Holidays after the loss of a loved one

PJaddicted

pandora wrote:

Your Mama's coat, I bet smells like her. This will be a comfort some day.

A few of my Mama's clothes are in plastic in my closet. Sounds silly but sometimes
when I really need her I take them out and hold them.
They still smell of her perfume.

And when I have been out and about a woman will come near with the same scent,
I don't cry anymore, I smile, the reminders a welcome moment now.

Its hard to believe that such pain and loss can bring something so good but they do.
They make us feel and love even more.

I have the sweatshirt that Dad was wearing the day before he died. I never washed it. It is in a plastic bag in my closet, in the early months after he died I'd take it out and bury my face in it.

The first couple of years after a close loss are so hard, but it will get better over time, I promise you that. You will remember all the good times, and definitely laugh more then cry. I remember the pain of losing my dad to be so bad that I'd would have rather had the pulp beat out of me then feel that kind of loss. No one understands how bad it can be unless they have felt it.

I'm sending you my strength and a virtual hug to help you get through the next couple of weeks. Much love B. ox

chiquimonkey

PJaddicted wrote:

] I remember the pain of losing my dad to be so bad that I'd would have rather had the pulp beat out of me then feel that kind of loss. No one understands how bad it can be unless they have felt it.

That is so spot on. The pain I've been experiencing certainly rivals the worst physical pain I've ever felt.

Thanks for the kind words, I find solace in knowing that it will get better in time.

chiquimonkey

I wish it was January already.

UpSideDown

chiquimonkey wrote:

I wish it was January already.

+1.....I'm with ya. Lets just get on with life.

chiquimonkey

UpSideDown wrote:

chiquimonkey wrote:

I wish it was January already.

+1.....I'm with ya. Lets just get on with life.

At least then it's a different year. I want this one finished. I'm having a hard time being around people at work the past couple of days. I'd rather be by myself.

Lizard

{{{Chiqui}}}
I wish you peace.

chiquimonkey

Lizard wrote:

{{{Chiqui}}}
I wish you peace.

Thank you Liz

I'm also just irritated at my 'family' back east (from my mom's side). Not a peep, not a card, nothing. Who knows, maybe after they get my cards they'll be like oh yeah, THOSE people!

I almost feel like saying to them that just because my mom died, doesn't mean we stopped existing.

It's like if my dad's brothers and sisters can call from the bumfuck town in the mountains of Spain to check on him, surely the phones work just as well in Jersey, right? lol

Sorry, just ranting. My sis and I talked with our dad last nite about what he wants to do on Christmas day. It'll be the 6-month anniversary since she died, so we might do a cemetery run first thing in the morning to bring flowers.

justam

chiquimonkey wrote:

Lizard wrote:

{{{Chiqui}}}
I wish you peace.

Thank you Liz

I'm also just irritated at my 'family' back east (from my mom's side). Not a peep, not a card, nothing. Who knows, maybe after they get my cards they'll be like oh yeah, THOSE people!

I almost feel like saying to them that just because my mom died, doesn't mean we stopped existing.

It's like if my dad's brothers and sisters can call from the bumfuck town in the mountains of Spain to check on him, surely the phones work just as well in Jersey, right? lol

Sorry, just ranting. My sis and I talked with our dad last nite about what he wants to do on Christmas day. It'll be the 6-month anniversary since she died, so we might do a cemetery run first thing in the morning to bring flowers.

That sounds like a good idea. Bring some flowers that have a Christmas theme so it feels like you're bringing her something for the day.

I hope your family from New Jersey get a clue soon.

chiquimonkey

justam wrote:

chiquimonkey wrote:

Lizard wrote:

{{{Chiqui}}}
I wish you peace.

Thank you Liz

I'm also just irritated at my 'family' back east (from my mom's side). Not a peep, not a card, nothing. Who knows, maybe after they get my cards they'll be like oh yeah, THOSE people!

I almost feel like saying to them that just because my mom died, doesn't mean we stopped existing.

It's like if my dad's brothers and sisters can call from the bumfuck town in the mountains of Spain to check on him, surely the phones work just as well in Jersey, right? lol

Sorry, just ranting. My sis and I talked with our dad last nite about what he wants to do on Christmas day. It'll be the 6-month anniversary since she died, so we might do a cemetery run first thing in the morning to bring flowers.

That sounds like a good idea. Bring some flowers that have a Christmas theme so it feels like you're bringing her something for the day.

I hope your family from New Jersey get a clue soon.

Yup, a bouquet with a red/white theme should look pretty.

I have no faith in any of those peoples sadly. My grandfather (her dad) basically checked out of her life after he divorced her mom, and the distance only made it worse.

He traveled back to Cuba a couple years ago to see his brother who was sick, but wouldn't come out to California while she was sick, which was around the same time. His own daughter. She was in hospitals for 9 months straight, not to mention when she had the final decline at the beginning of this year.

Whatever. Their conscience and souls, not mine.

StillHere

so sorry B, and everyone else here in this thread.

i know its been said before
and it sounds cliche
and it feels like it will never happen
but it will
get better

my dad passed a few years back and he was especially jolly around Christmas time and he was always kind of like a little kid himself so excited to see the little ones open gifts from him. he made the holiday extra special for our family and was so exquisitely missed at this time of year

now, however, this time of year brings much joy and laughter, funny stories and wonderful memories. all around the tree you will hear things like "remember when pop used to...", and you can just picture it in your head as if it was happening all over again... we all have a good laugh remembering how he did things and its a warm fuzzy feeling. i find myself saying to the grandkids, you would have loved pop...he would have loved you so much.....and the thing is ~ i'm sure he does

hold on for it will come.

but for now....be at peace. don't push it away. embrace the feelings..all of them, good, bad and otherwise. its all part of who your mom was. eventually she'll be with you in a way you enjoy once more.

