staying friends with an ex?

the wolf

thesewordselope wrote:

the wolf wrote:

thesewordselope wrote:

No. The only people that I think really should remain friends after a break-up are the ones where children are involved, and sadly those are the ones that seem to rarely happen.

The reason behind a break-up is to move on...I don't see how you can successfully do that when you remain in contact with that person. Saying hello and some small talk is a different story if you run into each other.

Not to mention the potential of making your new partner, or even theirs for that matter uncomfortable. Its not worth it to me.

The reason behind our break ups, the ex wife and the ex girlfriend wasn't to move on. The reason we broke up was be cause we were not "In Love" anymore. So we didn't stay together romantically. We do however, care about and love each other still, so we remain friends.

As far as "staying friends" just because of a kid? Yeah, the kids always wind up winning there.

Are you saying that the kids are better off with them not being friends :? I think its in the best interests of the children if they can...

Not saying that at all. I just know some parents who "stay friends" just for the kids, the kids then get to see their parents cuss at each other every other weekend.

So I disagree with staying friends JUST for the kids.

thesewordselope

the wolf wrote:

Not saying that at all. I just know some parents who "stay friends" just for the kids, the kids then get to see their parents cuss at each other every other weekend.

So I disagree with staying friends JUST for the kids.

We'll, cussing each other out in front of the kids isn't the kind of "friends" that I was referring to... I was talking about people that can look past their relationship and raise their children as friends and not cuss each other out in front of the kids. Thats just sad.

RKCNDY

I think that as long as jealousy is not a big factor, then staying friends is great. Though, I think you should tell the new person your status BEFORE you get too involved.
Mr. RK, dated a friend of his 3 years and he did not tell me this fact before we got married. We'd visit them and when she visited us with her husband, she'd touch him, like she was more then friends with my guy. I was beyond irked and not prepared for her 'attention' towards him. He didnt think it was a big deal. Personally for me, if I had known, then I would have been prepared for her touchy-feely-ness, and not been so agitated.

mikalina

I will always believe that the "ex's should get along as well as possible for the sake of the children...

Children should be the top priority - But, that is not always the case.


Steve, since you do not have kids with your ex - you may simply not have the "usual" problems that most divorce couples go through.

justam

the wolf wrote:

How many people do this?

Am I completely out of the norm here?

My ex wife is one of the first people I would go to if I really needed to talk to someone about something.
She would still do anything she could for me, and I for her.
We were together for 12 years, and have been apart for 6 years now.
We remain decent friends to this day.

Is this odd?

I'm asking because a friend of mine thinks its the weirdest thing ever.

I don't think it's weird.
(I think it's stranger that some people end up hating people they previously loved.) :geek:

catefrances

justam wrote:

the wolf wrote:

How many people do this?

Am I completely out of the norm here?

My ex wife is one of the first people I would go to if I really needed to talk to someone about something.
She would still do anything she could for me, and I for her.
We were together for 12 years, and have been apart for 6 years now.
We remain decent friends to this day.

Is this odd?

I'm asking because a friend of mine thinks its the weirdest thing ever.

I don't think it's weird.
(I think it's stranger that some people end up hating people they previously loved.) :geek:

if betrayal was responsible for the break down of the relationship i dont find it strange at all.

hatred and love are intense emotions eliciting intense responses from both sides.

Bathgate66

seems impossible

justam

catefrances wrote:

justam wrote:

the wolf wrote:

How many people do this?

Am I completely out of the norm here?

My ex wife is one of the first people I would go to if I really needed to talk to someone about something.
She would still do anything she could for me, and I for her.
We were together for 12 years, and have been apart for 6 years now.
We remain decent friends to this day.

Is this odd?

I'm asking because a friend of mine thinks its the weirdest thing ever.

I don't think it's weird.
(I think it's stranger that some people end up hating people they previously loved.) :geek:

if betrayal was responsible for the break down of the relationship i dont find it strange at all.

hatred and love are intense emotions eliciting intense responses from both sides.

Yeah. I guess that's true.

Fifthelement

I think it's wonderful when two people can remain friends following a break-up. :thumbup:

comebackgirl

jimed14 wrote:

comebackgirl wrote:

I'm still friends with my ex- husband. We were a great team and we would still help each other out at the drop of a hat. We meet to exchange gifts for Christmas. We don't talk about our current relationships with each other. I think we're good about keeping boundaries in that way. We had a very amicable divorce. I think a lot of times relationships change, but they don't necessarily end.

So my question is ... how do each of your current relationship partners like the two of you being close, close enough to exchange Christmas gifts.

I find this to be a way tougher task.

