Thanks again everyone. I still feel off kilter and like I'm on an emotional seesaw. I've accepted that it's just gonna be painful, and not fight anything that I feel. Just feel it and try to march through it all.
One thing that was nice yesterday....I took my dad and sis on a nice drive through the countryside, and we kept seeing tons of pine tree lots with those giant inflatable snowmen and santas. My mom loved seeing those things, how she always wanted to just punch it and poke a hole or something the fact we saw so many yesterday all waving alongside the road....we all felt like it was her saying hi sounds silly I know, but it made us feel good.
The mention of a 'new normal' reminds me of this article a dear friend sent me after my mom had passed. It was a good read, thought I'd share it here too in case it's helpful to others:
I think it is great how your sister, dad and yourself are doing so much stuff together!
I am sure you mom is looking down and shedding tears of joy because of the way the three of you have been supporting eachother!!
Thanks, we've always been super close. I would always find a fun little day trip for us all to do on Sundays together, and with her being gone, it's nice to keep it going just for my dad's sake too. We have no other family here so we're left to our own devices.
We always think of her when we go out somewhere, so she's still with us in spirit anyway.
Thank you Em, I echo your sentiments. I feel for everyone here who has lost someone dear.
I just want to run away, go in hiding. Really having a hard time focusing at work today :(
i lost my grandma on my dads side back in april and thanksgiving was so hard for me like no tomorrow. her cooking was the best ever. anything she made was so good you'd just keep going back for more. also it was very hard to see my grandpa cry after dinner and talk bout her little bit and all.
Ron: I just don't feel like going out tonight
Sammi: Wanna just break up?
We always think of her when we go out somewhere, so she's still with us in spirit anyway.
I just want to run away, go in hiding. Really having a hard time focusing at work today :(
Yes, she is (imo). As soon as you can get off work, go hibernate. hugs.
I still have her coat in the trunk of my car. I had put it there when she was in the hospital for the last time, hoping she'd need it when we would bring her home. I haven't the heart to take it out. She always put it there when we'd all go out, so seeing it there makes me feel like she's still out exploring with us when we go on day trips. Was the same one she wore the last time we all went out somewhere, it was to Muir Woods. Last photos we all took together were there and she had it on in all of them.
I would love to hibernate, I do have the last week off of this month since the campus will be shut down. I am looking so forward to it. I'm keeping really busy with my art/shirt shop and everything, once that week comes around I'm offically turned off to being functional. If I could manage to stay inside the whole time I think I would...but friends won't let me do that, I've already been warned lol
Mets I'm so sorry about your grandma, lots of love to you and your family.
We always think of her when we go out somewhere, so she's still with us in spirit anyway.
I just want to run away, go in hiding. Really having a hard time focusing at work today :(
Yes, she is (imo). As soon as you can get off work, go hibernate. hugs.
I still have her coat in the trunk of my car. I had put it there when she was in the hospital for the last time, hoping she'd need it when we would bring her home. I haven't the heart to take it out. She always put it there when we'd all go out, so seeing it there makes me feel like she's still out exploring with us when we go on day trips. Was the same one she wore the last time we all went out somewhere, it was to Muir Woods. Last photos we all took together were there and she had it on in all of them.
I would love to hibernate, I do have the last week off of this month since the campus will be shut down. I am looking so forward to it. I'm keeping really busy with my art/shirt shop and everything, once that week comes around I'm offically turned off to being functional. If I could manage to stay inside the whole time I think I would...but friends won't let me do that, I've already been warned lol
Mets I'm so sorry about your grandma, lots of love to you and your family.
your story bout the coat made me cry
thanks
lots of to you and your family
Ron: I just don't feel like going out tonight
Sammi: Wanna just break up?
That's a lovely thing about her coat.
Hibernation is good at times, mediated with some times out. It's good that you have friends around you who will help and get you out.
Yup that week should be a nice balance of things, I am very blessed to have my dad and sis and friends to help me out. Rest of our family on my mom's side has basically checked the fuck out. So they can suck my ass as far as I'm concerned. Contrary to how I normally am, I'm bitter and yep, don't care lol
Your Mama's coat, I bet smells like her. This will be a comfort some day.
