So this guy would like us to believe that he was naked while hanging curtains? So this vicar decided it was a good idea to expose his junk to the neighbors as he stood in front of the window on a stool/ladder/chair/whatever and that's somehow better than getting freaky with a potato in the privacy of his own home? "Now don't get the wrong idea. I wasn't doing anything perverted, I was just exposing myself to my neighbors when I fell."
So this guy would like us to believe that he was naked while hanging curtains? So this vicar decided it was a good idea to expose his junk to the neighbors as he stood in front of the window on a stool/ladder/chair/whatever and that's somehow better than getting freaky with a potato in the privacy of his own home? "Now don't get the wrong idea. I wasn't doing anything perverted, I was just exposing myself to my neighbors when I fell."
in fairness...this guy could live in an area with no neighbors.
A vicar came in once with a potato stuck up his bum. He was mid-fifties, with grey hair and well spoken. He walked in and said: 'I've had an accident.' He explained to me, quite sincerely, that he had been hanging some curtains, naked, in the kitchen, when he fell backwards on to the kitchen table and on to a potato. It's not for me to question his story but it was a big potato. More baked potato size than Jersey. He had to undergo surgery to have it removed.
Most people with these sorts of problems walk into A&E. But not many sit down when they get here.
Sex-related cases are relatively rare. They're known as 'foreign bodies'.
The vast majority of cases are men, although we do see a few women. Men tend to stick things up their bums and the items end up disappearing into their bowels and intestines. And they go on for miles. With women, there's only so far things can go.
Sometimes you can poke around and get the thing out. Other times, it requires surgery.
We had an Asian man come in. He was in his fifties, too. He said he'd been messing around with a deodorant. It was a big canister and it had gone right up into his large bowel. The thing is, people use lubricant to get them in, and they go in round end first. The other ends are never rounded and that's why they get stuck. We had to cut him open to get it out.
A young lad came in, in his early twenties. He had a long jacket on, opened it, and there it was. He had got a carnation stuck in his willy. He said he's been doing it for pleasure. I've never seen that before and doubt I'll see it again. All the nurses came round for a look.
One couple got suctioned together in the bath and had to call the paramedics to prise them apart.
We had a fatality where the man had been with a prostitute and died during sex. He was wearing a cock ring so still had an erection. That caused quite a stir. His wife came to the hospital and I remember she was very well spoken and we had to break the news to her. Well, she wasn't very happy about it.
Having someone come in with something stuck up themselves can be the highlight of a shift.
Some people are straight with us, others make up excuses. But it doesn't happen by accident, I can assure you of that.
My advice? Don't do it. It can be very dangerous and potentially life-threatening. The surgery can lead to infection, nasty scarring and possibly end up with the person having to use a colostomy bag as a result.
If you are going to do it, hang on. Or tie a piece of string to it.
A woman came in with a vibrator stuck up her. She had a large anatomy. She was a big woman, in every sense. The thing was, the vibrator was still on.
• Trudi Watson is a senior staff nurse at the Northern General Hospital in Sheffield
Comments
what the...what?!?
http://youtu.be/vdiROsB-yJI
OOOUUUCHHH!!!!
Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
in fairness...this guy could live in an area with no neighbors.
ah yes!