Love and Pearl Jam fans

urbanhippie

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

I don't mean they have to LOVE Pearl Jam. I did say, just having respect and recognition for them would be required as they play such a big part in my life.

Respect for your opinion is a pre-requisite for any meaningful relationship.
You don't have to agree on everything, but you must understand each other.
Any relationship without this is doomed from the start.

Sian-of-the-dead

urbanhippie wrote:

Respect for your opinion is a pre-requisite for any meaningful relationship.
You don't have to agree on everything, but you must understand each other.
Any relationship without this is doomed from the start.

what she said....

urbanhippie

Stop flirting!!

I love you already....:D

halszka123

urbanhippie wrote:

I'm not sure I believe in love at first sight. I may just be being cynical, but I believe that there must be other things in common than just an initial physical attraction.

However, I do believe that a shared love of music is a good basis for a friendship that may develop into something more. Most of the PJ fans I've met share opinions and feelings on other things besides the music.

Despite being a cynic, I do have special songs that remind me of people, places and times in my life.....Every time I hear Indifference, I see Ed singing it at Wembley.....:)

Well, I'm a bad example. I thought that common passion (PJ), mine and one man... is good basis for something else (not only frendship). But it's not. Life is brutal:) We are all so different. Music is only one thing which can be the common thing, but it's really not enough

Sian-of-the-dead

halszka123 wrote:

Well, I'm a bad example. I thought that common passion (PJ), mine and one man... is good basis for something else (not only frendship). But it's not. Life is brutal:) We are all so different. Music is only one thing which can be the common thing, but it's really not enough

:( that happened to me last year. Have ended up being really good friends with him and now he teaches me so much about music and life but we don't have enough in common to be in a relationship so we're better this way

Life IS Brutal but it makes us who we are

Sian-of-the-dead

FFS WHY ARE SO MANY PEARL JAM FANS SINGLE?! LOL

I think i'm gonna do a poll....

urbanhippie

What is love though? And why do we all need it? Can you make do without it?

And how do you know you have it?

Is it about sex? Companionship? Validation?
Or something more?

And can you ever find 'the other half of you'? Should you even try?


A lot of questions I know...But I'm interested in your opinion people...

Sian-of-the-dead

urbanhippie wrote:

What is love though? And why do we all need it? Can you make do without it?

And how do you know you have it?

Is it about sex? Companionship? Validation?
Or something more?

And can you ever find 'the other half of you'? Should you even try?


A lot of questions I know...But I'm interested in your opinion people...

hmmm... good call, let me have a think....

urbanhippie

I suppose the question I am asking is 'can we ever be really happy without love?'
And I don't mean the love of parents, friends etc....
I mean love that stops your heart or takes your breath away. And what if you never find it?

I'm just trying to get my head around this abstract 'thing' that means so much to so many and in such different ways.

Heineken Helen

urbanhippie wrote:

I suppose the question I am asking is 'can we ever be really happy without love?'
And I don't mean the love of parents, friends etc....
I mean love that stops your heart or takes your breath away. And what if you never find it?

I'm just trying to get my head around this abstract 'thing' that means so much to so many and in such different ways.

I don't know... can you really miss what you've never experienced? Or is it that humans will always be searching, that there will always be something missing? My life has felt complete several times without love and there have been times when I've still felt alone in a relationship. I think in a relationship the good times can be great but the bad times can be worse than anything you experience on your own... hmm... I dunno, just kinda typing as I'm thinking so probably making no sense

urbanhippie

Heineken Helen wrote:

I don't know... can you really miss what you've never experienced? Or is it that humans will always be searching, that there will always be something missing? My life has felt complete several times without love and there have been times when I've still felt alone in a relationship. I think in a relationship the good times can be great but the bad times can be worse than anything you experience on your own... hmm... I dunno, just kinda typing as I'm thinking so probably making no sense

You're making a lot of sense...

I think, that at the heart of it all, none of us wants to be alone...

Heineken Helen

urbanhippie wrote:

You're making a lot of sense...

I think, that at the heart of it all, none of us wants to be alone...

but I also believe that a really good friend can also fill that void. I've felt love for friends too that have been as strong as anything I've felt for a man... just a different kinda love

I think there are also people capable of being alone... maybe not their entire life but some people ARE genuinely happy with just having friends

urbanhippie

Heineken Helen wrote:

but I also believe that a really good friend can also fill that void. I've felt love for friends too that have been as strong as anything I've felt for a man... just a different kinda love

I think there are also people capable of being alone... maybe not their entire life but some people ARE genuinely happy with just having friends

I have friends that I think the world of...but is it the same?

I'm not saying it isn't, but I don't know.

Heineken Helen

urbanhippie wrote:

I have friends that I think the world of...but is it the same?

I'm not saying it isn't, but I don't know.

