People Who Say Pets "are like my children"
HughFreakingDillon
Posts: 36,985
I was a pet owner. Loved my dog for the entire 13 years of his life like he was my best friend (I was a teenager). I get how attached people get to their animals. I am an animal lover myself. Had various cats over the years as well.
But when someone tells me a story, like one just told to me a few minutes ago, that a friend's dog just got run over in front of him, and adding "that's like watching your kid get killed". I bit my tongue for about 10 seconds. Then he said it again. I said "actually, it's not at all like that". He said "well, people who have animals would disagree". I said "well, until I married an allergic woman, I had pets all my life, and loved them dearly, but for someone to say that watching my dog get run over would be the same as watching my daughter getting run over, is incredibly ridiculous". He got all annoyed and walked away.
Seriously, not only is it ridiculous, I find that offensive. You are telling me that my daughter(s) is the same as your fucking PET. I didn't buy my kids. I helped CREATE them. Watched their births. Stayed with them in the hospital when they were sick. Cried as the doctor held her hand as they walked to the OR.
I would think adoptive parents have the same feelings. Human to human bonds cannot be duplicated with an animal.
And I have only heard this nonsense uttered by, you guessed it, people who have never had kids.
Tell me this......if you saw your child in mortal danger, and your dog in mortal danger at the exact same time, would you hesitate on which one to save? If you did, I'd argue you should not be a parent. I loved my dog with all my heart. But jesus, it wouldn't be a fucking contest.
Rant over.
But when someone tells me a story, like one just told to me a few minutes ago, that a friend's dog just got run over in front of him, and adding "that's like watching your kid get killed". I bit my tongue for about 10 seconds. Then he said it again. I said "actually, it's not at all like that". He said "well, people who have animals would disagree". I said "well, until I married an allergic woman, I had pets all my life, and loved them dearly, but for someone to say that watching my dog get run over would be the same as watching my daughter getting run over, is incredibly ridiculous". He got all annoyed and walked away.
Seriously, not only is it ridiculous, I find that offensive. You are telling me that my daughter(s) is the same as your fucking PET. I didn't buy my kids. I helped CREATE them. Watched their births. Stayed with them in the hospital when they were sick. Cried as the doctor held her hand as they walked to the OR.
I would think adoptive parents have the same feelings. Human to human bonds cannot be duplicated with an animal.
And I have only heard this nonsense uttered by, you guessed it, people who have never had kids.
Tell me this......if you saw your child in mortal danger, and your dog in mortal danger at the exact same time, would you hesitate on which one to save? If you did, I'd argue you should not be a parent. I loved my dog with all my heart. But jesus, it wouldn't be a fucking contest.
Rant over.
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Also some don't place humans higher on importance scale as animals. Could be argued the exact same value yet the human will consume much more. Some don't see humans as special so ones dog being run over would be more devastating than your daughter being run over. Perspective.
Why does this bother you so? Childless humans don't give a crap about your kids. They have dogs. So what. Is the effort to raise a human so hard that we have to place this great value on them? How many billion are we now? Humans aren't special and your child isn't special to anyone but you. Just like the owner of the dog
Rant over.
my argument is that, if those people actually had kids of their own, they WOULD place humans higher, MUCH higher, on an importance scale as animals. it's a statement/opinion largely bourne out of ignorance.
I'm not sure exactly how to articulate it properly. I just think it's offensive for someone to say that a dog dying is the same as their child. it's ludicrous to me.
If that same coworker said to me "my mom died yesterday", would it be sensitive, or relatable, or even fucking sane, to reply with "yeah, my dog died a while back, I know exactly how you feel"?
if I tell someone my daughter has been in the hospital because of her illness, and someone was to say to me "yeah, I took my dog to the vet for heartworm the other day, I get it", I'd probably want to clock them.
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I will say that sometimes the grief and loss at losing a pet is compounded by the fact that it may be sudden and traumatic. Or, the owner may have had to make the difficult decision to put down their pet after a debilitating illness. Those things (both of which I've experienced) are difficult to deal with and may cause the pet owner to express things in an emotional way. But again, I would not compare it to the loss of a child.