A few of my Mama's clothes are in plastic in my closet. Sounds silly but sometimes
when I really need her I take them out and hold them.
They still smell of her perfume.
And when I have been out and about a woman will come near with the same scent,
I don't cry anymore, I smile, the reminders a welcome moment now.
Its hard to believe that such pain and loss can bring something so good but they do.
They make us feel and love even more.
Your Mama's coat, I bet smells like her. This will be a comfort some day.
A few of my Mama's clothes are in plastic in my closet. Sounds silly but sometimes
when I really need her I take them out and hold them.
They still smell of her perfume.
And when I have been out and about a woman will come near with the same scent,
I don't cry anymore, I smile, the reminders a welcome moment now.
Its hard to believe that such pain and loss can bring something so good but they do.
They make us feel and love even more.
I look forward to the moments where I smile. The sadness is still too close.
Hearing the Christmas music in the post office made me want to bolt out the door. My best friends invited us to their house for Christmas, but my dad doesn't feel up to it, and I'm not sure my sis and I are either. Still thinking what we could do, maybe we just drive somewhere remote and cry or something.
Your Mama's coat, I bet smells like her. This will be a comfort some day.
A few of my Mama's clothes are in plastic in my closet. Sounds silly but sometimes
when I really need her I take them out and hold them.
They still smell of her perfume.
And when I have been out and about a woman will come near with the same scent,
I don't cry anymore, I smile, the reminders a welcome moment now.
Its hard to believe that such pain and loss can bring something so good but they do.
They make us feel and love even more.
I have the sweatshirt that Dad was wearing the day before he died. I never washed it. It is in a plastic bag in my closet, in the early months after he died I'd take it out and bury my face in it.
The first couple of years after a close loss are so hard, but it will get better over time, I promise you that. You will remember all the good times, and definitely laugh more then cry. I remember the pain of losing my dad to be so bad that I'd would have rather had the pulp beat out of me then feel that kind of loss. No one understands how bad it can be unless they have felt it.
I'm sending you my strength and a virtual hug to help you get through the next couple of weeks. Much love B. ox
~*LIVE~LOVE~LAUGH*~
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
] I remember the pain of losing my dad to be so bad that I'd would have rather had the pulp beat out of me then feel that kind of loss. No one understands how bad it can be unless they have felt it.
That is so spot on. The pain I've been experiencing certainly rivals the worst physical pain I've ever felt.
Thanks for the kind words, I find solace in knowing that it will get better in time.
At least then it's a different year. I want this one finished. I'm having a hard time being around people at work the past couple of days. I'd rather be by myself.
I'm also just irritated at my 'family' back east (from my mom's side). Not a peep, not a card, nothing. Who knows, maybe after they get my cards they'll be like oh yeah, THOSE people!
I almost feel like saying to them that just because my mom died, doesn't mean we stopped existing.
It's like if my dad's brothers and sisters can call from the bumfuck town in the mountains of Spain to check on him, surely the phones work just as well in Jersey, right? lol
Sorry, just ranting. My sis and I talked with our dad last nite about what he wants to do on Christmas day. It'll be the 6-month anniversary since she died, so we might do a cemetery run first thing in the morning to bring flowers.
I'm also just irritated at my 'family' back east (from my mom's side). Not a peep, not a card, nothing. Who knows, maybe after they get my cards they'll be like oh yeah, THOSE people!
I almost feel like saying to them that just because my mom died, doesn't mean we stopped existing.
It's like if my dad's brothers and sisters can call from the bumfuck town in the mountains of Spain to check on him, surely the phones work just as well in Jersey, right? lol
Sorry, just ranting. My sis and I talked with our dad last nite about what he wants to do on Christmas day. It'll be the 6-month anniversary since she died, so we might do a cemetery run first thing in the morning to bring flowers.
That sounds like a good idea. Bring some flowers that have a Christmas theme so it feels like you're bringing her something for the day.
I hope your family from New Jersey get a clue soon.
I'm also just irritated at my 'family' back east (from my mom's side). Not a peep, not a card, nothing. Who knows, maybe after they get my cards they'll be like oh yeah, THOSE people!
