man,,this is so fuckin sad.....all the best to his family..
"...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
I really don't want to be disrespectful to Chris, his family, or his legacy, but I have had a nagging thought since the beginning of this terrible news.
Is it possible that it was an accident? I'm not explaining what I mean, some folks will get what I mean and some won't, but it just keeps circling the back of my mind and I haven't heard anyone else suggest it. I don't judge what people do when they aren't hurting anyone else, so I don't see it as disrespectful, but I suppose some might. It's just hard to wrap the mind around, scrambling for answer is a natural tendancy, but I guess it doesn't do a damn bit of good.
"Is it possible that it was an accident?" Yes, that's been my belief all along. It seems evident to me that Chris accidentally, and carelessly, took too many of his anti-anxiety pills. Have you noticed on TV commercials for medications like this that, at the end of the ad when the announcer is hurriedly reading the possible side effects of the medication that, "thoughts of suicide" are mentioned? To me, the worst part of this tragedy is that people are so sure that Chris committed suicide and he isn't able to defend himself. I will always believe that his death was simply a horrible, horrible accident.
Excellent article, thanks for posting it Dimitri. What he says about depression is right on. Good words to encourage getting help. I did and it's the only reason I'm still here. Others have done the same. Many of us can and have risen above depression. Like Henry Rollins says, "Hack or pack". Better to hack.
And all said with do respect for those who didn't make it. Could just have easily been me so I'm no one to criticize.
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man [or woman] who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
For me at the moment I'm finding it hard to reconcile the messages of strength in songs like Times Of Trouble with the reality of how he died. I'm worried my feelings towards his music will forever be altered.
Feeling the same way. It will be utterly impossible not to think "he is not here anymore" while listening to his voice. I hope one day we could separate things. This man was a ton of answers for me, now I am full of questions.
What have recently happened has nothing to do with what he has done at others moments in his life. In some way yes, but I feel, i don't know, he wasn't clean, he couldn't think properly. I mean, I have no idea, it's just too sad.
You are over complicating things. Whether he did this on his own omission or under the influence of perception drugs, does not change the person he was or the songs 's wrote at the time.
Sorry dude, may my english is not good enough, but is not that what I said? I mean, Im gonna try to keep enjoying and watching his whole movie instead of get stuck with last picture.
Anyway, I go with your words too. Thanks.
No worries, was my fault drank a bit to much last night, Sorry.
Thanks for it. I know we all have our thoughts around it all the time and sharing what we think (with respect) with others here, it's a ground cable, a way to feel "better", if I could use that word. It's something we all do trying to find an answer, trying to reach to some peaceful place and its valid, its ok. He does belong to a movement that has its own phantoms and darkness revolving around, and its easy to recall what happened to others in the past. But reading what his wife said, it makes me feel that this has more to do with an accidental thing, than the terribles stories we are used to. Before that, I was totally lost with 10 questions in my head. With pills stuff around, now I have 8. (metaphorically speaking)
Just in case, Im not trying to tell others what to think. I am all the time pondering it over, I change my mind each morning. But at the same time, paying attention to what his inner circle says, it may avoid us more suffering than we actually are struggling with.
Thanks for it. I know we all have our thoughts around it all the time and sharing what we think (with respect) with others here, it's a ground cable, a way to feel "better", if I could use that word. It's something we all do trying to find an answer, trying to reach to some peaceful place and its valid, its ok. He does belong to a movement that has its own phantoms and darkness revolving around, and its easy to recall what happened to others in the past. But reading what his wife said, it makes me feel that this has more to do with an accidental thing, than the terribles stories we are used to. Before that, I was totally lost with 10 questions in my head. With pills stuff around, now I have 8. (metaphorically speaking)
Just in case, Im not trying to tell others what to think. I am all the time pondering it over, I change my mind each morning. But at the same time, paying attention to what his inner circle says, it may avoid us more suffering than we actually are struggling with.
