All the hours spent writing by candlelight,... All the thoughts, the memories, the heartache,... Bound together for one volume,.. A note of suicide,. 25 years in the making.
Peace, Love.
"To question your government is not unpatriotic --
to not question your government is unpatriotic."
-- Sen. Chuck Hagel
Very emotional today. Haven't felt this way for some time. Everything I see, Everything I read. Happy,Sad.My eye's can't help, But to fill the void with tears. Is it the weather? Is it just me? Is it the fact that I have no answers. To the questions,That have been troubling me. There's an eerie feeling of numbness. Mixed with a dose of agitation. Hopeless,Helpless,Restless. Maybe I just need a nap. Maybe Tomorrow...
You know she’s yours She will not leave She looks at you with admiration She feeds your ego like no one before
For all that you have a sense of superiority over her For all that you think you can ask her anything you want For all that you think you can do whatever you want For all that your desires have no limits
She will suffer whatever you want, even the unthinkable She will do whatever you want, even the unacceptable She will say anything you want, even the unforgivable She will lose everything you want, even the unforgettable
And in the end what will you have left? Your dirty hands and mouth Your empty soul that lives only by the look she lays on you Your cold and worthless room
All the hours spent writing by candlelight,... All the thoughts, the memories, the heartache,... Bound together for one volume,.. A note of suicide,. 25 years in the making.
Pretty deep there Wolf. Hopefully that's just a deep thought. The next page has yet to be written.
You know she’s yours She will not leave She looks at you with admiration She feeds your ego like no one before
For all that you have a sense of superiority over her For all that you think you can ask her anything you want For all that you think you can do whatever you want For all that your desires have no limits
She will suffer whatever you want, even the unthinkable She will do whatever you want, even the unacceptable She will say anything you want, even the unforgivable She will lose everything you want, even the unforgettable
And in the end what will you have left? Your dirty hands and mouth Your empty soul that lives only by the look she lays on you Your cold and worthless room
True mental abuse there. The sad thing is,When they're done, It's on to the next victim.
I read a quote: "Be happy in life, Because it's the only life you have." Look's good in print. It's not so much life being what you make it, Sometimes Life just happens. And sometimes,It's just simply out of your control. I'll just ride the wave,where it takes me. And hopefully it doesn't deside to tke me under.
Don't try to have a good feeling Try to feel good Be true to your feelings....
Post edited by Aafke on
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
"Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
You are beautiful. When you rise. When you put on makeup. When you're natural. When you smile. When you cry. When you're angry.
You're beautiful because every day you do what it takes to be human, with emotions, with dreams, with your compassion.
You are beautiful because you are unique, because you are assumed. Those who try to make you believe that you have flaws forgotten they do too.
"Beauty is in the eye of who’s looking at it."
You're beautiful because you're proud. You're beautiful because your soul stands straight and head up. You're beautiful because you know your value. You're beautiful because you know you know how to put yourself in perspective without ever questioning the richness within you.
You're beautiful because your curves or your thinness, your breasts whether small or large, and your facial features are part of you.
Nature is so constituted that it seeks harmony, not perfection as dictated in ads and magazines.
We are animals subjected to the laws of evolution. It is therefore impossible that beauty lies in an unchanging mold.
Scientifically, the beauty is not quantifiable or definable. Just like the false concept of races, objective beauty does not exist. Only our genes define our traits, our physical features.
Who will be the greatest genius who will isolate the gene of beauty and be certain that this same gene pleases everyone?
And what if another genius isolates a gene that is the true gene of beauty to him? The first genius does not necessarily find these features given by this gene beautiful.
And then, assuming there would be a real objective beauty, it would mean that we could hope that one day all human beings are exactly alike.
That would be boring! We would have a hard time recognizing each other!
And then, with the experience we have with dogs "breeds", we would have other medical problems to solve ... This story never ends and finally becomes more of a pain in the butt than a positive experience.
At such an age, I've finally started to write songs. Not that anyone is likely to hear them (!), but, at least I no longer feel afraid to do it.
Don't you feel released? I did when I allowed myself to write without worrying what others might say. This the most beautyful thing one can experience. It's like telling the world that you exist, that you have thoughts and that you want to share. Makes you feel alive and part of this community that we call human race.
