so this is what my girlfriend and i agree are the top 5 best jokes ......IN NO PARTICULAR order ...
ed243421 » Tue Mar 29, 2011 10:27 am
a bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods
the bear looks down at the rabbit and says
"do you have any trouble with shit sticking to your fur?"
the rabbit says "no"
so the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit
BrokenGlass » Tue Mar 29, 2011 10:30 am
An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed
by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls
that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "What is this Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is." While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde
stepped out. The father said quietly to his son..."Go get your mother."
Ledbetterdays » Mon Mar 28, 2011 11:11 pm
Two guys are out playing golf. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”
The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”
dwhite76 » Tue Mar 29, 2011 4:44 am
A guy lies hung over on a beach after a party. lying next to him in the sand is a genie bottle. He says "what the hell ill rub it" a genie appears. Genie says "you get but 1 wish." The man thinking he's still drunk says as a wise ass "I wish I could piss vodka."
Later that evening while taking a piss he notices it stings while he pisses. He then remembers the Genie dream and says "nah that couldnt happen" His curiosity gets the best of him and he decides to taste it sure enough its vodka. He pisses in a glass and brings it to his wife. She drinks and he tells her the story. She's in disbalief. But being a lush she loves the idea.
The next day she comes home from work and her husband has 2 glasses ready for them. This goes on for 3 days.
The 4th day there are no glasses on the table. She says "Whats wrong?" He replies to her " Tonight you drink straight from the bottle"
neilybabes86 » Mon Mar 28, 2011 8:46 pm
just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching.......MY CAR INTO REVERSE AND DRIVING AWAY FROM THE ACCIDENT!!!!!!
a 40 year old man and an 8 year old boy are walking through the woods at night. the boy says to the man. 'mister, I'm scared. the man says, 'you're scared? i gotta walk out of here alone!'
You have to pick my joke, Joe. See it could be fun for you and ur girlfriend. Just tell her you woke up on the beach this morning. Hey it worked for me Maybe not :x
just to let you guys know i havent sent it out yet ... the winner is picked and DVD is packed and ready to go ... i just havent had a chance to make it to the PO.....
the waiting
drove me mad
and is also the hardest part
The whole world will be different soon... - EV
RED ROCKS 6-19-95
AUGUSTA 9-26-96
MANSFIELD 9-15-98
BOSTON 9-29-04
BOSTON 5-25-06
MANSFIELD 6-30-08
EV SOLO BOSTON 8-01-08
BOSTON 5-17-10
EV SOLO BOSTON 6-16-11
PJ20 9-3-11
PJ20 9-4-11
WRIGLEY 7-19-13
WORCESTER 10-15-13
WORCESTER 10-16-13
HARTFORD 10-25-13
just to let you guys know i havent sent it out yet ... the winner is picked and DVD is packed and ready to go ... i just havent had a chance to make it to the PO.....
a little suspense doesnt hurt anyway
Nothing wrong with that. I love the fact we dont know who the winner is. Id wait till it shows up and the winner can post they won. You the man Joe Great idea for the contest. Some thing different than pick your favorite PJ song
Thanks, Joe, got the package yesterday, complete with goodies! For you jealous fellow competitors, those included two No Code sticker sets, a Backspacer Astronaut Drummer sticker, and an Astronaut Drummer temporary tattoo. Loved it, thanks again for picking my joke. And, in celebration, here's another of my all time favorites, with the caveat that it is much funnier hearing it than reading it. You've got to talk like the harelip for the full effect:
A harelip walks into a nut shop and begins shopping. He asks the guy behind the counter, "How much are your cash-oooos?" The clerk says "Cashews are $10 a pound." The harelip says, "Jethus Chrithst that's too high. How much are your almondths?" The clerks says, "Almonds are $8 a pound." The harelip says, "Jethus Christhst, that's too high. How much are your brathil nutsss?" The clerk says, "Brazil nuts are $6 a pound." The harelip says, "Jethus Christht, that's too high. How about the peanuthss?" The clerk patiently replies, "Peanuts are on sale, only $2 a pound." The harelip says, "Okay, thanks, I'll take a pound of peanuthss." The clerk starts weighing the nuts, and the harelip says, "By the way, thanks for not making fun of the way I talk. Lots of people do, and I really appreciate it." The clerk says politely, "Oh, that's okay, I understand how cruel people can be. People make fun of my nose all the time cause it's so big." The harelip exclaims, "Jethus Christhst, that's your nose? Your nuts are so high, I thought that was your penithss!"
The whole world will be different soon... - EV
RED ROCKS 6-19-95
AUGUSTA 9-26-96
MANSFIELD 9-15-98
BOSTON 9-29-04
BOSTON 5-25-06
MANSFIELD 6-30-08
EV SOLO BOSTON 8-01-08
BOSTON 5-17-10
EV SOLO BOSTON 6-16-11
PJ20 9-3-11
PJ20 9-4-11
WRIGLEY 7-19-13
WORCESTER 10-15-13
WORCESTER 10-16-13
HARTFORD 10-25-13
Thanks, Joe, got the package yesterday, complete with goodies! For you jealous fellow competitors, those included two No Code sticker sets, a Backspacer Astronaut Drummer sticker, and an Astronaut Drummer temporary tattoo. Loved it, thanks again for picking my joke. And, in celebration, here's another of my all time favorites, with the caveat that it is much funnier hearing it than reading it. You've got to talk like the harelip for the full effect:
A harelip walks into a nut shop and begins shopping. He asks the guy behind the counter, "How much are your cash-oooos?" The clerk says "Cashews are $10 a pound." The harelip says, "Jethus Chrithst that's too high. How much are your almondths?" The clerks says, "Almonds are $8 a pound." The harelip says, "Jethus Christhst, that's too high. How much are your brathil nutsss?" The clerk says, "Brazil nuts are $6 a pound." The harelip says, "Jethus Christht, that's too high. How about the peanuthss?" The clerk patiently replies, "Peanuts are on sale, only $2 a pound." The harelip says, "Okay, thanks, I'll take a pound of peanuthss." The clerk starts weighing the nuts, and the harelip says, "By the way, thanks for not making fun of the way I talk. Lots of people do, and I really appreciate it." The clerk says politely, "Oh, that's okay, I understand how cruel people can be. People make fun of my nose all the time cause it's so big." The harelip exclaims, "Jethus Christhst, that's your nose? Your nuts are so high, I thought that was your penithss!"
You didnt win Joe just sent it to the wrong address. Thanks Joe :x
Comments
ed243421 » Tue Mar 29, 2011 10:27 am
a bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods
the bear looks down at the rabbit and says
"do you have any trouble with shit sticking to your fur?"
the rabbit says "no"
so the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit
BrokenGlass » Tue Mar 29, 2011 10:30 am
An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed
by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls
that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "What is this Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is." While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde
stepped out. The father said quietly to his son..."Go get your mother."
Ledbetterdays » Mon Mar 28, 2011 11:11 pm
Two guys are out playing golf. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”
The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”
dwhite76 » Tue Mar 29, 2011 4:44 am
A guy lies hung over on a beach after a party. lying next to him in the sand is a genie bottle. He says "what the hell ill rub it" a genie appears. Genie says "you get but 1 wish." The man thinking he's still drunk says as a wise ass "I wish I could piss vodka."
Later that evening while taking a piss he notices it stings while he pisses. He then remembers the Genie dream and says "nah that couldnt happen" His curiosity gets the best of him and he decides to taste it sure enough its vodka. He pisses in a glass and brings it to his wife. She drinks and he tells her the story. She's in disbalief. But being a lush she loves the idea.
The next day she comes home from work and her husband has 2 glasses ready for them. This goes on for 3 days.
