Ladies, would you do this to a guy?

Franny

personally I would not do anything like that. IMO i think she's stringing you along and having you around when it's convenient for her. Seriously it's not hard to reply to text message. I would give her a call, collect your gear and say seeya later tater! You deserve someone who will treat you a whole lot better.

dunkman

the answer you are looking for is that everything is ok and not to worry... my own personal answer is that she could probably do with a punch to the fudd™ :thumbup:

_

Drowned Out wrote:

Right. I suggested calling her and at least clearing the air, non-confrontationally. The worst that can happen is that he'll feel a bit foolish for showing unrequited feelings...but the other option, doing nothing....he could be stuck wondering forever. It's pretty easy to be get caught up, and led along by the your own minimum requirements or expectations, when the object of your affection combines them with a couple other attractive traits...I've done it enough. That said...maybe she DOES like him a lot...but if that's the case...I'm guessing maybe incompatible expectations? What's been described doesn't sound healthy to me...

I agree that he should confront her non-confrontationally. I once told (texted) a guy I was kind of dating that I didn't have time to spend with him for a week. He immediately called me and asked if I was just trying to blow him off. I wasn't blowing him off and I really appreciated that he would ask me directly instead of making assumptions. But things took a turn for the worse when he started arguing with me about it and laying on this guilt trip and saying "If I really like someone, I MAKE time for them!" By the end of the conversation, I didn't like him anymore.

Regarding incompatible expectations, those can be worked out. I wouldn't say her behavior sounds unhealthy though. Holding people to expectations they haven't agreed to sound more unhealthy to me.

SPEEDY MCCREADY

I wouldnt call her again...
I wouldnt text her again...
I wouldnt e-mail her again......

I just wouldnt give a fuck about her again.....

Then, if I were you, I would try my best, to fuck one of her best friends......

Drowned Out

scb wrote:

Drowned Out wrote:

Right. I suggested calling her and at least clearing the air, non-confrontationally. The worst that can happen is that he'll feel a bit foolish for showing unrequited feelings...but the other option, doing nothing....he could be stuck wondering forever. It's pretty easy to be get caught up, and led along by the your own minimum requirements or expectations, when the object of your affection combines them with a couple other attractive traits...I've done it enough. That said...maybe she DOES like him a lot...but if that's the case...I'm guessing maybe incompatible expectations? What's been described doesn't sound healthy to me...

I agree that he should confront her non-confrontationally. I once told (texted) a guy I was kind of dating that I didn't have time to spend with him for a week. He immediately called me and asked if I was just trying to blow him off. I wasn't blowing him off and I really appreciated that he would ask me directly instead of making assumptions. But things took a turn for the worse when he started arguing with me about it and laying on this guilt trip and saying "If I really like someone, I MAKE time for them!" By the end of the conversation, I didn't like him anymore.

Regarding incompatible expectations, those can be worked out. I wouldn't say her behavior sounds unhealthy though. Holding people to expectations they haven't agreed to sound more unhealthy to me.

I didn't mean her behaviour was unhealthy, I meant the situation overall seemed that way....compatibility/expectations...she's not doing anything wrong or anything...

I just think expectations are not really something that should have to be agreed to….I think it’s more one of those chemistry things where it’s important to find someone that’s on the same page as you or the relationship is doomed from the outset. If you find yourselves having to make agreements and compromises regarding the very foundation/basis of your relationship, chances are someone will end up outside their comfort zone, which could lead to resentment…

It’s funny relating this to my life, cause I’m experiencing both sides right now…. Being pushed away by an overly aggressive woman who is getting upset if I don’t respond to her contact immediately…and….trying to get straight answers and expressions from another girl who tells me she likes me, but is being totally non-committal about seeing each other, and doesn’t seem to care much if we do (despite a ton of ‘non-confrontational’ effort on my part to make it work out).

_

Drowned Out wrote:

I didn't mean her behaviour was unhealthy, I meant the situation overall seemed that way....compatibility/expectations...she's not doing anything wrong or anything...

