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a little contest for a free dvd....signed by mike pic added
this past weekend me and a few friends of mine went to the Tres MT show and the McCready event beforehand ...i was one of the Joes (joe2) who dropped an ass load of cash on stuff.....hell it was all for charity ..... one of the things i bid on and won ($100) was the McCReady event poster SIGNED by him .it came with a Shoxbox DVD..little did i know the DVD BOX WAS ALSO SIGNED BY HIM.....
now the kicker ... i already own the DVD ... and dont need another one ..
so write a joke and best one wins a FREE SHOWBOX DVD SIGNED BY the FACE MELTER HIM SELF ..MR Mike McCready
note the box is signed not the dvd...and im assuming the dvd works ...
i will take jokes till friday 6pm ......
now the kicker ... i already own the DVD ... and dont need another one ..
so write a joke and best one wins a FREE SHOWBOX DVD SIGNED BY the FACE MELTER HIM SELF ..MR Mike McCready
note the box is signed not the dvd...and im assuming the dvd works ...
i will take jokes till friday 6pm ......
have you seen the colors of my fathers eyes
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Scranton, Pennsylvania
Journey Ends:
Thanks I'll be here all week.
2010 - Newark 5/18 MSG 5/21
2011 - PJ20 9/3-9/4
2012 - MIA Festival 9/2
2013 - Wrigley Field 7/19 Brooklyn 10/18-10/19 Philly 10/22
2015 - Colbert show - 9/23 Global Citizens Festival 9/26
2016 - Philly 4/28-4/29 MSG 5/1-5/2
"Change?! Change? We're not gonna change for anyone! Do you hear me? Not for anyone."
What do you call a monkey in a minefield ?
A Baboom!
I felt a little weird starting my own thread about it, but we're giving away the Super Deluxe Box Set of the Vs. and Vitalogy reissues:
http://www.craveonline.com/entertainment/music/article/giveaway-pearl-jam-reissue-vsvitalogy-super-deluxe-box-set-126655
A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the
difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"
The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother
if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask
your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars,
and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million
dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."
So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars?"
The mother replied, "Of course, I would! We could really use that
money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university!"
The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars?"
The girl replied, "Oh, good heavens! I LOVE Brad Pitt and I would
sleep with him in a heartbeat. Are you nuts?"
The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with
Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
"Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million
bucks would buy?"
The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between
'potentially' and 'realistically'?"
The boy replied, "Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three
million dollars, but 'realistically', we're living with two hookers
and a future congressman."
across the street from a whore house.
They witnessed a Protestant Minister lurking about, then ducking into the
house.
"Would ye look at that, Darby!" said Pat. "What a shameful disgrace, those
Protestant Reverends sinning in a house the likes of that place!". They
both shook their heads and continued working.
A short time later they watched as a Rabbi looked around cautiously
and then darted into the house when he was satisfied no one was looking.
"Did ya see that, Darby?" Pat asked in shock and disbelief, "Is nothing
holy to those Jewish Rabbis? I just can't understand what the world is
coming to these days. A man of the cloth indulging himself in sins of the
flesh. 'Tis a shame, I tell ya!".
Not much later a third man, a Catholic Priest, was lurking about the
house, looking around to see if any one was watching, then quietly
sneaking in.
"Oh no, Darby, look!" said Pat, removing his cap, "One of the poor girls
musta died."
Don't put me in the contest since I have had more then my fair share but thanks for the chance!
Eddie Vedder- 7/16/11
Brad- 4/21/12 (RSD Performance), 4/27/12, 8/10/12
Flight To Mars- 5/23/12
RNDM- 11/27/12
PEARL JAM- 12/6/13 I have finally seen Pearl Jam live!
Anyway, I remember a good joke that someone told me but couldn't remember it exactly so i had to Google it. Here it is:
For convenience sake, an elderly married couple scheduled their annual physical examinations to take place on the same day. After examining the elderly man, the doctor said, "You appear to be in good health. Are there any medical concerns you would like to discuss with me?" "Yes, doctor, there is one," replied the elderly man. "After I make love to my wife for the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty. And then, after I have sex my wife the second time, I am usually cold and chilly." "That's quite interesting," replied the doctor. "Let me do some research and get back to you." After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said, "Everything appears to be fine. Are there any medical concerns you would like to discuss with me?" The lady assured the doctor that she didn't have any questions or concerns. The doctor then asked, "Your husband had quite an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after making love the first time and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you have any idea why this would be?" "Oh that silly old fool," she replied. "That's because the first time is usually in July and the second time is usually in December!"
thanks for the chance man.
Alpine Valley Resort is etched in my brain!!!
A: A stick.
So they start walking and eventually they come upon a deer doing lines of coke. The rabbit says "my friend deer, you don't need those drugs! Come with me to live in peace deep in the forest with skunk.
So they start walking and eventually they come upon this bear smoking crack. The rabbit says "brother bear you.., Then all the sudden the bear kicks the rabbit in the ass and he goes flying over the trees deep into the forest. The skunk & deer at the very same time yell "what the fuck did ya do that for??!!!"
The bear says "That Fuck'n rabbit! Every time he drops E, he comes around here fucking with my high!!"
