"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
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hedonist
standing on the edge of forever Posts: 24,524
Cremate me or bury me like Nate Fisher was in Six Feet Under.
I can't say I'm not afraid of death, but this Lennon quote stuck with me the first time I read it, and brings me comfort. May have posted it earlier in this thread? Or another. Either way...
“I'm not afraid of death because I don't believe in it. It's just getting out of one car, and into another.”
I'm not afraid of being dead, but I'm pretty afraid of dying... chances are it's going to be painful and upsetting and pretty fucking depressing for days or months. Most aren't lucky enough to just drop dead. Death is usually a huge pain in the ass and traumatic. I am not looking forward to that (if I do just drop dead or close enough, fantastic!). But post-death? I'm actually really curious about that part. It will almost certainly be nothing - oblivion - in which case it doesn't matter one way or the other. But IF it's not oblivion, I am really eager to find out what that'll look like! I'm practically looking forward to it, lol.
I don't really give a shit what happens to my body, but we do have a nice family plot, and my mom wants my ashes to be buried there just so that future generations can find me easily when they are doing genealogy research.
Post edited by PJ_Soul on
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
you see when I was 21 I tried to hang myself was just about to jump when I realised I couldn't do it bc my daughter needed me and I wasn't ready to say goodbye, the second time I slit my wrist but strangely missed my vein and the third time I completely had enough so I was this time determined to go through with it so when my mum was away in Melbourne I took 50 stilnox sleeping tablets but my boyfriend found me and I was in icu for two days unconscious when I finally came through I saw my brothers face I cried bc I was still alive and had failed More I think of it the more I think that people who expect you to live in torcher to keep them company are more selfish than the people who can't live in loneliness and pain and want to end it I realise now I needed medication and am now scarred from not taking any but now I'm thankful I'm here for my family bc nobody will love and hate them as much as I do and when I say hate I mean I love them so much that they could hurt me and I hate them for it but I'm not afraid of dying I'm more afraid of what I leave behind if I was unable to help or see them again and while my life sucks bc I'm sick I'm hopeful now bc I know that Jesus loves me and if he does my family sure do as well so cast out what anyone said or done....they only changed when I fell sick bc I was delusional with the contribution of bad associates....people who's heart is black and merciless now I don't have mercy for those sort anymore sorry and I wish for them to get a tasting full double dose of their own medicine....
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hedonist
standing on the edge of forever Posts: 24,524
Good for you making it through all of that, JWP - to be there for those you love and to experience (even if occasionally) the glory of this life and all it, we, can hold.
I've formally decided I want to go the Willie route - roll me up and smoke me when I die!
you see when I was 21 I tried to hang myself was just about to jump when I realised I couldn't do it bc my daughter needed me and I wasn't ready to say goodbye, the second time I slit my wrist but strangely missed my vein and the third time I completely had enough so I was this time determined to go through with it so when my mum was away in Melbourne I took 50 stilnox sleeping tablets but my boyfriend found me and I was in icu for two days unconscious when I finally came through I saw my brothers face I cried bc I was still alive and had failed More I think of it the more I think that people who expect you to live in torcher to keep them company are more selfish than the people who can't live in loneliness and pain and want to end it I realise now I needed medication and am now scarred from not taking any but now I'm thankful I'm here for my family bc nobody will love and hate them as much as I do and when I say hate I mean I love them so much that they could hurt me and I hate them for it but I'm not afraid of dying I'm more afraid of what I leave behind if I was unable to help or see them again and while my life sucks bc I'm sick I'm hopeful now bc I know that Jesus loves me and if he does my family sure do as well so cast out what anyone said or done....they only changed when I fell sick bc I was delusional with the contribution of bad associates....people who's heart is black and merciless now I don't have mercy for those sort anymore sorry and I wish for them to get a tasting full double dose of their own medicine....
We still need you here.
The worst of times..they don't phase me, even if I look and act really crazy.
I watched a mouse die at work today. I turned the corner and it was on its back on the pavement convulsing. I wanted to put my hand over my heart and say a few words.....alas I just waited till it stopped moving then swept it up.
The worst of times..they don't phase me, even if I look and act really crazy.
I've always wondered what it would be like to experience the worst physical pain possible. Just for a few seconds. Then the rest of my life most pain would be a feather's brush. Emotional pain: no thanks. I can't imagine a fraction of the sorrow some people carry.
