"you are not my brother anymore, you are not their uncle"
"dont care, i stand by this decision. enough is enough"
Wow. Was that her message to you?
the first message was from her...i replied
she keeps asks asking me to fix this.
I don't have a sister or other family member in this situation to even offer any advice. I guess all I can say is you got the authorities involved and now let the professionals sort it out. I'm sure you're not in an easy or comfortable position but you feel you did the right thing and the right way will sort it self out. Best of luck for you and your sister.
So when DCFS takes your sisters children, and throws them in a foster home, and your sister is screaming bloody murder, wishing YOU had maybe minded your own business, or maybe tried another solution before getting DCFS invloved, be sure to give us an update. When your nieces refer to you years from now as "Uncle David, the uncle we havent talked to in 20 years because he had DCFS tear apart our family".......When your brother in law comes home in the next few days, and wants to rip your head off....
Or maybe down the road, his neices will refer to him as the uncle who tried to - and hopefully did - bring some peace into their lives. How many people in similar situations don't have someone - ONE person - willing to take action on their behalf?
Doesn't seem to me like this was done without forethought.
Doing the right thing isn't always easy and oftentimes has repercussions. Doesn't make it the wrong thing, though.
What a difficult situation to face. Good luck to you, your sister and her kids. I hope her husband gets the help he needs as well. I think you did the right thing. You have to make it your business if there's a chance those kids are being abused, and chances are that what you don't know is much worse than what you do know. Unfortunately DCFS doesn't always make situations like these any better for the kids or the victimized partner, but I don't really think you had a choice. Hopefully this will be a starting point for more support. I don't think it's about your sister being weak. Survivors are some of the strongest people I know, but while being victimized there's often a systematic pattern of abuse that leads them to believe they are responsible for the abuser's every mood, emotion and behavior. They think they can and should control it, but they can't. The brainwashing that happens in abusive relationships is pretty powerful. The most dangerous time for a victim is when s/he leaves an abusive relationship. That's the time when they and the kids are most likely to be killed, so sometimes they stay in order to protect the kids. They know how to negotiate things within the relationship, but once they leave, all bets are off. I don't know enough about your sister's situation to know if any of this is relevant, but I'm sure there' are many layers to it. I hope everyone stays safe.
"I need your strength for me to be strong...I need your love to feel loved"
You did the right thing. I wish that someone in my extended family had done that when I was growing up and my dad was abusing us. Maybe it would have been a wake up call for him.
I'm sorry this is happening to your family. That guy needs to be a man and pull himself together, for the sake of his wife and kids.
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"you are not my brother anymore, you are not their uncle"
"dont care, i stand by this decision. enough is enough"
Who didn't see this coming? this is classic ...
Her and her daughters lives just got that much tougher with the authorities involved.
She could be deemed unfit as well and perhaps rightfully so, not knowing for sure
if the girls are being abused. This is family dysfunction and codependency
with illegal drugs involved, she could be found unfit due to endangerment.
Will another family member step up to take the girls? Will you?
Time will tell if you made the right call,
there is right then there is right.
It is she who must make the right call, maybe your wake up call will help this,
I hope so very much.
It is better to be alone then unhappy but that is not the nature of many.
:evil: i know some people (not including myself of course) who could have a talk with dumbass :evil:
first off it has been going on long enough. secondly, why isn't the dude wearing a cast already?
fuck being nice. he's a nasty mean bastard who is an abusive piece of trash who shouldn't have all his teeth. his lifestyle sucks. everything about him sucks. your sister is brainwashed like it always is in these situations.
she and the kids should leave and hide from him. he should get help and he should be healing busted nose and ribs
Julia just said he left to Arizona today...not for good but she said they both needed a break from each other. I'm praying it's perm. We celebrate as a family tonight!
Julia just said he left to Arizona today...not for good but she said they both needed a break from each other. I'm praying it's perm. We celebrate as a family tonight!
you can only hope.....fingers crossed
2005 - London
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2013 - London, Pittsburgh, Buffalo
2014 - Cincinnati, St. Louis, Detroit
2016 - Ft. Lauderdale, Miami, Ottawa, Toronto 1 2018 - Fenway 1&2 2022 - Hamilton, Toronto 2023 - Chicago 1&2 2024 - Las Vegas 1&2
"you are not my brother anymore, you are not their uncle"
"dont care, i stand by this decision. enough is enough"
Could see that one coming a mile off...
Probably going to be a while before your sister will ever see past what you've done. Not to say that you weren't right in doing so...