No it's not the same BUT you can get all you need from that.

urbanhippie

bump

urbanhippie

bumping this 'cos I'm interested in how it's going.

harmless_little_f***

Heineken Helen wrote:

but I also believe that a really good friend can also fill that void. I've felt love for friends too that have been as strong as anything I've felt for a man... just a different kinda love

I think there are also people capable of being alone... maybe not their entire life but some people ARE genuinely happy with just having friends

I'm working on being one of those people.

urbanhippie

Heineken Helen wrote:

but I also believe that a really good friend can also fill that void. I've felt love for friends too that have been as strong as anything I've felt for a man... just a different kinda love

I think there are also people capable of being alone... maybe not their entire life but some people ARE genuinely happy with just having friends

I'm sure there are people who are capable of being alone.

I'm not sure I'm one of them. I mean, I enjoy my own company and sometimes I crave a bit of solitude. But theres nothing like having someone else in your life. What about when you need comfort and reassurance?
You can get some of it from friends, but there's sometimes when you just need the intimacy of being able to share everything with someone.

brainofme

interesting topic, although really difficult.

i think the most important thing is that you can trust people, and that they make you feel, they can understand you, even though they don't have the same opinion on everything.

never really experienced the "real love", i guess mainly because of the above reasons.
the problem is that i often even feel missunderstood by so-called friends. people aren't listening. probably the biggest issue....

oh my god, i really sound negative...


about music and relationships:
i think if music (or in our case pj) is a big part of your life it is important in a relationship. mainly because when you love something, you want to share your excitement, happiness etc with someone. if the person doesn't relate to that in the way you would expect it, or hope, then it can be a big dissapointment.

Heineken Helen

harmless_little_f*** wrote:

I'm working on being one of those people.

I think you have to learn to love yourself (and I don't mean in a big headed way but in a contented way) before you can truly love somebody else in a healthy way. So work on that hlf... focus on the positives... all the time.

Heineken Helen

urbanhippie wrote:

I'm sure there are people who are capable of being alone.

I'm not sure I'm one of them. I mean, I enjoy my own company and sometimes I crave a bit of solitude. But theres nothing like having someone else in your life. What about when you need comfort and reassurance?
You can get some of it from friends, but there's sometimes when you just need the intimacy of being able to share everything with someone.

Oh absolutely... I have times where I want that but there is something that gets me through it and makes me stronger which I can't quite explain... I do have faith... I'm not sure in what but there's something that always helps me out when I get down. It's actually quite freaky.

audiodave

urbanhippie wrote:

What is love though? And why do we all need it? Can you make do without it?

And how do you know you have it?

Is it about sex? Companionship? Validation?
Or something more?

And can you ever find 'the other half of you'? Should you even try?


A lot of questions I know...But I'm interested in your opinion people...

Love is a lot of different things to a lot of different people. Infact, it's a lot of different things to a single person. It's a lot of things to me, a lot of which are impossible to explain.

Can you do without it? Without "real love", the kind that most people talk about when they mention the word...probably. Without any kind of love at all? That sounds like a very sad and lonely existence to me.

I agree that different people need different things. Some people can't be alone as it truly terrifies them. Some people don't need "love" or want to be tied down in that kind of relationship. Some people spend most of their life alone, just looking for something that they feel is missing.

I would fall into the latter category. Something is definitely missing. And it always has been. I've never really felt "happy" in the true sense of the word. Would that change if I was in a relationship? Maybe, but I don't know. It could be that that's missing, but I really don't know. But something is.

As for the "other half"...are you half a person? I'm not. You have to be comfortable with yourself before you can be comfortable with someone else. That's why i've never understood the compulsive need some people have to never be alone. Why are they so scared of being on their own? Are they scared of finding out what kind of person they really are if they have to look? You have to learn to love yourself, or how can you expect anyone else to? (To those of you who know me well, please don't point out how hypocritic that sentence is, as i'm well aware of it.)

audiodave

Heineken Helen wrote:

I think you have to learn to love yourself (and I don't mean in a big headed way but in a contented way) before you can truly love somebody else in a healthy way. So work on that hlf... focus on the positives... all the time.

Snap. Well said Helen.

Heineken Helen

audiodave wrote:

Snap. Well said Helen.

thanks and to expand on your post... there are other people who can find love from everywhere and feed off it. I really don't know how to explain without sounding ridiculously slushy... but if you take in the positives in everything and everyone, love is just always there. You always feel it even if it's not coming from one particular source or even from three or four. It really is quite strange but, unfortunately having to quote wetwetwet :eek: love really IS all around... if you look for it

Heineken Helen

audiodave wrote:

As for the "other half"...are you half a person? I'm not. You have to be comfortable with yourself before you can be comfortable with someone else. That's why i've never understood the compulsive need some people have to never be alone. Why are they so scared of being on their own? Are they scared of finding out what kind of person they really are if they have to look? You have to learn to love yourself, or how can you expect anyone else to? (To those of you who know me well, please don't point out how hypocritic that sentence is, as i'm well aware of it.)

