I'm so sorry, Sawyer. The only advice that I can give you is to spend as much time as possible with her, right now. I lost my grandma and a few friends over the past few years, some very suddenly. The number one thing that I regret with all of them is that I didn't get a chance to say a proper goodbye. If you have something to say to her, say it now. Tell her you love her. Don't leave anything unsaid. And cherish the time that you have left.
Chicago 2000 : Chicago 2003 : Chicago 2006 : Summerfest 2006 : Lollapalooza 2007 : Chicago 2009 : Noblesville (Indy) 2010 : PJ20 (East Troy) 2011 : Wrigley Field 2013 : Milwaukee (Yield) 2014 : Wrigley Field 2016
I'm so sorry, Sawyer. The only advice that I can give you is to spend as much time as possible with her, right now. I lost my grandma and a few friends over the past few years, some very suddenly. The number one thing that I regret with all of them is that I didn't get a chance to say a proper goodbye. If you have something to say to her, say it now. Tell her you love her. Don't leave anything unsaid. And cherish the time that you have left.
This is exactly what I was going to say. I can't say it better.
My dad died suddenly, I didn't get to say goodbye. My mom died after a short illness - those last two months I felt so close to her and I still treasure that time and all the conversations we had.
So sorry to hear this. I have no wise words of wisdom. But I'm sending hugs your way.
thank you....only 57......healthy as can be.......just staggering....and I got SHINGLES from the stress..life is good
Sawyer, I am so very sorry. Shingles are VERY painful on top of the grief you must be feeling. I wish I had some words of strength but I don't know anything that I could say to help. Please know you are in my thoughts and if there is anything you need, I am here, as we all are.
"You think I got my eyes closed but I'm lookin' at you the whole fuckin' time..."
Sawyer, this post contains many facts regarding death, so if you are not in the mindset to deal with the difficult reality of your situation, you may not want to continue reading.
I recently went thru this.
My goal was to lessen any regrets I might have had when the time came for my dad to pass-away.
Spend as much time with her as possible. If you aren't good at expressing feelings towards her, silent gestures, such as holding her hand, speak volumes. My dad loved looking at photo albums duriong his final few months.
Don't try to be a martyr....everyone needs to do their part in this situation. If there is any friction btw family members, don't work it out via anger.
Familiarize yourself with the post-death process. It may make things easier to know what to expect when the sad event occurs. I educated myself on the signs of imminent death, and I called the funeral home when we knew the time was short.
The hospice service usually sends out a specialized nurse when they see that the end is near. He/she will be the one to call the hospice doctor regarding the death certificate. The hospice may also send over a social worker to help confort your family.
Make sure you know of your mom's funeral/burial wishes, and if possible, do some pre-planning with the funeral home. Hopefully, this will lessen the load when the time comes.
Finally, be very kind to the hospice staff. They are only human. and their goal is to make you mom as comfortable as possible. They won't have the same emotional attachment to the situation as you and your family.
Also, try to stay positive..this is no time to expend energy on being negative. Not everyone in the world will show you sympathy.
"What the CANUCK happened?!? - Esquimalt Barber Shop
I haven't had to go through this yet, but I know I would be devastated. You got some good advice up there. Do know that we are here for you if you need to vent...
... and the will to show I will always be better than before.
There are no words anyone can give to lessen the pain you and your family are going through, and will go through. There will be a day when you can see the world a little brighter, but take your grief in your own time.
My mom passed very suddenly and unexpectedly at 46 a little more than a year ago, and I'm still reeling from the loss. My advice? Take others up on offers to help you with anything; lighten your load and focus on the time you are lucky enough to have together.
Peace from Iowa
*Denver 04-01-2003*ACL 10-04-2009*Colombus 05-06-2010*Noblesville 05-07-2010*Bridge School 10-23 & 10-24-2010*PJ20 09-03 & 09-04-2011*Deluna Fest 09-21-2012*Wrigley Field 07-19-2013*Ok City 11-16-2013*Moline (Rail, Hometown!)10-17-2014*St Paul 10-19-2014*Milwaukee 10-20-2014*Denver 10-22-2014*
*Ed Solo: Detroit 06-26-2011, Chicago 06-29-2011*
^ Oh my goodness! That must have been like a nightmare! 46??? I can't even imagine! That's like, *gulp* about my age!!! GAH!!!!