Hugs All

chiquimonkey

StillHere wrote:

so sorry B, and everyone else here in this thread.

i know its been said before
and it sounds cliche
and it feels like it will never happen
but it will
get better

my dad passed a few years back and he was especially jolly around Christmas time and he was always kind of like a little kid himself so excited to see the little ones open gifts from him. he made the holiday extra special for our family and was so exquisitely missed at this time of year

now, however, this time of year brings much joy and laughter, funny stories and wonderful memories. all around the tree you will hear things like "remember when pop used to...", and you can just picture it in your head as if it was happening all over again... we all have a good laugh remembering how he did things and its a warm fuzzy feeling. i find myself saying to the grandkids, you would have loved pop...he would have loved you so much.....and the thing is ~ i'm sure he does

hold on for it will come.

but for now....be at peace. don't push it away. embrace the feelings..all of them, good, bad and otherwise. its all part of who your mom was. eventually she'll be with you in a way you enjoy once more.

Hugs All

Thanks Jo. I'm sorry I keep going on and on in here, I'm sure I sound like a broken record :(

It's just really difficult being at work right now. If I could be anywhere right now it'd be by the water alone with a sketchbook. That would feel so nice right now.

StillHere

chiquimonkey wrote:

StillHere wrote:

so sorry B, and everyone else here in this thread.

i know its been said before
and it sounds cliche
and it feels like it will never happen
but it will
get better

my dad passed a few years back and he was especially jolly around Christmas time and he was always kind of like a little kid himself so excited to see the little ones open gifts from him. he made the holiday extra special for our family and was so exquisitely missed at this time of year

now, however, this time of year brings much joy and laughter, funny stories and wonderful memories. all around the tree you will hear things like "remember when pop used to...", and you can just picture it in your head as if it was happening all over again... we all have a good laugh remembering how he did things and its a warm fuzzy feeling. i find myself saying to the grandkids, you would have loved pop...he would have loved you so much.....and the thing is ~ i'm sure he does

hold on for it will come.

but for now....be at peace. don't push it away. embrace the feelings..all of them, good, bad and otherwise. its all part of who your mom was. eventually she'll be with you in a way you enjoy once more.

Hugs All

Thanks Jo. I'm sorry I keep going on and on in here, I'm sure I sound like a broken record :(

It's just really difficult being at work right now. If I could be anywhere right now it'd be by the water alone with a sketchbook. That would feel so nice right now.

no worries...you say all you need to say
i know....this is a hard time
i know you'll get through it
and she'll be with you always
hugs hugs hugs

Jukee

I'm so sorry, the holiday's are always the hardest.

This will be my first x-mas without my grandmother. My whole family has been going to her house for every holiday meal since I was born. Christmas is just not the same now that she's gone. Now everyone is doing there separate thing for holiday's, she was the glue that kept us all together.

I hope you can find peace somehow this holiday season.

aspoonfulweighsaton

My dad passed in August and so it's going to be tough for out family as well. For as long as I can remember he always had a big white beard so he would usually wear a santa hat since he was a pretty boisterous guy and it just made sense for him to play the part. I know it will get easier with each year but no doubt this first one is going to be hard.

chiquimonkey

Thanks again Jo, it does help to get it out here, I feel I always have to stay strong for those around me.

Jukee and spoonful, so sorry for your losses, and for everyone here, not just from this year but from past losses too. It is a weird comfort to know I'm not alone in this.

Cliffy6745

My mom got into town today and the first few hours haven't been easy, to say the least. There is a stocking missing....

Oh dear dad
Can you see me now
I am myself
Like you somehow
I'll ride the wave
Where it takes me
I'll hold the pain
Release me

chiquimonkey

Cliffy6745 wrote:

My mom got into town today and the first few hours haven't been easy, to say the least. There is a stocking missing....

Oh dear dad
Can you see me now
I am myself
Like you somehow
I'll ride the wave
Where it takes me
I'll hold the pain
Release me

I'm so sorry :(

It's just all so strange. Nothing feels right.

I just want Sunday over with. Christmas shouldn't start with a cemetery visit.

dimitrispearljam

a few years back,sitting drunk with my best friend Nikos...
was Christmas eve..i deside to spent with him..not to my dad,or mom,.after they got divorced,was always taugh,with who will spent holidays..
he told me..man..so fucked up..you need every year to think whit who u will spent Christmas....

i answer..no buddy..im happy they are both in life and i have the chance to choose ..
the fucked up is that you lost your mother so early and cant be with her this year..
he look at me..wave his drink and we continue drinking...

sorry for your loss..

rick1zoo2

good friend lost his father last night. it is hard.

stargirl69

These things are so hard,this is the third Christmas without dad,I panicked a few days ago as I suddenly became fixated on the fact that I had forgot what his hands looked like,I was sweating and tearful trawling the depth of my memory even to get a glimpse of them,then I realised I should look at mine,we both have a crooked right pinky.

To add this year,my wondrous friend died 22nd November this year ... hard at this time of year.

Sending love to everyone here searching for a lost love,parent,sibling,friend.