Slowly with care, I return to watch, comfortable for the moment ... I sigh.
I'm here to admire the years of my handiwork,
years that have brought me to this day.
I remember the earth in my hands, the smell, cool and rich and brown,
this now the smell of bygone days.
By memory... the giant yellow wheelbarrow filled to the brim,
with all the colors of the rainbow and the sweet promise of new life.
Life that returns to me each year, life that brings me such joy,
life I can depend on, life that makes my life.
Life in the Garden....
"An hour in the garden puts life's problems in perspective"
the motto I have lived by... carved on a stone at my feet.
Today I rejoice in the colors, the colors of all my hard work.
The tiger lillies bright orange, the roses hot pink and more, rose red to coral light.
Big balls of blue, the hydrangea and then the yucca, tall and white.
A single Easter lily planted seasons ago, the fragrance I smell where I sit.
The day lillies and rubrums are also in full bud, awaiting their glory days to come.
I recall their scents from memory, each one unique as their color combo of petals.
Next to me, strategically planted, my gardenia.
It's buds ready to burst with the promise of their heavy wax smell,
a truly, truly, heavenly smell.
Next weekend, I think, we will enjoy it with cocktail by evening pool light,
acknowledging the most wonderful tropical delight!
Beyond are the ponds with the lilly pads and iris, ponds that I dug out myself.
Now they are home to my pool sharing, evening swim frogs,
that bring smiles, laughter and delight.
Speaking of whom...
at this moment a frog croaks and brings me back to today.
Smiling, my eyes drift to my friends that live here, hmmm ...
Do they seem to have adjusted their pace just a little?
In pace with the mistress they know
Are my birds flying somewhat slower, the chippies, cheeks stuffed full,
could they be staying a little longer, the dragonflies perhaps darting less?
My dearest anoles, do they come nearer and listen more closely
to the words I instictively share?
The world indeed is turning a little slower, perhaps having lost some life giving force.
Together we will sit and enjoy the time spent for time is all that we have....
And we thank God for the time that we have.
Fantastic Pandora! One of your best
Cancel my subscription to the Ressurection
Send my credentials to the house of detention
Having a few t shirts to fold, holding the thread worn t shirt,
the shirt with the 2 fishes, one more sillier than the other.
I read the words imprinted on the front, words I have read hundreds of time.
"Wahoo...This outstanding sport fish has long, beak like jaws and dark wavy bars
Yahoo....This wild fish will usually have a goofy hat and party favors"
This shirt so typically my husband. I shake my head ...
thinking, lovingly ...'you're a Yahoo!'
Smooth the wrinkles out on the ironing board, fold to stack,
then the thought that sneaks in during my weak moments...
'When he is gone this is all I'll have, his clothing, his things'.
I lift it to my face and I feel the softness...
the comfiness, just like where our vows have taken us.
The comfortableness of each other. The comfiness of a life spent together.
I can hear him whistling in the bathroom and I smile
looking forward to another holiday shared.
It's been a tough weekend, we are both weary.
Charlie is up now most nights crying.... restless. A night slept through, to rare to count.
Add 3 grand doggies to the mix and we are beat.
They will go home and Miss Bonnie the Bulldog and our son will be by for lunch,
swim and sun.
Now though, a few yard chores before the heat of the day.
Best laid plans...
I'm watching Duke shadow his grand dad as JB mows the lawn...
they look alike.. gray and black hair, chestnut brown eyes, tall,
and the thin that comes with age.
He adores his grandfather... feelings are mutual.
Duke was a runaway or a 'put out' who joined the family last fall.
Like all our rescue dogs he has his share of problems and quirks...
his being pacing and he is uncomfortable being held
but he loves to sit by his grand dad and be his shadow.
JB moves to a less traveled area of the yard... mostly pine straw and ground cover.
He begins mowing as I ready myself to prune rose bushes by the pool.
I hear a yell and he is spitting and holding his mouth...." I got stung by something!"
I follow him into the house to help him get ice and after bite put on.
'Sit in the chair on the deck for while honey and rest'
as I watch his top lip swell to 3 times its size,
a lump forming the size of a golf ball on his lower cheek.
