Should men really be living longer

Malroth

I just had a prostate exam.
A MAN STUCK HIS FINGER IN MY BUTTHOLE AND TWIRLED IT AROUND
I found myself hoping he'd find something.
because either he'd save my life or I would die soon and not have this memory.
The doctor is already lost. He has done so many weird things, professionally or socially, he will soon forget about my butthole.
Now I walk around in shame wondering if everybody that sees me just knows I've had a butthole swirly.


How I wish for the days of the exactly 389 post club. I've lost my innocence.

Wobbie

OK......did he have both hands on your shoulders, too?

seriously....I got rectal cancer and it could have been prevented (maybe) except we got this new piece of shit doc who didn't like doing the finger wave....well, who does....bit you're afucking doctor so don't ask me if we can skip it

hedonist

Oy, Malroth.

Sorry, but I thank you for the smile at your post (NOT at your experience).

Malroth

imalive said:

OK......did he have both hands on your shoulders, too?

seriously....I got rectal cancer and it could have been prevented (maybe) except we got this new piece of shit doc who didn't like doing the finger wave....well, who does....bit you're afucking doctor so don't ask me if we can skip it

He asked you if he could skip it?
I took it like a man, but if he would have asked....
I said "thank you" after, that should have been avoided.

Wobbie

Malroth said:

imalive said:

OK......did he have both hands on your shoulders, too?

seriously....I got rectal cancer and it could have been prevented (maybe) except we got this new piece of shit doc who didn't like doing the finger wave....well, who does....bit you're afucking doctor so don't ask me if we can skip it

He asked you if he could skip it?
I took it like a man, but if he would have asked....
I said "thank you" after, that should have been avoided.

he did....he was an anesthesiologist turned "doctor"... he wears Hawaiian shirts.

shortstack

ugh. So dumb
 

whispering hands

shortstack said:

this thread has potential.

why would a butt hole be any different than an ear hole when it comes to a medical examination?
i get my butt and vagina examined every year by either a man or a woman doctor. they feel my boobies up too. i never feel violated.

guys are so dumb

I just did my only second Gyno exam three years ago, and it will most likely be the last. I just can't do it.. I should really be sedated.. And that's illegal.. But nine years out of ten I don't have the mental mustard ( not a typo btw) to refrain from murdering the unlucky doctor that drew my
Medical file.. I know it's really dumb.. But I get so mentally fucked up over the literal feeling of trauma in it, That I just can't do the regular routine Of it.. So sometimes us girls are dummies too. p.s. I love your straightforwardness!!

deadendp

Thank you, shortstack. They take this lil brush and twirl it around in the vagina but only after placing this cold metal thing in there and clicking that mother open. Part of one hand in and the other out to feel around for issues. Squish of breasts, but then there is the mammogram. Had to have two on January because the asshat of a tech just let the machine drop on my delicate tissues rather than do a gentle crank. Felt like someone crushed my girls in some medieval device. The second, dare I say, was pleasant with no pain and confirmation that I had no suspicious tissue. (Pleasant because of good results.) Just get the parts inspected. Rob will agree that a lil discomfort now isn't so bad.

whispering hands

deadendp said:

Thank you, shortstack. They take this lil brush and twirl it around in the vagina but only after placing this cold metal thing in there and clicking that mother open. Part of one hand in and the other out to feel around for issues. Squish of breasts, but then there is the mammogram. Had to have two on January because the asshat of a tech just let the machine drop on my delicate tissues rather than do a gentle crank. Felt like someone crushed my girls in some medieval device. The second, dare I say, was pleasant with no pain and confirmation that I had no suspicious tissue. (Pleasant because of good results.) Just get the parts inspected. Rob will agree that a lil discomfort now isn't so bad.

Very well put!

JWPearl

go ask for yourself.....

rr165892

You should break into a rendition of "Moon River" while asking the doc if he's using the whole hand.

Amongst the Ani

deadendp said:

Thank you, shortstack. They take this lil brush and twirl it around in the vagina but only after placing this cold metal thing in there and clicking that mother open. Part of one hand in and the other out to feel around for issues. Squish of breasts, but then there is the mammogram. Had to have two on January because the asshat of a tech just let the machine drop on my delicate tissues rather than do a gentle crank. Felt like someone crushed my girls in some medieval device. The second, dare I say, was pleasant with no pain and confirmation that I had no suspicious tissue. (Pleasant because of good results.) Just get the parts inspected. Rob will agree that a lil discomfort now isn't so bad.

Is the brush to apply a new layer of sealent like when we re-seal the patio? I'm confused.

Malroth, did he at least buy you a drink first? I feel like dinner and a show should be required first.

