everyone please give chiquimonkey a great BIG HUG!!!

PilateOfTheStorm

chiquimonkey wrote:

whoprincess wrote:

chiquimonkey wrote:

Thanks so much. I am glad I was able to be strong, now how to deal with all this as the days and weeks come will be a challenge...but I have a good support system around me thank goodness.

I admire you for giving your mother's eulogy.
When my dad died, I wanted to do the readings at his funeral mass but decided not to after talking to a good friend about it. I probably could have done all right but decided not to push it.

I'm glad you have supportive people around you. It makes such a difference.

Big hugs to you from Texas.

I was nervous to do it, I had written out a general outline and had practiced it a few times, each time crying at the end. But I saw my best friend outside the church and told her how nervous I was and she just said to go with my gut. I'm glad that I did it. I was expecting my uncle to say something too but he said he wasn't so if I hadn't, nobody would have. I kept it light but respectful. I also slipped a letter I wrote to my mom into her casket above her heart.

I am definitely blessed to have good people around me. I wouldn't be able to get through otherwise, of this I am sure.

Thanks for the hugs, I can use every single one!

I echo that admiration, good on you for doing it - it can't have been easy I imagine. Very moving to slip a letter to her, a beautiful touch.
People DO make a difference and I'm glad you've got the support you need. Hope that it eases this time, even though it'll be rough, you'll get through it.
Again sending my love and thoughts

pinkbutterfly

Chiqui, I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. May God give your strength. *HUGS* to you and your family.

wolfbear

I hope today went well for you...I was thinking about you all day. I know how hard it is as we just went through it, so big hugs and good thoughts for sure!

Fifthelement

You and your family have been in my thoughts all week B. I'm glad that the funeral and your eulogy went well. ((((hugs))))

Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death. - Author Unknown

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go. - Author Unknown

chiquimonkey

Thanks guys. Wolf I could feel the love coming thru for sure, I really believe that all the good thoughts are helping. I feel like I had been caught up in a tornado spinning in the air for the longest time and just now got thrown down to the ground.

I've spent hte past two nights at my dad's house just so he isn't there alone, but I look forward to sleeping in my own bed tonight, provided I can sleep! Wine may be involved later lol

Heading out for lunch and a long walk with my dad and sis now, the weather is beautiful and I think the fresh air and exercise will do us good. Slowly trying to get back into a routine, it's so hard though.

decides2dream

you've been in my thoughts the past days, non-stop chica...wishing you well.
and hey, you're a braver woman than i. when my father passed away, i wanted to do a reading. my older sister did the first one, and by the time i got up there, i just couldn't do it. i tried, but i just shook and cried. granted i was 23 at the time, but idk...i just couldn't handle it. so kudos to you for soldiering thru.

xo

Claireack

Just thought I would pop in and drop off a quick hug before the weekend.

You are doing so well chiqui.

chiquimonkey

decides2dream wrote:

you've been in my thoughts the past days, non-stop chica...wishing you well.
and hey, you're a braver woman than i. when my father passed away, i wanted to do a reading. my older sister did the first one, and by the time i got up there, i just couldn't do it. i tried, but i just shook and cried. granted i was 23 at the time, but idk...i just couldn't handle it. so kudos to you for soldiering thru.

xo

THank you for all the thoughts, believe me, we are feeling it. We went for a walk yesterday and I told my dad how blessed we were to have so many people behind us, praying for her and us. People constantly checking in on us. In all the darkness around us ,it is such a light.

Yeah when I was done with the eulogy I went back to my seat and that's when my knees started to buckle. I'm just glad I didn't faceplant. That would not have been very classy lol

Claireack wrote:

Just thought I would pop in and drop off a quick hug before the weekend.

You are doing so well chiqui.

Thank you Claire. I hope I'm doing okay, I'm gonna make a call to the grief counseling service at my work. They offer it to employees for free so I figure there's no harm in checking it out. I might learn something that would be helpful in processing all my emotions.

We're extra vigiliant of our dad, who has been handling things really well, but still....they knew each other for over 50 years, married 41 years. I just want to be sure he doesn't slip into a depression. We already discussed the idea of going to Spain to visit his family there in the spring. I think it would do us all a lot of good, and it would be a positive thing to look forward to. We just want to get lost, knowing we can never get away from the pain, but just to get away.

Besides I think his family there would help give additional support we don't have here. ALthough seeing the actions of some of our relatives on my mom's side, it's probably just as well we're just 3 here on this side of the country. While we're a small group, we're strong as fuck.

Sorry now I"m just rambling, I'm rambling to everybody since yesterday it seems lol

small town beck

chiquimonkey wrote:

whoprincess wrote:

chiquimonkey wrote:

Thanks so much. I am glad I was able to be strong, now how to deal with all this as the days and weeks come will be a challenge...but I have a good support system around me thank goodness.

I admire you for giving your mother's eulogy.
When my dad died, I wanted to do the readings at his funeral mass but decided not to after talking to a good friend about it. I probably could have done all right but decided not to push it.

