Strippers

dr0ptheleashdr0ptheleash Posts: 1,264
edited November 2013 in All Encompassing Trip
I feel like talking about strippers.

Why do (most, not all) men feel that whatever they do with a stripper isn't considered cheating? Who made the rule that when the naked female holds the title of "stripper," it's fine to do whatever you want? I think thats a bunch of bullshit. I don't have much against the girls that do it, although yes, I am pretty sure it's got to be degrading, but I think it's pretty pathetic that guys with wives/girlfriends/SO's pay for this shit. Why is this aspect considered a ritual when it comes to bachelor parties? You're getting married, so you have to screw around first? But it's ok. She's not a real girl, she's a stripper!

Things have changed in the past decade or so. It's not just "stripping" anymore. Now you can pretty much get whatever you want, as long as there's cash involved. I'm dealing with a situation with private strippers, 4 of them, in a room with no bouncers. Is it out of line to be concerned/unhappy about this kind of thing? Don't get me wrong; I'm no bride-to-be or anything like that, but I feel like I'd be damn pissed off if I was. I'm thinking there's a pretty big difference in going to a club with your buddies, and having 4 of them accompany to your room with no supervision. Why is it ok if she's 'just a stripper?' What makes that ok?
Post edited by Unknown User on
«13

Comments

  • Im from philly too, lets go talk about this over a few cocktails at the Oasis...
  • polaris_xpolaris_x Posts: 13,559
    what makes it NOT ok?

    i am not trying to be facetious but i think this boils down to the notion of social constructs and how they affect the way we live ...

    i think social constructs such as the man paying the bill and women staying at home have all been blown out ... sexuality is something that also needs to be re-examined ...

    what is so wrong with a man looking at a woman naked or vice versa? ... it happens in other social contexts ... movies, magazines, etc... obviously, i will preface this to say that everyone involved should be consenting ... i also believe that openness and honesty should be the foundation of a relationship ... so, a groom should be able to say to his bride to be that he is going to a strip joint and be clear with each other as to what will or will not happen ... that way - the people involved can determine if that is acceptable in the relationships they want ...

    so, to me it's not the act of stripping that is a threat to a relationship but rather the trust and honesty ...
  • intodeepintodeep Posts: 7,228
    Strippers are cool. This thread would be a lot more fun with pictures

    just sayin.
    Charlotte 00
    Charlotte 03
    Asheville 04
    Atlanta 12
    Greenville 16, Columbia 16
    Seattle 18 
    Nashville 22
  • Indifference71Indifference71 Posts: 14,843
    polaris_x wrote:
    so, to me it's not the act of stripping that is a threat to a relationship but rather the trust and honesty ...


    Yep.
  • dimitrispearljamdimitrispearljam Posts: 139,657
    polaris_x wrote:
    so, to me it's not the act of stripping that is a threat to a relationship but rather the trust and honesty ...


    Yep.
    i agree
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • dimitrispearljamdimitrispearljam Posts: 139,657
    actually,im thinking...if this a logic to keep up..then all men ....we are all cheaters cos of watching porn..
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • rick1zoo2rick1zoo2 Posts: 12,632
    why now u dont.......um......

    wha?
  • Vedd HeddVedd Hedd Posts: 4,592
    IMO, stripping isn't usually degrading to women. It's degrading to men. As a guy who has been to a few strip clubs in my time, believe me......its degrading to men, not women. Women hold all the power in there. Men walk in with fistfuls of cash, or their ATM card (with massive service charges, btw) and women bilk them out of their money. Although some places are seedy, most don't allow sex, so its not like its a sex shop. Guys go in, the grils flirt with them, and the guys drop their money for an unspoken promise that never happens.
    Turn this anger into
    Nuclear fission
  • polaris_x wrote:
    so, to me it's not the act of stripping that is a threat to a relationship but rather the trust and honesty ...


    Yep.
    i agree

    Third.
    The love he receives is the love that is saved
  • actually,im thinking...if this a logic to keep up..then all men ....we are all cheaters cos of watching porn..

    NO!

    seriously, no. :lol:
    The love he receives is the love that is saved
  • ryph raphryph raph Posts: 887
    Just bring your girlfriends home one night and all of you go to town on your boyfriend/husband or s.o. :o:mrgreen:
    10-26-91 Cleveland
    4-2-92
    7-29-92
    5-4-95 Hovercraft / Cleveland
    8-26-98
    4-25-03
    5-20-06
    8-21-08 E.V. Chicago
    10-31-09 Philadelphia
    5-09-10 Cleveland
    5-10-10 Buffalo
    6-26-11 E.V. Detroit
    10-11-13 Pittsburgh
    10-12-13 Buffalo
    10-29-13 Charlottesville
    4-18-16 Hampton
    8-22-16 Chicago

  • DeLukinDeLukin Posts: 2,757
    I personally feel that respect and love are inseparable. If the person I love is uncomfortable with me doing something to the point of it negatively affecting our relationship, it's my obligations to change my behavior out of respect for her. So it's not so much about trust, but if I willingly know that she feels that something I'm doing is harmful to our relationship and I keep doing it she should have every reason in the world to think I don't respect her.
    I smile, but who am I kidding...
  • I am from Philly too. Agree with polaris' comments. My wife does not and did not want me going to a strip club, let alone looking at magazines or other things of that nature. As a guy who did not have to deal with rules and regulations before I got engaged, it took time to sort that out, but realization comes when that person means more than the other stuff. For my batchelor party, my buddies and I made it a weekend, going fishing for rockfish, going to a good dinner and then going to a ball game. I know that this is becoming a much more common event. The understanding I had with my wife defined my events and me being ok with that defined my relationship with her. Honesty and openess about this needs to happen. I don't think there is anything wrong with guys going to strippers or girls for that matter, but it must be discussed by both parties and parameters should be put forward. This will lead to a more open relationship and much more trusting.
    Brian A. Clark
  • pjhawkspjhawks Posts: 12,523
    polaris_x wrote:
    what makes it NOT ok?

    i am not trying to be facetious but i think this boils down to the notion of social constructs and how they affect the way we live ...

    i think social constructs such as the man paying the bill and women staying at home have all been blown out ... sexuality is something that also needs to be re-examined ...

    what is so wrong with a man looking at a woman naked or vice versa? ... it happens in other social contexts ... movies, magazines, etc... obviously, i will preface this to say that everyone involved should be consenting ... i also believe that openness and honesty should be the foundation of a relationship ... so, a groom should be able to say to his bride to be that he is going to a strip joint and be clear with each other as to what will or will not happen ... that way - the people involved can determine if that is acceptable in the relationships they want ...

    so, to me it's not the act of stripping that is a threat to a relationship but rather the trust and honesty ...

    I think the OP is talking more about having strippers in a private hotel room as opposed to a club. Clearly strippers in a hotel room there is a far greater chance of illicit activities. it does seem this have become a more common occurrence in the last decade or so. most of my bachelor party and strip club experience was before that though so can't say I have any experience with strippers in a hotel room. personally I think it's just a bad idea and can totally see how women wouldn't be ok with it. in fact in my experiences most of the grooms-to-be were more embarrassed to be at the strip clubs for the bachelor party and were mostly lead there by their friends .i've never been or really hung out with 'strip bar' kind of guys so maybe my thoughts are a bit skewed.
  • dimitrispearljamdimitrispearljam Posts: 139,657
    actually,im thinking...if this a logic to keep up..then all men ....we are all cheaters cos of watching porn..

    NO!

    seriously, no. :lol:
    i mean,if strippers are cheating..like u put a dollar in a panties..then porn is worst..
    even the flirt with the girl u buy your coffee in the morning,seems cheating then,...
    seems the lines are thin..
    trust and be honest is the best way...but even that alot of times,,,things fucked up
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • mca47mca47 Posts: 13,290
    Seems more of a trust issue than a stripper issue.
  • dimitrispearljamdimitrispearljam Posts: 139,657
    mca47 wrote:
    Seems more of a trust issue than a stripper issue.
    yeah..and strippers,we must not forget that,they dont want to cheat with someone boyfriend
    its their job and take money for that..they are proffecionals get paid for create this erotic situation
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • hedonisthedonist Posts: 24,524
    DeLukin wrote:
    I personally feel that respect and love are inseparable. If the person I love is uncomfortable with me doing something to the point of it negatively affecting our relationship, it's my obligations to change my behavior out of respect for her. So it's not so much about trust, but if I willingly know that she feels that something I'm doing is harmful to our relationship and I keep doing it she should have every reason in the world to think I don't respect her.
    You sound like a good guy :) Me, I'd add "within reason".

    As pjhawks mentioned, seems this is more about the private-room strippers vs those in a club. I'm sorry, but watching porn is NOT tantamount to being genitally-grinded, even if through clothes. That's a lot more intimate than sitting back and looking, whether what you're looking at is on film, computer, paper, etc. - even in person.
  • chadwickchadwick Posts: 21,157
    i think either end is foul. guys wasting cash on being shown boobs & butt is sad. gals running around showing themselves for cash is sad. together they are all foul.

    i was in a math class & a environmental science class with a stripper from tacoma. her rule for other women: "i do not speak with them if they are unattractive." i thought to myself, you are a sad & sorry fuckin broad as she held the attention of nearly all the men in class with her giant chest & terrible blonde & drunk hairdo

    this chick & others like her crave attention something fierce. somehow some dudes enjoy giving their money away to nude women. it is quite bizarre. the entire strip club scene makes me want to hurl
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."

    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • I am from Philly too. Agree with polaris' comments. My wife does not and did not want me going to a strip club, let alone looking at magazines or other things of that nature. As a guy who did not have to deal with rules and regulations before I got engaged, it took time to sort that out, but realization comes when that person means more than the other stuff. For my batchelor party, my buddies and I made it a weekend, going fishing for rockfish, going to a good dinner and then going to a ball game. I know that this is becoming a much more common event. The understanding I had with my wife defined my events and me being ok with that defined my relationship with her. Honesty and openess about this needs to happen. I don't think there is anything wrong with guys going to strippers or girls for that matter, but it must be discussed by both parties and parameters should be put forward. This will lead to a more open relationship and much more trusting.


    this seems to be pretty spot on to me. when i was young and in an unhappy (and unhealthy) relationship i was far more inclined to go to strip clubs without caring about the impact on my significant other. however, now that i'm in a happy relationship with a much better and open line of communication i haven't been to one in almost five years of being together. i've thought about it, but ultimately it is a respect issue for her and that's why i don't. if your girl doesn't like it because of a trust issue, maybe things aren't that solid to begin with and maybe that should be what is talked about. i know happily married couples that attend strip clubs regularly and i assume that's because they've talked about it and are both on board. communicating and being on the same page is ultimately what is most important whether you're talking about strippers or anything else
    it's a fragile thing, this life we lead.

    05/24/06, 06/28/08, 06/30/08, 05/17/10, 09/07/11, 09/11/11, 09/12/11, 09/14/11, 09/15/11, 10/15/13, 10/16/13, 10/21/13, 10/22/13, 10/25/13, 10/27/13, 05/05/16, 05/08/16, 08/07/16, 09/02/18

    ev: 06/15/11
  • polaris_xpolaris_x Posts: 13,559
    pjhawks wrote:
    I think the OP is talking more about having strippers in a private hotel room as opposed to a club. Clearly strippers in a hotel room there is a far greater chance of illicit activities. it does seem this have become a more common occurrence in the last decade or so. most of my bachelor party and strip club experience was before that though so can't say I have any experience with strippers in a hotel room. personally I think it's just a bad idea and can totally see how women wouldn't be ok with it. in fact in my experiences most of the grooms-to-be were more embarrassed to be at the strip clubs for the bachelor party and were mostly lead there by their friends .i've never been or really hung out with 'strip bar' kind of guys so maybe my thoughts are a bit skewed.

    it doesn't really make a difference ... it still boils down to trust ... if a relationship is going to last ... there has to be a trust and understanding ... if partners want to remain monogamous and the intent of what that means is understood ... it makes it pretty easy ...
  • chadwickchadwick Posts: 21,157
    mca47 wrote:
    Seems more of a trust issue than a stripper issue.
    yeah..and strippers,we must not forget that,they dont want to cheat with someone boyfriend
    its their job and take money for that..they are proffecionals get paid for create this erotic situation
    um.... check wrong


    some are very far from professionals, dimitris

    a meth & coke snorting alcoholic is far from a professional yet there are thousands of them right this second rubbing themselves on some guy for cash
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."

    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • shortstackshortstack Posts: 2,339
    She's not a real girl, she's a stripper!

    how infuriating! :-x

    women are human beings, not objects.
    did you see me? i saw you.
  • dimitrispearljamdimitrispearljam Posts: 139,657
    chadwick wrote:
    mca47 wrote:
    Seems more of a trust issue than a stripper issue.
    yeah..and strippers,we must not forget that,they dont want to cheat with someone boyfriend
    its their job and take money for that..they are proffecionals get paid for create this erotic situation
    um.... check wrong


    some are very far from professionals, dimitris

    a meth & coke snorting alcoholic is far from a professional yet there are thousands of them right this second rubbing themselves on some guy for cash
    yeah,sure..i m just saying,they doing for money..isnt stripper issue,but trust the boyfriend of not..the whole topic
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • shortstackshortstack Posts: 2,339
    mca47 wrote:
    Seems more of a trust issue than a stripper issue.
    yeah..and strippers,we must not forget that,they dont want to cheat with someone boyfriend
    its their job and take money for that..they are proffecionals get paid for create this erotic situation

    yeah,sure..i m just saying,they doing for money..isnt stripper issue,but trust the boyfriend of not..the whole topic

    it should not be a trust issue but an issue of not wanting the man you love to be a misogynist.
    did you see me? i saw you.
  • Seriously on the subject I have been to many bachelor parties and have seen that strippers were a much more common experience with my younger friends getting married. Now that we are older they usually are not part of the deal. I am sure there is some larger explanation here on guys of their 20s turning into guys of their 30s but I will save that for someone else.
    During the more wild parties from the 20s (many 10+ years ago) we did have some private dancers. I think it boils down to the guy. If he is likely to step out of line he is going to do it regardless -- if there is not a private dancer he will find some other way -- or worse, will do it after he gets married. (I suspect the guy who cheats right before he gets married will cheat after as well but that is a guess.)

    My bachelor party was 6 years ago and I told the guys no strippers. I love the body of a woman and I certainly enjoy seeing naked women but the idea of celebrating my pending marriage by having my buddies pile $20 bills on top of me didn't seem like the right thing to do. My wife wasn't concerned at all about the likelihood of strippers being there (or not) and that was cool. I didn't care if she had them either as I trust her and if it is fun for her she could help herself. If I didn't trust her it would be a different story!
    (Ironically, my brother's finance cheated on him while he was away attending my bachelor party. A blessing in disguise, he didn't make that mistake of marrying a cheater!)

    Going to a bachelor party in Cabo next week. We are going fishing and drinking/partying. No stripper plans.
    Another in Vegas in September and I dont know what that will be but I know the groom well enough to know he will not being getting any favors from the ladies if so.
    The love he receives is the love that is saved
  • dimitrispearljamdimitrispearljam Posts: 139,657
    shortstack wrote:

    it should not be a trust issue but an issue of not wanting the man you love to be a misogynist.
    is what i understand from Laura's opening post..has to do with trust
    i didnt get this you saying from her post
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • Cliffy6745Cliffy6745 Posts: 33,839
    Yeah, I am with the consensus.
  • CServantCServant Posts: 1,182
    Vedd Hedd wrote:
    IMO, stripping isn't usually degrading to women. It's degrading to men. As a guy who has been to a few strip clubs in my time, believe me......its degrading to men, not women. Women hold all the power in there. Men walk in with fistfuls of cash, or their ATM card (with massive service charges, btw) and women bilk them out of their money. Although some places are seedy, most don't allow sex, so its not like its a sex shop. Guys go in, the grils flirt with them, and the guys drop their money for an unspoken promise that never happens.

    If you sit and watch the girl pick-up her dollar bills at the end of her set, it is rather degrading for them. They usually are covering with one hand and shoving dollar bills into their small purse while trying to get out of the way for the next 'act.'
    "Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience." Mark Twain
  • dr0ptheleashdr0ptheleash Posts: 1,264
    hedonist wrote:
    DeLukin wrote:
    I personally feel that respect and love are inseparable. If the person I love is uncomfortable with me doing something to the point of it negatively affecting our relationship, it's my obligations to change my behavior out of respect for her. So it's not so much about trust, but if I willingly know that she feels that something I'm doing is harmful to our relationship and I keep doing it she should have every reason in the world to think I don't respect her.
    You sound like a good guy :) Me, I'd add "within reason".

    As pjhawks mentioned, seems this is more about the private-room strippers vs those in a club. I'm sorry, but watching porn is NOT tantamount to being genitally-grinded, even if through clothes. That's a lot more intimate than sitting back and looking, whether what you're looking at is on film, computer, paper, etc. - even in person.

    This is what I'm talking about. I don't find porn and rated R movies offensive. I also don't consider it cheating to go to a strip club and watch naked women. I consider it cheating when the touching comes in, and it seems to many men that it is not considered cheating to them, strictly because she's a "professional."

    The comment about her not being a real person was sarcastic, a knock to how many men see these women.
Sign In or Register to comment.