm gonna make you feel terrible, too. It wasn't anything she did, it was me putting my problems on her.
The happy ending to all that is when she broke it off, I don't think I ever felt so empty. It really struck a chord with me and I realized that's not how you treat people - anyone - especially someone you supposedly care about and I knew I needed to change. So I worked on that. And it's a long process that I continue working on every day. 18 years later I still definitely have my moments (as many of you have been privy to here) but I have her and that relationship to thank for becoming a better person. She and I still keep in touch to this day (not often, but ya know, "happy birthdays" or "merry christmases"). I really appreciate that.
Now, I'm just old and out of context for this area.
yeah, I didn't realize the dick that I was until about 6 months after our relationship ended and I had done a lot of self-reflecting. I was under the impression that the shitty behaviour was all hers. I figured out later it was most likely her response to being treated poorly. Or she was a twit. Doesn't matter. Either way I grew from it.
"Oh Canada...you're beautiful when you're drunk" -EV 8/14/93
Pretty sure at this point I’ll continue to live alone and I’ll die alone.
I'm 40, I’m not interested in women my age, and younger women (understandably) aren’t interested in men my age unless they have money, which I don’t.
Why you aren't you interested in women your age? You're very much limiting yourself with that. My brother who is going through a divorce right now is dating someone 10 years his junior. And he definitely doesn't have money. He's just a really nice guy.
I'm just attracted to younger women. They're livelier, like to live in the now, and do fun things on a whim like I do. Where I live, women my age have been thrown to the pack too many times. 40 looks like 55. Most of them have been married once or twice (I don't want to deal with redneck ex-husbands), have kids (I don't want kids, ever. Not mine, not someone else's), own or have owned houses (something else I never want to do), and/or they're just generally fucked up in the head from all the previous baggage.
On top of that, I just have unordinary ideas for how I want things to be in a relationship and I just don't think any woman, regardless of age, is going to go for it. (Like living separately and possibly never getting married.)
That sounds like you never really fell in love before. I promise, when you have found the right girl you'll change your mind about living separately! No need to get married or have kids but I'm pretty sure there will be two seats at your small table permanently. That's sent to all of us. Someday it happens. Just don't give up and think positive. And smile!
I have. Once. Didn't realize what I had at the time.
Young and dumb? There are loves out there for you yet!
More like young and a controlling asshole. Which I guess files under "dumb" in a sense.
the way I look at it, then she wasn't the right one. you wouldn't have treated the right one like that, no matter your age. it was a learning experience. I had a 5 year relationship in my early 20's that you could say was borderline emotionally abusive (on both our parts), and yeah, when I think back, sure, I and she could have been nicer. But maybe that was something I needed to learn. To prepare me for my subsequent relationships and marriage.
Your opinion is your own but I certainly don’t think that you can put any of the fault for any of a guy’s controlling behaviour on his female partner for “not being the right one”. Any abusive behaviour sits squarely on the person behaving that way.
Let me be crystal clear: I said or implied nowhere that it was her fault. It was still his. Same as it was mine when I was a dick to my ex. Same as how it was hers for being a twat to me. People, I think, just tend to work harder at relationships when they are "the one". (and no, I don't believe in "the one", I just used that terminology for ease of discussion-in my case my wife is "the one" but I'm sure in different cities or circumstances there are others "ones" out there as well).
“....you wouldn’t have treated the right one like that” sure sounds like it’s her fault because she’s “not the right one”.
my small self... like a book amongst the many on a shelf
Back to thread integrity: This is not directed to anyone specific, just general advice based on a recent death in the family. 1. If you do not have a will, please make a will according to your local laws. 2. Please make your final wishes known. Do you want to be buried, cremated, etc. Think of this as a final gift to your family and friends, and one less thing for them to deal with. 3. If it is not included in your will, please take the time to write down your wishes and sign and date the document, i.e. 'my bedroom furniture' goes to X, my PJ vinyl collection goes to Y. This will also make it easier on the people sorting through your items. 4. Give a spare key to your place to someone you trust. This will also make it a lot easier for someone you trust to enter your home in case of emergency.