#stillabuttholevirgin

rr165892

I had butch militant nurse 20 years ago when I got a vasectomy.I swear she was smiling when she anything but gently ripped very sticky tape from my privates.it hurt worse then the actua procedure.
But the real fun happen when I got home and my then 4 year old son came running up to me and somehow thought it would be fun to punch me in the junk.Littke shit had a good punch.
Let's just say due to the massive swelling ,calling me grapefruit boy for about 48hrs was def in order.
Good times

deadendp

Amongst the Ani said:

deadendp said:

Thank you, shortstack. They take this lil brush and twirl it around in the vagina but only after placing this cold metal thing in there and clicking that mother open. Part of one hand in and the other out to feel around for issues. Squish of breasts, but then there is the mammogram. Had to have two on January because the asshat of a tech just let the machine drop on my delicate tissues rather than do a gentle crank. Felt like someone crushed my girls in some medieval device. The second, dare I say, was pleasant with no pain and confirmation that I had no suspicious tissue. (Pleasant because of good results.) Just get the parts inspected. Rob will agree that a lil discomfort now isn't so bad.

Is the brush to apply a new layer of sealent like when we re-seal the patio? I'm confused.

It's the gynecological version of a chimney sweep brush.

rr165892 said:

I had butch militant nurse 20 years ago when I got a vasectomy.I swear she was smiling when she anything but gently ripped very sticky tape from my privates.it hurt worse then the actua procedure.

I was there when my man went for that surgery. The only time he yelped was when the tape was removed. TMI, but it left a very plum purple bruise stripe across his penis where the tape had been. I felt so bad. I bought him a gift card to his favorite music store as a thank you.

dankind

I keep saying that I'm going to get a vasectomy, but then I put it off.

After reading this thread, I think I'll put it off a while longer (like maybe forever).

I think I've got another five or ten years before my vanilla fudge swirl.

rr165892

dankind said:

I keep saying that I'm going to get a vasectomy, but then I put it off.

After reading this thread, I think I'll put it off a while longer (like maybe forever).

I think I've got another five or ten years before my vanilla fudge swirl.

My wife said that she was doing all the work and it was my turn to contribute.Plus I didn't want any more kids.timing was right.If need something new to cherish,I'll wait for grand babies or go get another puppy.:)

Hobbes

rr165892 said:

You should break into a rendition of "Moon River" while asking the doc if he's using the whole hand.

brianlux

Ugh... I hate having my prostate checked. On the other hand, at 64 it's good to know it's healthy.

Worse than a the prostate check though was being in a room with a bunch of other guys and having us all told to bend over and spread our cheeks. Was this some kind of kinky porn video I was in? No, this is what they did back in the day when you had to have a mandatory armed forces (there's a term that fits, huh?) physical exam.

deadendp

dankind said:

I keep saying that I'm going to get a vasectomy, but then I put it off.

After reading this thread, I think I'll put it off a while longer (like maybe forever).

I think I've got another five or ten years before my vanilla fudge swirl.

My husband got a sweet gift card, sat on the couch watching TV and had frozen bags of peas on his stuff. He'll tell you that he rocked it just fine. He chose to go this route when I almost died from pre-eclampsia/eclampsia. They (the physicians) bluntly told him that pregnancy would most certainly kill me if it happened again. (It is only with the wonders of modern medicine that I'm still here.) He took one for the team. He kind of figured it was his turn. I didn't stand in his way.

I have to laugh. The doctor, not knowing of all of the garbage and loss that took us to that surgical point, was trying to make me feel a bit guilty about it AND made me look at what he was doing. I saw severing of things and cauterizing of things and that picture is just NOW beginning to slightly fade from my memory. I can still see and hear the ripping of the tape, though. Poor guy.

hedonist

Hobbes said:

rr165892 said:

You should break into a rendition of "Moon River" while asking the doc if he's using the whole hand.

Me too!

My dad had prostate cancer (ultimately passed of the bladder kind), and must say that as funny as this thread is, I'm glad - or hope - it's opening the eyes of some to address these most awkward and uncomfortable situations. Laughing at it can help to take away some of the fear and trepidation.

deadend, why is it always frozen peas? Would corn or broccoli florets not suffice?

Amongst the Ani

brianlux said:

Ugh... I hate having my prostate checked. On the other hand, at 64 it's good to know it's healthy.

Worse than a the prostate check though was being in a room with a bunch of other guys and having us all told to bend over and spread our cheeks. Was this some kind of kinky porn video I was in? No, this is what they did back in the day when you had to have a mandatory armed forces (there's a term that fits, huh?) physical exam.

I am so glad time has changed. We didnt go through this part.Its not required until 40 now.

deadendp

hedonist said:

Hobbes said:

rr165892 said:

You should break into a rendition of "Moon River" while asking the doc if he's using the whole hand.

Me too!

My dad had prostate cancer (ultimately passed of the bladder kind), and must say that as funny as this thread is, I'm glad - or hope - it's opening the eyes of some to address these most awkward and uncomfortable situations. Laughing at it can help to take away some of the fear and trepidation.

deadend, why is it always frozen peas? Would corn or broccoli florets not suffice?

