Hey, honestly man, her stuff is gone now, it's a new beginning. I know it's a forced new beginning but you can't fight it or it will eat you up. For now, focus on getting through the day, being healthy & start taking little steps to start building your new life, working through the hurt & grief. We're here for you & PJs always only one button press on the stereo.
<hr>
PJ - Auckland 2009; Alpine Valley1&2 2011; Man1, Am'dam1&2, Berlin1&2, Stockholm, Oslo & Copenhagen 2012; LA, Oakland, Portland, Spokane, Calgary, Vancouver, Seattle 2013; Auckland 2014
EV - Canberra, Newcastle & Sydney 1&2 2011
Sorry to hear that bro. I went through the same thing 12 yrs ago and it is still a regret in my life to let her get away. "nothingman" still gets me to this day so try not to listen to that one IMO. And yes it will get better. So dont let it get you down too much, life goes on and eveything happens for a reason.
It happens. All you can do is let he know you appreciate the time you were together, and leave her with a positive angle. I hope all goes much better soon.
what's the rule...you can feel bad for one week per year together?
I was once told the healing time is half the time you were together ..... I discovered that was a lie!
It will take as long as it takes
:shock:
i like 81s timeline better.
if yours is correct, if my current relationship ever fell apart, it would take me 10+ years to get over it!!!
guess i better make sure we stick it out.
as to the OP, i am so sorry. :(
it sucks, plain and simple.
as others have suggested, if it's meant to work out, perhaps down the road you'll find your way back to each other. and, if not - well i think there's someone else out there for you. right now, give yourself time to wallow, absolutely, but as get_right suggests, then get out there and get some strange!
what's the rule...you can feel bad for one week per year together?
I was once told the healing time is half the time you were together ..... I discovered that was a lie!
It will take as long as it takes
:shock:
i like 81s timeline better.
if yours is correct, if my current relationship ever fell apart, it would take me 10+ years to get over it!!!
guess i better make sure we stick it out.
as to the OP, i am so sorry. :(
it sucks, plain and simple.
as others have suggested, if it's meant to work out, perhaps down the road you'll find your way back to each other. and, if not - well i think there's someone else out there for you. right now, give yourself time to wallow, absolutely, but as get_right suggests, then get out there and get some strange!
just doing a quick google search and see everything from half the time, to a 1/4 of the time, to one month per year together
just doing a quick google search and see everything from half the time, to a 1/4 of the time, to one month per year together
you're so efficient 81.
and, i still like your original formula best. as someone married 19.5 years - and dated off/on for a good 5 before that... :shock: it still would be a damn long time, but you bet FAR better than 10+ years, or even 10 months ... tho the reality of it i imagine would require a great deal of time. guess i'll just stay put.
just doing a quick google search and see everything from half the time, to a 1/4 of the time, to one month per year together
I think it depends on the individual. Some people bounce back immediately, others take awhile. I'm more of the slow variety, takes me much longer to get over anything. I'm just not that good with change.
i could see it taking a year if you were together a long time....
you have to go thru the each of the holiday/birthday/anniversy cycles once before it is out of the system
or just jump into a new relationshipo and forget about it.
i think for me, it would be a mixture of these both....i'd need the time to get it all out of my system and be emotional, but would probably just jump right in, ya know, just to help me get my mind off it.
i could see it taking a year if you were together a long time....
you have to go thru the each of the holiday/birthday/anniversy cycles once before it is out of the system
or just jump into a new relationshipo and forget about it.
or, how is this theory: The relationship was a long one, say about 20 years and you knew the relationship was basically over several years before it actually ended and you were just there becasue of the kids and because you couldn't afford to leave. Could that result in you being over it well before it actually ended? Just wondering.
i could see it taking a year if you were together a long time....
you have to go thru the each of the holiday/birthday/anniversy cycles once before it is out of the system
or just jump into a new relationshipo and forget about it.
or, how is this theory: The relationship was a long one, say about 20 years and you knew the relationship was basically over several years before it actually ended and you were just there becasue of the kids and because you couldn't afford to leave. Could that result in you being over it well before it actually ended? Just wondering.