That must have been so hard for you! And I don't blame you at all for still being in sort of a state of shock. I think that I would be also, in your shoes. Stuff like that is not supposed to happen, you know? :(
Please accept a dose of good karma from me - that must have been a tragic loss for your entire family.... :(
You and your family have my best wishes...stay strong and enjoy your time together.
Cancer is bitch...just this past week my cousins 18 year old son has been diagnosed with leukemia and will need a bone marrow transplant and my Uncles second wife was just diagnosed with cancer...its like wtf.
I have certain rules I live by ... My First Rule ... I don't believe anything the government tells me ... George Carlin
"Life Is What Happens To You When Your Busy Making Other Plans" John Lennon
Op
Every one must die.
I have been with many.
You need to be there always. Listen to every word she can painfully bear to say.
Dying is bliss.
You will miss her, but she won't be suffering anymore. Think of Peace.
You won't forget her, She will always think of you.
Death is very normal.
Cancer is painful, don't expect too much. It's hard to breathe.
It was a good life, right? Remember the happy times!
Sawyer, this post contains many facts regarding death, so if you are not in the mindset to deal with the difficult reality of your situation, you may not want to continue reading.
I recently went thru this.
My goal was to lessen any regrets I might have had when the time came for my dad to pass-away.
Spend as much time with her as possible. If you aren't good at expressing feelings towards her, silent gestures, such as holding her hand, speak volumes. My dad loved looking at photo albums duriong his final few months.
Don't try to be a martyr....everyone needs to do their part in this situation. If there is any friction btw family members, don't work it out via anger.
Familiarize yourself with the post-death process. It may make things easier to know what to expect when the sad event occurs. I educated myself on the signs of imminent death, and I called the funeral home when we knew the time was short.
The hospice service usually sends out a specialized nurse when they see that the end is near. He/she will be the one to call the hospice doctor regarding the death certificate. The hospice may also send over a social worker to help confort your family.
Make sure you know of your mom's funeral/burial wishes, and if possible, do some pre-planning with the funeral home. Hopefully, this will lessen the load when the time comes.
Finally, be very kind to the hospice staff. They are only human. and their goal is to make you mom as comfortable as possible. They won't have the same emotional attachment to the situation as you and your family.
Also, try to stay positive..this is no time to expend energy on being negative. Not everyone in the world will show you sympathy.
Try to spend as much time as possible with her, try to be kind to her and your family and yourself. Cancer is so hard to handle in so many ways. We are always here for you to talk and vent with, that is apparent.
Hugs and best wishes for you..
Thank you fellow 10 clubber for saving my ass....again!!!
Sawyer, this post contains many facts regarding death, so if you are not in the mindset to deal with the difficult reality of your situation, you may not want to continue reading.
I recently went thru this.
My goal was to lessen any regrets I might have had when the time came for my dad to pass-away.
Spend as much time with her as possible. If you aren't good at expressing feelings towards her, silent gestures, such as holding her hand, speak volumes. My dad loved looking at photo albums duriong his final few months.
Don't try to be a martyr....everyone needs to do their part in this situation. If there is any friction btw family members, don't work it out via anger.
Familiarize yourself with the post-death process. It may make things easier to know what to expect when the sad event occurs. I educated myself on the signs of imminent death, and I called the funeral home when we knew the time was short.
The hospice service usually sends out a specialized nurse when they see that the end is near. He/she will be the one to call the hospice doctor regarding the death certificate. The hospice may also send over a social worker to help confort your family.
Make sure you know of your mom's funeral/burial wishes, and if possible, do some pre-planning with the funeral home. Hopefully, this will lessen the load when the time comes.
Finally, be very kind to the hospice staff. They are only human. and their goal is to make you mom as comfortable as possible. They won't have the same emotional attachment to the situation as you and your family.
Also, try to stay positive..this is no time to expend energy on being negative. Not everyone in the world will show you sympathy.
Almost text book?
Yep....even though it was an emotional situation, I used some logic to get me through.
My dad died in August of 2009 of liver cancer..
He was my rock. The best man I have ever known.
