Holidays after the loss of a loved one

Lizard

sorry Chiqui.
like everyone else said, it will be hard and then easier to deal with as time goes on.
Was hard after my dad and sister

brother123

times like these I am fortunate not to be in a close family

it must be hard for those that are.

JOEJOEJOE

brother123 wrote:

times like these I am fortunate not to be in a close family

it must be hard for those that are.

I wasn't all that close with my family, but once my dad became terminally ill, that all changed.

mfc2006

man...
that first Christmas after my Dad passed away was brutal. it does get easier, though...but he is sorely missed. it's hard to think of all of the things that he's missed being a part of....
-my sisters wedding
-my brothers wedding
-my wedding
-the birth of 3 more grandkids
-my moms retirement...

it's tough. but i take comfort knowing that he isn't in pain anymore & do my best to live my life to the fullest.

remember the good times & allow yourself to grieve.

Matt

FenwayFaithful

Thoughts are with all of you in reading this thread. I lost my best friend in February. Gonna be tough this Xmas. I miss him so much. Think about him everyday.

iamica

I know how you feel. This is going to be my first Christmas without my grandma. I was decorating the tree and I came across one of the ornaments she gave me, and I was just a mess after that...it didn't help that I found another ornament that looked like my childhood cat, who died 6 years ago and who I still miss.
Just remember, the first one is always the hardest. They wouldn't have wanted you to be sad. Try to focus on the positive parts of the holidays, and find ways to honor them in the midst of it all.

hanjenni

it sucks, but it gets better. january will be 9 years since my mom passed...but she went into the hospital on 12/16 (the day before my birthday) after being ill for some time, and so was in the hospital where i spent my birthday with her and christmas and new years, until her passing.

holidays are always hard because of these reminders. but, more and more every year you simply remember the good times and the happy things, and the missing them and the sadness will always be around, but the good fills in around it and makes it easier. its not really good or bad anymore, just different. and your mind learns to adjust and deal and move on. its a very weird thing to me, the way the mind works to cope with things in life.

you dont forget them, you just start to filter out the sad as much.

you WILL find a new state of normal...and though it won't be the same, it will be ok.

chiquimonkey

Thanks again everyone. I still feel off kilter and like I'm on an emotional seesaw. I've accepted that it's just gonna be painful, and not fight anything that I feel. Just feel it and try to march through it all.

One thing that was nice yesterday....I took my dad and sis on a nice drive through the countryside, and we kept seeing tons of pine tree lots with those giant inflatable snowmen and santas. My mom loved seeing those things, how she always wanted to just punch it and poke a hole or something the fact we saw so many yesterday all waving alongside the road....we all felt like it was her saying hi sounds silly I know, but it made us feel good.

The mention of a 'new normal' reminds me of this article a dear friend sent me after my mom had passed. It was a good read, thought I'd share it here too in case it's helpful to others:

http://www.people.com/people/archive/ar ... 78,00.html

JOEJOEJOE

chiquimonkey wrote:

Thanks again everyone. I still feel off kilter and like I'm on an emotional seesaw. I've accepted that it's just gonna be painful, and not fight anything that I feel. Just feel it and try to march through it all.

One thing that was nice yesterday....I took my dad and sis on a nice drive through the countryside, and we kept seeing tons of pine tree lots with those giant inflatable snowmen and santas. My mom loved seeing those things, how she always wanted to just punch it and poke a hole or something the fact we saw so many yesterday all waving alongside the road....we all felt like it was her saying hi sounds silly I know, but it made us feel good.

The mention of a 'new normal' reminds me of this article a dear friend sent me after my mom had passed. It was a good read, thought I'd share it here too in case it's helpful to others:

http://www.people.com/people/archive/ar ... 78,00.html

I think it is great how your sister, dad and yourself are doing so much stuff together!

I am sure you mom is looking down and shedding tears of joy because of the way the three of you have been supporting eachother!!

EmBleve

I'm sorry for everyone's loss. I wish for everyone a restful holiday (in spite of those inevitable sad thoughts), and hoping that you will have little reminders that bring you some peace. xo.

chiquimonkey

JOEJOEJOE wrote:

chiquimonkey wrote:

Thanks again everyone. I still feel off kilter and like I'm on an emotional seesaw. I've accepted that it's just gonna be painful, and not fight anything that I feel. Just feel it and try to march through it all.

One thing that was nice yesterday....I took my dad and sis on a nice drive through the countryside, and we kept seeing tons of pine tree lots with those giant inflatable snowmen and santas. My mom loved seeing those things, how she always wanted to just punch it and poke a hole or something the fact we saw so many yesterday all waving alongside the road....we all felt like it was her saying hi sounds silly I know, but it made us feel good.

The mention of a 'new normal' reminds me of this article a dear friend sent me after my mom had passed. It was a good read, thought I'd share it here too in case it's helpful to others:

http://www.people.com/people/archive/ar ... 78,00.html

I think it is great how your sister, dad and yourself are doing so much stuff together!

I am sure you mom is looking down and shedding tears of joy because of the way the three of you have been supporting eachother!!

