Seinfeld "Sufferings"

norm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLuGdZwG ... e=youtu.be

Newch91

JERRY: ..So, you want to come up for a few minutes?

MARLENE: ..I'm sorry, Jerry. I just don't think this is going to work.

JERRY: Really? I thought..

MARLENE: I know, I'm sorry.

JERRY: I guess I just didn't expect it from the way you've been acting.

MARLENE: You sure you want to talk about this? 'Cause I sure don't.

JERRY: Of course I want to talk about it.

MARLENE: Well, okay. I guess things changed for me on Tuesday night.

JERRY: Tuesday night? What happened Tuesday night?

MARLENE: ..I saw your act.

JERRY: My act? What does that have to do with anything?

MARLENE: Well, to be honest, it just didn't make it for me. It's just so much fluff.

JERRY: I can't believe this. So what are you saying? You didn't like my act, so that's it?

MARLENE: I can't be with someone if I don't respect what they do.

JERRY: You're a cashier!

MARLENE: Look, Jerry, it's just not my kind of humor.

JERRY: You can't go by the audience that night. It was late. They were terrible.

MARLENE: I heard the material.

JERRY: I have other stuff. You should come see me on the weekend.

Mamasan23

The Juggler

i love how he says "but you're a cashier!"




gold!

Newch91

The Juggler wrote:

i love how he says "but you're a cashier!"




gold!

I know. The delivery kills me every time.

Mamasan23

Didn't Marlene have a second character.. a waitress at the coffee shop maybe?

The Juggler

Mamasan23 wrote:

Didn't Marlene have a second character.. a waitress at the coffee shop maybe?

:eh:

Heisenberg

Newch91

Mamasan23 wrote:

Didn't Marlene have a second character.. a waitress at the coffee shop maybe?

Yep, in "The Soup."

Hugh Freaking Dillon

She's a full figured gal!

Ledbetterman10

Jerry: Is this your half a can of soda?

Kramer: No that's your half. I already drank mine.

Newch91

Check out Jerry's latest bit. Good stuff.

http://www.slate.com/blogs/browbeat/201 ... f_the.html

Newch91

"I feel like my old self again. Totally inadequate, completely insecure, paranoid, neurotic, it’s a pleasure!"

Newch91

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/5-seinfe ... -internet/

5 ’Seinfeld’ Plots Killed By The Internet

Seinfeld isn’t so relatable anymore. Because I realized that nearly every plot in Seinfeld wouldn’t even exist today thanks to the internet. And this makes me feel old, in a, “Holy shit, Jennifer Lawrence is the first Oscar winner to be born in the 90′s” kind of way. Here are 5 Seinfeld plots that wouldn’t work in 2013.

(For the following examples, notice that I always use the word could. Because who knows what could happen in these hypothetical situations, right?)

5. Elaine’s skinny mirror dilemma (“The Secretary,” 1994)

Elaine purchases a dress at Barney’s that looks great in the store, but not so great at home. She blames the store’s “skinny mirrors” and returns the dress. While trying on something else, she needs to know if she looks as good in the dress in “normal mirrors” so sneaks outside, in the winter in the middle of NYC, in search of a mirror. When she returns to the store she’s called out for the salt stains on the hem and is forced to buy the dress.

Could be fixed with: camera phone + texting.

Jerry: Elaine says she wants to know if this dress looks good. She’s gonna text a photo.

(Photo comes through. Jerry makes a face. Shows to George. George shakes his head in disapproval.)

Kramer: Lemme see that. (Grabs phone. Looks at it. Does classic Kramer head jerk and acts like he’s been shocked.) Hoochie mama!


4. George insists Six is an original name (“The Seven,” 1996) :fp:

George tells an expecting couple that if he has a daughter one day, he wants to name her Six. He’s convinced that she’ll be the only Six in the world and that he “came up” with the name. They argue about it and the couple decide to steal the name.

Could be fixed with: Google.

If Google was invented, all he would have to do is google something like, “women named Six” and he could find out in seconds. From there, knowing George, he would contact the person/parents directly, and ask them to take down any mention of her/their daughter’s name from the Internet.

JERRY: You’re going to shut down some poor girl’s Tumblr?

GEORGE: IT’S ALL I GOT, JERRY! ALL I GOT.


3. Jerry bootlegs movies (“The Little Kicks,” 1996)

Jerry and Kramer, along with Kramer’s mentally unstable friend, go to an exclusive film screening. Kramer’s friend videotapes movies to then sell on the street. In one of those classic “surely there is another way to get out of this” Seinfeld moments, Jerry is forced to record the film, despite his unease. From there he decides he wants to make it a hobby, but finds issues with shooting them to his perfection.

