Ladies, would you do this to a guy?

LikeAnOcean

Lone Drawn Meteor wrote:

Thanks, but THIS is the best advice. EVER.

Yes!

I could use one of those.

polaris_x

apparently, you are in a relationship with someone if you have sex with them 5 times ... at least that is what my lady friends tell me ... so, if you haven't hit 5 yet consider yourself just "dating" and that expectations should be kept at a minimum ...

Drowned Out

norm wrote:

Poncier wrote:

norm wrote:

But at this point a Cal is in order it you want to continue seeing her...just check in with is all

But which Cal??

this one

ha! didn't this girl get a thread locked a couple years back cause she was like 15 and everyone was going gaga over her? ....I mean :?

LAO - you've had like one brief text exchange in weeks and haven't tried calling her?...and you're asking us what to do? CALL HER.
Believe me, I get the dilema...there is nothing harder in the single world than balancing coming on too strong with showing interest, esp early on....but by the sounds of it, you could be stuck in this limbo for eternity - the only way out is to confront her, unconfrontationally
Seriously...just try to get a feel for where she's at. If you HAVE to, do it by text...but don't be shy about asking where her head is at. You're not headed down a good relationship path if you're scared to communicate with her!

norm

Drowned Out wrote:

ha! didn't this girl get a thread locked a couple years back cause she was like 15 and everyone was going gaga over her? ....I mean :?

yeah but here she's a college girl!

and i blame poncier...he started it! :P

mca47

LikeAnOcean wrote:

Lone Drawn Meteor wrote:

Thanks, but THIS is the best advice. EVER.

Yes!

I could use one of those.

Damn right!

Chick is incredible! :shock:

PearlOfAGirl

definitely NOT!!!

_

LikeAnOcean wrote:

Go on 7 or 8 dates with him, really good dates, the last date make plans yourself for future dates, borrow his movies, but then barely communicate with him for over a month now?

Granted she took a two week vacation on the other side of the world and her job has been working her crazy hours, but a simple text, "hey, hows it going" or a response to a "hey, how's it going" text would suffice.. She texted me once since when she got back over two weeks ago saying she wanted to go as soon as work wasn't working her crazy. That's our communication for the month. :?

Does this mean I'm shit out of luck? Time to move to the next fish?

Sometimes I just don't understand human behavior.

Haha... at first I thought the thread title was "Would you DO this guy?"

My advice is to take things at face value. If she says she wants to see you but she's too busy with work right now, then she probably wants to see you but she's too busy with work right now. It sounds like she likes you and enjoys your time together but her world doesn't revolve around you (and if she feels pressured, it probably never will). It's never a good idea to make assumptions about how someone else feels. If you want to know, just ask her - and then believe what she tells you. (And when calculating how long it's been since she's contacted you, you can't count the time she was out of town, ya know. )

LikeAnOcean

scb wrote:

LikeAnOcean wrote:

Go on 7 or 8 dates with him, really good dates, the last date make plans yourself for future dates, borrow his movies, but then barely communicate with him for over a month now?

Granted she took a two week vacation on the other side of the world and her job has been working her crazy hours, but a simple text, "hey, hows it going" or a response to a "hey, how's it going" text would suffice.. She texted me once since when she got back over two weeks ago saying she wanted to go as soon as work wasn't working her crazy. That's our communication for the month. :?

Does this mean I'm shit out of luck? Time to move to the next fish?

Sometimes I just don't understand human behavior.

Haha... at first I thought the thread title was "Would you DO this guy?"

My advice is to take things at face value. If she says she wants to see you but she's too busy with work right now, then she probably wants to see you but she's too busy with work right now. It sounds like she likes you and enjoys your time together but her world doesn't revolve around you (and if she feels pressured, it probably never will). It's never a good idea to make assumptions about how someone else feels. If you want to know, just ask her - and then believe what she tells you. (And when calculating how long it's been since she's contacted you, you can't count the time she was out of town, ya know. )

See this is a response I like.. but still, only a few texts in 2 1/2 weeks?

iluvcats

did she borrow the movie 500 of days of summer from you? summer did not want a boyfriend...

screw texting. give her a call.

_

LikeAnOcean wrote:

See this is a response I like.. but still, only a few texts in 2 1/2 weeks?

Time flies when you're really busy, and can be complicated by irregular work hours, exhaustion, etc. There's a guy I like with whom I was communicating regularly and then I got overwhelmed with some stuff and didn't reply to him for two weeks. I still thought about him every day though, and missed him terribly. But life can be distracting, ya know? No sense in second-guessing things.

ZiggyStar

Is this the same chick that got drunk and was dry humping you at bowling? Or was that the "10" from the gay club?! Or are they the same chick? :?

norm

ZiggyStar wrote:

Is this the same chick that got drunk and was dry humping you at bowling? Or was that the "10" from the gay club?! Or are they the same chick? :?

i think it's all the same chick

hi zig! :wave:

LikeAnOcean

ZiggyStar wrote:

Is this the same chick that got drunk and was dry humping you at bowling? Or was that the "10" from the gay club?! Or are they the same chick? :?

Same chick.. same saga. 8-)

ZiggyStar

norm wrote:

ZiggyStar wrote:

Is this the same chick that got drunk and was dry humping you at bowling? Or was that the "10" from the gay club?! Or are they the same chick? :?

i think it's all the same chick

hi zig! :wave:

Hi Normie!! :wave:

ZiggyStar

LikeAnOcean wrote:

ZiggyStar wrote:

Is this the same chick that got drunk and was dry humping you at bowling? Or was that the "10" from the gay club?! Or are they the same chick? :?