We have used corn. In fact, any bags that I used, I wrote on the outside so that we knew not to consume them. No eating of penis peas in our house, thank you.

Peas because they are small and "moldable" to areas that need some ice, but not honkin' like an ice pack. I think that Mark would have gone through the ceiling if I tried to give him a handful of ice packs or a bag of ice cubes. Lighter. They also freeze a lot faster and don't leak all over the place like ice can. Broccoli doesn't snuggle up to curves, dips and doodles like peas or corn can.

PJ_Soul

whispering hands said:

shortstack said:

this thread has potential.

why would a butt hole be any different than an ear hole when it comes to a medical examination?
i get my butt and vagina examined every year by either a man or a woman doctor. they feel my boobies up too. i never feel violated.

guys are so dumb

I just did my only second Gyno exam three years ago, and it will most likely be the last. I just can't do it.. I should really be sedated.. And that's illegal.. But nine years out of ten I don't have the mental mustard ( not a typo btw) to refrain from murdering the unlucky doctor that drew my
Medical file.. I know it's really dumb.. But I get so mentally fucked up over the literal feeling of trauma in it, That I just can't do the regular routine Of it.. So sometimes us girls are dummies too. p.s. I love your straightforwardness!!

Just sedate yourself before you go in then. Take a couple Valium or something? Because these exams are important, especially as we get older, and no matter what your issues with them are, you need to do it anyway. I never feel violated, but I definitely feel somewhat mortified for no particular reason. I know the doctor doesn't give a flying fuck.

Cervical cancer is super common and super curable if you catch it on time, and deadly if you don't. And my grandfather had colon cancer which was only discovered once he started shitting blood, and then he had surgery for it, and then he died of the ensuing infection, which must have been horrific and unbelievably painful.

I remember this ad from a few years ago, where there is a woman's bare bum filling the screen, and then it blushes. And the tag line was "don't die of embarrassment". It was a really great commercial.

rr165892

Another hint is find a DR.with very small baby hands and fingers.Limiting his or her range of reach.

rr165892

Hobbes said:

rr165892 said:

You should break into a rendition of "Moon River" while asking the doc if he's using the whole hand.

I'm glad someone got that!

dankind

rr165892 said:

Hobbes said:

rr165892 said:

You should break into a rendition of "Moon River" while asking the doc if he's using the whole hand.

I'm glad someone got that!

I got it, but the line is "fist" not "hand."

D'oh!

Not to worry. We'll charge it to the Underhills.

Malroth

shortstack said:

this thread has potential.

why would a butt hole be any different than an ear hole when it comes to a medical examination?
i get my butt and vagina examined every year by either a man or a woman doctor. they feel my boobies up too. i never feel violated.

guys are so dumb

Amongst the Ani said:

deadendp said:

Thank you, shortstack. They take this lil brush and twirl it around in the vagina but only after placing this cold metal thing in there and clicking that mother open. Part of one hand in and the other out to feel around for issues. Squish of breasts, but then there is the mammogram. Had to have two on January because the asshat of a tech just let the machine drop on my delicate tissues rather than do a gentle crank. Felt like someone crushed my girls in some medieval device. The second, dare I say, was pleasant with no pain and confirmation that I had no suspicious tissue. (Pleasant because of good results.) Just get the parts inspected. Rob will agree that a lil discomfort now isn't so bad.

Is the brush to apply a new layer of sealent like when we re-seal the patio? I'm confused.

Malroth, did he at least buy you a drink first? I feel like dinner and a show should be required first.

#stillabuttholevirgin

No.......that would have been an awkward dinner

Malroth

brianlux said:

Ugh... I hate having my prostate checked. On the other hand, at 64 it's good to know it's healthy.

Worse than a the prostate check though was being in a room with a bunch of other guys and having us all told to bend over and spread our cheeks. Was this some kind of kinky porn video I was in? No, this is what they did back in the day when you had to have a mandatory armed forces (there's a term that fits, huh?) physical exam.

Does this go along with the rumors that guys used to have to swim naked in swimming class at school years ago?

WhatYouTaughtMe

Good for you for having it done. It's important and so many people neglect it out of fear. That being said, did he tell you to bend over and then kick your feet apart? Did he say your welcome after you thanked him?

Malroth

I

WhatYouTaughtMe said:

Good for you for having it done. It's important and so many people neglect it out of fear. That being said, did he tell you to bend over and then kick your feet apart? Did he say your welcome after you thanked him?

he told me to take my pants down, so I did, and I stood there with them down for 2 minutes while he did something in the corner. Finally he told me to bend over the table with that white sheet on it. No. He didn't say you're welcome, ushered me out the door quick, no nightcap.

HesCalledDyer

What is this tape ripping everyone is talking about?

I really don't know how you guys do it. The thought of anyone going anywhere near my balls with surgical equipment is utterly terrifying.

That said, I've never quite understood the big deal about the ol' finger in the bum exam.