Could be fixed with: Torrenting websites.

Or, to be specific, Kramer’s friend would have gotten a DVD screener or a file from someone at the studios, would have put it online, and Jerry wouldn’t have ever been involved. And maybe we’d see something like:

Kramer, trying to convince Jerry to torrent: Come on, Jerry, you’d download a car, wouldn’t you?

Jerry: I still don’t know what that means.

On the reverse side, a lack of technology spared Elaine further embarrassment. Had YouTube and cell phone video technology been around, her embarrassing dancing at a company party would been recorded on someone’s phone and then become a viral video. (Though the end of the episode implies that lots of people saw it anyway because Elaine accidentally recorded herself dancing onto the tape of one of the films Jerry bootlegs.)


2. Yelp destroys the Soup Nazi (“The Soup Nazi,” 1995)

Jerry and the gang get some soup at a local place that’s known just as much for the cantankerous owner as the soup. People put up with his attitude because of how good the soup is, but refer to him as “The Soup Nazi.” When George is denied free bread and tries to get some, the Soup Nazi delivers in the classic, “NO SOUP FOR YOU!” line and bans George for life.

Could be fixed with: Yelp.

Let’s say that George really wanted to get gritty. He could get on Yelp and write scathing reviews under several different emails. He could probably recruit Newman or get a group together and blast the Soup Nazi on every social media outlet possible, until his business crumbles, or at the very least, falters.

Elaine: George, why do you care? Most of your reviews get deleted anyway.

George: The people need to know, Elaine. They need to know!

Kramer: Be careful buddy. He’s got a Yelp army.

George: Well I got nothing to do.

Jerry: Don’t you have a job?

George: I did.

Elaine: What happened?

George: They found my OkCupid profile. Apparently there were some…objectionable things on there.

Elaine: Like what?

George: I don’t want to TALK ABOUT IT!

Jerry: Well I’d love to stay and chat but I could really use a nice bowl of chowder. Kramer, keep an eye on OKStupid.

George: That’s it, I’m reviewing your next show! It’s not gonna be good! Two stars.

Elaine: Two? Why not one?

George: I applaud the effort.


1. Jerry’s girlfriend wears the same dress (“The Seven,” 1996)

Can’t help but use another example from this episode because it’s just too good. Jerry dates a woman who always wears the same dress. He becomes obsessed with knowing if she has a closet full of identical dresses or if it’s just one favorite dress. On a date she spills something on her dress, and Jerry is ecstatic because she wants to go to her apartment so she can change. While waiting on her couch, he sees a photo of her dated from a few years ago. (Realization: few people of our generation have actual photos framed in their home anymore.) While she goes to her bedroom, a crazed Jerry searches every nearby closet, convinced that they’re packed with dozens of dresses. She returns, catches him, thinks he’s crazy, and kicks him out.

Could be fixed with: Facebook.

He would just have to friend her and look through her photos. Of course, this being Seinfeld, there could still be some kind of hitch, like her profile being locked.

George: Did you check her Twitter?

Jerry: I checked the Twitter!

Elaine: Does she have a LinkedIn?

Jerry: Oh I linked her in. Nothing!

Kramer: Instagram?

Jerry: Insta-nada!

You could say about a lot of pre-00′s tv shows and films that most plots would be made obsolete by the lack of cell phones, the Internet, and so forth, but Seinfeld was particularly focused on human interaction and the little annoyances in life that turn into bigger issues. Issues that wouldn’t exist today. This is why I love the Seinfeld Today Twitter account that lets us imagine, what if? What if the gang had plots based on Internet blunders?

#Giddyup.

twisted thoughts

Haha. I was just thinking about that the other day when i saw this episode

http://youtu.be/JW2Jf29hlXA

A street cell phone call is the lowest phone call you can make!


I can totally see this show being current... Kramer pouring over the internet... internet dating. Seinfeld could still work in these times for sure. I can only imagine what George's OKCupid profile would say. Maybe the toupe would make a comeback... He'd be pissed because the girl he hooked up with was an 8 in her profile pic, but she was only a 4 in person. Jerry and Elaine getting on him because in his profile pic he is wearing a toupe, and he's draped in velvet with some crazy photo shopped mansion in the background. Jerry would be like, "George... you have no hair, and you live in your parent's house... how do you think this lady is going to feel about you when she finds out! You'd be lucky to score a 4!"