I head up to the pool but with in minutes he yells "I'm not doing ok ... I'm not ok!"
I hurry down to the deck to see him stand and move zombie like towards me,
each step an effort.
Words aren't forming and his eyes are totally dazed...
I can tell his mind is very impaired... thinking maybe a stroke.
We make it to each other as I say get back to your chair...
he falls straight back, stiff as a board,
a horrible thump when his head hits the deck and
he lays motionless as the dogs come and form a circle around him.
In all my years I have never had to call 911.. I guess I have been blessed.
I feel this leaving me know as I beg
'JB just breathe... just breathe... please God! NO! you can not take him from me now!'
In that moment he looked so fragile,
my strong man who has been by my side for what feels like all my life.
At that moment everything is fragile,
the thought of losing him I can not bear. My life without him.
JB has never had an allegic reaction to insect stings.
The venom from them causes a sudden drop in blood pressure
causing dizziness and nausea but coupled with his blood pressure meds triggered a more severe response.
He will see his doc for future precautions to take as this can progress and could be fatal.
I will thank God he is here with me and will never forget the fragility of our lives together.
I have a new meaning now to Eddie's lyrics, Just Breathe.
They were once more of an enjoying time message, one of being thankful, satisfied
but after this ...
after I have lived a more desperate plea...
Just Breathe is 'please don't leave me... just breathe... just please keep breathing!'
Sniff the evening breeze that's carried on the miles.
Once more to hear you,
your breathing echo mine,
my little shadow, so quiet behind me,
always there, always there,
once more.
Once more to feel the tiny heartbeat lay in my arms,
hear the sigh,
share our peace.
My little piece of heaven.
Once more to live a memory,
laugh a moment.
Once more to be young,
young together.... again.
Once more to not be alone.
Once more to be with you.
wow, Pandora.
Simply beautiful.
It's been a while since I checked this thread, and reading all of your recent posts. It's glorious and so delicate and fragile but strong and defiant. Your writing, poetry and not, brings a calm and a serenity that we all need. To remind us of what's important.
Sniff the evening breeze that's carried on the miles.
Once more to hear you,
your breathing echo mine,
my little shadow, so quiet behind me,
always there, always there,
once more.
Once more to feel the tiny heartbeat lay in my arms,
hear the sigh,
share our peace.
My little piece of heaven.
Once more to live a memory,
laugh a moment.
Once more to be young,
young together.... again.
Once more to not be alone.
Once more to be with you.
wow, Pandora.
Simply beautiful.
It's been a while since I checked this thread, and reading all of your recent posts. It's glorious and so delicate and fragile but strong and defiant. Your writing, poetry and not, brings a calm and a serenity that we all need. To remind us of what's important.
hiding from the unavoidaable
distance me from you
can't relive the memories
no more string to stich up wounds
took me in
then left me for my own
can't belive you'd do this,
how you're chilled to the bone
stupid and reckless
concious taken away
ripped out from under me
when already wobbling
struggling to stand on my own
divide the divided
subtract from four
and what you get is me
and my mistakes galor
hand printed windows
crying for escape
open door
welcome to leave
but afriad of what the outside world will make me see
in my reflection
changed but with no intention
intuectually beaten
grasping handle
pull open door
convincing myself to escape
but i know i won't
the little monster deep inside
screaming for more
it's need to feed
loving what ive come to be
But i am who i am and there is no need to change
so i shut the door
than catch my reflection in the broken glass
and come to realize
i like what i see
i came to realize i like me
“I told you from the start just how this would end. When I get what I want, I never want it again.” — Courtney Love
“If he doesn’t treat you like a princess, then he doesn’t deserve to be your prince.” — Unknown
“And we’ll move on and go our separate ways. Just know, I’ll miss you everyday, but things just aren’t the same.” — Unknown
hiding from the unavoidaable
distance me from you
can't relive the memories
no more string to stich up wounds
took me in
then left me for my own
can't belive you'd do this,
how you're chilled to the bone
stupid and reckless
concious taken away
ripped out from under me
when already wobbling
struggling to stand on my own
divide the divided
subtract from four
and what you get is me
and my mistakes galor
hand printed windows
crying for escape
open door
welcome to leave
but afriad of what the outside world will make me see
in my reflection
changed but with no intention
intuectually beaten
grasping handle
pull open door
convincing myself to escape
but i know i won't
the little monster deep inside
screaming for more
it's need to feed
loving what ive come to be
But i am who i am and there is no need to change
so i shut the door
than catch my reflection in the broken glass
and come to realize
i like what i see
i came to realize i like me
Love it... very good!