Thanks for being on the other side of my monitor.
I think you said earlier that English isn't your first language? Allow me to say that your eloquence is appreciated. Beautiful words and sentiments in what is a tough time for many, in different ways.
Last part, perfection, and what I have felt so many times over my existence in this community.
"His music and voice will never be forgotten, and will never be replicated or replaced. He gave us all a gift, and for that, I am thankful. He will always be one of my favorite singers and songwriters, along with being a huge musical influence. Thank you for your gift, Chris Cornell. I pray that your family, friends, bandmates and fans may find some peace in the difficult days ahead."
Thank-you Matt & again thank-you everyone for writing out your pat of how you're processing this. RIP Chris & peace to family, friends, bandmates and fans from me too.
<hr>
PJ - Auckland 2009; Alpine Valley1&2 2011; Man1, Am'dam1&2, Berlin1&2, Stockholm, Oslo & Copenhagen 2012; LA, Oakland, Portland, Spokane, Calgary, Vancouver, Seattle 2013; Auckland 2014, Auckland1&2 2024
EV - Canberra, Newcastle & Sydney 1&2 2011
"His music and voice will never be forgotten, and will never be replicated or replaced. He gave us all a gift, and for that, I am thankful. He will always be one of my favorite singers and songwriters, along with being a huge musical influence. Thank you for your gift, Chris Cornell. I pray that your family, friends, bandmates and fans may find some peace in the difficult days ahead."
Thank-you Matt & again thank-you everyone for writing out your pat of how you're processing this. RIP Chris & peace to family, friends, bandmates and fans from me too.
I never understood the outrage at the Scream album. With a voice like that it would be a crime NOT to experiment with other genres. I didnt go back to it a lot but i always thought it was so interesting and that he should keep experimenting.
One hell of a gift. Such a cool guy. When i cut my hair in the mid 90s i used his new hairdo for inspiration lol.
We feel like shit because of mistakes we have made in life or because of the state of the world or because we aren’t perfect.
You might think grunge is about anger, but that’s not completely true. Yes, it can sound that way, but it’s really about depression and cynicism. Those two go hand-in-hand, along with their nasty little sister, anxiety. When the three of them get going, they just eat hope as quickly as it can be summoned. That leaves despair and despair is exhausting, not just for those who experience it, but for the people around it as well. So we keep it to ourselves because we don’t want to be a burden.
I really don't want to be disrespectful to Chris, his family, or his legacy, but I have had a nagging thought since the beginning of this terrible news.
Is it possible that it was an accident? I'm not explaining what I mean, some folks will get what I mean and some won't, but it just keeps circling the back of my mind and I haven't heard anyone else suggest it. I don't judge what people do when they aren't hurting anyone else, so I don't see it as disrespectful, but I suppose some might. It's just hard to wrap the mind around, scrambling for answer is a natural tendancy, but I guess it doesn't do a damn bit of good.
This is what I've thought as well. I would never want to presume anything, but I just can't comprehend him taking his life intentionally. I've been fortunate to see him many times in the past few years with Soundgarden, Solo, ToTD, and Mad Season SE. In all of those shows he was so charismatic, full of life, and would (especially in his solo shows) express love about his wife and kids.
I know that we can never fully understand each other's inner demons. Unfortunately I have first hand experience with this as one of my best friends committed suicide when he was 15. He hung himself in his closet with a belt, and did not leave a letter. It's been 21 years since then, and I still think about him everyday. He was exceptionally outgoing, a total extrovert, hilarious, tall, good looking, had a great girlfriend, and by all outward actions seemed completely happy. I can't fathom what he was dealing with, or why he felt he needed to take such action, but have come to peace with the fact that I'll never know. I guess the point is that may people who are experiencing severe depression can get very good at putting on an "outside mask" to conceal their issues.
