staying friends with an ex?

the wolf

How many people do this?

Am I completely out of the norm here?

My ex wife is one of the first people I would go to if I really needed to talk to someone about something.
She would still do anything she could for me, and I for her.
We were together for 12 years, and have been apart for 6 years now.
We remain decent friends to this day.

Is this odd?

I'm asking because a friend of mine thinks its the weirdest thing ever.

PureandEasy

No I don't think it's weird, but then I'm not dating you.

How has anyone you have dated since your divorce felt about the relationship?
That's what really matters.

pandora

I think it's beautiful,
obviously you were best friends and you both still trust each other,
which is a lot like true love.

Count yourself lucky to have one good friend to depend on in life

Cree Nations

im still pretty good friends with mine, she tells me how it is and wont feed me shite...but dayum she can still drive me bat shit crazy in less than a second

the wolf

The relationship after the wife lasted 5 and half years.

That's actually what brought this whole thing up. The girl I was with after the wife is having her baby today. She texted me because her and I are still good friends too. That's what brought up this conversation with my friend.

She says I'm the ONLY one she knows that would ever stay friends with my ex's.

jimed14

Such a wide variety of thoughts on this one.

I had a best friend for 2 years, then her and I dated for 2 years but it didn't work ... 10 years later, we're still very close friends. And yes, there is ZERO chance we'd ever want to date again ... we both feel this way.

My recent ex-fiance wanted me to end all contact with her ... even though, my friend was the one that introduced us.

While there are many reasons, this is one reason she is my ex-fiance.

To the original topic, I know being friends with your ex can work. I also understand that there are things that can become uncomfortable while being friends with an ex in your current relationship. It's a tough balancing act.

Break The Sky

"More than friends I always said, 'cause friends they come and go"

To answer your question: No

vduboise

Unfortunately, no. I could not be friends with an ex. I would remember the good times, but I know the bad would overshadow it.

JonnyPistachio

the wolf wrote:

The relationship after the wife lasted 5 and half years.

That's actually what brought this whole thing up. The girl I was with after the wife is having her baby today. She texted me because her and I are still good friends too. That's what brought up this conversation with my friend.

She says I'm the ONLY one she knows that would ever stay friends with my ex's.

Maybe my math is off, but is that your kid with the recent ex?!

I thought I could stay friends with one of my ex-g/fs but it just didnt make sense when I started dating my current g/f.
Some people can pull this off, some cant.

mikalina

I see nothing wrong with staying friends with your ex-wife.... it seems to me that both of you are good and decent people.

I don't think you and your ex have any children - and that is probably the reason for getting along so well. Too many couples use their kids to hurt each other. Lots of problems when there is a divorce and kids are involved....

Count yourself lucky.

thesewordselope

No. The only people that I think really should remain friends after a break-up are the ones where children are involved, and sadly those are the ones that seem to rarely happen.

The reason behind a break-up is to move on...I don't see how you can successfully do that when you remain in contact with that person. Saying hello and some small talk is a different story if you run into each other.

Not to mention the potential of making your new partner, or even theirs for that matter uncomfortable. Its not worth it to me.

stargirl69

I would really like to be able to do this but I know I never could.
My ex was pretty desperate for us to stay friends but I found it impossible,I loved him as my lover not as my friend.
Anything else was always going to feel like a consolation prize kind of "Yeah he didn't want to be with me any more but he was such a great guy I couldn't be without him in my life so I chose friendship".
My self esteem could never stoop that low,he wanted to remain friends so he could feel good about himself and say to the world "Yeah I'm such a great guy she still wants me in her life".
But I admire the people who can do it ... I just know it's not for me.

catefrances

the wolf wrote:

How many people do this?

Am I completely out of the norm here?

My ex wife is one of the first people I would go to if I really needed to talk to someone about something.
She would still do anything she could for me, and I for her.
We were together for 12 years, and have been apart for 6 years now.
We remain decent friends to this day.

Is this odd?

I'm asking because a friend of mine thinks its the weirdest thing ever.

no this is not odd.

i am still great friends with the father of my children. we got together in 1984, had 2 daughters, split up in 90. got back together in 95/96 had a son and another daughter. broke up 3 months before our youngest daughter was born. the 2 youngest being just 18 months and -3months when we split for good have never known what it is like to have their father live in the same house as them and yet they think he hung the moon. i encourage as much contact between them as possible. my ex and are are so much better friends apart than we ever were partners. i tell him a lot of what goes on in my life, though not everything. our children have benefitted and continue to thrive as people.

the wolf

thesewordselope wrote:

No. The only people that I think really should remain friends after a break-up are the ones where children are involved, and sadly those are the ones that seem to rarely happen.

The reason behind a break-up is to move on...I don't see how you can successfully do that when you remain in contact with that person. Saying hello and some small talk is a different story if you run into each other.

Not to mention the potential of making your new partner, or even theirs for that matter uncomfortable. Its not worth it to me.

The reason behind our break ups, the ex wife and the ex girlfriend wasn't to move on. The reason we broke up was be cause we were not "In Love" anymore. So we didn't stay together romantically. We do however, care about and love each other still, so we remain friends.