Same chick.. same saga. 8-)

Ohhh...I thought you've moved onto a new chick! Wow...this has been going on for a while now.

Imo, if she was really keen on you, you'd know it...especially after this long.

Drowned Out

scb wrote:

LikeAnOcean wrote:

See this is a response I like.. but still, only a few texts in 2 1/2 weeks?

Time flies when you're really busy, and can be complicated by irregular work hours, exhaustion, etc. There's a guy I like with whom I was communicating regularly and then I got overwhelmed with some stuff and didn't reply to him for two weeks. I still thought about him every day though, and missed him terribly. But life can be distracting, ya know? No sense in second-guessing things.

two weeks is way too long. I'd be long gone by then. hell...two-three days without a TEXT is a sign, imo...I understand if you can't make a call or have a convo; too tired, not up to it, whatever....but to not be able to type 20 characters, with no commitment to even read a response? That's literally a five second effort. If you're lookin for more than a friend or fwb, I think it's only courteous to at least try to say hi everyday...miss the odd day, whatever...but two weeks? b-bye.

edit: course this all depends on intentions/expectations. you can always just downgrade those

_

Drowned Out wrote:

scb wrote:

LikeAnOcean wrote:

See this is a response I like.. but still, only a few texts in 2 1/2 weeks?

Time flies when you're really busy, and can be complicated by irregular work hours, exhaustion, etc. There's a guy I like with whom I was communicating regularly and then I got overwhelmed with some stuff and didn't reply to him for two weeks. I still thought about him every day though, and missed him terribly. But life can be distracting, ya know? No sense in second-guessing things.

two weeks is way too long. I'd be long gone by then. hell...two-three days without a TEXT is a sign, imo...I understand if you can't make a call or have a convo; too tired, not up to it, whatever....but to not be able to type 20 characters, with no commitment to even read a response? That's literally a five second effort. If you're lookin for more than a friend or fwb, I think it's only courteous to at least try to say hi everyday...miss the odd day, whatever...but two weeks? b-bye.

edit: course this all depends on intentions/expectations. you can always just downgrade those

If you have some kind of quota about how many times someone must contact you over what period of time before you move on, that's fine. But just realize that that's about you and your expectations, not about her and her feelings. And when you start trying to interpret her (in)actions and assign your own meaning to them (like seeing "signs" that may or may not exist), again, that's about you and your projection of your own feelings/fears, and is not based in any known reality of how she feels about you. So I'd say move on if that's what you want to do, but just remember that it was your choice and had nothing to do with whether or not she really liked you.

Drowned Out

scb wrote:

If you have some kind of quota about how many times someone must contact you over what period of time before you move on, that's fine. But just realize that that's about you and your expectations, not about her and her feelings. And when you start trying to interpret her (in)actions and assign your own meaning to them (like seeing "signs" that may or may not exist), again, that's about you and your projection of your own feelings/fears, and is not based in any known reality of how she feels about you. So I'd say move on if that's what you want to do, but just remember that it was your choice and had nothing to do with whether or not she really liked you.

ya, I'm not inflexible and of course there are legit reasons and exceptions etc, esp when travelling...and yes, it's all personal, subjective, and based on your own intentions/expectations...I'm just saying that, for me...if I'm interested in taking a relationship to 'the next level' with someone...if they can't at least ask how I am every couple days, or let me know they're alive...I think it would be safe for me to assume that they either don't feel the same about me as I did about them, or they have a completely incompatible way of expressing it.
But then...I am a terrible over-thinker when it comes to this stuff, so you're probably coming at this from a better place than I am. (read: my relationship advice is worth squat!)

_

Drowned Out wrote:

scb wrote:

If you have some kind of quota about how many times someone must contact you over what period of time before you move on, that's fine. But just realize that that's about you and your expectations, not about her and her feelings. And when you start trying to interpret her (in)actions and assign your own meaning to them (like seeing "signs" that may or may not exist), again, that's about you and your projection of your own feelings/fears, and is not based in any known reality of how she feels about you. So I'd say move on if that's what you want to do, but just remember that it was your choice and had nothing to do with whether or not she really liked you.

ya, I'm not inflexible and of course there are legit reasons and exceptions etc, esp when travelling...and yes, it's all personal, subjective, and based on your own intentions/expectations...I'm just saying that, for me...if I'm interested in taking a relationship to 'the next level' with someone...if they can't at least ask how I am every couple days, or let me know they're alive...I think it would be safe for me to assume that they either don't feel the same about me as I did about them, or they have a completely incompatible way of expressing it.
But then...I am a terrible over-thinker when it comes to this stuff, so you're probably coming at this from a better place than I am. (read: my relationship advice is worth squat!)

Yeah... interpersonal relationships & communication are complicated & confusing. I tend to over-think things too. I just wanted to tell the OP that I don't think he can assume this woman doesn't like him. Hope it all works out.

Drowned Out

scb wrote:

Yeah... interpersonal relationships & communication are complicated & confusing. I tend to over-think things too. I just wanted to tell the OP that I don't think he can assume this woman doesn't like him. Hope it all works out.

Right. I suggested calling her and at least clearing the air, non-confrontationally. The worst that can happen is that he'll feel a bit foolish for showing unrequited feelings...but the other option, doing nothing....he could be stuck wondering forever. It's pretty easy to be get caught up, and led along by the your own minimum requirements or expectations, when the object of your affection combines them with a couple other attractive traits...I've done it enough. That said...maybe she DOES like him a lot...but if that's the case...I'm guessing maybe incompatible expectations? What's been described doesn't sound healthy to me...