Thank you PJ fans for understanding about major depression.

RogueStoner

Thanks guys. I appreciate the advice. It's not even about the gifts for my kids. This year they're not getting any from us. But we have certain family members where gifts are all that Christmas is about. We are forced to go to their house every year so my kids get to see all the crap their cousins got and they wonder why they didn't. It's rather cruel if you ask me.
My Christmases consisted of my mother griping about how much she hates the holidays. No Santa, no toys, no tree. I'd put up lights in my room and was happy. One time her boyfriend brought over a big, real tree and I was overjoyed. I'll never forget that.
So I will continue to do what I think is important...donating anything we can to others, trimming the tree with the ornaments we've collected over 20 years and telling stories, watching A Christmas Story with hot cocoa and snacks, baking and decorating cookies, riding around looking at all the pretty decorations. And most of all, hoping that will be enough without the gifts.
It will still be a tough season for me but hopefully this darkness will lift soon and I can at least be somewhat cheerful for my kids' sakes.

2-feign-reluctance

Does marijuana help you guys with depression?

RogueStoner

2-feign-reluctance said:

Does marijuana help you guys with depression?

Yes. At least it helps with the anxiety and calms the thoughts running through my head that make the depression worse. Helps with patience and tolerance and sometimes cheers me up.

Fifthelement

RogueStoner said:

Thanks guys. I appreciate the advice. It's not even about the gifts for my kids. This year they're not getting any from us. But we have certain family members where gifts are all that Christmas is about. We are forced to go to their house every year so my kids get to see all the crap their cousins got and they wonder why they didn't. It's rather cruel if you ask me.
My Christmases consisted of my mother griping about how much she hates the holidays. No Santa, no toys, no tree. I'd put up lights in my room and was happy. One time her boyfriend brought over a big, real tree and I was overjoyed. I'll never forget that.
So I will continue to do what I think is important...donating anything we can to others, trimming the tree with the ornaments we've collected over 20 years and telling stories, watching A Christmas Story with hot cocoa and snacks, baking and decorating cookies, riding around looking at all the pretty decorations. And most of all, hoping that will be enough without the gifts.
It will still be a tough season for me but hopefully this darkness will lift soon and I can at least be somewhat cheerful for my kids' sakes.

That sounds amazing! Honestly when we look back on Christmases past, it's the feelings we hold closest to our hearts, for good or bad. We might remember that others seemed to get more, but if we were loved well, then on reflection it didn't seem to matter.

Your kids may not appreciate that now, but as they get older they'll come to understand what is really important and not just a Christmas. The holidays can be a tumultuous time mentally. Thanks for still being around RS. (((Hugs)))

RogueStoner

Fifthelement said:

RogueStoner said:

Thanks guys. I appreciate the advice. It's not even about the gifts for my kids. This year they're not getting any from us. But we have certain family members where gifts are all that Christmas is about. We are forced to go to their house every year so my kids get to see all the crap their cousins got and they wonder why they didn't. It's rather cruel if you ask me.
My Christmases consisted of my mother griping about how much she hates the holidays. No Santa, no toys, no tree. I'd put up lights in my room and was happy. One time her boyfriend brought over a big, real tree and I was overjoyed. I'll never forget that.
So I will continue to do what I think is important...donating anything we can to others, trimming the tree with the ornaments we've collected over 20 years and telling stories, watching A Christmas Story with hot cocoa and snacks, baking and decorating cookies, riding around looking at all the pretty decorations. And most of all, hoping that will be enough without the gifts.
It will still be a tough season for me but hopefully this darkness will lift soon and I can at least be somewhat cheerful for my kids' sakes.

That sounds amazing! Honestly when we look back on Christmases past, it's the feelings we hold closest to our hearts, for good or bad. We might remember that others seemed to get more, but if we were loved well, then on reflection it didn't seem to matter.

Your kids may not appreciate that now, but as they get older they'll come to understand what is really important and not just a Christmas. The holidays can be a tumultuous time mentally. Thanks for still being around RS. (((Hugs)))

Thank you for that.