The worst of times..they don't phase me, even if I look and act really crazy.
I've always wondered what it would be like to experience the worst physical pain possible. Just for a few seconds. Then the rest of my life most pain would be a feather's brush. Emotional pain: no thanks. I can't imagine a fraction of the sorrow some people carry.
i agree and if you even wish to be nice it all gets dissected anyway so why bother and be abused best to just turn away and let them deal with it unless they ask otherwise
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hedonist
standing on the edge of forever Posts: 24,524
I've always wondered what it would be like to experience the worst physical pain possible. Just for a few seconds. Then the rest of my life most pain would be a feather's brush. Emotional pain: no thanks. I can't imagine a fraction of the sorrow some people carry.
This thought fascinates me. Times I can power through pain and others when I can do nothing but succumb to it (and self-medicate).
Do you think pain levels are relative or subjective from person to person?
Also, I just thought of those damned things at the ER/hospital with the "how much pain are you in?" faces. Just get me as close to zero as possible!
the only pain i get once in a while is back pain but its more the sleeping pattern and the discomfort of not being comfortable or making a worse false movement than the state it is like pinching a nerve i do in my hip sometimes but its rare i experience pain in fact ive been pretty lucky like that, my pain is more emotional and i try to avoid that as much as possible which is why i keep my options in life open and also avoid getting too attached till im certain of anybody... and i take my meds and anxiety tablet to put up with the added crap that involves me which makes me want to walk away and disappear to a better less annoying place wherever that may be lol...
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hedonist
standing on the edge of forever Posts: 24,524
Internal pain - well, any constant pain - blows. Big time. But it's relatable if not inevetible, as I think most if not all of us have experienced it. Granted, probably at different levels but when you hurt, you hurt.
Interesting timing and maybe this is more morbid than macabre but I am embracing the initial post. Earlier, for some reason, I was thinking about my mom's future eulogy (she's still kicking at 85!) and that despite as much as I love her, it'd be difficult to relate how being her daughter has been. Seems the bad experiences eclipse the others.
When my dad passed, the words flowed from keyboard to screen when I wrote of him but ultimately couldn't muster the voice to speak them at the service and winged it, quickly. Was OK though, as he knew how highly I thought of him so fuck anyone else.
I should probably have saved this as a draft...but I am prone to saying fuck it
I've always wondered what it would be like to experience the worst physical pain possible. Just for a few seconds. Then the rest of my life most pain would be a feather's brush. Emotional pain: no thanks. I can't imagine a fraction of the sorrow some people carry.
Apparently, the brain is incapable of really remembering the sensation of pain because it woud be counterproductive. If we could actually retain that feeling as a memory the way we retain other memories we would practically be non-functional from fear of getting hurt again. Or something like that. I learned it in a college psych course, lol.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
I've always wondered what it would be like to experience the worst physical pain possible. Just for a few seconds. Then the rest of my life most pain would be a feather's brush. Emotional pain: no thanks. I can't imagine a fraction of the sorrow some people carry.
Apparently, the brain is incapable of really remembering the sensation of pain because it woud be counterproductive. If we could actually retain that feeling as a memory the way we retain other memories we would practically be non-functional from fear of getting hurt again. Or something like that. I learned it in a college psych course, lol.
That's wild and makes sense (though I've heard many women mention how distinctly they remember the pain of childbirth). For me, when my back is spasming like hell, I think that I'd take the lower back pain over it. Then when THAT kicks in, it's "oh yeah, I remember that now. Fuck!"
I've always wondered what it would be like to experience the worst physical pain possible. Just for a few seconds. Then the rest of my life most pain would be a feather's brush. Emotional pain: no thanks. I can't imagine a fraction of the sorrow some people carry.
Apparently, the brain is incapable of really remembering the sensation of pain because it woud be counterproductive. If we could actually retain that feeling as a memory the way we retain other memories we would practically be non-functional from fear of getting hurt again. Or something like that. I learned it in a college psych course, lol.