However, given the added dimension of family in this case; Chris's love and devotion to his wife and kids, I am having a hard time accepting that this was intentional. Based on the limited information we know about this horrible tragedy, it is my personal belief that what you are suggesting seems very plausible, especially if exacerbated by the medication.
I've been prescribed Ativan regularly for nearly 4 years now, and have experienced times where my balance, agility, and cognitive function has been impaired, not by excessive doses, but (I believe) because of taking it on an empty stomach or times when I've been excessively tired. I am not trying to speculate, but this could have been caused by a combination of the medication and the personal act you are alluding to (if he was on the phone with his wife, it could also explain why she knew so quickly to check on him). The combination of the act and the medication could have placed him in an accidental situation where he did not have the motor skills to escape under his own power.
Like you, I would never judge someone for engaging in personal acts that do not harm others, so I mean this with all respect. I just truly hope that over time, his family gets more answers, and eventually (after a long time), may be able to find peace.
1992-07-21 Vancouver
1993-9-4 Vancouver
1996-9-16 Seattle
1998-7-19 Vancouver, 7-21 Seattle, Memorial Stadium
2000-11-6 Seattle
2001-10-22 Seattle
2002 -12-09 Seattle
2009-8-17 Manchester, 9-25 Vancouver
2011-6-16 Seattle (EV), 9-3/4 PJ20, 9-25 Vancouver
2012-6-27 Amsterdam (#2!)
2013-11-29 Portland, 12-4 Vancouver, 12-6 Seattle
2014-AUS - 1-26 Sydney, 1-31 Adelaide, 2-11/12 EV Sydney State Theatre, 2-13 EV Opera House
2014 - USA - Memphis, Detroit, MOLINE, St. Paul, MILWAUKEE, Denver, 25/26 Bridge School
2016 - Lexington, Philly x 2, MSG x 2, Quebec City, Ottawa, Toronto x 2, Pemberton, Fenway x 2, Wrigley x 2 2018 - Seattle x 2, Missoula, Fenway x 2
It very sad to read about how so many in this thread (including myself) have known someone who has committed suicide. Hopefully some good will come out of this and people will be more open to talk about it and watch out for their friends and family.
It very sad to read about how so many in this thread (including myself) have known someone who has committed suicide. Hopefully some good will come out of this and people will be more open to talk about it and watch out for their friends and family.
I really is sad- not to be sensationalist, but it's almost epidemic. I've known four, three close friends, one I sort of knew. Painful.
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man [or woman] who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
It's been four days and I'm still sitting here thinking this is a bad dream.
Me too. I have woken up every morning since then with an awful feeling as I remember he's gone. I just had another melt down just from reading about the tributes other musicians are doing. I know this sounds lame but I never realized how much I loved him until he walked out on stage during Mike's show with the Seattle Symphony recently. That was the first and only time I got to see him perform, and I will never forget it. When he sang "Call Me a Dog" it was so beautiful and sad I wept. That's when I remembered how much his voice--as much as Ed's and Mike's guitar--and his lyrics got me through some really rough times in my life. I couldn't get a ticket to see the Temple of the Dog reunion here in Seattle, but even though I was bummed I just assumed I would get a chance to see him again someday. I'm still in shock. I don't know what's worse, if it was an accident or if he was really suffering that much and no one knew. I keep thinking "if only his bodyguard had checked on him sooner...if only he could have been resuscitated..." And now I keep having panic attacks that something bad is going to happen to Ed. I've dealt with depression and anxiety my entire life and the thought that he could have been in that much pain and despair just breaks my heart. I still can't believe he's gone. My brain is having a really hard time processing this. I"m so grateful we have this community so at least I can come here for comfort. For what it's worth, I'd say I hope that he's not resting in peace but instead rocking the fuck out somewhere.