As far as "staying friends" just because of a kid? Yeah, the kids always wind up winning there.

the wolf

catefrances wrote:

the wolf wrote:

How many people do this?

Am I completely out of the norm here?

My ex wife is one of the first people I would go to if I really needed to talk to someone about something.
She would still do anything she could for me, and I for her.
We were together for 12 years, and have been apart for 6 years now.
We remain decent friends to this day.

Is this odd?

I'm asking because a friend of mine thinks its the weirdest thing ever.

no this is not odd.

i am still great friends with the father of my children. we got together in 1984, had 2 daughters, split up in 90. got back together in 95/96 had a son and another daughter. broke up 3 months before our youngest daughter was born. the 2 youngest being just 18 months and -3months when we split for good have never known what it is like to have their father live in the same house as them and yet they think he hung the moon. i encourage as much contact between them as possible. my ex and are are so much better friends apart than we ever were partners. i tell him a lot of what goes on in my life, though not everything. our children have benefitted and continue to thrive as people.

Awesome. When the ex wife and I went to court for the divorce, the judge joked about not granting us a divorce because we seemed to get along so well. We were laughing throughout the whole proceeding. We make awesome friends, we only made so so spouses.

comebackgirl

I'm still friends with my ex- husband. We were a great team and we would still help each other out at the drop of a hat. We meet to exchange gifts for Christmas. We don't talk about our current relationships with each other. I think we're good about keeping boundaries in that way. We had a very amicable divorce. I think a lot of times relationships change, but they don't necessarily end.

catefrances

the wolf wrote:

catefrances wrote:

the wolf wrote:

How many people do this?

Am I completely out of the norm here?

My ex wife is one of the first people I would go to if I really needed to talk to someone about something.
She would still do anything she could for me, and I for her.
We were together for 12 years, and have been apart for 6 years now.
We remain decent friends to this day.

Is this odd?

I'm asking because a friend of mine thinks its the weirdest thing ever.

no this is not odd.

i am still great friends with the father of my children. we got together in 1984, had 2 daughters, split up in 90. got back together in 95/96 had a son and another daughter. broke up 3 months before our youngest daughter was born. the 2 youngest being just 18 months and -3months when we split for good have never known what it is like to have their father live in the same house as them and yet they think he hung the moon. i encourage as much contact between them as possible. my ex and are are so much better friends apart than we ever were partners. i tell him a lot of what goes on in my life, though not everything. our children have benefitted and continue to thrive as people.

Awesome. When the ex wife and I went to court for tjhe divorce, the judge joked about not granting us a divorce because we seemed to get along so well. We were laughing throughout the whole proceeding. We make awesome frieds, we only made so so spouses.

i know we should never have gotten back together.. im a shocking person to have to live with... but we got 2 more very awesome kids out of it so its a win really.

catefrances

comebackgirl wrote:

I'm still friends with my ex- husband. We were a great team and we would still help each other out at the drop of a hat. We meet to exchange gifts for Christmas. We don't talk about our current relationships with each other. I think we're good about keeping boundaries in that way. We had a very amicable divorce. I think a lot of times relationships change, but they don't necessarily end.

yeah i think youre right about that relationships change they dont necesssarily end thing. it doesnt happen with all relationships of course but its a good thing when things can stay amicable.

Kilgore_Trout

i don't think so after 12 years

with shorter relationships maybe... certainly with more superficial HS/college stuff

it all depends on how it ends though

i'm still trying to stay friends with my last gf despite her lack of effort/desire... it's harder than you'd think to force friendship on someone :geek:

it probably also helps if you've both moved on and adjusted well to life since that person... just to lessen the perception that one or both of you are in it for potential makeup sex

thesewordselope

the wolf wrote:

thesewordselope wrote:

No. The only people that I think really should remain friends after a break-up are the ones where children are involved, and sadly those are the ones that seem to rarely happen.

The reason behind a break-up is to move on...I don't see how you can successfully do that when you remain in contact with that person. Saying hello and some small talk is a different story if you run into each other.

Not to mention the potential of making your new partner, or even theirs for that matter uncomfortable. Its not worth it to me.

The reason behind our break ups, the ex wife and the ex girlfriend wasn't to move on. The reason we broke up was be cause we were not "In Love" anymore. So we didn't stay together romantically. We do however, care about and love each other still, so we remain friends.

As far as "staying friends" just because of a kid? Yeah, the kids always wind up winning there.

Are you saying that the kids are better off with them not being friends :? I think its in the best interests of the children if they can...

jimed14

comebackgirl wrote:

I'm still friends with my ex- husband. We were a great team and we would still help each other out at the drop of a hat. We meet to exchange gifts for Christmas. We don't talk about our current relationships with each other. I think we're good about keeping boundaries in that way. We had a very amicable divorce. I think a lot of times relationships change, but they don't necessarily end.

So my question is ... how do each of your current relationship partners like the two of you being close, close enough to exchange Christmas gifts.

I find this to be a way tougher task.