He loved unconditionally, He didn't speak much..
But, when he spoke we all listened..
he had melanoma in his left eye
they removed his left eye in 2005 and warned that the cancer could move to other spots in his body.
especially spots that involved lots of blood.. the liver, the brain, etc.
they told us that after 5 or so years, he may just be in the clear..
after negative quarterly blood tests every year, in June of 2009 he started having pains in his side..
They diagnosed liver cancer, the biggest cancer spot on his liver being just over 4 inches long..
he passed two months later, being the worst two months I have ever seen..
I would gladly give my life to find a cure for cancer.. so nobody ever has to see what I have seen.. and so nobody has to die how this good man had died.. It was truly horrible..
god bless you and your family..
None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe that they are free.
Abrn Hlls '98 - Clarkston 2 '03 - Grd Rpds '06 - Abrn Hlls '06 - Clvd '10 - PJ20 - Berlin 1+2 '12 - Wrigley '13 - Pitt '13- buff '13- Philly 1+2 '13 - Seattle '13
As someone who is very close to their Mum, this makes me so sad. So sorry you have to go through this.
“ "Thank you Palestrina. It’s a wonderful evening, it’s great to be here and I wanna dedicate you a super sexy song." " (last words of Mark Sandman of Morphine)
Adelaide 1998
Adelaide 2003
Adelaide 2006 night 1
Adelaide 2006 night 2
Adelaide 2009
Melbourne 2009
Christchurch NZ 2009
Eddie Vedder, Adelaide 2011
PJ20 USA 2011 night 1
PJ20 USA 2011 night 2
Adelaide BIG DAY OUT 2014
*Denver 04-01-2003*ACL 10-04-2009*Colombus 05-06-2010*Noblesville 05-07-2010*Bridge School 10-23 & 10-24-2010*PJ20 09-03 & 09-04-2011*Deluna Fest 09-21-2012*Wrigley Field 07-19-2013*Ok City 11-16-2013*Moline (Rail, Hometown!)10-17-2014*St Paul 10-19-2014*Milwaukee 10-20-2014*Denver 10-22-2014*
*Ed Solo: Detroit 06-26-2011, Chicago 06-29-2011*
Caveeze, sorry to hear about your Dad too, big hugs to anyone on this thread that have also lost loved ones.
“ "Thank you Palestrina. It’s a wonderful evening, it’s great to be here and I wanna dedicate you a super sexy song." " (last words of Mark Sandman of Morphine)
Adelaide 1998
Adelaide 2003
Adelaide 2006 night 1
Adelaide 2006 night 2
Adelaide 2009
Melbourne 2009
Christchurch NZ 2009
Eddie Vedder, Adelaide 2011
PJ20 USA 2011 night 1
PJ20 USA 2011 night 2
Adelaide BIG DAY OUT 2014
Sorry to hear that you're going through this Sawyer. When I was in college, my stepdad had a massive heart attack..he wasn't even 40 yet...we were lucky that when he had it he was with a client (he's a CPA) and not on the road..we came very close to losing him. Since then he has had continued issues with his heart and last summer he had to have open heart surgery..he made it through ok, but he's only 55...and he's already had 2 open heart surgeries and countless stint procedures. The only good thing that has come out of this, is that my family doesn't take each other for granted...we hug and say "i love you" often.
I can't imagine how painful this is for you, but use this time to love and care for her as much as you can.
Hugs to everyone that has lost a parent..I can't imagine losing one, especially so young.
I am so sorry to read this, Sawyer. :( My heart goes out to you, your mom and your family. JOEJOEJOE and many others have given very good advice here. Hugs to you.
Comments
This is exactly what I was going to say. I can't say it better.
My dad died suddenly, I didn't get to say goodbye. My mom died after a short illness - those last two months I felt so close to her and I still treasure that time and all the conversations we had.
Good luck to you and your family.
Sawyer, I am so very sorry. Shingles are VERY painful on top of the grief you must be feeling. I wish I had some words of strength but I don't know anything that I could say to help. Please know you are in my thoughts and if there is anything you need, I am here, as we all are.
I think JOEJOEJOE's advice is great. Wishing you peace and strength in this difficult time.