Chris' comments in Rolling Stone about Kurt and Andy poignantly summarizes how I feel right now:
"It was something in a way similar to losing Andy, or losing friends that died after that. It's not so much the person and the relationship with them, but the creative inspiration that person has and I would get from that person. My perception of the world of music at large artistically shrank, because suddenly this brilliant guy was gone. I'm not even talking about what he meant culturally; I'm talking about his creativity. It was super inspiring from the very first demo I ever heard. It broadened my mental picture of what the world was creatively, and suddenly a big chunk of it fell off."
St. Louis - 7/27/92, 4/22/03, 10/5/04, 5/4/10, 7/1/11 (EV), 10/3/14
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Champaign - 4/23/03
East Troy - 9/3/11, 9/4/11
Kansas City - 5/3/10
Las Vegas - 6/6/03
Memphis - 6/20/09 (EV)
Moline - 10/17/14
Oklahoma City - 11/16/13
I really don't want to be disrespectful to Chris, his family, or his legacy, but I have had a nagging thought since the beginning of this terrible news.
Is it possible that it was an accident? I'm not explaining what I mean, some folks will get what I mean and some won't, but it just keeps circling the back of my mind and I haven't heard anyone else suggest it. I don't judge what people do when they aren't hurting anyone else, so I don't see it as disrespectful, but I suppose some might. It's just hard to wrap the mind around, scrambling for answer is a natural tendancy, but I guess it doesn't do a damn bit of good.
"Is it possible that it was an accident?" Yes, that's been my belief all along. It seems evident to me that Chris accidentally, and carelessly, took too many of his anti-anxiety pills. Have you noticed on TV commercials for medications like this that, at the end of the ad when the announcer is hurriedly reading the possible side effects of the medication that, "thoughts of suicide" are mentioned? To me, the worst part of this tragedy is that people are so sure that Chris committed suicide and he isn't able to defend himself. I will always believe that his death was simply a horrible, horrible accident.
I'm going with accident too. Because it's what his wife thinks, and more selfishly because it makes me feel better. We will never know for sure though.
DC '03 - Reading '04 - Philly '05 - Camden 1 '06 - DC '06 - E. Rutherford '06 - The Vic '07 - Lollapalooza '07 - DC '08 - EV DC 1 & 2 '08 (Met Ed!!) - EV Baltimore 1 & 2 '09 - EV NYC 1 '11 (Met Ed!) - Hartford '13 - GCF '15 - MSG 2 '16 - TOTD MSG '16 - Boston 1 & 2 '18 - SHN '21 - EV NYC 1 & 2 '22 - MSG '22
8/28/98- Camden, NJ
10/31/09- Philly
5/21/10- NYC
9/2/12- Philly, PA
7/19/13- Wrigley
10/19/13- Brooklyn, NY
10/21/13- Philly, PA
10/22/13- Philly, PA
10/27/13- Baltimore, MD
4/28/16- Philly, PA
4/29/16- Philly, PA
5/1/16- NYC
5/2/16- NYC
9/2/18- Boston, MA
9/4/18- Boston, MA
9/14/22- Camden, NJ
9/7/24- Philly, PA
9/9/24- Philly, PA
Tres Mts.- 3/23/11- Philly. PA
Eddie Vedder- 6/25/11- Philly, PA
RNDM- 3/9/16- Philly, PA
I don't have the experience or the knowledge of Ativan that some people have, and I'm not writing this to demonize it's usage.
I took prescribed Ativan 3 times, over 1 week, about 10 years ago, to get through an important presentation. I took two small doses to see how it would affect me first, in the days leading up to the presentation. The day of, I took the fullest prescribed amount, 2 pills (can't remember the dosage). I felt confident based on the test runs earlier in the week.
The presentation went well, and I went home an hour afterward much relieved. Then things started to go bad. I began to feel increasingly rotten (mentally and physically). I felt cold all over, which makes sense. Lots of bad memories began to seep into my head; some were from childhood, and I hadn't thought about them in years. I was almost drunken drowsy, irrationally irritable and depressed. So, I went to bed (in the afternoon) angry, and with tears in my eyes.