That's wild and makes sense (though I've heard many women mention how distinctly they remember the pain of childbirth). For me, when my back is spasming like hell, I think that I'd take the lower back pain over it. Then when THAT kicks in, it's "oh yeah, I remember that now. Fuck!"
im sorry i do know of one lady who wanted to end things bc she was in too much pain and spent all day in bed i guess it is different to mental illness you cant feel joy or happiness but to feel no comfort or relief would be horrible too do you get bent to relieve yourself
lol another dreamer like me accept my sleep is mostly nice and peaceful and im usually not mentally ill in my dreams but dont handle it to well if my dream is bad and usually wake up sour and grump all day long yes im moody without valid reason lol
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hedonist
standing on the edge of forever Posts: 24,524
yes bent is high as well as the other meanings but i meant high if i was to ever get bent i would prefer nobody to know bc i dont want the hassle of lectures and added crap which i put up with enough and then i would be put off doing anything for myself anymore
Comments
not happenin. don't like that idea
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
I can't say I'm not afraid of death, but this Lennon quote stuck with me the first time I read it, and brings me comfort. May have posted it earlier in this thread? Or another. Either way...
“I'm not afraid of death because I don't believe in it.
It's just getting out of one car, and into another.”
I don't really give a shit what happens to my body, but we do have a nice family plot, and my mom wants my ashes to be buried there just so that future generations can find me easily when they are doing genealogy research.
more afraid of never being loved
More I think of it the more I think that people who expect you to live in torcher to keep them company are more selfish than the people who can't live in loneliness and pain and want to end it
I realise now I needed medication and am now scarred from not taking any but now I'm thankful I'm here for my family bc nobody will love and hate them as much as I do and when I say hate I mean I love them so much that they could hurt me and I hate them for it but I'm not afraid of dying I'm more afraid of what I leave behind if I was unable to help or see them again and while my life sucks bc I'm sick I'm hopeful now bc I know that Jesus loves me and if he does my family sure do as well so cast out what anyone said or done....they only changed when I fell sick bc I was delusional with the contribution of bad associates....people who's heart is black and merciless now I don't have mercy for those sort anymore sorry and I wish for them to get a tasting full double dose of their own medicine....
I've formally decided I want to go the Willie route - roll me up and smoke me when I die!
even if I look and act really crazy.
I turned the corner and it was on its back on the pavement convulsing.
I wanted to put my hand over my heart and say a few words.....alas I just waited till it stopped moving then swept it up.
even if I look and act really crazy.
Emotional pain: no thanks. I can't imagine a fraction of the sorrow some people carry.
even if I look and act really crazy.
and be abused best to just turn away and let them deal with it unless they ask otherwise
Do you think pain levels are relative or subjective from person to person?
Also, I just thought of those damned things at the ER/hospital with the "how much pain are you in?" faces. Just get me as close to zero as possible!
and also avoid getting too attached till im certain of anybody...
and i take my meds and anxiety tablet to put up with the added
crap that involves me which makes me want to walk away and
disappear to a better less annoying place wherever that may be lol...
Interesting timing and maybe this is more morbid than macabre but I am embracing the initial post. Earlier, for some reason, I was thinking about my mom's future eulogy (she's still kicking at 85!) and that despite as much as I love her, it'd be difficult to relate how being her daughter has been. Seems the bad experiences eclipse the others.
When my dad passed, the words flowed from keyboard to screen when I wrote of him but ultimately couldn't muster the voice to speak them at the service and winged it, quickly. Was OK though, as he knew how highly I thought of him so fuck anyone else.
I should probably have saved this as a draft...but I am prone to saying fuck it
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
Hi, chadwick.
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
why are you in such sore levels
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
i do know of one lady
who wanted to end
things bc she was in too
much pain and spent all
day in bed i guess it is
different to mental illness
you cant feel joy or happiness
but to feel
no comfort or relief would
be horrible too
do you get bent to relieve
yourself
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
accept my sleep is mostly
nice and peaceful and im
usually not mentally ill
in my dreams but dont
handle it to well if my
dream is bad and usually
wake up sour and grump
all day long
yes im moody without
valid reason lol
JWP, I'm not sure what getting bent to relieve oneself means...? I've done both, I think, but not sure if in a combined fashion.
Moodiness is par for the course of life.
I'm on board with that and will take it over any pills for pain.
(Indica and I have had a love affair for a stretch of time now)
if i was to ever get bent i would prefer nobody to know bc i dont
want the hassle of lectures and added crap which i put up with
enough and then i would be put off doing anything for myself
anymore