Keep writing. You never know, you may change the world without even attempting to.
At such an age, I've finally started to write songs. Not that anyone is likely to hear them (!), but, at least I no longer feel afraid to do it.
Don't you feel released? I did when I allowed myself to write without worrying what others might say. This the most beautyful thing one can experience. It's like telling the world that you exist, that you have thoughts and that you want to share. Makes you feel alive and part of this community that we call human race.
Keep writing. You never know, you may change the world without even attempting to.
i wish i could stop my brain. same thoughts circling round again and again. dwelling on the unknown and things i can't control. self prophecy and self defeating tone. this is not living, this is going through the motions. i promised people i wouldn't do that. i did nothing today. i wasted today. can't get it back. opportunity lost. this post right here is the most productive thing that i have done all day.
"You can tell the greatness of a man by what makes him angry." - Lincoln
i wish i could stop my brain. same thoughts circling round again and again. dwelling on the unknown and things i can't control. self prophecy and self defeating tone. this is not living, this is going through the motions. i promised people i wouldn't do that. i did nothing today. i wasted today. can't get it back. opportunity lost. this post right here is the most productive thing that i have done all day.
Well, to me that seems very productive. To put yourself in perspective is never done for nothing. To share with people can make them put themselves in perspective too, they might relate to that, just like me and remember they're not alone in their situation, feel united to others and get through it because they realize most people do.
No day is waisted, Each day has its purpose, so do you. :-)
yeah writing and posting it is a form of cheap therapy. it is me getting my thoughts organized and deciding to share that stuff and hopefully people get something out of it.
yesterday was not really wasted, but the opportunities i had went wasted because i didn't take them.
new day, new chances, right?
"You can tell the greatness of a man by what makes him angry." - Lincoln
Instant thought…Hmmm…..this new format completely sucks in every way shape and form. It's like iTunes….why mess with something that isn't broke and works fine? This is going backwards not forward.
I've got three parts worked out...an introduction, a good transitional passage, a second theme ( which will probably be a recurring part with a varied melody ) but I've gotta figure out a good first group or how to expand these three parts into something longer. All together, these three sections are only about 65 seconds long!!
A five minute song seems huge to me at the moment!
Oh, and I only have words for the recurring section...even though this is going to be purely instrumental anyway.
Allegorically speaking You are the shark and your spouse is a colony of lampreys At a certain point the best you can hope for is that a passing pod of dolphins will kill you, otherwise there is no escape from the torment. The gentle symbiotic gnashing of teeth Encourages the wounds to seal and incorporate the host Possessed and excommunicated by the persistent search for autonomous growth and individuation without the biting retractions, built on scabification and the painful union of a tubular dependent that rings parasitic bitch moan complain wine cheese violins....
I confide in myself, because no one will understand. I screem When no one is there to hear me. I cry when no one is around to see me And when I fall, There will be no one here to catch me.
Today,I feel sick. Sick to my stomach, Sick to my heart. How in the hell could they keep me from seeing her one last time. From telling her how much I loved her. From holding her close, Laughing,Crying,Sharing a few day's Or even weeks together. Nothing! Nothing! They gave me nothing but a phone call, Two day's before she died
Something I guess I'll never quite understand. In Loving Memory of My Sister Linda.
How to find the hypotenuse in my mind Projections overhanging the second plane of protection While the code specifies the minimal overkill mandate 25.4 millimeters within an inch of your life line lays the sill plate 1/3 its width off of pure
The sacred geometry of the pharos remains constant The triangle of 3 has given 4 reason for being next to 5 where the pi of the big eye sees 360' along radius 57-5/16" and the arc strikes itself again and again in masochistic bliss
Long have I ripped a cut plunged deep it the heartwood Fastened together all within my reach with driven steel Plumbed jointed jambs hinging the hollow core doors of this time butt always wished well the memories of families dry by this roof
Tomorrow I write the Red Seal exam in Carpentry. Should have done it 15 years ago, but maybe I then become someone else. I will take the forward spring of the clocks as a welcome omen for the future. I wonder what to build and for whom? More family homes, always a personal pleasure. Maybe ICI, that's where the money is...reminder to self, always make corporations pay dearly. Or, do I listen to my heart and work for metro housing and help those that need. Nice to dream...wish me luck!