I woke up 3 to 4 hours later foggy, but with a completely different attitude. I wasn't depressed, I wasn't sad, I wasn't angry, and I was glad that the presentation was successful. I had dinner, and had a pleasant evening.
Needless to say, I decided that Ativan wasn't right for me.I guess I'm writing this as a caution. Despite having a good night's sleep, and experimenting per Dr's instruction, I had a bad experience with it. Doesn't mean that everyone does, or that it isn't useful, but be please be careful.
I don't have the experience or the knowledge of Ativan that some people have, and I'm not writing this to demonize it's usage.
I took prescribed Ativan 3 times, over 1 week, about 10 years ago, to get through an important presentation. I took two small doses to see how it would affect me first, in the days leading up to the presentation. The day of, I took the fullest prescribed amount, 2 pills (can't remember the dosage). I felt confident based on the test runs earlier in the week.
The presentation went well, and I went home an hour afterward much relieved. Then things started to go bad. I began to feel increasingly rotten (mentally and physically). I felt cold all over, which makes sense. Lots of bad memories began to seep into my head; some were from childhood, and I hadn't thought about them in years. I was almost drunken drowsy, irrationally irritable and depressed. So, I went to bed (in the afternoon) angry, and with tears in my eyes.
I woke up 3 to 4 hours later foggy, but with a completely different attitude. I wasn't depressed, I wasn't sad, I wasn't angry, and I was glad that the presentation was successful. I had dinner, and had a pleasant evening.
Needless to say, I decided that Ativan wasn't right for me.I guess I'm writing this as a caution. Despite having a good night's sleep, and experimenting per Dr's instruction, I had a bad experience with it. Doesn't mean that everyone does, or that it isn't useful, but be please be careful.
Thank you for sharing. I think Americans in particular are overly trusting of pharmaceuticals. We need to pay attention to what we put in our bodies and observe the effects like you did if you chose to use them. I am not saying Chris did anything wrong - I'm just commenting on pharmaceuticals and pharma companies, who do not have our health and lives as their primary concern.
DC '03 - Reading '04 - Philly '05 - Camden 1 '06 - DC '06 - E. Rutherford '06 - The Vic '07 - Lollapalooza '07 - DC '08 - EV DC 1 & 2 '08 (Met Ed!!) - EV Baltimore 1 & 2 '09 - EV NYC 1 '11 (Met Ed!) - Hartford '13 - GCF '15 - MSG 2 '16 - TOTD MSG '16 - Boston 1 & 2 '18 - SHN '21 - EV NYC 1 & 2 '22 - MSG '22
I don't have the experience or the knowledge of Ativan that some people have, and I'm not writing this to demonize it's usage.
I took prescribed Ativan 3 times, over 1 week, about 10 years ago, to get through an important presentation. I took two small doses to see how it would affect me first, in the days leading up to the presentation. The day of, I took the fullest prescribed amount, 2 pills (can't remember the dosage). I felt confident based on the test runs earlier in the week.
The presentation went well, and I went home an hour afterward much relieved. Then things started to go bad. I began to feel increasingly rotten (mentally and physically). I felt cold all over, which makes sense. Lots of bad memories began to seep into my head; some were from childhood, and I hadn't thought about them in years. I was almost drunken drowsy, irrationally irritable and depressed. So, I went to bed (in the afternoon) angry, and with tears in my eyes.
I woke up 3 to 4 hours later foggy, but with a completely different attitude. I wasn't depressed, I wasn't sad, I wasn't angry, and I was glad that the presentation was successful. I had dinner, and had a pleasant evening.
Needless to say, I decided that Ativan wasn't right for me.I guess I'm writing this as a caution. Despite having a good night's sleep, and experimenting per Dr's instruction, I had a bad experience with it. Doesn't mean that everyone does, or that it isn't useful, but be please be careful.
