I'm breaking up with my wife

diego92

Wilderness wrote:

I was really moved by your story...

This helps me much when im down... remind yourself that " nunca es mas oscura la noche que cuando va a amanecer"

Lots of love from Costa Rica!!

Thank you Wildernes!! I think I didn't get to the darker hour of the night yet, but I know what you mean.

I have nothing but for Costa Rica. I spend a month traveling your country in 2003 and it was great, some of the best times of my life.

Pura vida!!!!

Loulou

I'm so sorry that your going through this mate, your story brought a tear to my eye. I think sometimes a break can actually be the best option, almost refreshing for the relationship although it doesn't feel that way at the time. :( Sometimes it gives you both time to evaluate what you both want without all the tension. I really hope you guys work it out because it seems like se has just lost her way a little but still loves you very much. I DO believe people change and grow with time and I think maybe this other relationship is just a brief way to escape.
Best of luck to you both.

pdalowsky

So sorry to read this

But seems to me youve done what you had to do. If she wants two guys running together that's unfair and I'm
Sure you deserve better.

It will hurt for sometime man, but it will ease up.

Take care of yourself

chadwick

love sure kicks the shit out of us. there's nothing like a broken heart. damn that bites hard.

PKTrekGirl

So sorry and sad to read about this. It sounds like you both really love each other, and that is the real bummer here - two people who clearly love each other, but who are struggling anyway.

To me, it seems like your wife is just really, really confused. For many women, having children is really important...and if they can't or don't have them for some reason, they feel like failures...or that they have missed an important part of life. I think your wife was just trying to escape her pain when she had this affair - she loves you...but you remind her of her 'failure' (even though it's not a failure, of course) and it is easier to just stay distracted by this other guy....sort of like a small child with a new toy.

Of course, it is not my place to say, but I don't think you should give up hope. Where there is love, there is hope...and maybe if you give her some time to deal with her personal issues, she might get some clarity and realize that her best friend (you) is still there for her.

I wish you all the luck in the world, and really hope it works out for you two.

catefrances

tell your wife to end her relationship with this other guy or youre out of there. or simpky tell her because she has been unwilling to end it then she needs to leave. harsh?? i dont think so. if as youve said shes made no effort to end the affair then why should you stay in a situation where trust has been broken. she needs to know that even though you understand the trauma shes going through, you will not tolerate her sleeping with and finding solace with another man. its that simple. it comes down to who she wants to be with. dont dither on this.. cause all the while youre doing that shes having her cake and eating it too. her actions are crushing you. and that isnt fair.

dimitrispearljam

so sorry for this...
i wish u the best....Love is the way to go Diego....what ever color will have for u and your wife...
...what ever path will take..
hope you be out of this stronger..and enjoy life..think positive..
you never know what the sunrise will bring to you..

mikalina

I'm sorry you and your wife are having problems. The pain and heartache about trying to concieve can bring a couple closer together or it can break them apart.

I have seen it both ways with friends of mine...

I hope the two of you can work things out.

Suziemay

Sorry to hear this Diego. It sounds like you both love each other, I second the suggestion about trying out counseling for the both of you, not separately. I think it helps to have an objective party facilitate a discussion between two people in an extremely emotional situation. You may end up at the same place with her wanting to move out anyway, but I think it's worth a shot and I think it's important for you to resolve any questions about ths situation that you might have before she leaves if that ends up being the result. I recently had to facilitate such a discussion. I'm not a professional but it seemed to help both individuals at least understand each other's point of views a bit better.

Giant hug to you.

unlost dogs

Really sorry to hear this, but there is so much good advice for you to consider.

Wishing you the very best as you work to sort it all out...

gunter1976

i can imagine it feels like you are literally being torn apart from the inside. i definitely can.

but you will get through this for sure. you will. and things will look up again at some point. it's written in the cycle of things.

i just wish you the courage and strength to get there. try and take little steps, find comfort in small things, look ahead and try not to dwell in the past too much.

all my best,

mysticweed

damn
at least you can go out knowing you did everything possible to fix things
imho you went above and beyond trying to fix it
we all hope the best for you
peace

dr0ptheleash

pdalowsky wrote:

So sorry to read this

But seems to me youve done what you had to do. If she wants two guys running together that's unfair and I'm
Sure you deserve better.

It will hurt for sometime man, but it will ease up.

Take care of yourself

I agree with this. As much as you love her and are willing to do anything for her, sadly, she is not willing to end her other relationship for you, and that is not fair. If she cannot cut ties with this other man, I think it is time to let her go and take some time for yourself. Eventually you can move on to someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. I know it's extremely painful because you love her so much, but it sounds like time will be your best friend for now.

Thanks for being so open; we are all here for your support. I really wish you the best... stay hopeful.

ShimmyMommy

Even though it's not fair, and really hard right now, you will make it through.
Stay strong. Keep going to therapy.
Love, light and hugs.

The Juggler

sorry to hear this. it sounds like you are doing the right thing though.

hang in there. things will get better eventually. they always do.

diego92

Hi guys, me again. Thank you all for your words, I've found nothing but honest opinions, comfort and support here. You're all helping me.

Not much new to tell you about the situation but my wife and I had a long talk last night. We talked about us, how we are. We haven't talked since Monday.
I think now her issues are bigger than I thought. She told me her therapist said she's in a "vital crisis". She's questioning herself everything, from who she is to what she wants to do with her life. And I'm in the middle of that snowball. There's no way we can work things out while she's in such crisis. I think that giving ourselves some time is the only way to go.

So, we also talked about what to do next. Living together while we're on a break won't work for much longer and one of us has to move out. She wants to be the one who does it. She says she's looking for some place in our town, but I'm not sure. I think she's also thinking about moving back to her home town. Will see.

We are gonna spend the weekend together, with some friends, in a vacation place near home, hoping to have some good times. Friends will help. Let's see what happens.

A big hug to you all. Thank you friends.

dimitrispearljam

all the best Diego..all the best...i hope all work well as u want..

Jeff Murray

Hopefully things work out in the end for the best... If the couples' counseling doesn't work you may want to try talking to someone as well. Even though she is the one in crisis mode, you still are affected as well and it might help to talk with someone about it.

It says a lot about your feelings for her that you realize she has some issues she needs to work out, most would let their anger blind them and shut their partner off completely. Let her know you are there to support her, but also let her know the relationship will change if she does not end her affair.

Best of luck.

Yarden

stay strong. hope things will work out for the best. sounds like you're hurting as much as she is so take care of yourself. talk to someone if you need to. all the best.

pandora

Old friends went through this, also trying for a child, with assistance, for years.
For them, their split after years of marriage,
brought them to new mates and both were blessed with a child
within the first years of their new marriages without any medical assistance.

Some might say that was meant to be... both are still happily married now 20 years later.

If we could just see our paths it would all be so much easier
and painless for the joys ahead.
But we can not so faith is what we have. Have faith in your path.
Your wife may still walk it with you.

Love can conquer all and time heals ...
fight for love if in your heart you know you belong together,
if not, free yourselves to love again.....

there is a fork in the road.....