Will another family member step up to take the girls? Will you?
That's a very important question. If you're reporting it to dcfs, I hope you volunteered to take custody of the children, as their system for fostering the kids presents a whole different set of dangers that could potentially be even worse than the situation they are in... at least where they are they have their mother, for better or worse...
As for anything else... well... Best of Luck. I hope it all works out for the best of everyone involved.
Houston, Texas... Believe it or not, there are 7 million people here... must be a couple of fans who'd love to see you play.
Julia just said he left to Arizona today...not for good but she said they both needed a break from each other. I'm praying it's perm. We celebrate as a family tonight!
Far out! this feels freeing!
I'm praying for healing and happiness for your family.
a sample of the craziness that is my borther-in-law. can anyone interpret this?:
This is the best birthday present I can give you. Please protect yourself from gettting "sucked in"!!
I have been trying to create a "hospice" enviornment with no fighting. A good parent/spouse would embrace this behavior as a tide of change.
Julia is resisting and I see a "black & white" world crumbling everyday as I sort the pieces to this puzzle. My 13 years of marriage, these traits I've observed. You will see them in reflection as you enable thier behavior which hurts yourself. She is not walking on eggshells with me, but with in herself inside her heart from selfish acts that plague her. It is hard to please the unpleasant, especially if the thirst can't be quenched no matter how big the cup!!(always steals your drink, I always "go large" LOL!)
Please move on in your life with caution of these traits that may be imbedded in you. Believe it or not, getting hit at AYSO was the best thing to happen to me!! I was able to show my evolution as a human by handling things properly and reflecting on the behavior of others tearing the family apart. I have to repair the time in which the children viewed my depression and mistakes revolving around it. I try to leave and a monumental fuck up brings me back into the family. A co-worker lost his best friend + the guys son from suicide due to this behavior. Alyssa is on the edge, although I have been coping better after the identification. I need to work on controlling the environment to identify traits to repair.
Now good luck and I will continue to work with the queen witch!!!
a sample of the craziness that is my borther-in-law. can anyone interpret this?:
This is the best birthday present I can give you. Please protect yourself from gettting "sucked in"!!
I have been trying to create a "hospice" enviornment with no fighting. A good parent/spouse would embrace this behavior as a tide of change.
Julia is resisting and I see a "black & white" world crumbling everyday as I sort the pieces to this puzzle. My 13 years of marriage, these traits I've observed. You will see them in reflection as you enable thier behavior which hurts yourself. She is not walking on eggshells with me, but with in herself inside her heart from selfish acts that plague her. It is hard to please the unpleasant, especially if the thirst can't be quenched no matter how big the cup!!(always steals your drink, I always "go large" LOL!)
Please move on in your life with caution of these traits that may be imbedded in you. Believe it or not, getting hit at AYSO was the best thing to happen to me!! I was able to show my evolution as a human by handling things properly and reflecting on the behavior of others tearing the family apart. I have to repair the time in which the children viewed my depression and mistakes revolving around it. I try to leave and a monumental fuck up brings me back into the family. A co-worker lost his best friend + the guys son from suicide due to this behavior. Alyssa is on the edge, although I have been coping better after the identification. I need to work on controlling the environment to identify traits to repair.
Now good luck and I will continue to work with the queen witch!!!
a sample of the craziness that is my borther-in-law. can anyone interpret this?:
This is the best birthday present I can give you. Please protect yourself from gettting "sucked in"!!
I have been trying to create a "hospice" enviornment with no fighting. A good parent/spouse would embrace this behavior as a tide of change.
Julia is resisting and I see a "black & white" world crumbling everyday as I sort the pieces to this puzzle. My 13 years of marriage, these traits I've observed. You will see them in reflection as you enable thier behavior which hurts yourself. She is not walking on eggshells with me, but with in herself inside her heart from selfish acts that plague her. It is hard to please the unpleasant, especially if the thirst can't be quenched no matter how big the cup!!(always steals your drink, I always "go large" LOL!)
Please move on in your life with caution of these traits that may be imbedded in you. Believe it or not, getting hit at AYSO was the best thing to happen to me!! I was able to show my evolution as a human by handling things properly and reflecting on the behavior of others tearing the family apart. I have to repair the time in which the children viewed my depression and mistakes revolving around it. I try to leave and a monumental fuck up brings me back into the family. A co-worker lost his best friend + the guys son from suicide due to this behavior. Alyssa is on the edge, although I have been coping better after the identification. I need to work on controlling the environment to identify traits to repair.