Thank you for sharing. I think Americans in particular are overly trusting of pharmaceuticals. We need to pay attention to what we put in our bodies and observe the effects like you did if you chose to use them. I am not saying Chris did anything wrong - I'm just commenting on pharmaceuticals and pharma companies, who do not have our health and lives as their primary concern.
I have been lucky to be pretty healthy during my life but my thought is to avoid taking any medication unless absolutely necessary.
I never understood the outrage at the Scream album. With a voice like that it would be a crime NOT to experiment with other genres. I didnt go back to it a lot but i always thought it was so interesting and that he should keep experimenting.
One hell of a gift. Such a cool guy. When i cut my hair in the mid 90s i used his new hairdo for inspiration lol.
I really liked Scream too and, in fact, it may be my favorite of his solo studio albums (so, not counting Songbook). I just thought that music really allowed his vocals to shine. I thought he was just as dark and badass on that album as on any Soundgarden or Audioslave record. Badass and dark, but somehow also vulnerable and self-reflective at the same time. The guy was just one of a kind. He was a great lyricist with a truly unique and incredible voice. And because it's silenced, I just want to go break something now..
I don't have the experience or the knowledge of Ativan that some people have, and I'm not writing this to demonize it's usage.
I took prescribed Ativan 3 times, over 1 week, about 10 years ago, to get through an important presentation. I took two small doses to see how it would affect me first, in the days leading up to the presentation. The day of, I took the fullest prescribed amount, 2 pills (can't remember the dosage). I felt confident based on the test runs earlier in the week.
The presentation went well, and I went home an hour afterward much relieved. Then things started to go bad. I began to feel increasingly rotten (mentally and physically). I felt cold all over, which makes sense. Lots of bad memories began to seep into my head; some were from childhood, and I hadn't thought about them in years. I was almost drunken drowsy, irrationally irritable and depressed. So, I went to bed (in the afternoon) angry, and with tears in my eyes.
I woke up 3 to 4 hours later foggy, but with a completely different attitude. I wasn't depressed, I wasn't sad, I wasn't angry, and I was glad that the presentation was successful. I had dinner, and had a pleasant evening.
Needless to say, I decided that Ativan wasn't right for me.I guess I'm writing this as a caution. Despite having a good night's sleep, and experimenting per Dr's instruction, I had a bad experience with it. Doesn't mean that everyone does, or that it isn't useful, but be please be careful.
Everyone's different. I e been taking Ativan for 10 years when I fly. I'm fine. We don't know the whole story, we never will.
Singer songwritter "Nick Drake", commented suicide back in 1974. He captured depression in a song called "Black Eyed Dog". Winston Churchill who fought depression all his life call it the "Black Eyed Dog". I am 54 and have fought with depression everyday of my life. That Black Eyed Dog always walks by my side. Meds can help or hurt but depression is always with you, maybe the dog isn't right next to you, but it follows you. You can get to the point where you are just tired of "faking" of being ok to your friends and family. But you don't want to see the saddest and hurt or anger in their eyes. So you fake it. But if you are depressed that Black Eyed Dog is with you. Maybe Chris was just so absolutely tired of faking or fighting the Black Eyed Dog any longer. He only knows. My heart breaks for his family. Must be cruel to deal with. But I seem to be different from a lot of sympathy, I feel the must sorrow for Chris. He must of just got tired of fighting the his Black Eyed Dog. To all us depressed people out there, you keep fighting that Black Eyed Dog and know there are 1000's of us walking the Black Eyed Dog with you. Hang on, get help and find something to hang on to. Maggie
good thoughts to you, maggie. hang in!
If I had known then what I know now...
Vegas 93, Vegas 98, Vegas 00 (10 year show), Vegas 03, Vegas 06
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Comments
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
Yes, that's been my belief all along.
It seems evident to me that Chris accidentally, and carelessly, took too many of his anti-anxiety pills.