Newch91

twisted thoughts wrote:

Haha. I was just thinking about that the other day when i saw this episode

http://youtu.be/JW2Jf29hlXA

A street cell phone call is the lowest phone call you can make!


I can totally see this show being current... Kramer pouring over the internet... internet dating. Seinfeld could still work in these times for sure. I can only imagine what George's OKCupid profile would say. Maybe the toupe would make a comeback... He'd be pissed because the girl he hooked up with was an 8 in her profile pic, but she was only a 4 in person. Jerry and Elaine getting on him because in his profile pic he is wearing a toupe, and he's draped in velvet with some crazy photo shopped mansion in the background. Jerry would be like, "George... you have no hair, and you live in your parent's house... how do you think this lady is going to feel about you when she finds out! You'd be lucky to score a 4!"

What if she found this picture?

twisted thoughts

Newch91 wrote:

twisted thoughts wrote:

Haha. I was just thinking about that the other day when i saw this episode

http://youtu.be/JW2Jf29hlXA

A street cell phone call is the lowest phone call you can make!


I can totally see this show being current... Kramer pouring over the internet... internet dating. Seinfeld could still work in these times for sure. I can only imagine what George's OKCupid profile would say. Maybe the toupe would make a comeback... He'd be pissed because the girl he hooked up with was an 8 in her profile pic, but she was only a 4 in person. Jerry and Elaine getting on him because in his profile pic he is wearing a toupe, and he's draped in velvet with some crazy photo shopped mansion in the background. Jerry would be like, "George... you have no hair, and you live in your parent's house... how do you think this lady is going to feel about you when she finds out! You'd be lucky to score a 4!"

What if she found this picture?

hopefully she'd already known about the toupe. If not, George would be pretty pissed at Kramer for uploading George's glamor shots on his tumblr page. The tumblr page would also include the pic Kramer took of Elaine for the chirstmas card... with the nipple. Then both George & Elaine would be pissed at Kramer. And Kramer says, well, what did you think I do for a living? Gotta solicit business and those are some of my best works!

Newch91

[Coffee shop]

George: Thirteen thousand?

Jerry: Thirteen thousand.

George: a piece?

Jerry: No, for both!

George: That's insulting! Ted Danson makes eight hundred thousand dollars an episode.

Jerry: Oh, would you stop with the Ted Danson?

George: Well, he does.

Jerry: You're nuts!

George: I'm sorry. I can't live knowing Ted Danson makes that much more than me. Who is he?

Jerry: He's somebody.

George: What about me?

Jerry: You're nobody.

George: Why him? Why not me?

Jerry: He's good, you're not.

George: I'm better than him.

Jerry: You're worse, much much worse. (crouches in booth) That's Davola!

George (crouches too): What? Where? Where?

Jerry: Outside! I saw him outside!

dcfaithful

I know it's been discussed in this thread but to be frank, I'm too lazy to go through and find it. Jerry Seinfeld is performing in SLC on May 31st. The tickets aren't unaffordable, but with my recent job change, I'll take a bigger hit. Anyway, I'm looking for anyone here who has seen him to chime in. When did you see him? Was the material old material? I gotta be honest, as much as I love Seinfeld, I'm not too fond of the idea of going to see him live and hearing the same jokes I've heard from him before just to say I saw him live... if that makes sense.

Giddy up.

twisted thoughts

dcfaithful wrote:

I know it's been discussed in this thread but to be frank, I'm too lazy to go through and find it. Jerry Seinfeld is performing in SLC on May 31st. The tickets aren't unaffordable, but with my recent job change, I'll take a bigger hit. Anyway, I'm looking for anyone here who has seen him to chime in. When did you see him? Was the material old material? I gotta be honest, as much as I love Seinfeld, I'm not too fond of the idea of going to see him live and hearing the same jokes I've heard from him before just to say I saw him live... if that makes sense.

Giddy up.

I saw him back in 2008 when the MGM at Foxwoods had just opened up. Tix were a gift... I didnt want to drop that much coin to see him either. Show was funny as hell and I would not have been disappointed if I had spent the money myself. It was all new-unheard material. From what I understand... he's pretty big on not repeating his jokes, so I think if this is his first round of shows in your area this year, then its probably new stuff. He's got some sort of residency going on w/ the MGM at Foxwoods now... He comes in May & December for a few shows every year... and I think that its the same material for the May & December shows, but then the next year its new stuff.

I'd say if you havent seen him live yet, its totally worth it. And its not like he has a bunch of live specials out there or anything, so seeing any repeat jokes are highly unlikely.