P.S. Sorry about your sister Linda, donnaruhl. May she rest in peace.
I remember when, yeah. I swore I knew everything, oh yeah.
Comments
All the thoughts, the memories, the heartache,...
Bound together for one volume,..
A note of suicide,.
25 years in the making.
"To question your government is not unpatriotic --
to not question your government is unpatriotic."
-- Sen. Chuck Hagel
Haven't felt this way for some time.
Everything I see, Everything I read.
Happy,Sad.My eye's can't help,
But to fill the void with tears.
Is it the weather? Is it just me?
Is it the fact that I have no answers.
To the questions,That have been troubling me.
There's an eerie feeling of numbness.
Mixed with a dose of agitation.
Hopeless,Helpless,Restless.
Maybe I just need a nap.
Maybe Tomorrow...
You know she’s yours
She will not leave
She looks at you with admiration
She feeds your ego like no one before
For all that you have a sense of superiority over her
For all that you think you can ask her anything you want
For all that you think you can do whatever you want
For all that your desires have no limits
She will suffer whatever you want, even the unthinkable
She will do whatever you want, even the unacceptable
She will say anything you want, even the unforgivable
She will lose everything you want, even the unforgettable
And in the end what will you have left?
Your dirty hands and mouth
Your empty soul that lives only by the look she lays on you
Your cold and worthless room
Hopefully that's just a deep thought.
The next page has yet to be written.
The sad thing is,When they're done,
It's on to the next victim.
"Be happy in life,
Because it's the only life you have."
Look's good in print.
It's not so much life being what you make it,
Sometimes Life just happens.
And sometimes,It's just simply
out of your control. I'll just
ride the wave,where it takes me.
And hopefully it doesn't deside to tke me under.
and he smiled...
"To question your government is not unpatriotic --
to not question your government is unpatriotic."
-- Sen. Chuck Hagel
Try to feel good
Be true to your feelings....
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
"Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
You are beautiful. When you rise. When you put on makeup. When you're natural. When you smile. When you cry. When you're angry.
You're beautiful because every day you do what it takes to be human, with emotions, with dreams, with your compassion.
You are beautiful because you are unique, because you are assumed. Those who try to make you believe that you have flaws forgotten they do too.
"Beauty is in the eye of who’s looking at it."
You're beautiful because you're proud. You're beautiful because your soul stands straight and head up. You're beautiful because you know your value. You're beautiful because you know you know how to put yourself in perspective without ever questioning the richness within you.
You're beautiful because your curves or your thinness, your breasts whether small or large, and your facial features are part of you.
Nature is so constituted that it seeks harmony, not perfection as dictated in ads and magazines.
We are animals subjected to the laws of evolution. It is therefore impossible that beauty lies in an unchanging mold.
Scientifically, the beauty is not quantifiable or definable. Just like the false concept of races, objective beauty does not exist. Only our genes define our traits, our physical features.
Who will be the greatest genius who will isolate the gene of beauty and be certain that this same gene pleases everyone?
And what if another genius isolates a gene that is the true gene of beauty to him? The first genius does not necessarily find these features given by this gene beautiful.
And then, assuming there would be a real objective beauty, it would mean that we could hope that one day all human beings are exactly alike.
That would be boring! We would have a hard time recognizing each other!
And then, with the experience we have with dogs "breeds", we would have other medical problems to solve ... This story never ends and finally becomes more of a pain in the butt than a positive experience.
Do you know what it's like to fall on the floor
And cry your guts out 'til you got no more
Hey man now you're really living
Have you ever made love to a beautiful girl
Made you feel like it's not such a bad world
Hey man now you're really living
Now you're really giving everything
And you're really getting all you gave
Now you're really living what
This life is all about
Well i just saw the sun rise over the hill
Never used to give me much of a thrill
But hey man now you're really living
Do you know what it's like to care too much
'bout someone that you're never gonna get to touch
Hey man now you're really living
Have you ever sat down in the fresh cut grass
And thought about the moment and when it will pass
Hey man now you're really living
Now you're really giving everything
And you're really getting all you gave
Now you're really living what
This life is all about
Now what would you say if i told you that
Everyone thinks you're a crazy old cat
Hey man now you're really living
Do you know what it's like to fall on the floor
And cry your guts out 'til you got no more
Hey man now you're really living
Have you ever made love to a beautiful girl
Made you feel like it's not such a bad world
Hey man now you're really living
People sing
Do you know what it's like to fall on the floor
And cry your guts out 'til you got no more
Hey man now you're really living
Just saw the sun rise over the hill
Never used to give me much of a thrill
But hey man now i'm really living
Keep writing. You never know, you may change the world without even attempting to.
right in the palm of my sweaty hand.
a future...
a dream,..
now gone.