"So we were up in the air for our first practice jump, and I was terrified. When it was my turn, the drill sergeant looks to me and says, 'JUMP!' I hesitated. He shouts again, 'Jump now you pussy or I'll shove my cock in your ass!."
Guys friends says, "So did you jump?"
His response. "Only a little at first."
A guy walks into a bar and hears beautiful piano music. He notices a one-foot tall man playing the piano. When he asks the bartender for details, he simply replies, "This is a magic bar." "The bartender then invites the man to visit the back of the bar. "When you enter the back room, simply make a wish and it will be granted."
The man reluctantly enters the back room, and makes his wish. He is immediately swarmed by ducks, so he runs to the bartender and says, "I thought this was a magic bar! I wished for a million bucks!"
The bartender asks, "You really think I wanted a 12-inch pianist?"
However, the part I like best is the memories that it arouses in my of our time spent down the shore. When I put my head to the shell, I can smell the ocean.
"what did the tired chess player do"?
He took the KINIGHT off......I know its kids-dayish
scott
8/25/00 8/27/00 8/29/00 8/30/00 9/01/00 9/02/00
4/28/03 4/29/03 4/30/03 5/02/03 7/05/03 7/06/03
7/08/03 7/09/03 7/14/03 <---front row shook hands with ed.
10/3/05 5/13/06 5/27/06 5/28/06 6/01/06 6/3/06
6/24/06 6/19/08 6/20/08 6/24/08 6/25/08 10/27/09
10/28/09 10/30/09 10/31/09 5/15/10 5/18/10 5/20/10
5/21/10 9/7/11
Antibiotics!
Thanks for the chance!
Tres MTS. - Gramercy - Mar 26, 2011
DUDE..LETTIG NY DOWN WITH THAT ONE...
"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever."
A smart ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
The Spice Girls
A: So the Nazis can march in the shade.
PJ: 2011-09-03 2011-09-04
Old Indian word for bad hunter
Best on the web - check them out
http://www.youtube.com/user/cantkeepmehere
<left><a href='http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4018/4676758738_20a07ec4f1_m.jpg/'><img src='http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4018/4676758738_20a07ec4f1_m.jpg' border='0' alt='Image Hosted by flickr.com'/></a><br/>
</left>
2008 Bonnaroo - 2009 Philly 2&3 - 2010 MSG 1&2
One day a serf gleaning in the king's fields decides he is sick of living off the table-scraps of the land and breaks into the castle's kitchen where the king's dinner is being prepared. Upon the great table, ready to be served is a number of delicious looking courses, including roast pheasant, fresh bread, assorted fresh fruit, stuffed squash, and leek soup. Starving, the serf runs to the great table and grabs a loaf of bread, a handful of fruit, and plunges a ladle into the leek soup and swallows the contents of the ladle. At this moment, two chefs return to the kitchen and catch the serf in the act of stealing the king's dinner.
"Halt as you are!" Yelled one chef, "You will be presented to the king for your crime and will be dealt swift justice!"
The two chefs take the serf, as well as the remaining portions of the king's dinner, to be presented to the king. The meal is set before the king and the serf is thrown to the ground.
"This serf was caught stealing your suppertime meal!" Stated the chef.
"Well, what do you have to say for yourself?" Asked the king.
"Please your majesty, I am but a lowly serf! My body aches from a lifetime of hard work and I have not eaten a single meal in over three days time!" Begged the serf.
"I cannot find it within myself to condemn you for your crime of necessity," declared the king. "Please, won't you sit down and join me for dinner?" The chefs looked at each other dumbfounded as the serf sat down at the table beside the king.
"But your majesty," said the chef, "this serf took a loaf of your bread!"
"It does not matter to me!" said the king.
"But your majesty," said the other chef, "this serf took a handful of your fresh fruit!"
"It does not matter to me!" the king yelled. "Please leave this serf and I to dine!" At this point the king placed his spoon into the soup and swallowed it with much delight.
"But your majesty," said both of the chefs, simultaneously, "this serf took a leek in your soup!"
I hope you like it! This one took me a while to think of and write. It was a hit with my class and hopefully it's good enough to win the DVD!
EV
Toronto Film Festival 9/11/2007, '08 - Toronto 1 & 2, '09 - Albany 1, '11 - Chicago 1
After the Office Party
John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.
After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.
"Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"
"Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonising the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face."
"He's an asshole," John said. "Piss on him."
"You did," came the reply. "And he fired you."
"Well, screw him!" said John.
"I did. You're back at work on Monday.
Adelaide 1998
Adelaide 2003
Adelaide 2006 night 1
Adelaide 2006 night 2
Adelaide 2009
Melbourne 2009
Christchurch NZ 2009
Eddie Vedder, Adelaide 2011
PJ20 USA 2011 night 1
PJ20 USA 2011 night 2
Adelaide BIG DAY OUT 2014
Because God made a Boo Boo
1996: Ft Lauderdale
1998: Birmingham
2000: Charlotte, Tampa
2003: Tampa, Atlanta, Phoenix
2004: Kissimmee
2008: West Palm Beach, Bonnaroo, Columbia
2010: MSG2
2012: Music Midtown
2014: Memphis
2018: Wrigley 1, Fenway 1
2022: Nashville
2023: Ft. Worth II
Keep the tip
Thank you very much...try the veal