Wills mean shit here. They always get challenged and can be changed by the courts. My brother in law and sister are going to challenge his mother's will.
Here you can put in a clause stating that if anyone contests the will then they forfeit their whole inheritance. I’ve been told that there are no foolproof or perfect wills, but bad ones can cause family fighting for generations.
Pretty sure at this point I’ll continue to live alone and I’ll die alone.
I'm 40, I’m not interested in women my age, and younger women (understandably) aren’t interested in men my age unless they have money, which I don’t.
Why you aren't you interested in women your age? You're very much limiting yourself with that. My brother who is going through a divorce right now is dating someone 10 years his junior. And he definitely doesn't have money. He's just a really nice guy.
I'm just attracted to younger women. They're livelier, like to live in the now, and do fun things on a whim like I do. Where I live, women my age have been thrown to the pack too many times. 40 looks like 55. Most of them have been married once or twice (I don't want to deal with redneck ex-husbands), have kids (I don't want kids, ever. Not mine, not someone else's), own or have owned houses (something else I never want to do), and/or they're just generally fucked up in the head from all the previous baggage.
On top of that, I just have unordinary ideas for how I want things to be in a relationship and I just don't think any woman, regardless of age, is going to go for it. (Like living separately and possibly never getting married.)
That sounds like you never really fell in love before. I promise, when you have found the right girl you'll change your mind about living separately! No need to get married or have kids but I'm pretty sure there will be two seats at your small table permanently. That's sent to all of us. Someday it happens. Just don't give up and think positive. And smile!
I have. Once. Didn't realize what I had at the time.
Young and dumb? There are loves out there for you yet!
More like young and a controlling asshole. Which I guess files under "dumb" in a sense.
the way I look at it, then she wasn't the right one. you wouldn't have treated the right one like that, no matter your age. it was a learning experience. I had a 5 year relationship in my early 20's that you could say was borderline emotionally abusive (on both our parts), and yeah, when I think back, sure, I and she could have been nicer. But maybe that was something I needed to learn. To prepare me for my subsequent relationships and marriage.
Your opinion is your own but I certainly don’t think that you can put any of the fault for any of a guy’s controlling behaviour on his female partner for “not being the right one”. Any abusive behaviour sits squarely on the person behaving that way.
Let me be crystal clear: I said or implied nowhere that it was her fault. It was still his. Same as it was mine when I was a dick to my ex. Same as how it was hers for being a twat to me. People, I think, just tend to work harder at relationships when they are "the one". (and no, I don't believe in "the one", I just used that terminology for ease of discussion-in my case my wife is "the one" but I'm sure in different cities or circumstances there are others "ones" out there as well).
“....you wouldn’t have treated the right one like that” sure sounds like it’s her fault because she’s “not the right one”.
then you are just looking for something to be offended by. my first explanation was clear enough, and my second was even clearer. not for one second do i believe that abuse of any kind is the victim's fault. is that clear enough?
"Oh Canada...you're beautiful when you're drunk" -EV 8/14/93
Pretty sure at this point I’ll continue to live alone and I’ll die alone.
I'm 40, I’m not interested in women my age, and younger women (understandably) aren’t interested in men my age unless they have money, which I don’t.
Why you aren't you interested in women your age? You're very much limiting yourself with that. My brother who is going through a divorce right now is dating someone 10 years his junior. And he definitely doesn't have money. He's just a really nice guy.
I'm just attracted to younger women. They're livelier, like to live in the now, and do fun things on a whim like I do. Where I live, women my age have been thrown to the pack too many times. 40 looks like 55. Most of them have been married once or twice (I don't want to deal with redneck ex-husbands), have kids (I don't want kids, ever. Not mine, not someone else's), own or have owned houses (something else I never want to do), and/or they're just generally fucked up in the head from all the previous baggage.
On top of that, I just have unordinary ideas for how I want things to be in a relationship and I just don't think any woman, regardless of age, is going to go for it. (Like living separately and possibly never getting married.)
That sounds like you never really fell in love before. I promise, when you have found the right girl you'll change your mind about living separately! No need to get married or have kids but I'm pretty sure there will be two seats at your small table permanently. That's sent to all of us. Someday it happens. Just don't give up and think positive. And smile!
I have. Once. Didn't realize what I had at the time.
Young and dumb? There are loves out there for you yet!
More like young and a controlling asshole. Which I guess files under "dumb" in a sense.
the way I look at it, then she wasn't the right one. you wouldn't have treated the right one like that, no matter your age. it was a learning experience. I had a 5 year relationship in my early 20's that you could say was borderline emotionally abusive (on both our parts), and yeah, when I think back, sure, I and she could have been nicer. But maybe that was something I needed to learn. To prepare me for my subsequent relationships and marriage.
Your opinion is your own but I certainly don’t think that you can put any of the fault for any of a guy’s controlling behaviour on his female partner for “not being the right one”. Any abusive behaviour sits squarely on the person behaving that way.
Let me be crystal clear: I said or implied nowhere that it was her fault. It was still his. Same as it was mine when I was a dick to my ex. Same as how it was hers for being a twat to me. People, I think, just tend to work harder at relationships when they are "the one". (and no, I don't believe in "the one", I just used that terminology for ease of discussion-in my case my wife is "the one" but I'm sure in different cities or circumstances there are others "ones" out there as well).
“....you wouldn’t have treated the right one like that” sure sounds like it’s her fault because she’s “not the right one”.
I don't think that's what Hugh meant though, I think he meant more "if the love you had was big enough", and that's not a result of her worth.
Pretty sure at this point I’ll continue to live alone and I’ll die alone.
I'm 40, I’m not interested in women my age, and younger women (understandably) aren’t interested in men my age unless they have money, which I don’t.
Why you aren't you interested in women your age? You're very much limiting yourself with that. My brother who is going through a divorce right now is dating someone 10 years his junior. And he definitely doesn't have money. He's just a really nice guy.
I'm just attracted to younger women. They're livelier, like to live in the now, and do fun things on a whim like I do. Where I live, women my age have been thrown to the pack too many times. 40 looks like 55. Most of them have been married once or twice (I don't want to deal with redneck ex-husbands), have kids (I don't want kids, ever. Not mine, not someone else's), own or have owned houses (something else I never want to do), and/or they're just generally fucked up in the head from all the previous baggage.
On top of that, I just have unordinary ideas for how I want things to be in a relationship and I just don't think any woman, regardless of age, is going to go for it. (Like living separately and possibly never getting married.)
That sounds like you never really fell in love before. I promise, when you have found the right girl you'll change your mind about living separately! No need to get married or have kids but I'm pretty sure there will be two seats at your small table permanently. That's sent to all of us. Someday it happens. Just don't give up and think positive. And smile!
I have. Once. Didn't realize what I had at the time.
Young and dumb? There are loves out there for you yet!
More like young and a controlling asshole. Which I guess files under "dumb" in a sense.
the way I look at it, then she wasn't the right one. you wouldn't have treated the right one like that, no matter your age. it was a learning experience. I had a 5 year relationship in my early 20's that you could say was borderline emotionally abusive (on both our parts), and yeah, when I think back, sure, I and she could have been nicer. But maybe that was something I needed to learn. To prepare me for my subsequent relationships and marriage.
Your opinion is your own but I certainly don’t think that you can put any of the fault for any of a guy’s controlling behaviour on his female partner for “not being the right one”. Any abusive behaviour sits squarely on the person behaving that way.
Let me be crystal clear: I said or implied nowhere that it was her fault. It was still his. Same as it was mine when I was a dick to my ex. Same as how it was hers for being a twat to me. People, I think, just tend to work harder at relationships when they are "the one". (and no, I don't believe in "the one", I just used that terminology for ease of discussion-in my case my wife is "the one" but I'm sure in different cities or circumstances there are others "ones" out there as well).
“....you wouldn’t have treated the right one like that” sure sounds like it’s her fault because she’s “not the right one”.
then you are just looking for something to be offended by. my first explanation was clear enough, and my second was even clearer. not for one second do i believe that abuse of any kind is the victim's fault. is that clear enough?
I didn’t say I was offended. I said I was disagreeing with you.
my small self... like a book amongst the many on a shelf
Pretty sure at this point I’ll continue to live alone and I’ll die alone.
I'm 40, I’m not interested in women my age, and younger women (understandably) aren’t interested in men my age unless they have money, which I don’t.
Why you aren't you interested in women your age? You're very much limiting yourself with that. My brother who is going through a divorce right now is dating someone 10 years his junior. And he definitely doesn't have money. He's just a really nice guy.
I'm just attracted to younger women. They're livelier, like to live in the now, and do fun things on a whim like I do. Where I live, women my age have been thrown to the pack too many times. 40 looks like 55. Most of them have been married once or twice (I don't want to deal with redneck ex-husbands), have kids (I don't want kids, ever. Not mine, not someone else's), own or have owned houses (something else I never want to do), and/or they're just generally fucked up in the head from all the previous baggage.
On top of that, I just have unordinary ideas for how I want things to be in a relationship and I just don't think any woman, regardless of age, is going to go for it. (Like living separately and possibly never getting married.)
That sounds like you never really fell in love before. I promise, when you have found the right girl you'll change your mind about living separately! No need to get married or have kids but I'm pretty sure there will be two seats at your small table permanently. That's sent to all of us. Someday it happens. Just don't give up and think positive. And smile!
I have. Once. Didn't realize what I had at the time.
Young and dumb? There are loves out there for you yet!
More like young and a controlling asshole. Which I guess files under "dumb" in a sense.
the way I look at it, then she wasn't the right one. you wouldn't have treated the right one like that, no matter your age. it was a learning experience. I had a 5 year relationship in my early 20's that you could say was borderline emotionally abusive (on both our parts), and yeah, when I think back, sure, I and she could have been nicer. But maybe that was something I needed to learn. To prepare me for my subsequent relationships and marriage.
Your opinion is your own but I certainly don’t think that you can put any of the fault for any of a guy’s controlling behaviour on his female partner for “not being the right one”. Any abusive behaviour sits squarely on the person behaving that way.
Let me be crystal clear: I said or implied nowhere that it was her fault. It was still his. Same as it was mine when I was a dick to my ex. Same as how it was hers for being a twat to me. People, I think, just tend to work harder at relationships when they are "the one". (and no, I don't believe in "the one", I just used that terminology for ease of discussion-in my case my wife is "the one" but I'm sure in different cities or circumstances there are others "ones" out there as well).
“....you wouldn’t have treated the right one like that” sure sounds like it’s her fault because she’s “not the right one”.
then you are just looking for something to be offended by. my first explanation was clear enough, and my second was even clearer. not for one second do i believe that abuse of any kind is the victim's fault. is that clear enough?
I didn’t say I was offended. I said I was disagreeing with you.
disagreeing with someone about what they meant. that makes a whole tonne of sense. you are just looking for something that isn't there.
"Oh Canada...you're beautiful when you're drunk" -EV 8/14/93
Pretty sure at this point I’ll continue to live alone and I’ll die alone.
I'm 40, I’m not interested in women my age, and younger women (understandably) aren’t interested in men my age unless they have money, which I don’t.
Why you aren't you interested in women your age? You're very much limiting yourself with that. My brother who is going through a divorce right now is dating someone 10 years his junior. And he definitely doesn't have money. He's just a really nice guy.