I'm glad you have supportive people around you. It makes such a difference.

Big hugs to you from Texas.

I was nervous to do it, I had written out a general outline and had practiced it a few times, each time crying at the end. But I saw my best friend outside the church and told her how nervous I was and she just said to go with my gut. I'm glad that I did it. I was expecting my uncle to say something too but he said he wasn't so if I hadn't, nobody would have. I kept it light but respectful. I also slipped a letter I wrote to my mom into her casket above her heart.

I am definitely blessed to have good people around me. I wouldn't be able to get through otherwise, of this I am sure.

Thanks for the hugs, I can use every single one!

It must have been so hard to do it. The family asked if I wanted to say anything at my mum's. My sister did a reading but I couldn't. I just couldn't. I did pretty well inside the church but outside the church I just lost it. I've been thinking of you lots, hun. I know how difficult it is. *big hugs*

chiquimonkey

small town beck wrote:

It must have been so hard to do it. The family asked if I wanted to say anything at my mum's. My sister did a reading but I couldn't. I just couldn't. I did pretty well inside the church but outside the church I just lost it. I've been thinking of you lots, hun. I know how difficult it is. *big hugs*

It was hard, seeing her coffin sitting right there...I wasn't sure I'd be able to do it right up to that moment. But when my uncle said he wasn't going to do anything, it was clear if I didn't, then nobody would have, and that would have been wrong, and I know I would have regretted it later. Yeah once we got to the burial I was a fucking mess. Thank god some friends came along and held me together, like literally wrapped their arms around me to hold me together :(

Thanks for the thoughts sweetheart, I really, really appreciate it. We're taking our dad out tonight to this thing in SF where a bunch of food trucks gather so we can get some dinner and sit in the sunshine. Today is the most I've been home and I've been able to get some sleep which I desperately needed.

small town beck

chiquimonkey wrote:

small town beck wrote:

It must have been so hard to do it. The family asked if I wanted to say anything at my mum's. My sister did a reading but I couldn't. I just couldn't. I did pretty well inside the church but outside the church I just lost it. I've been thinking of you lots, hun. I know how difficult it is. *big hugs*

It was hard, seeing her coffin sitting right there...I wasn't sure I'd be able to do it right up to that moment. But when my uncle said he wasn't going to do anything, it was clear if I didn't, then nobody would have, and that would have been wrong, and I know I would have regretted it later. Yeah once we got to the burial I was a fucking mess. Thank god some friends came along and held me together, like literally wrapped their arms around me to hold me together :(

Thanks for the thoughts sweetheart, I really, really appreciate it. We're taking our dad out tonight to this thing in SF where a bunch of food trucks gather so we can get some dinner and sit in the sunshine. Today is the most I've been home and I've been able to get some sleep which I desperately needed.

My uncle gave the eulogy and I honestly wished he hadn't. It didn't do my mother justice. It would have been wrong for nothing to have been said for your mother so I am glad you were able to. It will help with the grieving. I had the same, some beautiful friends that just held me.

I am around if you ever want to talk. Enjoy your dinner tonight and yes, get plenty of rest.

chiquimonkey

small town beck wrote:

chiquimonkey wrote:

small town beck wrote:

It must have been so hard to do it. The family asked if I wanted to say anything at my mum's. My sister did a reading but I couldn't. I just couldn't. I did pretty well inside the church but outside the church I just lost it. I've been thinking of you lots, hun. I know how difficult it is. *big hugs*

It was hard, seeing her coffin sitting right there...I wasn't sure I'd be able to do it right up to that moment. But when my uncle said he wasn't going to do anything, it was clear if I didn't, then nobody would have, and that would have been wrong, and I know I would have regretted it later. Yeah once we got to the burial I was a fucking mess. Thank god some friends came along and held me together, like literally wrapped their arms around me to hold me together :(

Thanks for the thoughts sweetheart, I really, really appreciate it. We're taking our dad out tonight to this thing in SF where a bunch of food trucks gather so we can get some dinner and sit in the sunshine. Today is the most I've been home and I've been able to get some sleep which I desperately needed.

My uncle gave the eulogy and I honestly wished he hadn't. It didn't do my mother justice. It would have been wrong for nothing to have been said for your mother so I am glad you were able to. It will help with the grieving. I had the same, some beautiful friends that just held me.

I am around if you ever want to talk. Enjoy your dinner tonight and yes, get plenty of rest.

Yeah maybe it's best my uncle didn't say anything, it should have come from her family who actually knew her. Even being her brother, he really didn't know her at all, never tried to spend time with her, even though we would always go out there to see them. Oh well....his conscience. And everyone else was too upset to say anything so I figured well I'll see how far I can get. Thankfully I got through.