P.S. PJTrekGirl - check your PMs
"If I had this guy's voice, you could all kiss my ass."
My mom passed very suddenly and unexpectedly at 46 a little more than a year ago, and I'm still reeling from the loss. My advice? Take others up on offers to help you with anything; lighten your load and focus on the time you are lucky enough to have together.
Peace from Iowa
*Ed Solo: Detroit 06-26-2011, Chicago 06-29-2011*
That must have been so hard for you! And I don't blame you at all for still being in sort of a state of shock. I think that I would be also, in your shoes. Stuff like that is not supposed to happen, you know? :(
Please accept a dose of good karma from me - that must have been a tragic loss for your entire family.... :(
Cancer is bitch...just this past week my cousins 18 year old son has been diagnosed with leukemia and will need a bone marrow transplant and my Uncles second wife was just diagnosed with cancer...its like wtf.
"Life Is What Happens To You When Your Busy Making Other Plans" John Lennon
Every one must die.
I have been with many.
You need to be there always. Listen to every word she can painfully bear to say.
Dying is bliss.
You will miss her, but she won't be suffering anymore. Think of Peace.
You won't forget her, She will always think of you.
Death is very normal.
Cancer is painful, don't expect too much. It's hard to breathe.
It was a good life, right? Remember the happy times!
Peaces.
Almost text book?
Hugs and best wishes for you..
Yep....even though it was an emotional situation, I used some logic to get me through.
an older neighbor of mine just found out the same situation...terrible :(
cool.
and never underestimate good or bad karma.
My dad died in August of 2009 of liver cancer..
He was my rock. The best man I have ever known.
He loved unconditionally, He didn't speak much..
But, when he spoke we all listened..
he had melanoma in his left eye
they removed his left eye in 2005 and warned that the cancer could move to other spots in his body.
especially spots that involved lots of blood.. the liver, the brain, etc.
they told us that after 5 or so years, he may just be in the clear..
after negative quarterly blood tests every year, in June of 2009 he started having pains in his side..
They diagnosed liver cancer, the biggest cancer spot on his liver being just over 4 inches long..
he passed two months later, being the worst two months I have ever seen..
I would gladly give my life to find a cure for cancer.. so nobody ever has to see what I have seen.. and so nobody has to die how this good man had died.. It was truly horrible..
god bless you and your family..
Abrn Hlls '98 - Clarkston 2 '03 - Grd Rpds '06 - Abrn Hlls '06 - Clvd '10 - PJ20 - Berlin 1+2 '12 - Wrigley '13 - Pitt '13- buff '13- Philly 1+2 '13 - Seattle '13
Adelaide 1998
Adelaide 2003
Adelaide 2006 night 1
Adelaide 2006 night 2
Adelaide 2009
Melbourne 2009
Christchurch NZ 2009
Eddie Vedder, Adelaide 2011
PJ20 USA 2011 night 1
PJ20 USA 2011 night 2
Adelaide BIG DAY OUT 2014
Peace
*Ed Solo: Detroit 06-26-2011, Chicago 06-29-2011*
Adelaide 1998
Adelaide 2003
Adelaide 2006 night 1
Adelaide 2006 night 2
Adelaide 2009
Melbourne 2009
Christchurch NZ 2009
Eddie Vedder, Adelaide 2011
PJ20 USA 2011 night 1
PJ20 USA 2011 night 2
Adelaide BIG DAY OUT 2014
" we're going to take this to some level that people aren't going to forget... and if that means risking your life, we're going to do it!..." EV
"
I agree....so so sad for me to even think about the possibility of losing either of my parents....I'm very close to them both.
Poor Sawyer. :(
★ 2009 - Sydney, Brisbane, Auckland, Christchurch ★
★ 2011 - EV Newcastle, Melbourne 1, Melbourne 2 ★
30 years later, there is still a hole, but I have such warmth of the love I got, even today, that I feel lucky to have gotten 16 years with him...
My oldest has his name and his looks... Always makes me smile...
I am so sorry you are going through this... And I hope you mother suffers as little as possible...
Feel free to reach out if it would help.
Adam
I can't imagine how painful this is for you, but use this time to love and care for her as much as you can.
Hugs to everyone that has lost a parent..I can't imagine losing one, especially so young.