It's a sad day today....I said goodbye to my nose ring....could mean the difference in getting a job...I dunno why, it's stupid in this day and age, but lets try that theory out....
Music is my Religion and Pearl Jam, my Savior! Tattooed Dissident!
This let me know I picked the right place - it is exactly how I feel. My son ran away a year and 2 days ago and has completely disassociated himself from me, his home, his grandmother, his dog, his possessions - like growing up prior to a year ago just did not exist. He was a happy, funny, polite, loving, interesting & interested person and now he is a stranger. In one year, his (biological, but not legal or custodial) father and his family have not helped him in any way. He is mentally fucked up, ruining his chances at becoming a zoologist, heck even a vet tech is so-so at this point and treats the single mother that raised him like garbage while he lives with the man he saw abuse her. And it's illegal and I have tried everything and no one will help - I have to go to court and truthfully, the emotional toll that this year has taken on me has left me without my usual ability to forge ahead. I miss my sister, who died in Sept. and whose birthday was two days ago (same day my son ran away and the day she suddenly got sick.) more than I can even comprehend - it makes no sense that she is gone. My brother is gone too, died in 2006, found out when police came too the house and then i had to tell my mom, at least i had my sister to help then. Both were sudden & way too young and I can't wrap my head around all this loss. This past year is the worst year of my life - I keep trying to move forward, but it is just too much. They say God never gives you more than you can handle - but I'm afraid that is not true. I have hit a wall and feel horrible that the child that used to bring my mother joy has become an additional cause of pain. Nothing to sugar coat - the ex has had a field day with the situation & it's been a year of emotional mind fucking; and it's taken a huge toll. Feeling sad, heartbroken, lonely, alone, confused, overwhelmed, betrayed, angry, impotent, useless, fucked & pissed that I can't just rise above it all. So that's my 1000th post. (It wasn't written for sympathy or attention or advice or really anything - i'd like my son to apologize and come home and to love me again - but my son isn't really my son anymore, and I'd like to call my sister about it all, but i can never do that again. That's life, people deal with shit every day; some deal with unthinkable shit. This is just my shit. And I wanted this post to be real.) >-
Farout im truely sorry I found some of your posts annoying, but now seeing what you have gone through I deeply feel sorry for you.. As for your son he will know who the good parent was in the end just not while he is young and inexperienced (unfortunately) About They say God never gives you more than you can handle - but I'm afraid that is not true. I sometime feel that I have to deny my faith and agree with you there because I have mental illness and its main desease is not being able to trust anyone and insecurity, its like being a bad paranoid stoned, at one stage when I wasnt medicated Icould not trust my family and thought that they only used love so they could find a way to hurt me, needless to say I wanted to end my world of no love and loneliness so I took 50 stillknox tablets, but my boyfriend was sus of me not answering his call and broke in and found the empty sleeves and had me rushed to hospital I was in acoma for two days.. I cried when I awoke to see my brother and knew that I had failed ( thought I was back to my misery again, but then they diagnosed my illness (chemical imbalance in the brain)and medicated me and Im much better I do believe my family truly love me now and that everybody doesnt want to harm me but I still have side effects of anxiety and trust is hard for me, I trust God is loving and good but will he act on my behalf after I have been forsaken (I dont know) But I do know that there is a reason we suffer and its not because we are bad but because we somehow make more compassionate fair people, ''Genuine'' and genuine is getting rare like diamonds in this selfish world.. Dont get me wrong we are not the only ones.. I hope you get some counseling because thats what you need right now.. Peace xx
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brianlux
Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 40,767
Majorly depressed, heartbroken over recent losses, battered, worried, confused, selfish, foolish and sad. Other than that, just fine and dandy.
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man [or woman] who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
Excited, nervous, anxious, stressed and I felt like I was about to throw up twice and I've gone pale in the face if things dont work out for me im going to cry of disappoinment
"...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
excited now that my flights are booked for the fall tour
2005 - London
2009 - Toronto
2010 - Buffalo
2011 - Toronto 1&2
2013 - London, Pittsburgh, Buffalo
2014 - Cincinnati, St. Louis, Detroit
2016 - Ft. Lauderdale, Miami, Ottawa, Toronto 1 2018 - Fenway 1&2 2022 - Hamilton, Toronto 2023 - Chicago 1&2
This let me know I picked the right place - it is exactly how I feel. My son ran away a year and 2 days ago and has completely disassociated himself from me, his home, his grandmother, his dog, his possessions - like growing up prior to a year ago just did not exist. He was a happy, funny, polite, loving, interesting & interested person and now he is a stranger. In one year, his (biological, but not legal or custodial) father and his family have not helped him in any way. He is mentally fucked up, ruining his chances at becoming a zoologist, heck even a vet tech is so-so at this point and treats the single mother that raised him like garbage while he lives with the man he saw abuse her. And it's illegal and I have tried everything and no one will help - I have to go to court and truthfully, the emotional toll that this year has taken on me has left me without my usual ability to forge ahead. I miss my sister, who died in Sept. and whose birthday was two days ago (same day my son ran away and the day she suddenly got sick.) more than I can even comprehend - it makes no sense that she is gone. My brother is gone too, died in 2006, found out when police came too the house and then i had to tell my mom, at least i had my sister to help then. Both were sudden & way too young and I can't wrap my head around all this loss. This past year is the worst year of my life - I keep trying to move forward, but it is just too much. They say God never gives you more than you can handle - but I'm afraid that is not true. I have hit a wall and feel horrible that the child that used to bring my mother joy has become an additional cause of pain. Nothing to sugar coat - the ex has had a field day with the situation & it's been a year of emotional mind fucking; and it's taken a huge toll. Feeling sad, heartbroken, lonely, alone, confused, overwhelmed, betrayed, angry, impotent, useless, fucked & pissed that I can't just rise above it all. So that's my 1000th post. (It wasn't written for sympathy or attention or advice or really anything - i'd like my son to apologize and come home and to love me again - but my son isn't really my son anymore, and I'd like to call my sister about it all, but i can never do that again. That's life, people deal with shit every day; some deal with unthinkable shit. This is just my shit. And I wanted this post to be real.) >-
They say God never gives you more than you can handle - but I'm afraid that is not true. I must confess it is true but you have to be a practicing christian for this to apply to yourself and it did not apply to me when I was forsaken bc I was living as a fornicator in a defacto relationship..breaking Gods laws. As for now I can say I stress but since I have been baptised and a practicing christian I have not been forsaken lately and not been given more than I can bare, so I guess I was wrong in what I said before..