I held it in my arms!
I had it in my bed,..
I left it where it stood,..
before it could leave me for dead.
"To question your government is not unpatriotic --
to not question your government is unpatriotic."
-- Sen. Chuck Hagel
same thoughts circling round
again and again.
dwelling on the unknown
and things i can't control.
self prophecy
and self defeating tone.
this is not living,
this is going through the motions.
i promised people i wouldn't do that.
i did nothing today.
i wasted today.
can't get it back.
opportunity lost.
this post right here
is the most productive
thing that i have done all day.
"Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
No day is waisted, Each day has its purpose, so do you. :-)
yesterday was not really wasted, but the opportunities i had went wasted because i didn't take them.
new day, new chances, right?
"Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
I've got three parts worked out...an introduction, a good transitional passage, a second theme ( which will probably be a recurring part with a varied melody ) but I've gotta figure out a good first group or how to expand these three parts into something longer. All together, these three sections are only about 65 seconds long!!
A five minute song seems huge to me at the moment!
Oh, and I only have words for the recurring section...even though this is going to be purely instrumental anyway.
trap your void
diamonds
red circles photographs
wrecked angles
distort round lights
I really don't want you to blow it all out
You are the shark and your spouse is a colony of lampreys
At a certain point the best you can hope for is that a passing pod of dolphins will kill you,
otherwise there is no escape from the torment.
The gentle symbiotic gnashing of teeth
Encourages the wounds to seal and incorporate the host
Possessed and excommunicated by the persistent search
for autonomous growth and individuation without the biting retractions,
built on scabification and the painful union of a tubular dependent
that rings parasitic
bitch
moan
complain
wine
cheese
violins....
because no one will understand.
I screem
When no one is there to hear me.
I cry
when no one is around to see me
And when I fall,
There will be no one here to catch me.
Sick to my stomach,
Sick to my heart.
How in the hell could they
keep me from seeing her one last time.
From telling her how much I loved her.
From holding her close,
Laughing,Crying,Sharing a few day's
Or even weeks together.
Nothing! Nothing!
They gave me nothing
but a phone call,
Two day's before she died
Something I guess I'll never quite understand.
In Loving Memory of My Sister Linda.
How to find the hypotenuse in my mind
Projections overhanging the second plane of protection
While the code specifies the minimal overkill mandate
25.4 millimeters within an inch of your life line
lays the sill plate 1/3 its width off of pure
The sacred geometry of the pharos remains constant
The triangle of 3 has given 4 reason for being next to 5
where the pi of the big eye sees 360' along radius 57-5/16"
and the arc strikes itself again and again in masochistic bliss
Long have I ripped a cut plunged deep it the heartwood
Fastened together all within my reach with driven steel
Plumbed jointed jambs hinging the hollow core doors of this time
butt always wished well the memories of families dry by this roof
Tomorrow I write the Red Seal exam in Carpentry. Should have done it 15 years ago, but maybe I then become someone else.
I will take the forward spring of the clocks as a welcome omen for the future. I wonder what to build and for whom? More family homes, always a personal pleasure. Maybe ICI, that's where the money is...reminder to self, always make corporations pay dearly. Or, do I listen to my heart and work for metro housing and help those that need. Nice to dream...wish me luck!
P.S. Sorry about your sister Linda, donnaruhl. May she rest in peace.
Now it has the form of AB( transition) AA'B' (transition)CC'.
I think this shape will work!
blue a bit & golden browns
wheat staircases twist up
a perfect day's breathing sky
just listen
something so tortured sounding
has just painted these disturbances
across all knowing disorders
commotion is ability
pull to middle
naturally have calm
this rainbow
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce