drug and alcohol abuse poetry

chadwick

zarocat wrote:

Have you done drugs ? OP

nope i sure haven't

mikalina

chadwick wrote:

hello marijuana debate on MT :wave:

:nono:

chadwick

fuck i'm a wreck. food has helped. thoroughly exhausted

sleeping took off
left me homeless
uncomfortable nerves aflame
fully erect... fully
with no clock goodnight
skin just slowly crawls then jolts
like electronic shock befriended jugular for instant
down body
down

my bed a tangled elusion
flip flopping outta water
mirage hand in hand
addiction

two weeks?
?how many days?

?

clearly sleepless
trout streams 35 years ago
without water having uncomfortable reality
unpleasant in my own
currently disconnected

for sale
foreclosure
has it been

suffering aches deep in muscle
this throws out a curve ball
a speeding involuntary limb flies across the room
I could not be still my opiate lover
I could not be still opiate lover
love really is death getting fixed
jittery sleepless bastard
in zombie life
this exact level with dead leaves & branches
walking hand in hand the forest floor
just for suffering a bit in this life

chadwick

god damn fix it
why not any drinks
?
no

I would imagine laughing full blast
would feel decent
for a fee

then charge for rest
literally pay with one's own life
to be cozy
loved
carefree careless little pill
these kinda fuckers slit throats

last night i got out my nephews knife he gave to me
i jabbed it into the walls as i lay flopping in bed

chadwick

sick cocksucker shakes like a leaf
no home in the mirror lying about on the floor
where my dreams went away to(too) (two

fuck my skin aches badly
a smashed violin my spine
just a sad deal

broken dreams
a shaking body can't

chadwick

lost between two realms one known almost
the other always different day to day
moment through moment
time a box of tricks hanging from your chipped fingernails
your feet up like a hole riddled parachute announcing flight to an empty sky no sunshine
all none are me
all none are I
all are me

to last like this
all will not last
my will a whipped slave bleed mud
clay my skin twitches for attention to be filled

a collapsed life
a homeless pill bottle
a wreck of day
today is getting better
sleep was my hammer

literally motionless 6 hours deep
except when I had to piss

chadwick

problems
problems
problems
problems
problems
problems
problems

sleep to take pills
sleep to take
sleep to
sleep

a great addiction
no winning on my side
beside me

again like before
i do believe my bed (bedroom)
is alive when i am physically in rusty blankets
eyes do not rest
nor body
brain or muscle

quivering like a leaf until sunrise
sick on my feet
how do i swim
i am drowning & weak

problems
problems
problems
problems
problems
problems
problems

chadwick

http://youtu.be/AbCItVeS8kU
http://youtu.be/cWhBva8kksk

i have a serious problem. i cannot sleep unless i eat these things. i never slept lastnight not a blink of sleep. finally i got up at around 4am & ate a pill & still quivered like a frickin leaf or a fish out of water. these poor fuckers are killin me in these videos. truly i am a wreck. the sad part is i need opiates because i live in severe chronic pain. up a creek without a paddle, my middle name.

fuck
i do not know what to do
do i go swim & take a chance of diarrhea the pool? no. i try & go walk the park. goodbye

donnaruhl

chadwick wrote:

http://youtu.be/AbCItVeS8kU
http://youtu.be/cWhBva8kksk

i have a serious problem. i cannot sleep unless i eat these things. i never slept lastnight not a blink of sleep. finally i got up at around 4am & ate a pill & still quivered like a frickin leaf or a fish out of water. these poor fuckers are killin me in these videos. truly i am a wreck. the sad part is i need opiates because i live in severe chronic pain. up a creek without a paddle, my middle name.

fuck
i do not know what to do
do i go swim & take a chance of diarrhea the pool? no. i try & go walk the park. goodbye

Did you go cold turkey or are you weaning off of pain killers? Which ever one,I'm proud of you for trying.

brianlux

A warm blanket of good thought for you, Sir. Chadwick! Sleep- yes, so hard to come by at times. Wishing you good rest!

chadwick

donnaruhl wrote:

chadwick wrote:

http://youtu.be/AbCItVeS8kU
http://youtu.be/cWhBva8kksk

i have a serious problem. i cannot sleep unless i eat these things. i never slept lastnight not a blink of sleep. finally i got up at around 4am & ate a pill & still quivered like a frickin leaf or a fish out of water. these poor fuckers are killin me in these videos. truly i am a wreck. the sad part is i need opiates because i live in severe chronic pain. up a creek without a paddle, my middle name.

fuck
i do not know what to do
do i go swim & take a chance of diarrhea the pool? no. i try & go walk the park. goodbye

Did you go cold turkey or are you weaning off of pain killers? Which ever one,I'm proud of you for trying.

weaning. it is not my choice. hospitals are shutting down the pain-reliever dispensing they are a part of. in a lot of cases the government is actually shutting down certain hospitals from prescribing opiates & hard meds.
a lot of the pain clinics are not giving out this stuff anymore. soon I go to my 3rd or 4th hospital to see a shrink & hopefully get taken care of in the meds department at their pain clinic. I will refuse any & all meds prescribed by the psychiatrist.