Thank you for the offer of an ear, may have to take you up on that sometime. One thing I've learned with this experience is to allow people to help. I usually rather do things on my own but this has all been so overwhelming that I've been left with no choice really. I am grateful that I have good people in my life who care.

small town beck

chiquimonkey wrote:

Yeah maybe it's best my uncle didn't say anything, it should have come from her family who actually knew her. Even being her brother, he really didn't know her at all, never tried to spend time with her, even though we would always go out there to see them. Oh well....his conscience. And everyone else was too upset to say anything so I figured well I'll see how far I can get. Thankfully I got through.

Thank you for the offer of an ear, may have to take you up on that sometime. One thing I've learned with this experience is to allow people to help. I usually rather do things on my own but this has all been so overwhelming that I've been left with no choice really. I am grateful that I have good people in my life who care.

I am certain your mum would be so proud and happy that you got up there and did it.

I understand. I usually keep my emotions inside but I couldn't. Take care of you, sweets.

chiquimonkey

small town beck wrote:

chiquimonkey wrote:

Yeah maybe it's best my uncle didn't say anything, it should have come from her family who actually knew her. Even being her brother, he really didn't know her at all, never tried to spend time with her, even though we would always go out there to see them. Oh well....his conscience. And everyone else was too upset to say anything so I figured well I'll see how far I can get. Thankfully I got through.

Thank you for the offer of an ear, may have to take you up on that sometime. One thing I've learned with this experience is to allow people to help. I usually rather do things on my own but this has all been so overwhelming that I've been left with no choice really. I am grateful that I have good people in my life who care.

I am certain your mum would be so proud and happy that you got up there and did it.

I understand. I usually keep my emotions inside but I couldn't. Take care of you, sweets.

My best friend told me outside afterwards that I was a rock. That made me feel a little better.

Yeah there was no hiding my feelings at that point, and I know it's healthy to let it out so when I feel it coming, I just let it be.

norm

you're braver than i am chiqui...if we had had a service for my mom, there would have been no way i could have held it together

chiquimonkey

norm wrote:

you're braver than i am chiqui...if we had had a service for my mom, there would have been no way i could have held it together

Probably was more insane than brave, I dunno lol my aunt didn't think I could do it which I think made me even more determined to pull it off!

All I know is this has made me resolute that when my time comes, NO service, no rosary, none of this stuff that just adds to the agony that already exists. I want to be a bucket of ash, spend hte money on a big place to throw a party with tons of music, good food, even better booze, and remind everyone to celebrate life and whatever happy memories they want to recall. Donations to charities instead of flowers....hell I *love* flowers, give them to me when I'm alive to enjoy and draw them is my thinking!

norm

chiquimonkey wrote:

All I know is this has made me resolute that when my time comes, NO service, no rosary, none of this stuff that just adds to the agony that already exists. I want to be a bucket of ash, spend hte money on a big place to throw a party with tons of music, good food, even better booze, and remind everyone to celebrate life and whatever happy memories they want to recall. Donations to charities instead of flowers....hell I *love* flowers, give them to me when I'm alive to enjoy and draw them is my thinking!

this gets the +1

PJPixie

norm wrote:

chiquimonkey wrote:

All I know is this has made me resolute that when my time comes, NO service, no rosary, none of this stuff that just adds to the agony that already exists. I want to be a bucket of ash, spend hte money on a big place to throw a party with tons of music, good food, even better booze, and remind everyone to celebrate life and whatever happy memories they want to recall. Donations to charities instead of flowers....hell I *love* flowers, give them to me when I'm alive to enjoy and draw them is my thinking!

this gets the +1

and another +1!!!

Love you Chiqui!!!

mfc2006

chiquimonkey wrote:

norm wrote:

you're braver than i am chiqui...if we had had a service for my mom, there would have been no way i could have held it together

Probably was more insane than brave, I dunno lol my aunt didn't think I could do it which I think made me even more determined to pull it off!

All I know is this has made me resolute that when my time comes, NO service, no rosary, none of this stuff that just adds to the agony that already exists. I want to be a bucket of ash, spend hte money on a big place to throw a party with tons of music, good food, even better booze, and remind everyone to celebrate life and whatever happy memories they want to recall. Donations to charities instead of flowers....hell I *love* flowers, give them to me when I'm alive to enjoy and draw them is my thinking!

same here. simple is a good way to go...
and you are brave, chiqui. when Dad passed away, i was a wreck & there was no way that i could have stood in front of everyone. thoughts & prayers are with you & your family. it does get easier....don't get me wrong, it'll always be hard....but in time, it gets easier.

Matt

small town beck

PJPixie wrote:

norm wrote:

chiquimonkey wrote:

All I know is this has made me resolute that when my time comes, NO service, no rosary, none of this stuff that just adds to the agony that already exists. I want to be a bucket of ash, spend hte money on a big place to throw a party with tons of music, good food, even better booze, and remind everyone to celebrate life and whatever happy memories they want to recall. Donations to charities instead of flowers....hell I *love* flowers, give them to me when I'm alive to enjoy and draw them is my thinking!

this gets the +1

and another +1!!!

Love you Chiqui!!!

Ditto.