I almost feel like saying to them that just because my mom died, doesn't mean we stopped existing.
It's like if my dad's brothers and sisters can call from the bumfuck town in the mountains of Spain to check on him, surely the phones work just as well in Jersey, right? lol
Sorry, just ranting. My sis and I talked with our dad last nite about what he wants to do on Christmas day. It'll be the 6-month anniversary since she died, so we might do a cemetery run first thing in the morning to bring flowers.
That sounds like a good idea. Bring some flowers that have a Christmas theme so it feels like you're bringing her something for the day.
I hope your family from New Jersey get a clue soon.
Yup, a bouquet with a red/white theme should look pretty.
I have no faith in any of those peoples sadly. My grandfather (her dad) basically checked out of her life after he divorced her mom, and the distance only made it worse.
He traveled back to Cuba a couple years ago to see his brother who was sick, but wouldn't come out to California while she was sick, which was around the same time. His own daughter. She was in hospitals for 9 months straight, not to mention when she had the final decline at the beginning of this year.
so sorry B, and everyone else here in this thread.
i know its been said before
and it sounds cliche
and it feels like it will never happen
but it will
get better
my dad passed a few years back and he was especially jolly around Christmas time and he was always kind of like a little kid himself so excited to see the little ones open gifts from him. he made the holiday extra special for our family and was so exquisitely missed at this time of year
now, however, this time of year brings much joy and laughter, funny stories and wonderful memories. all around the tree you will hear things like "remember when pop used to...", and you can just picture it in your head as if it was happening all over again... we all have a good laugh remembering how he did things and its a warm fuzzy feeling. i find myself saying to the grandkids, you would have loved pop...he would have loved you so much.....and the thing is ~ i'm sure he does
hold on for it will come.
but for now....be at peace. don't push it away. embrace the feelings..all of them, good, bad and otherwise. its all part of who your mom was. eventually she'll be with you in a way you enjoy once more.
Hugs All
peace,
jo
http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
"How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
"Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
so sorry B, and everyone else here in this thread.
i know its been said before
and it sounds cliche
and it feels like it will never happen
but it will
get better
my dad passed a few years back and he was especially jolly around Christmas time and he was always kind of like a little kid himself so excited to see the little ones open gifts from him. he made the holiday extra special for our family and was so exquisitely missed at this time of year
now, however, this time of year brings much joy and laughter, funny stories and wonderful memories. all around the tree you will hear things like "remember when pop used to...", and you can just picture it in your head as if it was happening all over again... we all have a good laugh remembering how he did things and its a warm fuzzy feeling. i find myself saying to the grandkids, you would have loved pop...he would have loved you so much.....and the thing is ~ i'm sure he does
hold on for it will come.
but for now....be at peace. don't push it away. embrace the feelings..all of them, good, bad and otherwise. its all part of who your mom was. eventually she'll be with you in a way you enjoy once more.
Hugs All
Thanks Jo. I'm sorry I keep going on and on in here, I'm sure I sound like a broken record :(
It's just really difficult being at work right now. If I could be anywhere right now it'd be by the water alone with a sketchbook. That would feel so nice right now.
so sorry B, and everyone else here in this thread.
i know its been said before
and it sounds cliche
and it feels like it will never happen
but it will
get better
my dad passed a few years back and he was especially jolly around Christmas time and he was always kind of like a little kid himself so excited to see the little ones open gifts from him. he made the holiday extra special for our family and was so exquisitely missed at this time of year
now, however, this time of year brings much joy and laughter, funny stories and wonderful memories. all around the tree you will hear things like "remember when pop used to...", and you can just picture it in your head as if it was happening all over again... we all have a good laugh remembering how he did things and its a warm fuzzy feeling. i find myself saying to the grandkids, you would have loved pop...he would have loved you so much.....and the thing is ~ i'm sure he does
hold on for it will come.
but for now....be at peace. don't push it away. embrace the feelings..all of them, good, bad and otherwise. its all part of who your mom was. eventually she'll be with you in a way you enjoy once more.
