So....my Mom's gonna die soon.....
Sawyer
Posts: 2,411
.....has pancreatic cancer and moved to her liver....we have hospice in.....she was diagnosed in October....I know Im a clown on here but how have others dealt with relatively sudden loss? Its beyond brutal.
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thank you....only 57......healthy as can be.......just staggering....and I got SHINGLES from the stress..life is good
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
and you will get through it
i promise
"what a long, strange trip it's been"
was diagnosed with ALS in November, passed away the following April.
best to you & your family. i know it's tough, but you will get through it.
www.cluthelee.com
www.cluthe.com
Stay strong and remember just how fragile life is. Try to spend as much time with her as you can!
you've got a chance to say goodbye....make your peace with her and say goodbye.
my mum had a heart attack (56 going on 57) one night (5 years ago this month) and wasn't there the next morning. i woke up to a dozen missed calls on my cell from my family. the next day, i packed a suitcase and headed home for a funeral. after the funeral, i moved on. it's life, people die. nothing you can do about it except to accept it and live your life after they are gone.
at thanksgiving i always get a bottle of wine and give her a little toast because during our holiday's we would always have a bottle or two of wine...ussally just the two of us...
anyways...
I recently went thru this.
My goal was to lessen any regrets I might have had when the time came for my dad to pass-away.
Spend as much time with her as possible. If you aren't good at expressing feelings towards her, silent gestures, such as holding her hand, speak volumes. My dad loved looking at photo albums duriong his final few months.
Don't try to be a martyr....everyone needs to do their part in this situation. If there is any friction btw family members, don't work it out via anger.
Familiarize yourself with the post-death process. It may make things easier to know what to expect when the sad event occurs. I educated myself on the signs of imminent death, and I called the funeral home when we knew the time was short.
The hospice service usually sends out a specialized nurse when they see that the end is near. He/she will be the one to call the hospice doctor regarding the death certificate. The hospice may also send over a social worker to help confort your family.
Make sure you know of your mom's funeral/burial wishes, and if possible, do some pre-planning with the funeral home. Hopefully, this will lessen the load when the time comes.
Finally, be very kind to the hospice staff. They are only human. and their goal is to make you mom as comfortable as possible. They won't have the same emotional attachment to the situation as you and your family.
Also, try to stay positive..this is no time to expend energy on being negative. Not everyone in the world will show you sympathy.
sounds silly saying this but having gone through it...
cherish this time with your mama
I just saw a sign it read
home is where your mom is
just like my mama does, this we always have
love and prayers for you and yours
_____________________________
It makes much more sense, to live
In the present tense
Theres really no way to prepare. just do the best you can. be there as much as you can for her. After some time passes, you'll come to appreciate that time.
I watched my dad wither away from undiagnosed lung cancer. Meanwhile I was drinking myself to death and smoking crack to boot. We both knew something was up , we chose not to speak about it. I'll always regret not being there more. The only solace I can take was , he went out the way he chose to. I was able to take on all the physical work for his business when he could no longer climb a ladder. I was paid my normal rate and he got the rest. for two years this went on.
Take it as it comes, one day at a time. One minute at a time if need be. ride the pain, dont run from it. It'll catch up eventually.its better to get through it than delay it. seems to hurt worse trying to delay it.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
"Forgive every being,
the bad feelings
it's just me"
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
4/2/2008 - The Center in Vancouver for Performing Arts (Eddie Vedder Solo) - Vancouver, WA
9/21/2009 Key Arena - Seattle, WA
7/22/2006 - Gorge Ampitheater - George, WA
9/1/2005 - Gorge Ampitheater - George, WA
Stay strong, you will get through it.
6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
My mom died at age 58. It wasn't sudden, it was drawn out for years.
I agree with others, make the best of the time you have. Do what you have to do to have no regrets.
I also agree with mickey, deal with it while fresh, delaying will only make it worse. I shut down to an extent, and to this day have issues because of it, and she died in 98. I made the same mistake in 06 when dad died.
Get it out, deal with it however you need to, excluding chemicals to numb yourself.
Hang in there, and if you ever need to chat, you know where to find me.
Steve
"To question your government is not unpatriotic --
to not question your government is unpatriotic."
-- Sen. Chuck Hagel
10/31/09- Philly
5/21/10- NYC
9/2/12- Philly, PA
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10/19/13- Brooklyn, NY
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10/27/13- Baltimore, MD
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9/7/24- Philly, PA
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Eddie Vedder- 6/25/11- Philly, PA
RNDM- 3/9/16- Philly, PA
I always used this line to help me with death - "I know I was born and I'll know that I'll die but the in between is mine"
'This boats not safe
And we're drowning.'
I didn't post it on here because, frankly, I didn't think I'd get any responses in a thread, since I don't have many friends here...and that would have made me feel even worse and more depressed. But yeah...it was horrible.
In my case, I was far away and that might have made it easier though. I live in Alaska and my brother (who still lives in South Florida, where I am originally from) ended up having to do all the work. Fortunately, one of my cousins whose mom died only last year in the same city, happened to be on vacation in Florida at the time my mother passed away...and was able to help my brother out. I couldn't even go to the funeral - I've had a tough couple of years of unemployment and am only now starting to really dig out. So a plane ticket to Florida (around the time of spring break, no less!) on short notice was WAY outside my price range. :( I'm not sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing....because I guess it's allowed me to remain in denial. I still have not deleted my mother's phone number from my cell phone. :(
I think each of us handles and copes with these things differently. And even differently between parents, depending upon our relationship with them. My father died many years ago...and I am finding my response this time to be very different.
My advice is to just let yourself feel what you feel. I think the best way to get through it is to just allow yourself to process the thing in the way you have to. And don't expect your siblings to deal with it the same way as you. Everyone is different...and some grieve more publicly...others more in private. Some grieve up front...and some take months (or even years) to process the event. When my father died, I went into denial for 6 months and couldn't even look at his casket at the funeral...I didn't cry because I simply pretended it wasn't happening. But 6 months later? I was a complete wreck.
I know that this is tough...and there is nothing I or anyone else can say to make it better or prevent it from happening. All I can say is that I get what you are going through...and am sending good karma your way.
Peace.
I know that this is tough...and there is nothing I or anyone else can say to make it better or prevent it from happening. All I can say is that I get what you are going through...and am sending good karma your way.
Peace.
Sawyer,
I don't know how to quote just portions of someone's previous post so I stole this from PKTrekGirl because to me, it sounds like sound advice. Feel what you feel and know that at some point you'll be stronger for having gone through what you did. Not very comforting I know. I'm sorry this is happening and I'll keep you in my thoughts. Hang in there.
Peace.
Libtardaplorable©. And proud of it.
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