I just think expectations are not really something that should have to be agreed to….I think it’s more one of those chemistry things where it’s important to find someone that’s on the same page as you or the relationship is doomed from the outset. If you find yourselves having to make agreements and compromises regarding the very foundation/basis of your relationship, chances are someone will end up outside their comfort zone, which could lead to resentment…

It’s funny relating this to my life, cause I’m experiencing both sides right now…. Being pushed away by an overly aggressive woman who is getting upset if I don’t respond to her contact immediately…and….trying to get straight answers and expressions from another girl who tells me she likes me, but is being totally non-committal about seeing each other, and doesn’t seem to care much if we do (despite a ton of ‘non-confrontational’ effort on my part to make it work out).

Yeah, all these things sure can be complicated. Regarding chemestry, though... I think it's possible that two people can feel the same way about each other but just express it differently, which doesn't mean there's no chemistry or that they're not on the same page, ya know? And I especially think it's a shame when one person makes assumptions about how the other person feels just because their way of expressing the same feelings is different. Plus, maybe some people just take things more slowly than others and that's their comfort zone. If that's not acceptable to the other person, maybe it is doomed from the outset like you said. But if the other person is understanding about it and decides to stick around, sometimes those become the most rewarding relationships of all! Good luck with your two ladies.

LikeAnOcean

SPEEDY MCCREADY wrote:

I wouldnt call her again...
I wouldnt text her again...
I wouldnt e-mail her again......

I just wouldnt give a fuck about her again.....

Then, if I were you, I would try my best, to fuck one of her best friends......

lol, I agree.

It seems like I can't get a break in the love department lately. I'm 31, funny, good looks, have lots of friends, all of whom can't believe I'm still single. It's become a joke with them.

Maybe the fact that this girl is on heavy anti-depressants and anxiety meds plays into her actions. I sure know how to pick the ones to chase after. :?


Thank god its Friday and thank god for alcohol!

dunkman

LikeAnOcean wrote:

SPEEDY MCCREADY wrote:

I wouldnt call her again...
I wouldnt text her again...
I wouldnt e-mail her again......

I just wouldnt give a fuck about her again.....

Then, if I were you, I would try my best, to fuck one of her best friends......

It seems like I can't get a break in the love department lately. I'm 31, funny, good looks, have lots of friends, all of whom can't believe I'm still single.

you forgot humble.

eyedclaar

dunkman wrote:

LikeAnOcean wrote:

SPEEDY MCCREADY wrote:

I wouldnt call her again...
I wouldnt text her again...
I wouldnt e-mail her again......

I just wouldnt give a fuck about her again.....

Then, if I were you, I would try my best, to fuck one of her best friends......

It seems like I can't get a break in the love department lately. I'm 31, funny, good looks, have lots of friends, all of whom can't believe I'm still single.

you forgot humble.

You stay back! I already sent this dream catch a spicy pm.

dunkman

eyedclaar wrote:

dunkman wrote:

you forgot humble.

You stay back! I already sent this dream catch a spicy pm.

how spicy?... give me a Scoville rating on that pm!

Drowned Out

scb wrote:

Yeah, all these things sure can be complicated. Regarding chemestry, though... I think it's possible that two people can feel the same way about each other but just express it differently, which doesn't mean there's no chemistry or that they're not on the same page, ya know? And I especially think it's a shame when one person makes assumptions about how the other person feels just because their way of expressing the same feelings is different. Plus, maybe some people just take things more slowly than others and that's their comfort zone. If that's not acceptable to the other person, maybe it is doomed from the outset like you said. But if the other person is understanding about it and decides to stick around, sometimes those become the most rewarding relationships of all! Good luck with your two ladies.

I guess it all boils down to communication, no?
Speakin of which....looks like we've had a breakthrough, scb.

and.....the 'two ladies' thing sounds kinda bad....I met them online around the same time; not playin...the overly-needy one has already faded well into the background (she still writes, but I told them about each other and where I stood)...I hope you're right about the rewarding part; otherwise I'm prob already doomed!

_

Drowned Out wrote:

I guess it all boils down to communication, no?
Speakin of which....looks like we've had a breakthrough, scb.