OTOH I think you might deal with people who make these sort of comments by either keeping your peace or saying briefly, "That's very upsetting, although I don't agree that the loss of a pet is the same as the loss of a child." I understand that it's something that bugs you; I just think it's not worth getting into with somebody over. That may just be me.
Think parents exert a lot of energy and emotional toll in raising them that maybe they resent it and then get pissed at people that get the baby satisfaction met by dog with much less effort.
Debating Hugh please do t take this personal, I get your point and agree just perspective and root cause of this thought that I've heard many times. Would always pick my nephew over my dog. Just not that black and white. It's moving train to debate.
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And like callen, I have nephews and a niece that I love more than I can say and have watched with pride as they've grown into adults. If my house was on fire and I had to rescue one of my nephews or one of my dogs, I wouldn't even have to think about the choice, sad as I might be after losing the dog. Although at this point in their lives, as they are grown men, I'd be a little more worried that I'd be trying to keep one of them from rushing into the house to rescue the dog. Very proud of my nephews I am.
That said,I wouldn't discount and make light of the emotional bond that some put on their relationships with their animals.
We have 2 dogs and 3 twenty something children.I can tell you our dogs are like legit family members.My wife would break apart if something happened to our dogs.
I think of the bond k-9 officers have with their dogs or people who entrust guide dogs to help them live or navigate.
I really is a personal feeling and response.
I think the main reason people say these things (and yes, it is pretty much ALWAYS a kidless person who says it), is because society places such value on being a parent. There are a ton of reasons people don't have kids, many of which people don't want to discuss....they compensate by overstating the responsibility of pet ownership.
I knew a guy who always said he disliked kids and would never have his own. he constantly referred to his dogs as his kids, comparing his role with them to parenting. In his car one day, I saw a scrap piece of paper with a book title related to genetics and fertility written on it...seemed pretty clear what was happening at that point - he and his wife likely couldn't physically have kids....I know his wife was a childhood sexual abuse survivor. Saying they didn't want them and calling their dogs their kids was a way to deflect the conversation without telling people a private story.
I know another guy, again, no kids, middle age - I know he wants them, tho....he is always saying no to drinking or travel plans because he feels guilty for leaving the dog home alone for too long - 'it's like having kids'....I sometimes wonder if he has some kind of complex about not having kids and this is a way that it plays out.... If he does have a complex about it, that isn't really on him, IMO....
Like I say... there is way too much importance in society put on reproduction as a status symbol. Single people or couples who choose not to have kids are put under way too much pressure to have them, for no justifiable reason.
It's the inference, to me anyway, that the responsibility, trials, rewards, etc can compare. I honestly don't think they can. To me, thats more a testament to the parent / child relationship than it is a shot at the dog / parent relationship.
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Seriously tho....in my experience, the people who say it repeat it all the time. If they're convinced enough to repeat it, I think we can take it as a literal statement. If not, well.....my mistake. Tho I'm sure if challenged, most people would back away from the statement.
Not a world-changing topic, but hey....I was given a chance to air my thoughts on something I've kept my mouth shut about for 11 years now...so....ya. Whatever.
I refer to my dog as my son all the time. Do I mean it literally? I don't know. Maybe, in a way. Definitely he is a big part of my family and something that I love very much. He is a rescue and was a little less than a year old when I got him. That was almost five years ago, and I don't entirely remember what life was like before him. Bringing him home was easily the best decision I have ever made. And my girlfriend did find a Mother's Day card next to the coffee pot yesterday despite there being no human children around.
"...I changed by not changing at all..."
This wasn't directed at you Hugh. Your post just made me think of annoying little quirks that my childed friends do. "You'll understand once you have kids" tops that list. Again, this wasn't directed at you. I just think people who are avowedly parents or avowedly not, like so many other things, do annoying shit. An inability to understand another perspective, especially when it comes to how you define your "family," has got to be one of the most. My cats are part of my family. Does that mean I want to imagine whether I'd mourn one of their deaths more or less than the death of my hypothetical children? I don't know, and I'm not sure it matters. Seems like a really morbid exercise in futility, the pay off of which is a really annoying "told ya so."
Anyway, family is family.
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As to remaining childless! Drowned, your comment about that pressure to have children was right on. I've been pretty upfront on the topic, whether here or with family, friends, etc. Don't want the responsibility, too selfish, like the life we live, yada yada.
Jimmy, your dog is just a beauty. Love the brows! Well, the one brow I can see in the photo.
(Hope this has come out semi-sensibly! On back meds and whatnot)
So to me this isnt much different. It is someone who is speaking in a way that devalues my child's existence. That is probably overstating it a bit, but again, I am having trouble articulating this properly. Like if I told someone that my goldfish dying is the same as when their dog died. A goldfish obviously does not hold the same significance as a dog, etc, relationship wise. As that dog owner, that would most likely annoy most of you, would it not?
Of course pets are considered family. When my dog was alive, we would refer to him as my nephew's cousin, sign his name to birthday cards, etc. so I get that.
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Personal: fuck People.. animals are WAAAAAAAY more valuable to me. Why? Because they don't lie, cheat, stab you in the back for their own benefit, they forgive you regardless of the action- even when those actions are caustic to the animal or its survival, they love you unconditionally, and they accept you as you are, faults and all. There was only ONE human on the planet that ever accomplished this, and none of you think he existed.. So yeah if it came to saving an animal
Over a human, I'll save the animal, HANDS DOWN EVERY TIME, over the human, because according to those statutes, the animal actually deserves to be allowed to live, and the human has earned its demise. ( I told you.. Learning to
Love people is the hardest thing forme to grasp, because humans are POS from birth..myself included).
Professional: a dog is NOT a human.. It never will be. They think and process information much much differently than we ever could. They are very simplistic, and don't mull over stupid shit like we do. Every single decision a dog makes is based on just three things.. Instinct, Experience, and Survival. Period. They are no where near as complex or emotionally involved in their world's as we are in ours. Just one more reason to choose a dog over a person.. To me..
As for kids, I think in their innocence, that they are on the same level as a dog. However once they start acting human., fuck them.
Sorry but I have never had a human prove their value is greater than a dog.. Simple as that..
This way.. Which is even more sad...
I mean... I'm sure you've come across some awful dogs before (if you've been around many). You know- the type that bite or bark for no reason all day long? You don't consider these dogs better than people do you?
No, you are responsible for your own reactions and feelings, not the rest of the world. Take some ownership and stop blaming the entire race for your failure at relationships.
You would save a dog over a human? That says enough for me folks. Jesus fucking christ.
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Like kids, which is mentally detrimental to them, to insecurity that goes unresolved for any length of time. Dogs live in the moment, period, and while they recall incidents that have left an impression, it really takes quite a traumatic event to
Make that impression. Humans usually make a much bigger deal out of it than the dog EVER will. And since dogs communicate almost strictly using body language and energy, they feel our distress, and react to it. If you can get the person to quit fucking reacting to stupid things, suddenly the dog reverts back to its normal state, and things begin to smooth out.. As for giving humans a chance.. I have ABSOLUTELY no reason to, other than my beliefs. And I am
Trying.. But to be honest, there aren't many humans that can be trusted.. At all.. Very very very few of them. However, in my belief we are to follow Jesus' example of love, patience and kindness. This is very hard for me, because there is no human on the planet that deserves that, not even me! ESPECIALLY not me!! But I force myself everyday to make that effort.. But when you have never found any human worth trusting, that becomes very difficult. So I look to my pets as an example by which to model those principles after.. Because they just do these things naturally. I often wonder if God didn't give them to us so we could see how we are supposed to act towards one another.. They sure are better at following the principles of the Bible than any human I've ever met.
Nice.