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Best Way to Break Up Thread

davidtriosdavidtrios Posts: 9,732
edited January 2012 in All Encompassing Trip
So I tried breaking up with my girlfriend but...she wouldn't let me...i was out the door, said i didnt want to do this anymore...and she grabbed my arm and pulled me back into her condo...she started crying, wants to work it out

but ive been with her a couple of months and i just dont feel it...i dont see myself ending up with her...
but, im weak- i feel bad and hate to see her hurt...but, i need to get out of this.

im thinking of just ignoring her and hope she takes the hint and goes away...your thoughts
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  • LikeAnOceanLikeAnOcean Posts: 7,718
    Davidtrios wrote:
    she wouldn't let me...i was out the door, said i didnt want to do this anymore...and she grabbed my arm and pulled me back into her condo...she started crying, wants to work it out

    but ive been with her a couple of months and i just dont feel it...i dont see myself ending up with her...
    but, im weak- i feel bad and hate to see her hurt...but, i need to get out of this.

    im thinking of just ignoring her and hope she takes the hint and goes away...your thoughts
    A couple of months?

    That's it?

    Is that even a relationship yet?

    You could probably just stop responding to her.. you've made your point.
  • Mamasan23Mamasan23 Posts: 16,388
    The WORST thing you could do is just start ignoring her. She'll have no sense of closure and that's not fair to her. I've been in a few relationships like that where I tried to break up with the guy and he just wouldn't let me (yeah sounds weird but it happens), so I know how hard it is. You just have to put your foot down. Tell her you just don't see it going anywhere. Be honest and firm - you'll be doing both of you a favor!

    Sorry to hear it's not working out man :(
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  • F5AgainstOneF5AgainstOne Posts: 1,462
    Invite her to come hang out with you and your new girlfriend, she may get the hint that way.
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  • 8181 Posts: 58,276
    Mamasan23 wrote:
    The WORST thing you could do is just start ignoring her. She'll have no sense of closure and that's not fair to her. I've been in a few relationships like that where I tried to break up with the guy and he just wouldn't let me (yeah sounds weird but it happens), so I know how hard it is. You just have to put your foot down. Tell her you just don't see it going anywhere. Be honest and firm - you'll be doing both of you a favor!

    Sorry to hear it's not working out man :(

    once you tell them it's over....do you really need to communicate with them any more....seems like you gave them the closure.
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  • 8181 Posts: 58,276
    F5AgainstOne wrote:
    Invite her to come hang out with you and your new girlfriend, she may get the hint that way.


    she might like the idea. :lol:
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  • CJMST3KCJMST3K Posts: 9,722
    ...or tell her you "just want" a seven day period alone. No contact, no phone calls, etc, to make up your mind.

    That will help you get more clarity yourself, and will give her some alone time too which may help her with the break up. And it's probably easier to make a seven day period stretch into more days.

    You've let her know your intentions and she didn't let you go, so this is the only thing I can think of.
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  • Monster RainMonster Rain Posts: 1,415
    Just "accidentally" leave a shovel, duct tape, and a large burlap sack in your trunk and go grocery shopping with her. When she helps you unload the groceries and sees them there, you'll be home free.
  • Mcam55Mcam55 Posts: 1,407
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vKQHJaGmkSw
  • LikeAnOceanLikeAnOcean Posts: 7,718
    81 wrote:
    Mamasan23 wrote:
    The WORST thing you could do is just start ignoring her. She'll have no sense of closure and that's not fair to her. I've been in a few relationships like that where I tried to break up with the guy and he just wouldn't let me (yeah sounds weird but it happens), so I know how hard it is. You just have to put your foot down. Tell her you just don't see it going anywhere. Be honest and firm - you'll be doing both of you a favor!

    Sorry to hear it's not working out man :(

    once you tell them it's over....do you really need to communicate with them any more....seems like you gave them the closure.
    Exactly..


    He closed it.. He can start ignoring her. She knows what's up.
  • LikeAnOceanLikeAnOcean Posts: 7,718
    edited January 2012
    CJMST3K wrote:
    ...or tell her you "just want" a seven day period alone. No contact, no phone calls, etc, to make up your mind.

    That will help you get more clarity yourself, and will give her some alone time too which may help her with the break up. And it's probably easier to make a seven day period stretch into more days.

    You've let her know your intentions and she didn't let you go, so this is the only thing I can think of.
    NO!


    Don't do this, because you give her hope. She will be in hell for the seven+ days and will never be in closure.