Thank you all for your great ideas, inspiring words, support and distracting my mind from this day.

ledvedderman

2-feign-reluctance said:

Does marijuana help you guys with depression?

Absolutely. It helps when I'm manic and it helps when I'm depressed. Like someone stated above, it really helps with anxiety and racing thoughts. To be able to feel like my brain and thoughts are working at a normal clip is priceless to me. That helps me sleep more and directly helps my mood because of a regular sleep pattern.

2-feign-reluctance

Is being high occasionally to manage these symptoms better than being on a medication that helps regulate emotions, etc etc, daily?

whispering hands

2-feign-reluctance said:

Is being high occasionally to manage these symptoms better than being on a medication that helps regulate emotions, etc etc, daily?

Ummm much better, I think. And it's not as caustic. At least we are not putting synthetic chemicals in our bodies. And the difference of how you feel on meds and on MMJ is night and day.

Because of my crazy chemical stack, many of the meds they gave me made me sick. Or I was too stupefied to be worth anything.. like Lithium. I was a zombie... but I smoke, and not only can I function, but I can function without drooling on people!

Plus like LVM stated my brain functions at a normal pace.. I feel safe being in my own skin.. MMJ or MJ period is a zillion times better.. cheaper too.

whispering hands

RogueStoner said:

Thanks guys. I appreciate the advice. It's not even about the gifts for my kids. This year they're not getting any from us. But we have certain family members where gifts are all that Christmas is about. We are forced to go to their house every year so my kids get to see all the crap their cousins got and they wonder why they didn't. It's rather cruel if you ask me.
My Christmases consisted of my mother griping about how much she hates the holidays. No Santa, no toys, no tree. I'd put up lights in my room and was happy. One time her boyfriend brought over a big, real tree and I was overjoyed. I'll never forget that.
So I will continue to do what I think is important...donating anything we can to others, trimming the tree with the ornaments we've collected over 20 years and telling stories, watching A Christmas Story with hot cocoa and snacks, baking and decorating cookies, riding around looking at all the pretty decorations. And most of all, hoping that will be enough without the gifts.
It will still be a tough season for me but hopefully this darkness will lift soon and I can at least be somewhat cheerful for my kids' sakes.

You are an amazing lady! I am honored to call you friend!

RogueStoner

whispering hands said:

RogueStoner said:

Thanks guys. I appreciate the advice. It's not even about the gifts for my kids. This year they're not getting any from us. But we have certain family members where gifts are all that Christmas is about. We are forced to go to their house every year so my kids get to see all the crap their cousins got and they wonder why they didn't. It's rather cruel if you ask me.
My Christmases consisted of my mother griping about how much she hates the holidays. No Santa, no toys, no tree. I'd put up lights in my room and was happy. One time her boyfriend brought over a big, real tree and I was overjoyed. I'll never forget that.
So I will continue to do what I think is important...donating anything we can to others, trimming the tree with the ornaments we've collected over 20 years and telling stories, watching A Christmas Story with hot cocoa and snacks, baking and decorating cookies, riding around looking at all the pretty decorations. And most of all, hoping that will be enough without the gifts.
It will still be a tough season for me but hopefully this darkness will lift soon and I can at least be somewhat cheerful for my kids' sakes.

You are an amazing lady! I am honored to call you friend!

Same here

RogueStoner

whispering hands said:

2-feign-reluctance said:

Is being high occasionally to manage these symptoms better than being on a medication that helps regulate emotions, etc etc, daily?

Ummm much better, I think. And it's not as caustic. At least we are not putting synthetic chemicals in our bodies. And the difference of how you feel on meds and on MMJ is night and day.

Because of my crazy chemical stack, many of the meds they gave me made me sick. Or I was too stupefied to be worth anything.. like Lithium. I was a zombie... but I smoke, and not only can I function, but I can function without drooling on people!