Hugs All
Thanks Jo. I'm sorry I keep going on and on in here, I'm sure I sound like a broken record :(
It's just really difficult being at work right now. If I could be anywhere right now it'd be by the water alone with a sketchbook. That would feel so nice right now.
no worries...you say all you need to say
i know....this is a hard time
i know you'll get through it
and she'll be with you always
hugs hugs hugs
peace,
jo
http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
"How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
"Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
I'm so sorry, the holiday's are always the hardest.
This will be my first x-mas without my grandmother. My whole family has been going to her house for every holiday meal since I was born. Christmas is just not the same now that she's gone. Now everyone is doing there separate thing for holiday's, she was the glue that kept us all together.
I hope you can find peace somehow this holiday season.
If you have nothing to lose, you have nothing to worry about.
My dad passed in August and so it's going to be tough for out family as well. For as long as I can remember he always had a big white beard so he would usually wear a santa hat since he was a pretty boisterous guy and it just made sense for him to play the part. I know it will get easier with each year but no doubt this first one is going to be hard.
Thanks again Jo, it does help to get it out here, I feel I always have to stay strong for those around me.
Jukee and spoonful, so sorry for your losses, and for everyone here, not just from this year but from past losses too. It is a weird comfort to know I'm not alone in this.
a few years back,sitting drunk with my best friend Nikos...
was Christmas eve..i deside to spent with him..not to my dad,or mom,.after they got divorced,was always taugh,with who will spent holidays..
he told me..man..so fucked up..you need every year to think whit who u will spent Christmas....
i answer..no buddy..im happy they are both in life and i have the chance to choose ..
the fucked up is that you lost your mother so early and cant be with her this year..
he look at me..wave his drink and we continue drinking...
sorry for your loss..
"...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
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rick1zoo2
between a rock and a dumb place Posts: 12,632
good friend lost his father last night. it is hard.
These things are so hard,this is the third Christmas without dad,I panicked a few days ago as I suddenly became fixated on the fact that I had forgot what his hands looked like,I was sweating and tearful trawling the depth of my memory even to get a glimpse of them,then I realised I should look at mine,we both have a crooked right pinky.
To add this year,my wondrous friend died 22nd November this year ... hard at this time of year.
Sending love to everyone here searching for a lost love,parent,sibling,friend.
“There should be a place where only the things you want to happen, happen”
Comments
We always think of her when we go out somewhere, so she's still with us in spirit anyway.
Thank you Em, I echo your sentiments. I feel for everyone here who has lost someone dear.
I just want to run away, go in hiding. Really having a hard time focusing at work today :(
Sammi: Wanna just break up?
I would love to hibernate, I do have the last week off of this month since the campus will be shut down. I am looking so forward to it. I'm keeping really busy with my art/shirt shop and everything, once that week comes around I'm offically turned off to being functional. If I could manage to stay inside the whole time I think I would...but friends won't let me do that, I've already been warned lol
Mets I'm so sorry about your grandma, lots of love to you and your family.
thanks
lots of to you and your family
Sammi: Wanna just break up?
Hibernation is good at times, mediated with some times out. It's good that you have friends around you who will help and get you out.
Yup that week should be a nice balance of things, I am very blessed to have my dad and sis and friends to help me out. Rest of our family on my mom's side has basically checked the fuck out. So they can suck my ass as far as I'm concerned. Contrary to how I normally am, I'm bitter and yep, don't care lol
It's a shame that it has to come to that for people to realize what's important.
A few of my Mama's clothes are in plastic in my closet. Sounds silly but sometimes
when I really need her I take them out and hold them.
They still smell of her perfume.
And when I have been out and about a woman will come near with the same scent,
I don't cry anymore, I smile, the reminders a welcome moment now.
Its hard to believe that such pain and loss can bring something so good but they do.
They make us feel and love even more.
Hearing the Christmas music in the post office made me want to bolt out the door. My best friends invited us to their house for Christmas, but my dad doesn't feel up to it, and I'm not sure my sis and I are either. Still thinking what we could do, maybe we just drive somewhere remote and cry or something.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS lol
I have the sweatshirt that Dad was wearing the day before he died. I never washed it. It is in a plastic bag in my closet, in the early months after he died I'd take it out and bury my face in it.