    Just tell her it's over. Don't drag it out. You'll only hurt her more.. It's only 2 months. She'll get over it quicker than she thinks.
  • DewieCoxDewieCox Posts: 11,425
    81 wrote:
    F5AgainstOne wrote:
    Invite her to come hang out with you and your new girlfriend, she may get the hint that way.


    she might like the idea. :lol:

    Then there may be a future afterall.
  • 8181 Posts: 58,276
    viewtopic.php?f=14&t=140786
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  • CJMST3KCJMST3K Posts: 9,722
    LikeAnOcean wrote:
    CJMST3K wrote:
    ...or tell her you "just want" a seven day period alone. No contact, no phone calls, etc, to make up your mind.

    That will help you get more clarity yourself, and will give her some alone time too which may help her with the break up. And it's probably easier to make a seven day period stretch into more days.

    You've let her know your intentions and she didn't let you go, so this is the only thing I can think of.
    NO!


    Don't do this, because you give her hope. She will be in hell for the seven+ days and will never be in closure.


    Just tell her it's over. Don't drag it out. You'll only hurt her more.. It's only 2 months. She'll get over it quicker than she thinks.

    Oh, I missed that they were together only 2 months.

    ...yeah, just let her know you're not feeling the right way about the relationship, etc. Its difficult, but maybe meet somewhere where she can't drag you physically into her place.
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  • Mamasan23Mamasan23 Posts: 16,388
    LikeAnOcean wrote:
    81 wrote:
    Mamasan23 wrote:
    The WORST thing you could do is just start ignoring her. She'll have no sense of closure and that's not fair to her. I've been in a few relationships like that where I tried to break up with the guy and he just wouldn't let me (yeah sounds weird but it happens), so I know how hard it is. You just have to put your foot down. Tell her you just don't see it going anywhere. Be honest and firm - you'll be doing both of you a favor!

    Sorry to hear it's not working out man :(

    once you tell them it's over....do you really need to communicate with them any more....seems like you gave them the closure.
    Exactly..


    He closed it.. He can start ignoring her. She knows what's up.

    No he didn't close it. He went back in and she said she wanted to work it out. To her, him going back in was opening it back up again.
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  • Yellow LedbellyYellow Ledbelly Posts: 3,749
    Look to the genius that is Costanza! He knows the way!

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  • LikeAnOceanLikeAnOcean Posts: 7,718
    CJMST3K wrote:
    LikeAnOcean wrote:
    CJMST3K wrote:
    ...or tell her you "just want" a seven day period alone. No contact, no phone calls, etc, to make up your mind.

    That will help you get more clarity yourself, and will give her some alone time too which may help her with the break up. And it's probably easier to make a seven day period stretch into more days.

    You've let her know your intentions and she didn't let you go, so this is the only thing I can think of.
    NO!


    Don't do this, because you give her hope. She will be in hell for the seven+ days and will never be in closure.


    Just tell her it's over. Don't drag it out. You'll only hurt her more.. It's only 2 months. She'll get over it quicker than she thinks.

    Oh, I missed that they were together only 2 months.

    ...yeah, just let her know you're not feeling the right way about the relationship, etc. Its difficult, but maybe meet somewhere where she can't drag you physically into her place.
    2 months is pretty early. I think it's still considered just dating unless they made it clear it was an official relationship.. I don't think I told my girl we were exclusive until about 3 months in, even though to me she was very early on.
  • Phantom PainPhantom Pain Posts: 9,876
    I'm afraid I've put you into the 'friend' category
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  • Drowned OutDrowned Out Posts: 6,056
    There is nothing more uncomfortable than being begged to change your feelings. I had this happen to me once...she wouldn't leave my place and kept asking me to reconsider....I finally excused myself to go to the washroom and called her a cab without telling her...when it showed up, I told her it was for her, and if she wanted to talk more about it in a couple days we could, but also told her firmly that I wasn't changing my mind. You can't waffle tho, not fair to her. Stand by your decision and be done with it.
  • LikeAnOceanLikeAnOcean Posts: 7,718
    Mamasan23 wrote:
    No he didn't close it. He went back in and she said she wanted to work it out. To her, him going back in was opening it back up again.
    Then he needs to walk out next time... its only been two months of dating. Unless he's told her they are exclusive, he doesn't have to do anything. It really depends on how they've marked their "relationship", but if they are having problems only two months in, I don't think he is obligated to do anything.
  • twisted thoughtstwisted thoughts Posts: 4,377
    be honest. tell her there is no hope. tell her more time isnt going to to either of you any good. she'll end up just having stronger feelings, and you'll still feel the same...'cept, she'll be even more vested by then, and it'll be even harder for the both of you.