Plus like LVM stated my brain functions at a normal pace.. I feel safe being in my own skin.. MMJ or MJ period is a zillion times better.. cheaper too.

Very well stated! Wish you could come down and talk some sense into AZ voters!

whispering hands

RogueStoner said:

whispering hands said:

2-feign-reluctance said:

Is being high occasionally to manage these symptoms better than being on a medication that helps regulate emotions, etc etc, daily?

Ummm much better, I think. And it's not as caustic. At least we are not putting synthetic chemicals in our bodies. And the difference of how you feel on meds and on MMJ is night and day.

Because of my crazy chemical stack, many of the meds they gave me made me sick. Or I was too stupefied to be worth anything.. like Lithium. I was a zombie... but I smoke, and not only can I function, but I can function without drooling on people!

Plus like LVM stated my brain functions at a normal pace.. I feel safe being in my own skin.. MMJ or MJ period is a zillion times better.. cheaper too.

Very well stated! Wish you could come down and talk some sense into AZ voters!

Hahahaha! You don't want in any soap boxes.. lol trust me!

whispering hands

Or on them either.. ^^^

whispering hands

Waiting on my dispensary to open..

norm

brianlux said:

This thread originally focused on Robin Williams and depression but since I couldn't find another "depression" thread figured I'd just post here. Depression is a sneaky bastard. You think you've got it under control and out of the blue- WHAM- it smacks you up the side of the amygdala. That's what happened to me last night. It didn't help that I watched two depressing movies back-to-back. Didn't think much of it until about an hour later when it was late, dark, hot and stuffy here. Suddenly, down comes that heavy smothering blanket of darkness. It's something worth being prepared for, I guess. You can't ever get too cocky about conquering it. You have to keep your guard up, learn to be tough, hack or pack. Today I'm hacking. All good thoughts going out to any of you dealing with this... and so many of us do. Strength!

lolobugg

wanna keep bumping this one for a while.

brianlux

Reminds me of how very lucky I am to still be alive and how very fortunate to be among such a lovely crowd as you all are.  Thanks, friends.

curmudgeoness

norm said:

brianlux said:

This thread originally focused on Robin Williams and depression but since I couldn't find another "depression" thread figured I'd just post here. Depression is a sneaky bastard. You think you've got it under control and out of the blue- WHAM- it smacks you up the side of the amygdala. That's what happened to me last night. It didn't help that I watched two depressing movies back-to-back. Didn't think much of it until about an hour later when it was late, dark, hot and stuffy here. Suddenly, down comes that heavy smothering blanket of darkness. It's something worth being prepared for, I guess. You can't ever get too cocky about conquering it. You have to keep your guard up, learn to be tough, hack or pack. Today I'm hacking. All good thoughts going out to any of you dealing with this... and so many of us do. Strength!

I described it to my husband like this: There's a monster in the house, and it's always hiding, waiting to grab me. It sounds crazy, but he actually saw it happen one time: I was walking across the room, and I was fine when I started, but by the time I had crossed the room I had been dragged down into a dark hole; the monster had grabbed me and pulled me into its cave. My husband was freaked out, he said he could see "me" disappear in a matter of seconds.

Medications don't do much for me. Ample sunshine and boatloads of exercise help, a lot; I'm like a shark, I have to keep moving. I've got things pretty well under control at the moment, but I know that if I don't take care the monster will be back. Living with the monster sucks. Hugs to everyone who is living with their own monster.

PJSiren

Mental illness is no joke at all. I was diagnose with bipolar in 2012. Treated for depression prior to that. I live with a demon every day...I am medicated so I do alright most of the time...but there are times when I struggle. I've told people I'm bipolar and proud and some have told me that's not something to be proud of...but what they don't understand is that I'm not proud of the disease/demons, I'm proud that I have fought those demons for 34 years and am still here.

This is definitely an important thread to keep bumping!

RogueStoner

Yes it is. I too want to thank the fans for understanding. Too bad not everyone does understand. Two people in particular clearly don't give a rat's behind. I'm sure they know who they are.