I can't function or sleep without. im one goofy bastard lately and it is pure torture. these frickin assholes created my problem by feeding me these things, I had no idea it was this bad. im used to eating 8 percs & 8 methadone every day. how the frig can they take it away?

please excuse me while I go dance in traffic awhile & slit my own throat dancing some kinda screwy ass jig

donnaruhl

Hey Chadwick, Stay Strong. There was a girl I met once.She was in rehab
for Vicodin Addiction. The problem was,that she had already gone
through a Liver transplant for the same problem. Only after her surgery,
They prescribed her Vicodin once again for the pain. They had her beating a dead horse.
I don't know if it will help, But @ health food stores, You'll find something called
Valerian Root. It's supposed to have a calming effect. Just throwing it out there.
Thinking of you...

rollings

donnaruhl wrote:

There was a girl I met once.She was in rehab
for Vicodin Addiction. The problem was,that she had already gone
through a Liver transplant for the same problem. Only after her surgery,
They prescribed her Vicodin once again for the pain.

:shock: what the?

chadwick

so fucking sick
my writing my poem
my opioid
opioid the stare with no blinks

a dream is actually not fully functional when small dosing
the half assed dream is agony's eyes closed no sleep
restless leg syndrome limbs activate darkness
my stupid deep muscle aches
are reminders of being swallowed alive
python style
even through breathing meditation exercises

the serpent's contractions
inch me down it's throat into
my suffering pit
mine
house broken windows
it's hot it's cold
blankets no blankets

daytime is like a cruel joke
nighttime a ridiculous sky yells at me for no reason
but i cannot hear
daylight a gray living man of sadness
as sun dances
nightlights they are alive more than i

a distant bridge holds no passengers but gloom
every single moment i am closer to this point
i try reading the signs
roads whiz by all lost
i haven't a clue
some people smiling
i'm not some people

donnaruhl

chadwick wrote:

so fucking sick
my writing my poem
my opioid
opioid the stare with no blinks

a dream is actually not fully functional when small dosing
the half assed dream is agony's eyes closed no sleep
restless leg syndrome limbs activate darkness
my stupid deep muscle aches
are reminders of being swallowed alive
python style
even through breathing meditation exercises

the serpent's contractions
inch me down it's throat into
my suffering pit
mine
house broken windows
it's hot it's cold
blankets no blankets

daytime is like a cruel joke
nighttime a ridiculous sky yells at me for no reason
but i cannot hear
daylight a gray living man of sadness
as sun dances
nightlights they are alive more than i

a distant bridge holds no passengers but gloom
every single moment i am closer to this point
i try reading the signs
roads whiz by all lost
i haven't a clue
some people smiling
i'm not some people

God Damn Chadwick,I feel so bad for you,and at the same time proud of you. Please stick with it

chadwick

hello real quiet
a whisper illogical wind it did ride
the triangles in altitude ring chimes themselves
each mountainous endless carrying dreams or less than noticing

nothing special coming home
what am i going to do
shift into tomorrow
?

earlier a dried oak leaf
statue buddha
small feather blew before
leaves were green-tall & sky-like

yes years have replanted centuries
today only aches
tomorrow as far as away
as far as away

just tea
just tea
as far as away just tea
as far as away just tea
just tea

donnaruhl

chadwick wrote:

hello real quiet
a whisper illogical wind it did ride
the triangles in altitude ring chimes themselves
each mountainous endless carrying dreams or less than noticing

nothing special coming home
what am i going to do
shift into tomorrow
?

earlier a dried oak leaf
statue buddha
small feather blew before
leaves were green-tall & sky-like

yes years have replanted centuries
today only aches
tomorrow as far as away
as far as away

just tea
just tea
as far as away just tea
as far as away just tea
just tea

Stick with it Chadwick. Warm Thought's

chadwick

achy
day one no little pills
slept many hours last night
bed at 7:00ish

---

nighttime crawls into dreams and goes away

---

7:00ish birds singing outside

trying this again
reserves are low
eventually empty

reserves are low
eventually empty

reminds me of of feeling like shit all the god damn time. so i stare out the window and watch pepper & onion plants grow

trying this differently. i'd do just about anything not having painful. at 55 degrees springtime is erupting like my back & knees

think i'll throw this chair through the window
sanity went out there a long while ago
all i been doing is living off of sins
demons tell me so
gouging hot glowing spears into my mind as loud as war
my spirit pulled apart like orange peelings off of rotten citrus
done fell to the ground and gathered up by slower minded children
not knowing any better but as innocently as can be

the most painful part is living

mikalina

Hold on, Chad.... stay strong

chadwick

thanks, mikalina. i can't believe how good i been feeling lately. my doctors deserve a thorough ass chewing though.