When religious people won't take no for an answer

deadendp

Did you really miss them, though?

Thoughts_Arrive

deadendp said:

Did you really miss them, though?

Nope. My cousin is an idiot who doesn't give a f*** about me and my family.

HughFreakingDillon

PJfanwillneverleave1 said:

^^^
Good for you ThoughtsArrive.
Facebook unfollowing also lets the other person know that you couldn't care less what they ate or are eating at the moment.

people don't know when you unfollow them. that's why it's a good option.

HesCalledDyer

OP, you mentioned earlier about being a people pleaser. I am too. But when I learned to say "no" to people, it became one of the most powerful tools for living a quality & less stressful life. More often than not, people will respect the strength of your conviction more than their feelings being hurt or offended. And if not, those are the people you don't need in your life anyway. You don't need to satisfy everyone and definitely don't need to beat yourself up over it.

HughFreakingDillon

HesCalledDyer said:

OP, you mentioned earlier about being a people pleaser. I am too. But when I learned to say "no" to people, it became one of the most powerful tools for living a quality & less stressful life. More often than not, people will respect the strength of your conviction more than their feelings being hurt or offended. And if not, those are the people you don't need in your life anyway. You don't need to satisfy everyone and definitely don't need to beat yourself up over it.

this. 1000 times this.

in my teens and twenties I was the poster child for peer pressure. I'd do pretty much anything people dared me to do, even if I knew it was a bad idea. it took me a long time to realize that I don't need to do these things for people to enjoy my company, and if they did, then they weren't worthy of me. I hope you learn this sooner rather than later. it took way too long for me to realize that.

only care how you feel. not how others see you.

WhatYouTaughtMe

HesCalledDyer said:

OP, you mentioned earlier about being a people pleaser. I am too. But when I learned to say "no" to people, it became one of the most powerful tools for living a quality & less stressful life. More often than not, people will respect the strength of your conviction more than their feelings being hurt or offended. And if not, those are the people you don't need in your life anyway. You don't need to satisfy everyone and definitely don't need to beat yourself up over it.

Excellent advice. Seriously write it down or print it out and read it every day. Have you ever heard the saying "fake it until you make it"? Just reinforce it in your mind over and over until it becomes natural.

2-feign-reluctance

You shouldn't let Facebook trap you into thinking it's the ONLY way to stay in touch with people you love and care about. We existed for so long without it - cultivating and maintaining meaningful relationships right? I think besides the whole 'staying in touch with people' argument, there's a 'sharing' component that people have come to struggle letting go. In the age of everything at the speed of the internet, all the time, it can be consuming to want to post things to let people know how you're feeling, what you're eating, who your fucking, etc., etc., etc.,

Thoughts_Arrive

Thank you all for your posts.
A guy I was friends with for many years used to call me every weekend even whilst I was at work begging me to go out with him on the weekend. It was like an unhappy relationship I was trapped in. He pressured me every weekend to go out. I dreaded every weekend knowing he would call and I'd have to answer my phone and deal with him. We had nothing in common other than being from the same ethnic community here and our parents are friends, we drifted apart and I was just there with him on the weekend as I was scared to say no and didn't want to upset him. I finally had enough when he was pressuring me to go to a strip club with him, something I am not a fan of, I don't like strip clubs, been once as I had no choice as I was part of a group in high school that went. I cracked in the car with him and yelled at him. Haven't seen him since. He invited me via text message to his 30th birthday party but I didn't reply or go. For me its always about not wanting to upset the other person and have them pissed off at me.

Jason P

Praise the Sun

HughFreakingDillon

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Thank you all for your posts.
A guy I was friends with for many years used to call me every weekend even whilst I was at work begging me to go out with him on the weekend. It was like an unhappy relationship I was trapped in. He pressured me every weekend to go out. I dreaded every weekend knowing he would call and I'd have to answer my phone and deal with him. We had nothing in common other than being from the same ethnic community here and our parents are friends, we drifted apart and I was just there with him on the weekend as I was scared to say no and didn't want to upset him. I finally had enough when he was pressuring me to go to a strip club with him, something I am not a fan of, I don't like strip clubs, been once as I had no choice as I was part of a group in high school that went. I cracked in the car with him and yelled at him. Haven't seen him since. He invited me via text message to his 30th birthday party but I didn't reply or go. For me its always about not wanting to upset the other person and have them pissed off at me.

I have a neighbour who seems to think since our kids are friends that automatically means we are buddies. we don't click very well in my mind. he's a nice enough guy, we are just very different. you just have to learn to say "no thanks", and stick to it. he called me one Friday after work. he said he wanted to come to my place for a beer. I said I was lying down, which was the truth. Long pause. then he said "ok, so you're, uh....busy then....talk to you later". and that was that. don't let the uncomfortable pauses dig you into something you don't want to do.

I went to his place one day to pick up my daughter. he gave me a beer. I had the beer. I hung out for a bit, and then just said "alright, time to head home". he looked at me all puzzled, thinking I was down for an all nighter. But I thanked him for the beer, and left.

believe me, it took me a LONG time to get to the point where I was confident enough to act this way. 10 years ago I would have stayed at his house all night and hated it. But living that way makes no sense.

HughFreakingDillon

the key is:
1) be courteous
2) be firm

if you simply don't feel like doing something, say so, firmly, calmly, but nicely. do that enough and the person stops asking. if you keep making excuses, they will keep calling. just say "no thanks", without a reason. if they ask, just say "not into it", or "don't feel like it, but thanks for the offer". sooner or later the person will get tired of being told "no".

Thoughts_Arrive

Thanks for the tips

FoxyRedLa

Already have plans is an easy one too

PJfanwillneverleave1

You could always ask them what jesus would do.

Thoughts_Arrive

Yes, I could.

Part of the reason I always said YES was because I didn't want to hurt the other persons feelings.

Longueuil

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Yes, I could.

Part of the reason I always said YES was because I didn't want to hurt the other persons feelings.

And other persons feelings are more important than yours?

hedonist

Longueuil said:

And other persons feelings are more important than yours?

I was thinking about this the other day - how sometimes it's appropriate or even incumbent upon you to put others' feelings before yours...and how other times you need to be selfish. Part of navigating through life is weighing each experience, learning when to exercise one or the other without feeling like shit.

OP, master this and you'll do fine.

Thoughts_Arrive

Longueuil said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Yes, I could.

Part of the reason I always said YES was because I didn't want to hurt the other persons feelings.

And other persons feelings are more important than yours?

I always put others before myself. Yeah I should be more firm.

Thoughts_Arrive

hedonist said:

Longueuil said:

And other persons feelings are more important than yours?

I was thinking about this the other day - how sometimes it's appropriate or even incumbent upon you to put others' feelings before yours...and how other times you need to be selfish. Part of navigating through life is weighing each experience, learning when to exercise one or the other without feeling like shit.

OP, master this and you'll do fine.

Thank you.

Thoughts_Arrive

Well, he invited me yet again.
I figured it out. I don't think you can do this on the mobile app.

https://www.facebook.com/help/211763458854062