thanks for sharing
every broken heart I've had in life has made me like myself more
a silver lining for having been forsaken,
the heart mends stronger
Cottage Smell and Melting Snow...
funny what can trigger our memories
pleasant or otherwise.
Cottage Smell
not like pink tea roses or bakery bread
or rain
but that smell that immediately transports to a different place and time.
Cottage smell
a heavy old musty dank woody smell
a smell of unfamilar surroundings, old furniture, old blankets,
well water, lemon and sun tea, fresh grass, fireplace.
Memories of
bug bites, fireflies, dirt roads, lily pads, marshmallows on a stick.
Forest green all around with a lake to match and a pier to jump from.
Men who walk on the moon, bacon and eggs, cool water,
sunshine, dragonflies the size of my hand, Mom with her brandy oldfashioned.
hiding from the unavoidaable
distance me from you
can't relive the memories
no more string to stich up wounds
took me in
then left me for my own
can't belive you'd do this,
how you're chilled to the bone
stupid and reckless
concious taken away
ripped out from under me
when already wobbling
struggling to stand on my own
divide the divided
subtract from four
and what you get is me
and my mistakes galor
hand printed windows
crying for escape
open door
welcome to leave
but afriad of what the outside world will make me see
in my reflection
changed but with no intention
intuectually beaten
grasping handle
pull open door
convincing myself to escape
but i know i won't
the little monster deep inside
screaming for more
it's need to feed
loving what ive come to be
But i am who i am and there is no need to change
so i shut the door
than catch my reflection in the broken glass
and come to realize
i like what i see
i came to realize i like me
Love it... very good!
thanks for sharing
every broken heart I've had in life has made me like myself more
a silver lining for having been forsaken,
the heart mends stronger
I don't need stupid boys:) haha They are fun for a while but im realy way to young to worry about this. I just need my friends:)))
Also, I have come to wonder, how do you make your words sound like a peom when they are not? It's whimsical!
“I told you from the start just how this would end. When I get what I want, I never want it again.” — Courtney Love
“If he doesn’t treat you like a princess, then he doesn’t deserve to be your prince.” — Unknown
“And we’ll move on and go our separate ways. Just know, I’ll miss you everyday, but things just aren’t the same.” — Unknown
thank you for this!
me too!
it was Fathers Day I was sitting on the back deck really feeling my fathers presence.
He left this world in 1990 but it feels like yesterday.
Time doesn't seem to exist in love.
My health problems today have brought me to be much like him.
Silver lining in that is so has my understanding of him and his life.
Everything comes around and the older we get the more we forgive.
hiding from the unavoidaable
distance me from you
can't relive the memories
no more string to stich up wounds
took me in
then left me for my own
can't belive you'd do this,
how you're chilled to the bone
stupid and reckless
concious taken away
ripped out from under me
when already wobbling
struggling to stand on my own
divide the divided
subtract from four
and what you get is me
and my mistakes galor
hand printed windows
crying for escape
open door
welcome to leave
but afriad of what the outside world will make me see
in my reflection
changed but with no intention
intuectually beaten
grasping handle
pull open door
convincing myself to escape
but i know i won't
the little monster deep inside
screaming for more
it's need to feed
loving what ive come to be
But i am who i am and there is no need to change
so i shut the door
than catch my reflection in the broken glass
and come to realize
i like what i see
i came to realize i like me
Love it... very good!
thanks for sharing
every broken heart I've had in life has made me like myself more
a silver lining for having been forsaken,
the heart mends stronger
I don't need stupid boys:) haha They are fun for a while but im realy way to young to worry about this. I just need my friends:)))
Also, I have come to wonder, how do you make your words sound like a peom when they are not? It's whimsical!