The first couple of years after a close loss are so hard, but it will get better over time, I promise you that. You will remember all the good times, and definitely laugh more then cry. I remember the pain of losing my dad to be so bad that I'd would have rather had the pulp beat out of me then feel that kind of loss. No one understands how bad it can be unless they have felt it.
I'm sending you my strength and a virtual hug to help you get through the next couple of weeks. Much love B. ox
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
Thanks for the kind words, I find solace in knowing that it will get better in time.
+1.....I'm with ya. Lets just get on with life.
I wish you peace.
Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
I'm also just irritated at my 'family' back east (from my mom's side). Not a peep, not a card, nothing. Who knows, maybe after they get my cards they'll be like oh yeah, THOSE people!
I almost feel like saying to them that just because my mom died, doesn't mean we stopped existing.
It's like if my dad's brothers and sisters can call from the bumfuck town in the mountains of Spain to check on him, surely the phones work just as well in Jersey, right? lol
Sorry, just ranting. My sis and I talked with our dad last nite about what he wants to do on Christmas day. It'll be the 6-month anniversary since she died, so we might do a cemetery run first thing in the morning to bring flowers.
That sounds like a good idea. Bring some flowers that have a Christmas theme so it feels like you're bringing her something for the day.
I hope your family from New Jersey get a clue soon.
I have no faith in any of those peoples sadly. My grandfather (her dad) basically checked out of her life after he divorced her mom, and the distance only made it worse.
He traveled back to Cuba a couple years ago to see his brother who was sick, but wouldn't come out to California while she was sick, which was around the same time. His own daughter. She was in hospitals for 9 months straight, not to mention when she had the final decline at the beginning of this year.
Whatever. Their conscience and souls, not mine.
i know its been said before
and it sounds cliche
and it feels like it will never happen
but it will
get better
my dad passed a few years back and he was especially jolly around Christmas time and he was always kind of like a little kid himself so excited to see the little ones open gifts from him. he made the holiday extra special for our family and was so exquisitely missed at this time of year
now, however, this time of year brings much joy and laughter, funny stories and wonderful memories. all around the tree you will hear things like "remember when pop used to...", and you can just picture it in your head as if it was happening all over again... we all have a good laugh remembering how he did things and its a warm fuzzy feeling. i find myself saying to the grandkids, you would have loved pop...he would have loved you so much.....and the thing is ~ i'm sure he does
hold on for it will come.
but for now....be at peace. don't push it away. embrace the feelings..all of them, good, bad and otherwise. its all part of who your mom was. eventually she'll be with you in a way you enjoy once more.
Hugs All
jo
http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
"How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
"Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
It's just really difficult being at work right now. If I could be anywhere right now it'd be by the water alone with a sketchbook. That would feel so nice right now.
no worries...you say all you need to say
i know....this is a hard time
i know you'll get through it
and she'll be with you always
hugs hugs hugs
jo
http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
"How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
"Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
This will be my first x-mas without my grandmother. My whole family has been going to her house for every holiday meal since I was born. Christmas is just not the same now that she's gone. Now everyone is doing there separate thing for holiday's, she was the glue that kept us all together.
I hope you can find peace somehow this holiday season.
Jukee and spoonful, so sorry for your losses, and for everyone here, not just from this year but from past losses too. It is a weird comfort to know I'm not alone in this.
Oh dear dad
Can you see me now
I am myself
Like you somehow
I'll ride the wave
Where it takes me
I'll hold the pain
Release me
It's just all so strange. Nothing feels right.
I just want Sunday over with. Christmas shouldn't start with a cemetery visit.
was Christmas eve..i deside to spent with him..not to my dad,or mom,.after they got divorced,was always taugh,with who will spent holidays..
he told me..man..so fucked up..you need every year to think whit who u will spent Christmas....
i answer..no buddy..im happy they are both in life and i have the chance to choose ..
the fucked up is that you lost your mother so early and cant be with her this year..
he look at me..wave his drink and we continue drinking...
sorry for your loss..
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
To add this year,my wondrous friend died 22nd November this year ... hard at this time of year.
Sending love to everyone here searching for a lost love,parent,sibling,friend.