    and if she suggests you can just be friends "with benefits"...dont fall for it. she obviously has serious feelings for you, and thats only going to make her feelings stronger still, and you'll still feel the same.

    it sounds like its not her fault - not your fault. sometimes its hard for people to understand that...but if your not feelin it, then your just not feelin it.

    if there is anything i have learned over the years, its that you CAN'T change people, no matter how much you may want to or may try, and you CAN'T make anybody love someone. that comes naturally, and if it doesnt, then its either about just having fun or being single.

    good luck. stay strong.
    she's gonna cry. there is nothing you can do about that.
    time heals all. take a break. call her in a few weeks, if you really care to see how she is holding up.
    even if you still dont want to be in a relationship w/ her at that point, at least she'll know you care and arent a total d-bag. and if she sees/hears or finds out your with another girl within a few days...well then you should probably just stay away, cuz you'll be considered a d-bag regardless.
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  • TravelarTravelar Kalamazoo, USA Posts: 3,386
    Update your Facebook status and call it a day. ;)

    Seriously, be firm. Tell her how how you feel (again). And then move on.
  • conmanconman Posts: 7,493
    stage 5 clinger
  • Mamasan23Mamasan23 Posts: 16,388
    LikeAnOcean wrote:
    Mamasan23 wrote:
    No he didn't close it. He went back in and she said she wanted to work it out. To her, him going back in was opening it back up again.
    Then he needs to walk out next time... its only been two months of dating. Unless he's told her they are exclusive, he doesn't have to do anything. It really depends on how they've marked their "relationship", but if they are having problems only two months in, I don't think he is obligated to do anything.

    Oh believe me, in a perfect world I would totally agree! Now I don't know her, so I'm not sure if this is what is going on - but I've been in situations like this and those people were pretty unstable, so it's not like you're dealing with someone that gets it, you know? Some people get way too invested really early on and have problems ending relationships, and with those types of people you really have to make it clear that you're done.
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  • EdsonNascimentoEdsonNascimento Posts: 5,519
    I would let her keep her delusion until I found steady sex with another girl.... :twisted: :lol:
    Sorry. The world doesn't work the way you tell it to.
  • F5AgainstOneF5AgainstOne Posts: 1,462
    conman wrote:
    stage 5 clinger
    :lol:
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  • F Me In The BrainF Me In The Brain Posts: 31,123
    Monster Rain wrote:
    Just "accidentally" leave a shovel, duct tape, and a large burlap sack in your trunk and go grocery shopping with her. When she helps you unload the groceries and sees them there, you'll be home free.

    :lol:
    Horrible comment.
    Funny, but horrible.

    I hate to see someone crushed about something but if you dont see it working and she is this needy/in love/emotionally invested after 2 months it is only going to get tougher for the both of you. Lots of good advice here - just tell her the truth as nicely as you can and insist it is over.
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  • CheeksCheeks Posts: 151
    Definitely be strong, tough and don't waver.
    I tried to break up with a bf after a couple months and he convinced me to work on things. There wasn't really anything wrong in the relationship, he was just way too intense. Anyway, we ended up together for about 7 months before it ended for good and I spent the entire relationship waiting for the right time to break up with him. It was actually really stressful... one of the biggest reasons for delay was he bought me PJ tix for my birthday (this was way back in 1998) and I felt I had to wait until an appropriate time after the show to break up.
    But even after we broke up he was still climbing over the back fence and knocking on my bedroom window at all hours. He finally got the hint after a new boyfriend opened the window. :lol:
    I did feel bad though, because I know he was heartbroken--but if it's not right, it's not right.
  • green mountain mangreen mountain man Posts: 735
    Review the movie Fatal Attraction and prepare accordingly.
  • Monster RainMonster Rain Posts: 1,415
    Have you considered just e-mailing her a link to this thread?
  • StillHereStillHere Posts: 7,795
    its her condo right? not yours? or do you live together already?
    if not, it seems simple enough just to stay away.
    do not give her false hope.
    break-ups are always hard
    but the longer you "fake it" the harder it will be for her in the end
    not fair to either of you to continue on with something that just won't work
    do not be mean though
    just tell her what your feelings are
    and that's the end of it
    so sorry
    peace,
    jo

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