Whimsical is what I am! ... living amongst the birds and anoles
my friend said the other day.. "you are the only person I know who talks to lizards"
I pondered a moment and said
' that must be why people don't seem as happy as they could be'
You are right about the boys and they are an awful lot of fun
Just keep your heart open, remain fearless in love, and love you will win in the end
Count yourself lucky if you have one good friend to count on for a lifetime.
It's all that's needed.
Comments
Fantastic Pandora! One of your best
Send my credentials to the house of detention
Godfather.
20 years of love . . .
"He doesn't know what it is to want.
He doesn't know what it is to need."
'Pardon me, but I don't agree.'
Another motorcycle when he doesn't ride . . .
no wind, no sky.
Another home left alone . . .
huge fireplace, not warm.
Another instrument he can not play . . .
left quiet, under glass.
Another party in his absence . . .
fancy people, fancy plates.
Another beer gone warm . . .
no toast, no cheer.
Another day he's gone . . .
still here, but gone.
He can't return . . .
He runs, his heart only runs. . .
I will always count
I will never forget
I will listen for your voice
I will close my eyes to see yours
I will put my hand to your picture
I will shed some tears
I will laugh your laugh
I will walk your walk
I will long for you
I will try to be as good as you
I will love you!
Happy Birthday Red!
May 30, 2011... Memorial Day
Having a few t shirts to fold, holding the thread worn t shirt,
the shirt with the 2 fishes, one more sillier than the other.
I read the words imprinted on the front, words I have read hundreds of time.
"Wahoo...This outstanding sport fish has long, beak like jaws and dark wavy bars
Yahoo....This wild fish will usually have a goofy hat and party favors"
This shirt so typically my husband. I shake my head ...
thinking, lovingly ...'you're a Yahoo!'
Smooth the wrinkles out on the ironing board, fold to stack,
then the thought that sneaks in during my weak moments...
'When he is gone this is all I'll have, his clothing, his things'.
I lift it to my face and I feel the softness...
the comfiness, just like where our vows have taken us.
The comfortableness of each other. The comfiness of a life spent together.
I can hear him whistling in the bathroom and I smile
looking forward to another holiday shared.
It's been a tough weekend, we are both weary.
Charlie is up now most nights crying.... restless. A night slept through, to rare to count.
Add 3 grand doggies to the mix and we are beat.
They will go home and Miss Bonnie the Bulldog and our son will be by for lunch,
swim and sun.
Now though, a few yard chores before the heat of the day.
Best laid plans...
I'm watching Duke shadow his grand dad as JB mows the lawn...
they look alike.. gray and black hair, chestnut brown eyes, tall,
and the thin that comes with age.
He adores his grandfather... feelings are mutual.
Duke was a runaway or a 'put out' who joined the family last fall.
Like all our rescue dogs he has his share of problems and quirks...
his being pacing and he is uncomfortable being held
but he loves to sit by his grand dad and be his shadow.
JB moves to a less traveled area of the yard... mostly pine straw and ground cover.
He begins mowing as I ready myself to prune rose bushes by the pool.
I hear a yell and he is spitting and holding his mouth...." I got stung by something!"
I follow him into the house to help him get ice and after bite put on.
'Sit in the chair on the deck for while honey and rest'
as I watch his top lip swell to 3 times its size,
a lump forming the size of a golf ball on his lower cheek.
I head up to the pool but with in minutes he yells "I'm not doing ok ... I'm not ok!"
I hurry down to the deck to see him stand and move zombie like towards me,
each step an effort.
Words aren't forming and his eyes are totally dazed...
I can tell his mind is very impaired... thinking maybe a stroke.
We make it to each other as I say get back to your chair...
he falls straight back, stiff as a board,
a horrible thump when his head hits the deck and
he lays motionless as the dogs come and form a circle around him.
In all my years I have never had to call 911.. I guess I have been blessed.
I feel this leaving me know as I beg
'JB just breathe... just breathe... please God! NO! you can not take him from me now!'
In that moment he looked so fragile,
my strong man who has been by my side for what feels like all my life.