True on both counts! This calls for celebration!

Drowned Out

scb wrote:

Drowned Out wrote:

I guess it all boils down to communication, no?
Speakin of which....looks like we've had a breakthrough, scb.

True on both counts! This calls for celebration!

sweet…I’d offer you a drink, but I’d feel like we were rubbing salt in LAO’s wounds

Heatherj43

Maybe you gave her the wrong tapes?? LOL! Better look at what tapes are missing.

_

Drowned Out wrote:

scb wrote:

Drowned Out wrote:

I guess it all boils down to communication, no?
Speakin of which....looks like we've had a breakthrough, scb.

True on both counts! This calls for celebration!

sweet…I’d offer you a drink, but I’d feel like we were rubbing salt in LAO’s wounds

That's okay - I had a drink for each of us.

Fifthelement

Off topic, but every time I see this thread, I read, "Ladies, would you do this guy?" and check for a picture :? :oops: :P

So much for reading comprehension, eh? :ugeek:

Drowned Out

scb wrote:

Drowned Out wrote:

sweet…I’d offer you a drink, but I’d feel like we were rubbing salt in LAO’s wounds

That's okay - I had a drink for each of us.

good good...hope you got a buzz goin and took advantage of yourself for me too! :P

_

Drowned Out wrote:

scb wrote:

Drowned Out wrote:

sweet…I’d offer you a drink, but I’d feel like we were rubbing salt in LAO’s wounds

That's okay - I had a drink for each of us.

good good...hope you got a buzz goin and took advantage of yourself for me too! :P

:shock:

Nope on both counts.

Starfall

LikeAnOcean wrote:

SPEEDY MCCREADY wrote:

I wouldnt call her again...
I wouldnt text her again...
I wouldnt e-mail her again......

I just wouldnt give a fuck about her again.....

Then, if I were you, I would try my best, to fuck one of her best friends......

lol, I agree.

It seems like I can't get a break in the love department lately. I'm 31, funny, good looks, have lots of friends, all of whom can't believe I'm still single. It's become a joke with them.

Maybe the fact that this girl is on heavy anti-depressants and anxiety meds plays into her actions. I sure know how to pick the ones to chase after. :?


Thank god its Friday and thank god for alcohol!

Speaking from some experience, I found myself in several relationships where she was getting what she wanted, but I wasn't. I walked away from every one. If I'm unhappy, what's the point of being IN a relationship? Finally, I decided that I'd rather be alone and NOT be miserable. Life has been great for me ever since.

My advice is - take care of your own needs first. The fact that you're getting hung up over this woman's not contacting you for a while is something I find a bit troubling, especially since you mentioned her being on anxiety meds. Codependency is never a good thing.

If she doesn't respond favorably to any additional inquiries on your part... then it's time to move on. Don't let yourself get dragged down with this. You deserve to be happy, unconditionally.

Just remember - don't drink and drive.

_

Starfall wrote:

Speaking from some experience, I found myself in several relationships where she was getting what she wanted, but I wasn't. I walked away from every one. If I'm unhappy, what's the point of being IN a relationship? Finally, I decided that I'd rather be alone and NOT be miserable. Life has been great for me ever since.

My advice is - take care of your own needs first. The fact that you're getting hung up over this woman's not contacting you for a while is something I find a bit troubling, especially since you mentioned her being on anxiety meds. Codependency is never a good thing.

If she doesn't respond favorably to any additional inquiries on your part... then it's time to move on. Don't let yourself get dragged down with this. You deserve to be happy, unconditionally.

Just remember - don't drink and drive.

I agree that he deserves to be happy, that he shouldn't get hung up on some girl, that relationships are only worth it if they make your life better, and that oftentimes it's great to just be alone. But I wouldn't say it's necessarily time for him to move on. He should move on when he feels like moving on, not because of some preconceived notion of what her busy work schedule means about her feelings for him. Of course, I guess "responding favorably" could mean different things. Sounds to me like she's been responding favorably by telling him she wants to get together as soon as she's available. Also, what does her being on anxiety meds have to do with HIM getting hung up over her not contacting him?