I'm just attracted to younger women. They're livelier, like to live in the now, and do fun things on a whim like I do. Where I live, women my age have been thrown to the pack too many times. 40 looks like 55. Most of them have been married once or twice (I don't want to deal with redneck ex-husbands), have kids (I don't want kids, ever. Not mine, not someone else's), own or have owned houses (something else I never want to do), and/or they're just generally fucked up in the head from all the previous baggage.
On top of that, I just have unordinary ideas for how I want things to be in a relationship and I just don't think any woman, regardless of age, is going to go for it. (Like living separately and possibly never getting married.)
That sounds like you never really fell in love before. I promise, when you have found the right girl you'll change your mind about living separately! No need to get married or have kids but I'm pretty sure there will be two seats at your small table permanently. That's sent to all of us. Someday it happens. Just don't give up and think positive. And smile!
I have. Once. Didn't realize what I had at the time.
Young and dumb? There are loves out there for you yet!
More like young and a controlling asshole. Which I guess files under "dumb" in a sense.
the way I look at it, then she wasn't the right one. you wouldn't have treated the right one like that, no matter your age. it was a learning experience. I had a 5 year relationship in my early 20's that you could say was borderline emotionally abusive (on both our parts), and yeah, when I think back, sure, I and she could have been nicer. But maybe that was something I needed to learn. To prepare me for my subsequent relationships and marriage.
Your opinion is your own but I certainly don’t think that you can put any of the fault for any of a guy’s controlling behaviour on his female partner for “not being the right one”. Any abusive behaviour sits squarely on the person behaving that way.
Let me be crystal clear: I said or implied nowhere that it was her fault. It was still his. Same as it was mine when I was a dick to my ex. Same as how it was hers for being a twat to me. People, I think, just tend to work harder at relationships when they are "the one". (and no, I don't believe in "the one", I just used that terminology for ease of discussion-in my case my wife is "the one" but I'm sure in different cities or circumstances there are others "ones" out there as well).
“....you wouldn’t have treated the right one like that” sure sounds like it’s her fault because she’s “not the right one”.
I know that's not what Hugh meant by that comment.
Pretty sure at this point I’ll continue to live alone and I’ll die alone.
I'm 40, I’m not interested in women my age, and younger women (understandably) aren’t interested in men my age unless they have money, which I don’t.
Why you aren't you interested in women your age? You're very much limiting yourself with that. My brother who is going through a divorce right now is dating someone 10 years his junior. And he definitely doesn't have money. He's just a really nice guy.
I'm just attracted to younger women. They're livelier, like to live in the now, and do fun things on a whim like I do. Where I live, women my age have been thrown to the pack too many times. 40 looks like 55. Most of them have been married once or twice (I don't want to deal with redneck ex-husbands), have kids (I don't want kids, ever. Not mine, not someone else's), own or have owned houses (something else I never want to do), and/or they're just generally fucked up in the head from all the previous baggage.
On top of that, I just have unordinary ideas for how I want things to be in a relationship and I just don't think any woman, regardless of age, is going to go for it. (Like living separately and possibly never getting married.)
That sounds like you never really fell in love before. I promise, when you have found the right girl you'll change your mind about living separately! No need to get married or have kids but I'm pretty sure there will be two seats at your small table permanently. That's sent to all of us. Someday it happens. Just don't give up and think positive. And smile!
I have. Once. Didn't realize what I had at the time.
Young and dumb? There are loves out there for you yet!
More like young and a controlling asshole. Which I guess files under "dumb" in a sense.
the way I look at it, then she wasn't the right one. you wouldn't have treated the right one like that, no matter your age. it was a learning experience. I had a 5 year relationship in my early 20's that you could say was borderline emotionally abusive (on both our parts), and yeah, when I think back, sure, I and she could have been nicer. But maybe that was something I needed to learn. To prepare me for my subsequent relationships and marriage.
Your opinion is your own but I certainly don’t think that you can put any of the fault for any of a guy’s controlling behaviour on his female partner for “not being the right one”. Any abusive behaviour sits squarely on the person behaving that way.