*paging dr. 81*
i am no expert, but knowing someone is a semi-related situation as you, i most definitely think that would make a HUGE difference. in her case, her husband of 25 years suffered thru a long illness and then died. however, it seems she was not really in love, not the happiest marriage - stayed together for the family, b/c she felt it was the right thing to do, etc, especially when he was ill. afterwards tho, she got right out there dating, and now is dating one exclusively and looking to remarry.
anyhoo, the scenario you mention seems very plausible. i think there may still be a small window of time of "mourning the loss" of the end of a relationship, even a bad one - though i'd think if there was a long period of unhappiness in the end of the relationship, and/or a long period of separation, even without "technically" being divorced ... would make all the difference. so long-winded response that simply could've been a resounding "yes" to your final question. :P
Hey DS. You've got the power to rise above your loss, no matter how long it takes, you gotta work through the process & we're here for you! Hope you're feeling ok. Keep busy, keep occupied & we're always here!
<hr>
PJ - Auckland 2009; Alpine Valley1&2 2011; Man1, Am'dam1&2, Berlin1&2, Stockholm, Oslo & Copenhagen 2012; LA, Oakland, Portland, Spokane, Calgary, Vancouver, Seattle 2013; Auckland 2014
EV - Canberra, Newcastle & Sydney 1&2 2011
Hey DS. You've got the power to rise above your loss, no matter how long it takes, you gotta work through the process & we're here for you! Hope you're feeling ok. Keep busy, keep occupied & we're always here!
Agreed, easier said than done I know, but you, in the end You are the Master of your own Salvation.
To sit and dwell if what you COULD have done, and how you COULD have been better to her is almost pointless.
Here is your homework for Friday night. cancel all current plans. Find one of your good friends call him or her over. Crank some PJ, get shit faced, cry over your loss. But then when the night is over and pass out.
and when you wake up. BE DONE. MOVE ON. The Dawning of a New Life. Spend sometime alone.
and you will survive this loss and find new love.
I promise
"...And I fight back in my mind. Never lets me be right.
I got memories. I got shit so much it don't show."
Agreed, easier said than done I know, but you, in the end You are the Master of your own Salvation. To sit and dwell if what you COULD have done, and how you COULD have been better to her is almost pointless.
Here is your homework for Friday night. cancel all current plans. Find one of your good friends call him or her over. Crank some PJ, get shit faced, cry over your loss. But then when the night is over and pass out.
and when you wake up. BE DONE. MOVE ON. The Dawning of a New Life. Spend sometime alone.
and you will survive this loss and find new love.
I promise
Good words GC.
<hr>
PJ - Auckland 2009; Alpine Valley1&2 2011; Man1, Am'dam1&2, Berlin1&2, Stockholm, Oslo & Copenhagen 2012; LA, Oakland, Portland, Spokane, Calgary, Vancouver, Seattle 2013; Auckland 2014
EV - Canberra, Newcastle & Sydney 1&2 2011
Comments
Don't fuck sheep. -EV 7/11/11
You can never have enough Neil in the mix. -EV 10/24/10
There's only one commandment: Don't be an asshole. -EV 5/6/10
I would normally agree with you, but I think DS has tried everything...
and a bang on the ear
PJ - Auckland 2009; Alpine Valley1&2 2011; Man1, Am'dam1&2, Berlin1&2, Stockholm, Oslo & Copenhagen 2012; LA, Oakland, Portland, Spokane, Calgary, Vancouver, Seattle 2013; Auckland 2014
EV - Canberra, Newcastle & Sydney 1&2 2011
Hope your head wasn't too hurtin when you got up today!
It happens. All you can do is let he know you appreciate the time you were together, and leave her with a positive angle. I hope all goes much better soon.
I'll have to tell my other friend that. He just broke up after a 14 year relationship. He's devistated too. ...you have company from a far.