The 4th day there are no glasses on the table. She says "Whats wrong?" He replies to her " Tonight you drink straight from the bottle"
neilybabes86 » Mon Mar 28, 2011 8:46 pm
just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching.......MY CAR INTO REVERSE AND DRIVING AWAY FROM THE ACCIDENT!!!!!!
and the bear/rabbit joke?! i heard that in like 4th grade!!! holy shit!! :wtf:
but........whatever man!!
good luck to the final 5!
I knew mine wouldn't win because it is a notoriously bad joke, but I was hoping for the pity factor
ed243421
BrokenGlass
Ledbetterdays
dwhite76
neilybabes86
How does Lady Gaga like her steak?
RAW, RAW, RAW RAW RAW
a 40 year old man and an 8 year old boy are walking through the woods at night. the boy says to the man. 'mister, I'm scared. the man says, 'you're scared? i gotta walk out of here alone!'
PM sent, fingers crossed! Thanks, and glad you guys liked the joke!
a little suspense doesnt hurt anyway
drove me mad
and is also the hardest part
RED ROCKS 6-19-95
AUGUSTA 9-26-96
MANSFIELD 9-15-98
BOSTON 9-29-04
BOSTON 5-25-06
MANSFIELD 6-30-08
EV SOLO BOSTON 8-01-08
BOSTON 5-17-10
EV SOLO BOSTON 6-16-11
PJ20 9-3-11
PJ20 9-4-11
WRIGLEY 7-19-13
WORCESTER 10-15-13
WORCESTER 10-16-13
HARTFORD 10-25-13
thanks for the comp! all hail mike!
Stockholm '00 ~~ Columbus '03 ~~ NYC-1 '03 ~~ Boston '04 ~~ Borgata'05 ~~ Cincinnati '06 ~~ Hawaii-2 '06 ~~ Bonnaroo '08 ~~ Chicago-1 '09 ~~ Philly-3&4 '09 ~~ Columbus '10 ~~ Dublin '10 ~~ Belfast '10 ~~ London '10 ~~ Berlin '10
i got a bunch of records i need to send along with an EV solo ticket .....
SO IT WILL GO OUT SORRY FOR THE DELAY ......
who wants the tracking number
Thanks, Joe, got the package yesterday, complete with goodies! For you jealous fellow competitors, those included two No Code sticker sets, a Backspacer Astronaut Drummer sticker, and an Astronaut Drummer temporary tattoo. Loved it, thanks again for picking my joke. And, in celebration, here's another of my all time favorites, with the caveat that it is much funnier hearing it than reading it. You've got to talk like the harelip for the full effect:
A harelip walks into a nut shop and begins shopping. He asks the guy behind the counter, "How much are your cash-oooos?" The clerk says "Cashews are $10 a pound." The harelip says, "Jethus Chrithst that's too high. How much are your almondths?" The clerks says, "Almonds are $8 a pound." The harelip says, "Jethus Christhst, that's too high. How much are your brathil nutsss?" The clerk says, "Brazil nuts are $6 a pound." The harelip says, "Jethus Christht, that's too high. How about the peanuthss?" The clerk patiently replies, "Peanuts are on sale, only $2 a pound." The harelip says, "Okay, thanks, I'll take a pound of peanuthss." The clerk starts weighing the nuts, and the harelip says, "By the way, thanks for not making fun of the way I talk. Lots of people do, and I really appreciate it." The clerk says politely, "Oh, that's okay, I understand how cruel people can be. People make fun of my nose all the time cause it's so big." The harelip exclaims, "Jethus Christhst, that's your nose? Your nuts are so high, I thought that was your penithss!"
RED ROCKS 6-19-95
AUGUSTA 9-26-96
MANSFIELD 9-15-98
BOSTON 9-29-04
BOSTON 5-25-06
MANSFIELD 6-30-08
EV SOLO BOSTON 8-01-08
BOSTON 5-17-10
EV SOLO BOSTON 6-16-11
PJ20 9-3-11
PJ20 9-4-11
WRIGLEY 7-19-13
WORCESTER 10-15-13
WORCESTER 10-16-13
HARTFORD 10-25-13
You didnt win Joe just sent it to the wrong address. Thanks Joe :x