Now good luck and I will continue to work with the queen witch!!!
I know I joke a lot about it, but that message is so similar to just about every conversation I have with her, it's very frustrating.
David - I have a book that is called something like "Walking On Eggshells" which is exactly what I and now my sons deal with every day.
Do you think it'll help my sister?
the book? It might. It at explains things and lets you know that it's not your fault and that there are others in your same situation. I could not get through the whole thing, I was hoping that it would give advice on how to manage things, but most of the first part was just so close to my situation it was just too much. No sure if I explained that correctly - maybe to say that dealing with her is exhausting, so the last thing I wanted to do in my free time was to read about the issue more, I can only handle so much of it at a time
I think he's is saying it's all her fault, that she is self loathing and destructive. Dude needs a mirror.
yes, that is one of the attributes of the issue, the person will not take 'personal responsibility' for things that they cause, but instead will project the blame onto everyone else around them. I often accused of the very same thing she is doing to me, it is very odd
I think he's is saying it's all her fault, that she is self loathing and destructive. Dude needs a mirror.
yes, that is one of the attributes of the issue, the person will not take 'personal responsibility' for things that they cause, but instead will project the blame onto everyone else around them. I often accused of the very same thing she is doing to me, it is very odd
very messed up. thanks for the insight BJ and Rick
a sample of the craziness that is my borther-in-law. can anyone interpret this?:
This is the best birthday present I can give you. Please protect yourself from gettting "sucked in"!!
I have been trying to create a "hospice" enviornment with no fighting. A good parent/spouse would embrace this behavior as a tide of change.
Julia is resisting and I see a "black & white" world crumbling everyday as I sort the pieces to this puzzle. My 13 years of marriage, these traits I've observed. You will see them in reflection as you enable thier behavior which hurts yourself. She is not walking on eggshells with me, but with in herself inside her heart from selfish acts that plague her. It is hard to please the unpleasant, especially if the thirst can't be quenched no matter how big the cup!!(always steals your drink, I always "go large" LOL!)
Please move on in your life with caution of these traits that may be imbedded in you. Believe it or not, getting hit at AYSO was the best thing to happen to me!! I was able to show my evolution as a human by handling things properly and reflecting on the behavior of others tearing the family apart. I have to repair the time in which the children viewed my depression and mistakes revolving around it. I try to leave and a monumental fuck up brings me back into the family. A co-worker lost his best friend + the guys son from suicide due to this behavior. Alyssa is on the edge, although I have been coping better after the identification. I need to work on controlling the environment to identify traits to repair.
Now good luck and I will continue to work with the queen witch!!!
I think he's is saying it's all her fault, that she is self loathing and destructive. Dude needs a mirror.
Yeah, my interpretation is that he feels he has made strides in changing and that the problems now lie with her...no idea how much validity there is to that...but it always takes 2 to tango.
thanks, i know she always wants to change the subject when i try to reason with her...but, i think that book might help?? amazon.com here i come
It may help her and maybe you. You are in a tough spot because you are trying to help her deal with someone with these issues - that is what I am up against when I try to help my sons - I was able to leave, they did not, they live with her part time. A book like that can at least give you some insight into why he behaves certain ways. It is certainly a mental illness and you can't reason with someone like that in a 'normal' way.
Comments
Wow. Was that her message to you?
the first message was from her...i replied
she keeps asks asking me to fix this.
I don't have a sister or other family member in this situation to even offer any advice. I guess all I can say is you got the authorities involved and now let the professionals sort it out. I'm sure you're not in an easy or comfortable position but you feel you did the right thing and the right way will sort it self out. Best of luck for you and your sister.
Doesn't seem to me like this was done without forethought.
Doing the right thing isn't always easy and oftentimes has repercussions. Doesn't make it the wrong thing, though.
This....and I will add, you have to look out for the children. "You" being anyone who witnesses something that could seriously harm them.
Stay strong, man. Wishing you all nothing but the best.
www.cluthelee.com
www.cluthe.com
"I need your strength for me to be strong...I need your love to feel loved"
I'm sorry this is happening to your family. That guy needs to be a man and pull himself together, for the sake of his wife and kids.
Her and her daughters lives just got that much tougher with the authorities involved.
She could be deemed unfit as well and perhaps rightfully so, not knowing for sure
if the girls are being abused. This is family dysfunction and codependency
with illegal drugs involved, she could be found unfit due to endangerment.