I suppose if you think of it in a pearl jam context :rolleyes: sorry everyone! I've been saying recently, it's not that I DIDN'T feel complete before I started going to see them and getting to travel and make so many wonderful new friends, but now I know how it FEELS to be complete. So it's possible there is even a MORE complete feeling than how I feel these days... cos everything felt right to me before and now it feels 500 times more right

2-feign-reluctance

Bump

southernmanfan

Heineken Helen wrote:

urbanhippie wrote:

I suppose the question I am asking is 'can we ever be really happy without love?'
And I don't mean the love of parents, friends etc....
I mean love that stops your heart or takes your breath away. And what if you never find it?

I'm just trying to get my head around this abstract 'thing' that means so much to so many and in such different ways.

I don't know... can you really miss what you've never experienced? Or is it that humans will always be searching, that there will always be something missing? My life has felt complete several times without love and there have been times when I've still felt alone in a relationship. I think in a relationship the good times can be great but the bad times can be worse than anything you experience on your own... hmm... I dunno, just kinda typing as I'm thinking so probably making no sense

Wow this thread is really deep! Been reading it and I think I agree with Helen on so many counts. I am single and very comfortable with who I am. I love PJ. I have been in a relationship for 7 years but we live seperately and my partner does not like PJ or their music. The thought of living together scares the shit out of me because as Helen says the bad times can be worse than anything. I will certainly not be able to blast PJ as loud as I do if we lived together. It does affect me deeply that we do not connect as far as PJ goes. So for example when we travel together on holiday etc, I cannot play PJ in the car. Not that my partner won't approve, but because it makes me uncomfortable. We are travelling to Buenes Aires together next week but he is not joining me to the concert. I am hooking up with some PJ fans in BA and in a way more excited about that than about being together in BA for the first time. Am I just being selfish here? It scares me sometimes. We do connect on many other levels but not when it comes to PJ. :roll:

ladydocNYC

Nothing ended up surprising me more when I started seeing PJ shows than how they have opened my heart to experience love in more and better ways than I previously knew. For me it is has been the feeling of oneness and community at many shows, being with so many others who come from afar for the same reason, to celebrate life with this band whose energy comes from their love of music, life, nature, justice and human beings, both those in their immediate lives and those in the broader world, especially the fans.

I almost feel like my source of love is getting re-charged and deepened every time I see them. Something like what Church seems to be for a few of my very broad-minded religious friends.

More specifically, there's a friend I made at a show who years ago had encouraged a european to hang out w/ her longer and add another show to his US tour, they ended up travelling quite a bit together and meeting his future wife at one of their next shows. I believe they even got married at a show or at least on a trip where they were seeing shows.

And for me personally: I introduced my husband to PJ and slowly he's growing to love them more and more, and there is nothing as special as being able to share that with him. He's always respected my involvement w/ PJ but increasingly he's sharing it, and that adds something I treasure to OUR love.

I'm glad you poseted this thread. Like I said, I never particularly thought that loving a band would turn out to help me love more in so many ways, but it has.

HoldOnOctober

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

I wanna hear about Pearl Jam love stories dammit!! I wanna know if anyone HAS found the love of their life through mutual appreciation, gigs, forums etc...

Or if not Pearl Jam, any other music?

I spent senior year of HS in the 90’s falling in love with my best friend over a mutual love of PJ and disinterest in college as everyone else could talk of nothing else. It was a very angst-ridden time. Ha! Anyway, after two weeks apart the following September since he went to college up north and I headed south, we met up back at home for night one of the 1996 Randall’s Island concerts. Two weeks away was all it took and I knew I couldn’t be without him. I always felt that the concert brought us back together and we never looked back after that night in September. I was a sight – muddy from head to toe, dripping wet from the pouring rain, bruised from the Doc Martin I took to the face when a crowd surfer catapulted back to earth on top of me, but I remember that night when I headed back to Penn Station as perfect – like I suddenly recognized exactly how things were meant to be...that my soul mate had been there all along. Obviously I believe in soul mates! We are married now and have literally grown up with Pearl Jam. Every concert I’ve been to, we’ve been there together. We look back at each tour and have memories to share – some wonderful, like when we won the lottery in Hartford in 2010 and some a bit scary like when I dehydrated in Philadelphia in 2003 and ended up in the hospital rather than in my sixth row seats the year after we got married! It’s been a constant thread in our relationship and something I’m so glad we share.

dimitrispearljam

and the result of this...

viewtopic.php?f=14&t=173488&hilit=sian

and ill be there to honor your special day!!!!!awesome!!!