feel so murky inside, sad, disappointed, confused...My communication bridge with PJ seems to have been damaged.
Living is no laughing matter: you must live with great seriousness like a squirrel for example - I mean without looking for something beyond and above living, I mean living must be your whole occupation.
Nazım Hikmet
at the moment do not feel like attempting to desribe what is going on again but thought thinking such stuff indeed makes me feel 20 years or so younger. That must be the good part of all these
Living is no laughing matter: you must live with great seriousness like a squirrel for example - I mean without looking for something beyond and above living, I mean living must be your whole occupation.
Nazım Hikmet
I feel tired, very tired after tour, queing, getting like 3 hours of sleep a night, being dehydrated for so many days etc but on the other side I feel so blessed... This tour was more than I could ever imagined. Unreal.
PJ * 2010 * Belfast * 2012 * Manchester 1 * Manchester 2 * Berlin 1 * Berlin 2 * 2014 * Amsterdam 1 * Amsterdam 2 * Berlin * Leeds * Milton Keynes * EV * 2012 * Manchester * London 1 * London 2 * 2017 * Dublin * Cork *
tired to explain things people dont wanna understand in the first place
"...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
tired to explain things people dont wanna understand in the first place
I feel the same way, they are just too ignorant to try and see it from another person's point of view.
The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.
"...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
"...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
Comments
Tattooed Dissident!
They say God never gives you more than you can handle - but I'm afraid that is not true. I have hit a wall and feel horrible that the child that used to bring my mother joy has become an additional cause of pain. Nothing to sugar coat - the ex has had a field day with the situation & it's been a year of emotional mind fucking; and it's taken a huge toll.
Feeling sad, heartbroken, lonely, alone, confused, overwhelmed, betrayed, angry, impotent, useless, fucked & pissed that I can't just rise above it all.
So that's my 1000th post. (It wasn't written for sympathy or attention or advice or really anything - i'd like my son to apologize and come home and to love me again - but my son isn't really my son anymore, and I'd like to call my sister about it all, but i can never do that again. That's life, people deal with shit every day; some deal with unthinkable shit. This is just my shit. And I wanted this post to be real.)
Peace xx
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
2009 - Toronto
2010 - Buffalo
2011 - Toronto 1&2
2013 - London, Pittsburgh, Buffalo
2014 - Cincinnati, St. Louis, Detroit
2016 - Ft. Lauderdale, Miami, Ottawa, Toronto 1
2018 - Fenway 1&2
2022 - Hamilton, Toronto
2023 - Chicago 1&2
Tired so going to finish my milo and go back to sleep, im not doing anything..
I must confess it is true but you have to be a practicing christian for this to apply to yourself and it did not apply to me when I was forsaken bc I was living as a fornicator in a defacto relationship..breaking Gods laws.
As for now I can say I stress but since I have been baptised and a practicing christian I have not been forsaken lately and not been given more than I can bare, so I guess I was wrong in what I said before..
Nazım Hikmet
You never really had to begin with.
Sometimes it's not the song that makes you emotional it's the people and things that come to your mind when you hear it.
Nazım Hikmet
EV * 2012 * Manchester * London 1 * London 2 * 2017 * Dublin * Cork *
http://www.nerdist.com/vepisode/weird-al-yankovic-gets-tacky-with-pharrells-happy/
8/28/98- Camden, NJ
10/31/09- Philly
5/21/10- NYC
9/2/12- Philly, PA
7/19/13- Wrigley
10/19/13- Brooklyn, NY
10/21/13- Philly, PA
10/22/13- Philly, PA
10/27/13- Baltimore, MD
Tres Mts.- 3/23/11- Philly
Eddie Vedder- 6/25/11- Philly
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
- Christopher McCandless
Nashville-03
Chicago-07
E.V. Milwaukee-08
Chicago 1 & 2-09
Alpine Valley 1 & 2-11
Wrigley-13
St. Paul-14
Milwaukee-14
Denver-22
St. Paul 1 & 2 - 23
i hope Ian where ever u are.....the New Dawn still fades away....
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
Nashville-03
Chicago-07
E.V. Milwaukee-08
Chicago 1 & 2-09
Alpine Valley 1 & 2-11
Wrigley-13
St. Paul-14
Milwaukee-14
Denver-22
St. Paul 1 & 2 - 23
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”