Have you noticed on TV commercials for medications like this that, at the end of the ad when the announcer is hurriedly reading the possible side effects of the medication that, "thoughts of suicide" are mentioned?
To me, the worst part of this tragedy is that people are so sure that Chris committed suicide and he isn't able to defend himself.
I will always believe that his death was simply a horrible, horrible accident.
And all said with do respect for those who didn't make it. Could just have easily been me so I'm no one to criticize.
He does belong to a movement that has its own phantoms and darkness revolving around, and its easy to recall what happened to others in the past. But reading what his wife said, it makes me feel that this has more to do with an accidental thing, than the terribles stories we are used to. Before that, I was totally lost with 10 questions in my head. With pills stuff around, now I have 8. (metaphorically speaking)
Just in case, Im not trying to tell others what to think. I am all the time pondering it over, I change my mind each morning. But at the same time, paying attention to what his inner circle says, it may avoid us more suffering than we actually are struggling with.
Thanks for being on the other side of my monitor.
Last part, perfection, and what I have felt so many times over my existence in this community.
Thank-you Matt & again thank-you everyone for writing out your pat of how you're processing this. RIP Chris & peace to family, friends, bandmates and fans from me too.
PJ - Auckland 2009; Alpine Valley1&2 2011; Man1, Am'dam1&2, Berlin1&2, Stockholm, Oslo & Copenhagen 2012; LA, Oakland, Portland, Spokane, Calgary, Vancouver, Seattle 2013; Auckland 2014, Auckland1&2 2024
EV - Canberra, Newcastle & Sydney 1&2 2011
www.cluthelee.com
www.cluthe.com
Just heart breaking, what his family must be going through......
One hell of a gift. Such a cool guy. When i cut my hair in the mid 90s i used his new hairdo for inspiration lol.
We feel like shit because of mistakes we have made in life or because of the state of the world or because we aren’t perfect.
You might think grunge is about anger, but that’s not completely true. Yes, it can sound that way, but it’s really about depression and cynicism. Those two go hand-in-hand, along with their nasty little sister, anxiety. When the three of them get going, they just eat hope as quickly as it can be summoned. That leaves despair and despair is exhausting, not just for those who experience it, but for the people around it as well. So we keep it to ourselves because we don’t want to be a burden.
I know that we can never fully understand each other's inner demons. Unfortunately I have first hand experience with this as one of my best friends committed suicide when he was 15. He hung himself in his closet with a belt, and did not leave a letter. It's been 21 years since then, and I still think about him everyday. He was exceptionally outgoing, a total extrovert, hilarious, tall, good looking, had a great girlfriend, and by all outward actions seemed completely happy. I can't fathom what he was dealing with, or why he felt he needed to take such action, but have come to peace with the fact that I'll never know. I guess the point is that may people who are experiencing severe depression can get very good at putting on an "outside mask" to conceal their issues.
However, given the added dimension of family in this case; Chris's love and devotion to his wife and kids, I am having a hard time accepting that this was intentional. Based on the limited information we know about this horrible tragedy, it is my personal belief that what you are suggesting seems very plausible, especially if exacerbated by the medication.
I've been prescribed Ativan regularly for nearly 4 years now, and have experienced times where my balance, agility, and cognitive function has been impaired, not by excessive doses, but (I believe) because of taking it on an empty stomach or times when I've been excessively tired. I am not trying to speculate, but this could have been caused by a combination of the medication and the personal act you are alluding to (if he was on the phone with his wife, it could also explain why she knew so quickly to check on him). The combination of the act and the medication could have placed him in an accidental situation where he did not have the motor skills to escape under his own power.
Like you, I would never judge someone for engaging in personal acts that do not harm others, so I mean this with all respect. I just truly hope that over time, his family gets more answers, and eventually (after a long time), may be able to find peace.