Let me be crystal clear: I said or implied nowhere that it was her fault. It was still his. Same as it was mine when I was a dick to my ex. Same as how it was hers for being a twat to me. People, I think, just tend to work harder at relationships when they are "the one". (and no, I don't believe in "the one", I just used that terminology for ease of discussion-in my case my wife is "the one" but I'm sure in different cities or circumstances there are others "ones" out there as well).
“....you wouldn’t have treated the right one like that” sure sounds like it’s her fault because she’s “not the right one”.
I know that's not what Hugh meant by that comment.
any sensible person would. thank you.
"Oh Canada...you're beautiful when you're drunk" -EV 8/14/93
Pretty sure at this point I’ll continue to live alone and I’ll die alone.
I'm 40, I’m not interested in women my age, and younger women (understandably) aren’t interested in men my age unless they have money, which I don’t.
Why you aren't you interested in women your age? You're very much limiting yourself with that. My brother who is going through a divorce right now is dating someone 10 years his junior. And he definitely doesn't have money. He's just a really nice guy.
I'm just attracted to younger women. They're livelier, like to live in the now, and do fun things on a whim like I do. Where I live, women my age have been thrown to the pack too many times. 40 looks like 55. Most of them have been married once or twice (I don't want to deal with redneck ex-husbands), have kids (I don't want kids, ever. Not mine, not someone else's), own or have owned houses (something else I never want to do), and/or they're just generally fucked up in the head from all the previous baggage.
On top of that, I just have unordinary ideas for how I want things to be in a relationship and I just don't think any woman, regardless of age, is going to go for it. (Like living separately and possibly never getting married.)
That sounds like you never really fell in love before. I promise, when you have found the right girl you'll change your mind about living separately! No need to get married or have kids but I'm pretty sure there will be two seats at your small table permanently. That's sent to all of us. Someday it happens. Just don't give up and think positive. And smile!
I have. Once. Didn't realize what I had at the time.
Young and dumb? There are loves out there for you yet!
More like young and a controlling asshole. Which I guess files under "dumb" in a sense.
the way I look at it, then she wasn't the right one. you wouldn't have treated the right one like that, no matter your age. it was a learning experience. I had a 5 year relationship in my early 20's that you could say was borderline emotionally abusive (on both our parts), and yeah, when I think back, sure, I and she could have been nicer. But maybe that was something I needed to learn. To prepare me for my subsequent relationships and marriage.
Your opinion is your own but I certainly don’t think that you can put any of the fault for any of a guy’s controlling behaviour on his female partner for “not being the right one”. Any abusive behaviour sits squarely on the person behaving that way.
Let me be crystal clear: I said or implied nowhere that it was her fault. It was still his. Same as it was mine when I was a dick to my ex. Same as how it was hers for being a twat to me. People, I think, just tend to work harder at relationships when they are "the one". (and no, I don't believe in "the one", I just used that terminology for ease of discussion-in my case my wife is "the one" but I'm sure in different cities or circumstances there are others "ones" out there as well).
“....you wouldn’t have treated the right one like that” sure sounds like it’s her fault because she’s “not the right one”.
I know that's not what Hugh meant by that comment.
any sensible person would. thank you.
my small self... like a book amongst the many on a shelf
Pretty sure at this point I’ll continue to live alone and I’ll die alone.
I'm 40, I’m not interested in women my age, and younger women (understandably) aren’t interested in men my age unless they have money, which I don’t.
Why you aren't you interested in women your age? You're very much limiting yourself with that. My brother who is going through a divorce right now is dating someone 10 years his junior. And he definitely doesn't have money. He's just a really nice guy.
I'm just attracted to younger women. They're livelier, like to live in the now, and do fun things on a whim like I do. Where I live, women my age have been thrown to the pack too many times. 40 looks like 55. Most of them have been married once or twice (I don't want to deal with redneck ex-husbands), have kids (I don't want kids, ever. Not mine, not someone else's), own or have owned houses (something else I never want to do), and/or they're just generally fucked up in the head from all the previous baggage.