At that moment everything is fragile,
the thought of losing him I can not bear. My life without him.
JB has never had an allegic reaction to insect stings.
The venom from them causes a sudden drop in blood pressure
causing dizziness and nausea but coupled with his blood pressure meds triggered a more severe response.
He will see his doc for future precautions to take as this can progress and could be fatal.
I will thank God he is here with me and will never forget the fragility of our lives together.
I have a new meaning now to Eddie's lyrics, Just Breathe.
They were once more of an enjoying time message, one of being thankful, satisfied
but after this ...
after I have lived a more desperate plea...
Just Breathe is 'please don't leave me... just breathe... just please keep breathing!'
“If he doesn’t treat you like a princess, then he doesn’t deserve to be your prince.” — Unknown
“And we’ll move on and go our separate ways. Just know, I’ll miss you everyday, but things just aren’t the same.” — Unknown
Enjoy!
“If he doesn’t treat you like a princess, then he doesn’t deserve to be your prince.” — Unknown
“And we’ll move on and go our separate ways. Just know, I’ll miss you everyday, but things just aren’t the same.” — Unknown
sometimes life makes us live more 'safe than sorry' . . .
thank goodness I have EV STL
Once more to see your smile,
your honey sweet face.
Once more to feel the softness,
warm, thick in my hands.
Once more to live your world,
smell the dirt, feel the grass,
chase the chipmunks in your eyes.
Sniff the evening breeze that's carried on the miles.
Once more to hear you,
your breathing echo mine,
my little shadow, so quiet behind me,
always there, always there,
once more.
Once more to feel the tiny heartbeat lay in my arms,
hear the sigh,
share our peace.
My little piece of heaven.
Once more to live a memory,
laugh a moment.
Once more to be young,
young together.... again.
Once more to not be alone.
Once more to be with you.
“If he doesn’t treat you like a princess, then he doesn’t deserve to be your prince.” — Unknown
“And we’ll move on and go our separate ways. Just know, I’ll miss you everyday, but things just aren’t the same.” — Unknown
wow, Pandora.
Simply beautiful.
It's been a while since I checked this thread, and reading all of your recent posts. It's glorious and so delicate and fragile but strong and defiant. Your writing, poetry and not, brings a calm and a serenity that we all need. To remind us of what's important.
brilliant
someone beautiful is around the bend....
Come sit with me Dad.
Come sit here next to me.
See the chair is empty here.
Come sit with me Dad.
It is a straight chair
with a small footstool
just like we like now.
Come sit with me Dad.
Come sit with me awhile.
We will hold hands like we used to.
Come put your hand in mine Dad.
Your hands, warm, soft and wrinkled,
white clean nails,
just like my hands now.
Come sit with me Dad.
Come sit and sip some too Dad.
See I've made a mint julep,
strong sweet fragrant.
Smell the icey mixture of yesterdays.
Come sit and sip with me now, Dad.
Come sit and listen Dad.
Listen to the music Dad.
Listen to the music and we will tap our feet.
And we will smile along
even though we can not dance now.
Come sit with me Dad.
Come sit here in this empty chair.
And we will share a thought or two now.
Come sit with me Dad....
come sit now,
if only in my thoughts.
Black Coffee In A Rainy Mood
Black coffee in the rain,
Shedding droplets like feathers,
with the company I keep.
A warm roast steam, swirls the damp,
a touch of bitter
to my cool wet lips, then smile.
Blinking away a wet blur,
seeing the garden puddles form,
a promise to wash clean a new day.
Rainy music, the morning beat
carried through the day,
dancing away mistakes, hiding tears till night.
Rejoice in the Love of Lady Rain!
shaggy silhouette
moonlight just enough.
My heart went still
then began to beat so fast so loud
it echoed in my ears.
I remembered you
from a dream
the dream of a day after tomorrow.
I remembered you
from childhood
a daydream wish come true.
I remembered you
from pictures
and a photo never taken.
Beating heart be still
now
take me
so I can remember you
no more.
but rather to change the nature of the one who prays."
Everyone who touches my life changes me.
