or maybe our notions of monogamy and sexuality are based on social constructs that are outdated and not practical
I've heard a few people ask this lately. Its interesting. Even my wife, who I know will never cheat on me, has said this. I've been cheated on and I knew which past g/fs would do it. It was uncanny. I am 100% confident my wife would never do this, but she sure questioned the social constructs. And it got me thinking. I guess ever person's expectations in a relationship could be a bit different. However, if you want to be in a relationship and still screw other people, you're doing one of two things 1.) you're hiding it, therefore you're cheating and presume it to be wrong. 2.) you're not hiding it and you're a swinger.
or maybe our notions of monogamy and sexuality are based on social constructs that are outdated and not practical
I've heard a few people ask this lately. Its interesting. Even my wife, who I know will never cheat on me, has said this. I've been cheated on and I knew which past g/fs would do it. It was uncanny. I am 100% confident my wife would never do this, but she sure questioned the social constructs. And it got me thinking. I guess ever person's expectations in a relationship could be a bit different. However, if you want to be in a relationship and still screw other people, you're doing one of two things 1.) you're hiding it, therefore you're cheating and presume it to be wrong. 2.) you're not hiding it and you're a swinger.
But if I promised a monogamous relationship because: a) most likely don't have many more years on the planet and don't want to die alone and b) thought I would give it a try because of my bad history with women. ( I did not admit too in the beginning of the relationship). I believe I failed. I also kind of forced my way into her life because I kind of didn't have anywhere to go. Then told friends we were just room mates. I really fucked this up.
But if I promised a monogamous relationship because: a) most likely don't have many more years on the planet and don't want to die alone and b) thought I would give it a try because of my bad history with women. ( I did not admit too in the beginning of the relationship). I believe I failed. I also kind of forced my way into her life because I kind of didn't have anywhere to go. Then told friends we were just room mates. I really fucked this up.
definitely fucked up ... moving forward - you should just be more honest with yourself and more importantly - the women you get involved with ...
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hedonist
standing on the edge of forever Posts: 24,524
MayDay - so wrong, but funny. Thanks for the morning laugh!
Losiento - on your points a & b...committing yourself to someone isn't only about you. It can't be, and if it is, then that's not commitment.
Failing isn't the end of the world, you know. It's where life-lessons are learned (or...CAN be learned, if you're willing).
Sometimes it's a much-needed wake-up call to do what you have to do to get your shit together.
But if I promised a monogamous relationship because: a) most likely don't have many more years on the planet and don't want to die alone and b) thought I would give it a try because of my bad history with women. ( I did not admit too in the beginning of the relationship). I believe I failed. I also kind of forced my way into her life because I kind of didn't have anywhere to go. Then told friends we were just room mates. I really fucked this up.
how did you "force" your way into her life? of course you failed, your thinking is all wrong.
seriously are there no doctors/counselors in the house?? i can even see that some how OP got the idea that women are here to serve men's needs. it's either learned behavior or some type of coping mechanism for the abuse OP must have suffered.
*smacks Losiento* snap out of it, and go talk to someone!
But if I promised a monogamous relationship because: a) most likely don't have many more years on the planet and don't want to die alone and b) thought I would give it a try because of my bad history with women. ( I did not admit too in the beginning of the relationship). I believe I failed. I also kind of forced my way into her life because I kind of didn't have anywhere to go. Then told friends we were just room mates. I really fucked this up.
Ummm.... Yeah, you really do seem to be fucking it up. What is the problem with just telling the skank to back off, and treating your girlfriend with the love and respect she deserves as your equal? I don't understand what your problem is to be honest. It's not that hard to not fuck someone else when you're in a monogamous relationship. You just keep it in your pants until you go home and can do it with your significant other. Easy peasy.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
Its cool that folks here are looking forward and genuinely trying to help. good points from everyone...
Loseinto, you've been very open about this, so get the feeling you really need the advice and people to talk to. Thats why I might go a bit overboard here: This might be a way to determine what you want -- think back to the day you got the skanky hummer on the john. How did you feel 15 seconds after it was over? Now think about the potential relationship you could have with the room mate/gf into the future. Dedicate yourself and be a respectful man to her if that's what you want. Sometimes it feels really good to be a pillar of strength in a relationship. Otherwise cut her loose and go back to temporary, meaningless gratification.
Its cool that folks here are looking forward and genuinely trying to help. good points from everyone...
Loseinto, you've been very open about this, so get the feeling you really need the advice and people to talk to. Thats why I might go a bit overboard here: This might be a way to determine what you want -- think back to the day you got the skanky hummer on the john. How did you feel 15 seconds after it was over? Now think about the potential relationship you could have with the room mate/gf into the future. Dedicate yourself and be a respectful man to her if that's what you want. Sometimes it feels really good to be a pillar of strength in a relationship. Otherwise cut her loose and go back to temporary, meaningless gratification.
JP pretty much sums it up there...
Loseinto, how would you feel if your GF/roommate got her jollies with some guy at work? Probably would make you feel pretty shitty, and that's how she probably will feel about you getting it on with a gal who is apparently a bad influence for you.
Maybe you need to come clean and be honest with your GF/roommate instead of hiding.She will find out about your indiscretion in one way or another, and the longer you hide it...the more hurtful it will be.
The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.
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doesn't make me feel any less guilty for hurting people i cared about though.
"Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
yeah ... don't get me wrong ... it works for a lot of people ... i just don't think it's for everyone ...
Losiento - on your points a & b...committing yourself to someone isn't only about you. It can't be, and if it is, then that's not commitment.
Failing isn't the end of the world, you know. It's where life-lessons are learned (or...CAN be learned, if you're willing).
Sometimes it's a much-needed wake-up call to do what you have to do to get your shit together.
So answer the call already.
how did you "force" your way into her life? of course you failed, your thinking is all wrong.
seriously are there no doctors/counselors in the house?? i can even see that some how OP got the idea that women are here to serve men's needs. it's either learned behavior or some type of coping mechanism for the abuse OP must have suffered.
*smacks Losiento* snap out of it, and go talk to someone!
Loseinto, you've been very open about this, so get the feeling you really need the advice and people to talk to. Thats why I might go a bit overboard here: This might be a way to determine what you want -- think back to the day you got the skanky hummer on the john. How did you feel 15 seconds after it was over? Now think about the potential relationship you could have with the room mate/gf into the future. Dedicate yourself and be a respectful man to her if that's what you want. Sometimes it feels really good to be a pillar of strength in a relationship. Otherwise cut her loose and go back to temporary, meaningless gratification.
Loseinto, how would you feel if your GF/roommate got her jollies with some guy at work? Probably would make you feel pretty shitty, and that's how she probably will feel about you getting it on with a gal who is apparently a bad influence for you.
Maybe you need to come clean and be honest with your GF/roommate instead of hiding.She will find out about your indiscretion in one way or another, and the longer you hide it...the more hurtful it will be.
- Christopher McCandless