I can't really speak for my ex's partner, but my current husband and my ex-husband know each other fairly well. They have no interest in being friends, but I think they respect each other and have helped each other out with stuff. My ex and I were together for a total of 13 years...we sort of grew up together...helped get each other through school...start our careers...we were a great team. But that was about it. We helped each other become totally self-sufficient adults and then I don't think we needed each other anymore because we were too damn self-sufficient lol We were a great team, but the sexual and romantic sparks had ended a long time before our relationship ended. We both knew that and my current husband can see that...so I guess that's why it works so well. I think he's an amazing person and it makes me happy for him to be happy. I hope he feels the same way.

When we sold our house our real estate agent was baffled by how well we got along. When we went to settlement the other couple argued throughout the entire process and my ex and I got along so well. It was almost like the roles were reversed :? We used the same divorce attorney, worked out the divorce terms on our own...were on the same page about splitting up property and belongings...no drama. Maybe that's why we can still be friends.

Black Diamond

No kids with my ex... so no. Have not spoken to her since the day I met my wife.

Break The Sky

To state it in a completely non-academic manner, it's difficult to be just friends with someone who's had my toes in their mouth.

Being in a relationship with someone means:

Starting here<

---

>and going to here.

After all that, to manage to find your way back<

---

here

---

> is a difficult thing to do.

If I had the time to devote to "still being friends" with my exs, I would probably still be dating them.

nuffingman

staying friends with an ex?

It's possible if you've just drifted apart but a lot of relationships don't end that way. I'm polite and respectful to my ex because of the children but nothing more.

stargirl69

Big Drop wrote:

To state it in a completely non-academic manner, it's difficult to be just friends with someone who's had my toes in their mouth.

Being in a relationship with someone means:

Starting here<

---

>and going to here.

After all that, to manage to find your way back<

---

here

---

> is a difficult thing to do.

If I had the time to devote to "still being friends" with my exs, I would probably still be dating them.

Well said especially the last line.I have no desire to be friends with someone who I have been intimate with.

pearljgirl2010

I'm friends with my ex-husband...I know if I needed anything I could call him, and vise versa. It's been over a year that we've seen each other and that's fine, but it's nice to know that things are amicable between us.

Break The Sky

pearljgirl2010 wrote:

I'm friends with my ex-husband...I know if I needed anything I could call him, and vise versa. It's been over a year that we've seen each other and that's fine, but it's nice to know that things are amicable between us.

I think there's a real difference between being cordial with an ex and being friends with an ex. It's not like I've let the air out of any of my ex's car tires. If I happen to bump into an ex I can be polite and go about my day without being flustered. At the same time, I'm not inviting any of them over for poker on Tuesday nights. I really have no interest in keeping in touch with any of my ex's, but I would throw a blanket over them if I saw them running down my street on fire. Well. . . . . most of them :twisted:.

gimmesometruth27

i have stayed friends with some of my exes. well maybe not friends in the sense that we call each other and offer advice or bail each other out of jail or things like that, but if i see some of them out or one comes to one of my shows or something i will talk with them and catch up and stuff and it is usually very civil, and even fun to talk again. for me i guess it depends how the relationship ends. if there is betrayal or cheating on their end, to me they can go screw themselves, i have no time for people like that. but if it was amicable or it just did not work out for one reason or another i have no problem with being friendly and there are no hard feelings. i have great respect for people who can stay friends with exes because they have the ability to turn off those intense feelings of love and devotion. i have had trouble doing that at times, and i just choose to not associate with those few women. i have no children so things are not complicated in that way for me. i just happen to believe now that some people are in your past for a reason and it is best to leave them in the past.

for me personally, one can't move forward while looking in the rearview mirror.. you gotta look at the road ahead.

PearlOfAGirl

We actually get along a lot better since the divorce... I didn't want to be enemies with him, since we've been together for so long... I like where our relationship is now...

Jennytree

I'm still pretty good with my ex. Our breakup wasn't very traumatic though, we just fell out of love. I still talk to him at least once a week and I can be drunk around him without getting emotional so tis all good We were together for 2 1/2 years and he's probably the only person on this earth that knows me as well as I do and I still trust him - it'd be silly to throw that away just cos he's an ex.

Break The Sky

To everyone who has said they still talk to their ex and there's no hard feelings because they just fell out of love...... how? How does that happen? Usually it's someone gets fat, someone calls someone fat, someone loses their job, someone isn't helping to pay the bills, someone leaves the toilet seat up, someone argues and someone argues back, people start screaming, windows get broken and divorces get filed.

How do you just wake up one day and mutually agree you're not in love anymore.

And if you have all this time to maintain a friendship with an ex, why didn't you use that time to work out your problems that caused you to break up?

I'm not criticizing anyone, I'm genuinely curious, because none of my relationships have ever ended in harmony, and I'm probably at least half to blame for that.