*NYC 9/28/96 *NYC 9/29/96 *NJ 9/8/98 (front row "may i play drums with you")
*MSG 9/10/98 (backstage) *MSG 9/11/98 (backstage)
*Jones Beach 8/23/00 *Jones Beach 8/24/00 *Jones Beach 8/25/00
*Mansfield 8/29/00 *Mansfield 8/30/00 *Nassau 4/30/03 *Nissan VA 7/1/03
*Borgata 10/1/05 *Camden 5/27/06 *Camden 5/28/06 *DC 5/30/06
*VA Beach 6/17/08 *DC 6/22/08 *MSG 6/24/08 (backstage) *MSG 6/25/08
*EV DC 8/17/08 *EV Baltimore 6/15/09 *Philly 10/31/09
*Bristow VA 5/13/10 *MSG 5/20/10 *MSG 5/21/10
I was once told the healing time is half the time you were together ..... I discovered that was a lie!
It will take as long as it takes
:shock:
i like 81s timeline better.
if yours is correct, if my current relationship ever fell apart, it would take me 10+ years to get over it!!!
guess i better make sure we stick it out.
as to the OP, i am so sorry. :(
it sucks, plain and simple.
as others have suggested, if it's meant to work out, perhaps down the road you'll find your way back to each other. and, if not - well i think there's someone else out there for you. right now, give yourself time to wallow, absolutely, but as get_right suggests, then get out there and get some strange!
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
just doing a quick google search and see everything from half the time, to a 1/4 of the time, to one month per year together
you're so efficient 81.
and, i still like your original formula best. as someone married 19.5 years - and dated off/on for a good 5 before that... :shock: it still would be a damn long time, but you bet FAR better than 10+ years, or even 10 months ... tho the reality of it i imagine would require a great deal of time. guess i'll just stay put.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
you have to go thru the each of the holiday/birthday/anniversy cycles once before it is out of the system
or just jump into a new relationshipo and forget about it.
I think it depends on the individual. Some people bounce back immediately, others take awhile. I'm more of the slow variety, takes me much longer to get over anything. I'm just not that good with change.
i think for me, it would be a mixture of these both....i'd need the time to get it all out of my system and be emotional, but would probably just jump right in, ya know, just to help me get my mind off it.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
or, how is this theory: The relationship was a long one, say about 20 years and you knew the relationship was basically over several years before it actually ended and you were just there becasue of the kids and because you couldn't afford to leave. Could that result in you being over it well before it actually ended? Just wondering.
*paging dr. 81*
i am no expert, but knowing someone is a semi-related situation as you, i most definitely think that would make a HUGE difference. in her case, her husband of 25 years suffered thru a long illness and then died. however, it seems she was not really in love, not the happiest marriage - stayed together for the family, b/c she felt it was the right thing to do, etc, especially when he was ill. afterwards tho, she got right out there dating, and now is dating one exclusively and looking to remarry.
anyhoo, the scenario you mention seems very plausible. i think there may still be a small window of time of "mourning the loss" of the end of a relationship, even a bad one - though i'd think if there was a long period of unhappiness in the end of the relationship, and/or a long period of separation, even without "technically" being divorced ... would make all the difference. so long-winded response that simply could've been a resounding "yes" to your final question. :P
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
PJ - Auckland 2009; Alpine Valley1&2 2011; Man1, Am'dam1&2, Berlin1&2, Stockholm, Oslo & Copenhagen 2012; LA, Oakland, Portland, Spokane, Calgary, Vancouver, Seattle 2013; Auckland 2014
EV - Canberra, Newcastle & Sydney 1&2 2011
Make sure you jump in head first and you'll soon forget..
Agreed, easier said than done I know, but you, in the end You are the Master of your own Salvation.
To sit and dwell if what you COULD have done, and how you COULD have been better to her is almost pointless.
Here is your homework for Friday night. cancel all current plans. Find one of your good friends call him or her over. Crank some PJ, get shit faced, cry over your loss. But then when the night is over and pass out.
and when you wake up. BE DONE. MOVE ON. The Dawning of a New Life. Spend sometime alone.
and you will survive this loss and find new love.
I promise
I got memories. I got shit so much it don't show."
Good words GC.
PJ - Auckland 2009; Alpine Valley1&2 2011; Man1, Am'dam1&2, Berlin1&2, Stockholm, Oslo & Copenhagen 2012; LA, Oakland, Portland, Spokane, Calgary, Vancouver, Seattle 2013; Auckland 2014
EV - Canberra, Newcastle & Sydney 1&2 2011