1993-9-4 Vancouver
1996-9-16 Seattle
1998-7-19 Vancouver, 7-21 Seattle, Memorial Stadium
2000-11-6 Seattle
2001-10-22 Seattle
2002 -12-09 Seattle
2009-8-17 Manchester, 9-25 Vancouver
2011-6-16 Seattle (EV), 9-3/4 PJ20, 9-25 Vancouver
2012-6-27 Amsterdam (#2!)
2013-11-29 Portland, 12-4 Vancouver, 12-6 Seattle
2014-AUS - 1-26 Sydney, 1-31 Adelaide, 2-11/12 EV Sydney State Theatre, 2-13 EV Opera House
2014 - USA - Memphis, Detroit, MOLINE, St. Paul, MILWAUKEE, Denver, 25/26 Bridge School
2016 - Lexington, Philly x 2, MSG x 2, Quebec City, Ottawa, Toronto x 2, Pemberton, Fenway x 2, Wrigley x 2
2018 - Seattle x 2, Missoula, Fenway x 2
"It was something in a way similar to losing Andy, or losing friends that died after that. It's not so much the person and the relationship with them, but the creative inspiration that person has and I would get from that person. My perception of the world of music at large artistically shrank, because suddenly this brilliant guy was gone. I'm not even talking about what he meant culturally; I'm talking about his creativity. It was super inspiring from the very first demo I ever heard. It broadened my mental picture of what the world was creatively, and suddenly a big chunk of it fell off."
Chicago - 5/17/06, 8/21/08 (EV), 8/23/09, 7/19/13, 8/20/16
Champaign - 4/23/03
East Troy - 9/3/11, 9/4/11
Kansas City - 5/3/10
Las Vegas - 6/6/03
Memphis - 6/20/09 (EV)
Moline - 10/17/14
Oklahoma City - 11/16/13
10/31/09- Philly
5/21/10- NYC
9/2/12- Philly, PA
7/19/13- Wrigley
10/19/13- Brooklyn, NY
10/21/13- Philly, PA
10/22/13- Philly, PA
10/27/13- Baltimore, MD
4/28/16- Philly, PA
4/29/16- Philly, PA
5/1/16- NYC
5/2/16- NYC
9/2/18- Boston, MA
9/4/18- Boston, MA
9/14/22- Camden, NJ
9/7/24- Philly, PA
9/9/24- Philly, PA
Eddie Vedder- 6/25/11- Philly, PA
RNDM- 3/9/16- Philly, PA
I took prescribed Ativan 3 times, over 1 week, about 10 years ago, to get through an important presentation. I took two small doses to see how it would affect me first, in the days leading up to the presentation. The day of, I took the fullest prescribed amount, 2 pills (can't remember the dosage). I felt confident based on the test runs earlier in the week.
The presentation went well, and I went home an hour afterward much relieved. Then things started to go bad. I began to feel increasingly rotten (mentally and physically). I felt cold all over, which makes sense. Lots of bad memories began to seep into my head; some were from childhood, and I hadn't thought about them in years. I was almost drunken drowsy, irrationally irritable and depressed. So, I went to bed (in the afternoon) angry, and with tears in my eyes.
I woke up 3 to 4 hours later foggy, but with a completely different attitude. I wasn't depressed, I wasn't sad, I wasn't angry, and I was glad that the presentation was successful. I had dinner, and had a pleasant evening.
Needless to say, I decided that Ativan wasn't right for me.I guess I'm writing this as a caution. Despite having a good night's sleep, and experimenting per Dr's instruction, I had a bad experience with it. Doesn't mean that everyone does, or that it isn't useful, but be please be careful.
good thoughts to you, maggie. hang in!
Vegas 93, Vegas 98, Vegas 00 (10 year show), Vegas 03, Vegas 06
VIC 07
EV LA1 08
Seattle1 09, Seattle2 09, Salt Lake 09, LA4 09
Columbus 10
EV LA 11
Vancouver 11
Missoula 12
Portland 13, Spokane 13
St. Paul 14, Denver 14