On top of that, I just have unordinary ideas for how I want things to be in a relationship and I just don't think any woman, regardless of age, is going to go for it. (Like living separately and possibly never getting married.)
That sounds like you never really fell in love before. I promise, when you have found the right girl you'll change your mind about living separately! No need to get married or have kids but I'm pretty sure there will be two seats at your small table permanently. That's sent to all of us. Someday it happens. Just don't give up and think positive. And smile!
I have. Once. Didn't realize what I had at the time.
Young and dumb? There are loves out there for you yet!
More like young and a controlling asshole. Which I guess files under "dumb" in a sense.
the way I look at it, then she wasn't the right one. you wouldn't have treated the right one like that, no matter your age. it was a learning experience. I had a 5 year relationship in my early 20's that you could say was borderline emotionally abusive (on both our parts), and yeah, when I think back, sure, I and she could have been nicer. But maybe that was something I needed to learn. To prepare me for my subsequent relationships and marriage.
Your opinion is your own but I certainly don’t think that you can put any of the fault for any of a guy’s controlling behaviour on his female partner for “not being the right one”. Any abusive behaviour sits squarely on the person behaving that way.
Let me be crystal clear: I said or implied nowhere that it was her fault. It was still his. Same as it was mine when I was a dick to my ex. Same as how it was hers for being a twat to me. People, I think, just tend to work harder at relationships when they are "the one". (and no, I don't believe in "the one", I just used that terminology for ease of discussion-in my case my wife is "the one" but I'm sure in different cities or circumstances there are others "ones" out there as well).
“....you wouldn’t have treated the right one like that” sure sounds like it’s her fault because she’s “not the right one”.
I know that's not what Hugh meant by that comment.
any sensible person would. thank you.
I consider myself a sensible person and, while I imagine you didn't intend to come across as excusing the guy's bad behaviour, that's pretty much how it reads
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F Me In The Brain
this knows everybody from other commets Posts: 31,388
I like how you can say something like "any sensible person would" - and act like that is just another thing to say in a conversation. You are calling the other person insensible. That is not cool. I also read it similarly to that. I didn't necessarily think that this is what you meant to convey but to me that is what the original statement was conveying. So you can say whatever you want and regardless of what is said...your intended meaning is all that matters? I have a thirteen years old that lives with us that constantly says "what I meant was...." After we question something he says that we think is messed up.
Others saying that they know that's not what you meant doesnt mean anyone that questions what they read is without their mental facilities.
The love he receives is the love that is saved
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brianlux
Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 42,314
So much can be misinterpreted on an on-line forum. I think we should all go pound sand and eat worms.
Or maybe try a little harder to co-Grok.
Ooh... I like that, "co-Grok".
"Pretty cookies, heart squares all around, yeah!" -Eddie Vedder, "Smile"
"Try to not spook the horse."
-Neil Young
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F Me In The Brain
this knows everybody from other commets Posts: 31,388
Pretty sure at this point I’ll continue to live alone and I’ll die alone.
I'm 40, I’m not interested in women my age, and younger women (understandably) aren’t interested in men my age unless they have money, which I don’t.
Why you aren't you interested in women your age? You're very much limiting yourself with that. My brother who is going through a divorce right now is dating someone 10 years his junior. And he definitely doesn't have money. He's just a really nice guy.
I'm just attracted to younger women. They're livelier, like to live in the now, and do fun things on a whim like I do. Where I live, women my age have been thrown to the pack too many times. 40 looks like 55. Most of them have been married once or twice (I don't want to deal with redneck ex-husbands), have kids (I don't want kids, ever. Not mine, not someone else's), own or have owned houses (something else I never want to do), and/or they're just generally fucked up in the head from all the previous baggage.
On top of that, I just have unordinary ideas for how I want things to be in a relationship and I just don't think any woman, regardless of age, is going to go for it. (Like living separately and possibly never getting married.)