Thanks, we've always been super close. I would always find a fun little day trip for us all to do on Sundays together, and with her being gone, it's nice to keep it going just for my dad's sake too. We have no other family here so we're left to our own devices.

We always think of her when we go out somewhere, so she's still with us in spirit anyway.

Thank you Em, I echo your sentiments. I feel for everyone here who has lost someone dear.

I just want to run away, go in hiding. Really having a hard time focusing at work today :(

EmBleve

chiquimonkey wrote:

We always think of her when we go out somewhere, so she's still with us in spirit anyway.


I just want to run away, go in hiding. Really having a hard time focusing at work today :(

Yes, she is (imo). As soon as you can get off work, go hibernate. hugs.

Gary Carter

i lost my grandma on my dads side back in april and thanksgiving was so hard for me like no tomorrow. her cooking was the best ever. anything she made was so good you'd just keep going back for more. also it was very hard to see my grandpa cry after dinner and talk bout her little bit and all.

chiquimonkey

EmBleve wrote:

chiquimonkey wrote:

We always think of her when we go out somewhere, so she's still with us in spirit anyway.


I just want to run away, go in hiding. Really having a hard time focusing at work today :(

Yes, she is (imo). As soon as you can get off work, go hibernate. hugs.

I still have her coat in the trunk of my car. I had put it there when she was in the hospital for the last time, hoping she'd need it when we would bring her home. I haven't the heart to take it out. She always put it there when we'd all go out, so seeing it there makes me feel like she's still out exploring with us when we go on day trips. Was the same one she wore the last time we all went out somewhere, it was to Muir Woods. Last photos we all took together were there and she had it on in all of them.

I would love to hibernate, I do have the last week off of this month since the campus will be shut down. I am looking so forward to it. I'm keeping really busy with my art/shirt shop and everything, once that week comes around I'm offically turned off to being functional. If I could manage to stay inside the whole time I think I would...but friends won't let me do that, I've already been warned lol

Mets I'm so sorry about your grandma, lots of love to you and your family.

Gary Carter

chiquimonkey wrote:

EmBleve wrote:

chiquimonkey wrote:

We always think of her when we go out somewhere, so she's still with us in spirit anyway.


I just want to run away, go in hiding. Really having a hard time focusing at work today :(

Yes, she is (imo). As soon as you can get off work, go hibernate. hugs.

I still have her coat in the trunk of my car. I had put it there when she was in the hospital for the last time, hoping she'd need it when we would bring her home. I haven't the heart to take it out. She always put it there when we'd all go out, so seeing it there makes me feel like she's still out exploring with us when we go on day trips. Was the same one she wore the last time we all went out somewhere, it was to Muir Woods. Last photos we all took together were there and she had it on in all of them.

I would love to hibernate, I do have the last week off of this month since the campus will be shut down. I am looking so forward to it. I'm keeping really busy with my art/shirt shop and everything, once that week comes around I'm offically turned off to being functional. If I could manage to stay inside the whole time I think I would...but friends won't let me do that, I've already been warned lol

Mets I'm so sorry about your grandma, lots of love to you and your family.

your story bout the coat made me cry

thanks

lots of to you and your family

EmBleve

That's a lovely thing about her coat.
Hibernation is good at times, mediated with some times out. It's good that you have friends around you who will help and get you out.

chiquimonkey

I'm sorry Mets, I didn't mean to make you cry :(

Yup that week should be a nice balance of things, I am very blessed to have my dad and sis and friends to help me out. Rest of our family on my mom's side has basically checked the fuck out. So they can suck my ass as far as I'm concerned. Contrary to how I normally am, I'm bitter and yep, don't care lol

brother123

JOEJOEJOE wrote:

brother123 wrote:

times like these I am fortunate not to be in a close family

it must be hard for those that are.

I wasn't all that close with my family, but once my dad became terminally ill, that all changed.

It's a shame that it has to come to that for people to realize what's important.

pandora

Your Mama's coat, I bet smells like her. This will be a comfort some day.

A few of my Mama's clothes are in plastic in my closet. Sounds silly but sometimes
when I really need her I take them out and hold them.
They still smell of her perfume.

And when I have been out and about a woman will come near with the same scent,
I don't cry anymore, I smile, the reminders a welcome moment now.

Its hard to believe that such pain and loss can bring something so good but they do.
They make us feel and love even more.

chiquimonkey

pandora wrote:

Your Mama's coat, I bet smells like her. This will be a comfort some day.

A few of my Mama's clothes are in plastic in my closet. Sounds silly but sometimes
when I really need her I take them out and hold them.
They still smell of her perfume.

And when I have been out and about a woman will come near with the same scent,
I don't cry anymore, I smile, the reminders a welcome moment now.

Its hard to believe that such pain and loss can bring something so good but they do.
They make us feel and love even more.

I look forward to the moments where I smile. The sadness is still too close.

Hearing the Christmas music in the post office made me want to bolt out the door. My best friends invited us to their house for Christmas, but my dad doesn't feel up to it, and I'm not sure my sis and I are either. Still thinking what we could do, maybe we just drive somewhere remote and cry or something.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS lol