Matters not if I can
see them
or hold them
or hear them
I feel them
once with me they are in my heart and this can not be separated
even by leaving this world.
Love knows no bounds.
Death's Door
A two weeks eve
your normal day,
a day of love and loss.
When you knock
no memories come,
they are all left behind.
To weak to reach
for a hand,
then a hand comes to yours.
The only thing,
that matters now,
is who's hand is
on the end.
hiding from the unavoidaable
distance me from you
can't relive the memories
no more string to stich up wounds
took me in
then left me for my own
can't belive you'd do this,
how you're chilled to the bone
stupid and reckless
concious taken away
ripped out from under me
when already wobbling
struggling to stand on my own
divide the divided
subtract from four
and what you get is me
and my mistakes galor
hand printed windows
crying for escape
open door
welcome to leave
but afriad of what the outside world will make me see
in my reflection
changed but with no intention
intuectually beaten
grasping handle
pull open door
convincing myself to escape
but i know i won't
the little monster deep inside
screaming for more
it's need to feed
loving what ive come to be
But i am who i am and there is no need to change
so i shut the door
than catch my reflection in the broken glass
and come to realize
i like what i see
i came to realize i like me
“If he doesn’t treat you like a princess, then he doesn’t deserve to be your prince.” — Unknown
“And we’ll move on and go our separate ways. Just know, I’ll miss you everyday, but things just aren’t the same.” — Unknown
thanks for sharing
every broken heart I've had in life has made me like myself more
a silver lining for having been forsaken,
the heart mends stronger
funny what can trigger our memories
pleasant or otherwise.
Cottage Smell
not like pink tea roses or bakery bread
or rain
but that smell that immediately transports to a different place and time.
Cottage smell
a heavy old musty dank woody smell
a smell of unfamilar surroundings, old furniture, old blankets,
well water, lemon and sun tea, fresh grass, fireplace.
Memories of
bug bites, fireflies, dirt roads, lily pads, marshmallows on a stick.
Forest green all around with a lake to match and a pier to jump from.
Men who walk on the moon, bacon and eggs, cool water,
sunshine, dragonflies the size of my hand, Mom with her brandy oldfashioned.
Steppenwolf, pink sandals, sunburned shoulders, blueberry popsicles.
Whispers in the dark drowned out by more crickets than there were stars,
that's a lot of crickets!
Long days, short nights, days to count down til home.
Missing you cause you could never stay,
tears of loss, dreams of shame, feeling alone when not.
Growing up but never wanting to.
Cottage smell
still filled with the opposing emotions that have always been me
because of you.
“If he doesn’t treat you like a princess, then he doesn’t deserve to be your prince.” — Unknown
“And we’ll move on and go our separate ways. Just know, I’ll miss you everyday, but things just aren’t the same.” — Unknown
I don't need stupid boys:) haha They are fun for a while but im realy way to young to worry about this. I just need my friends:)))
Also, I have come to wonder, how do you make your words sound like a peom when they are not? It's whimsical!
“If he doesn’t treat you like a princess, then he doesn’t deserve to be your prince.” — Unknown
“And we’ll move on and go our separate ways. Just know, I’ll miss you everyday, but things just aren’t the same.” — Unknown
me too!
it was Fathers Day I was sitting on the back deck really feeling my fathers presence.
He left this world in 1990 but it feels like yesterday.
Time doesn't seem to exist in love.
My health problems today have brought me to be much like him.
Silver lining in that is so has my understanding of him and his life.
Everything comes around and the older we get the more we forgive.
my friend said the other day.. "you are the only person I know who talks to lizards"
I pondered a moment and said
' that must be why people don't seem as happy as they could be'
You are right about the boys and they are an awful lot of fun
Just keep your heart open, remain fearless in love, and love you will win in the end
Count yourself lucky if you have one good friend to count on for a lifetime.
It's all that's needed.
Enjoy your youth!
and thanks for visiting
nor lie
fleeting nor lasting
it was just... time
two souls
dancing in the breeze
leaving nothing to fate
only dreams
"To question your government is not unpatriotic --
to not question your government is unpatriotic."
-- Sen. Chuck Hagel