Will another family member step up to take the girls? Will you?
Time will tell if you made the right call,
there is right then there is right.
It is she who must make the right call, maybe your wake up call will help this,
I hope so very much.
It is better to be alone then unhappy but that is not the nature of many.
first off it has been going on long enough. secondly, why isn't the dude wearing a cast already?
fuck being nice. he's a nasty mean bastard who is an abusive piece of trash who shouldn't have all his teeth. his lifestyle sucks. everything about him sucks. your sister is brainwashed like it always is in these situations.
she and the kids should leave and hide from him. he should get help and he should be healing busted nose and ribs
just becareful.
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
+1
Fargo 2003
Winnipeg 2005
Winnipeg 2011
St. Paul 2014
you are the bad guy for now.
she won't ever be able to find a way to thank you once the dust settles.
Fargo 2003
Winnipeg 2005
Winnipeg 2011
St. Paul 2014
you can only hope.....fingers crossed
2009 - Toronto
2010 - Buffalo
2011 - Toronto 1&2
2013 - London, Pittsburgh, Buffalo
2014 - Cincinnati, St. Louis, Detroit
2016 - Ft. Lauderdale, Miami, Ottawa, Toronto 1
2018 - Fenway 1&2
2022 - Hamilton, Toronto
2023 - Chicago 1&2
2024 - Las Vegas 1&2
Could see that one coming a mile off...
Probably going to be a while before your sister will ever see past what you've done. Not to say that you weren't right in doing so...
That's a very important question. If you're reporting it to dcfs, I hope you volunteered to take custody of the children, as their system for fostering the kids presents a whole different set of dangers that could potentially be even worse than the situation they are in... at least where they are they have their mother, for better or worse...
As for anything else... well... Best of Luck. I hope it all works out for the best of everyone involved.
I'm praying for healing and happiness for your family.
This is the best birthday present I can give you. Please protect yourself from gettting "sucked in"!!
I have been trying to create a "hospice" enviornment with no fighting. A good parent/spouse would embrace this behavior as a tide of change.
Julia is resisting and I see a "black & white" world crumbling everyday as I sort the pieces to this puzzle. My 13 years of marriage, these traits I've observed. You will see them in reflection as you enable thier behavior which hurts yourself. She is not walking on eggshells with me, but with in herself inside her heart from selfish acts that plague her. It is hard to please the unpleasant, especially if the thirst can't be quenched no matter how big the cup!!(always steals your drink, I always "go large" LOL!)
Please move on in your life with caution of these traits that may be imbedded in you. Believe it or not, getting hit at AYSO was the best thing to happen to me!! I was able to show my evolution as a human by handling things properly and reflecting on the behavior of others tearing the family apart. I have to repair the time in which the children viewed my depression and mistakes revolving around it. I try to leave and a monumental fuck up brings me back into the family. A co-worker lost his best friend + the guys son from suicide due to this behavior. Alyssa is on the edge, although I have been coping better after the identification. I need to work on controlling the environment to identify traits to repair.
Now good luck and I will continue to work with the queen witch!!!
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sto ... r-children
interpret it...fuck i can't even read it.
i hate when people send me crazy messages. :fp: why do people do that?
I know I joke a lot about it, but that message is so similar to just about every conversation I have with her, it's very frustrating.
David - I have a book that is called something like "Walking On Eggshells" which is exactly what I and now my sons deal with every day.
Do you think it'll help my sister?
I think he's is saying it's all her fault, that she is self loathing and destructive. Dude needs a mirror.
the book? It might. It at explains things and lets you know that it's not your fault and that there are others in your same situation. I could not get through the whole thing, I was hoping that it would give advice on how to manage things, but most of the first part was just so close to my situation it was just too much. No sure if I explained that correctly - maybe to say that dealing with her is exhausting, so the last thing I wanted to do in my free time was to read about the issue more, I can only handle so much of it at a time
yes, that is one of the attributes of the issue, the person will not take 'personal responsibility' for things that they cause, but instead will project the blame onto everyone else around them. I often accused of the very same thing she is doing to me, it is very odd
very messed up. thanks for the insight BJ and Rick
It may help her and maybe you. You are in a tough spot because you are trying to help her deal with someone with these issues - that is what I am up against when I try to help my sons - I was able to leave, they did not, they live with her part time. A book like that can at least give you some insight into why he behaves certain ways. It is certainly a mental illness and you can't reason with someone like that in a 'normal' way.