That sounds like you never really fell in love before. I promise, when you have found the right girl you'll change your mind about living separately! No need to get married or have kids but I'm pretty sure there will be two seats at your small table permanently. That's sent to all of us. Someday it happens. Just don't give up and think positive. And smile!
I have. Once. Didn't realize what I had at the time.
Young and dumb? There are loves out there for you yet!
More like young and a controlling asshole. Which I guess files under "dumb" in a sense.
the way I look at it, then she wasn't the right one. you wouldn't have treated the right one like that, no matter your age. it was a learning experience. I had a 5 year relationship in my early 20's that you could say was borderline emotionally abusive (on both our parts), and yeah, when I think back, sure, I and she could have been nicer. But maybe that was something I needed to learn. To prepare me for my subsequent relationships and marriage.
Your opinion is your own but I certainly don’t think that you can put any of the fault for any of a guy’s controlling behaviour on his female partner for “not being the right one”. Any abusive behaviour sits squarely on the person behaving that way.
Let me be crystal clear: I said or implied nowhere that it was her fault. It was still his. Same as it was mine when I was a dick to my ex. Same as how it was hers for being a twat to me. People, I think, just tend to work harder at relationships when they are "the one". (and no, I don't believe in "the one", I just used that terminology for ease of discussion-in my case my wife is "the one" but I'm sure in different cities or circumstances there are others "ones" out there as well).
“....you wouldn’t have treated the right one like that” sure sounds like it’s her fault because she’s “not the right one”.
I know that's not what Hugh meant by that comment.
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There are loves out there for you yet!
Not everyone gets it right the first time. I've had a close significant other in my late teens/early 20's and two previous marriages. It wasn't until I turned 51 and married for the third time before finding a lasting relationship with my wife. We struggle at times but we keep learning how to make it work.
That learning is reflected in something I read last night in Jeff Bridges and Bernie Glassman's book, The Dude and the Zen Master. Speaking of how Bridges and his wife get along he says:
"We do have one ancient war that comes up again and again which basically runs like this: you just don't get it; you just know get me; you just don't know me; you don't understand. And that's true. I don't entirely know Sue or her perspective, I never will. And she won't know me or where I coming from, really, entirely. But as this ancient war rages, with each battle it becomes more apparent that this inability to know the other's perspective is what we have in common. Knowing that, we learn to take our differences and opinions not so seriously, we open up. Having fought this out for over thirty-five years, I now find that when the war raises its head again, I feel: Great, here it is again, now we get to learn how to love each other even more."
The Dude is wise!
-Eddie Vedder, "Smile"
-Eddie Vedder, "Smile"
-Eddie Vedder, "Smile"
-EV 8/14/93
It wasn't until I got older that I realized I would only be good to women who drove yellow cars. (Or, flesh tone...)
The happy ending to all that is when she broke it off, I don't think I ever felt so empty. It really struck a chord with me and I realized that's not how you treat people - anyone - especially someone you supposedly care about and I knew I needed to change. So I worked on that. And it's a long process that I continue working on every day. 18 years later I still definitely have my moments (as many of you have been privy to here) but I have her and that relationship to thank for becoming a better person. She and I still keep in touch to this day (not often, but ya know, "happy birthdays" or "merry christmases"). I really appreciate that.
Now, I'm just old and out of context for this area.
-EV 8/14/93
-EV 8/14/93
-EV 8/14/93
-EV 8/14/93
-EV 8/14/93
That is not cool.
I also read it similarly to that. I didn't necessarily think that this is what you meant to convey but to me that is what the original statement was conveying. So you can say whatever you want and regardless of what is said...your intended meaning is all that matters?
I have a thirteen years old that lives with us that constantly says "what I meant was...." After we question something he says that we think is messed up.
Others saying that they know that's not what you meant doesnt mean anyone that questions what they read is without their mental facilities.
Or maybe try a little harder to co-Grok.
Ooh... I like that, "co-Grok".
-Eddie Vedder, "Smile"
Leeroy Jenkins!
Right on cue.