yes i have talked with him about all of this and often actually. that is why throwing it away is so hard.
and we started off as fuck buddies, so the no-sex thing isn't a deal breaker. can't build a solid relationship off of sex. but the three way thing is really getting under my skin. i would be all for three ways if he would want just me more. i'm not rushing things, which is a huge reason why i haven't blown him off.
My first reaction to this is that it’s good that you have open communication…my second inclination is to think that, consciously or not, he’s manipulating you in those conversations. Don’t forget he has 20 years of ‘game’ over you. You say you don’t trust him, so…who’s to say that even if it IS open communication, you’re being told the truth and not what you want to hear? (...and really...if you don't trust him...this whole convo is moot - aside from the reassurance and solace).
Something else to ponder: Ive noticed that a lot of people are honest, but use their honesty as part of their game. They’ll tell people that they don’t want a relationship, but continue to flirt and do things to keep the other interested in order to stroke their egos and ‘steal their energy’ (read: fuck them)…..then…when things go sour….it’s “I told you all along I didn’t want anything from this” :roll:
Are you not rushing things because you don’t want HIM to blow YOU off?
For the record….he probably does care about you a lot. But there ALWAYS comes a time to let these situations go….sounds like you’ve recognized that your time is now. Good luck
Beavis: All my friends are brown and red? What does that mean?
Butthead: It means that his friends are like turds and that they like suck.
Beavis: Heh heh. Oh yeah. Yeah! Get those spoons out of my face before I shove them up your butt!
Butthead: Huh huh.
Sounds like he knows what a good thing he's got going sexually, and is doing the minimum required to keep you interested...= fucking awesome for him.....not healthy for you. That kind of imbalance can only lead to hurt!
This is what I was was thinking too...
7/2/06 - Denver, CO
6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
and we started off as fuck buddies, so the no-sex thing isn't a deal breaker. can't build a solid relationship off of sex. but the three way thing is really getting under my skin. i would be all for three ways if he would want just me more. i'm not rushing things, which is a huge reason why i haven't blown him off.
That seems like a paradox. If you started off as fuck buddies, with little in common...why was there a belief then that a solid relationship might be possible, but now the belief doesn't transpire?
Like others have said, he probably does truly care for you and your well-being. But maybe an intimate relationship between you too just isn't going to work, and a friendship is more suitable.
Good luck. You obviously know what's best for you at the end of the day.
7/2/06 - Denver, CO
6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
and we started off as fuck buddies, so the no-sex thing isn't a deal breaker. can't build a solid relationship off of sex. but the three way thing is really getting under my skin. i would be all for three ways if he would want just me more. i'm not rushing things, which is a huge reason why i haven't blown him off.
That seems like a paradox. If you started off as fuck buddies, with little in common...why was there a belief then that a solid relationship might be possible, but now the belief doesn't transpire?
Like others have said, he probably does truly care for you and your well-being. But maybe an intimate relationship between you too just isn't going to work, and a friendship is more suitable.
Good luck. You obviously know what's best for you at the end of the day.
we started off just having sex, but we wanted to start hanging out after a while. once we started hanging out i found we have barely anything in common.
friendship is probably the best way to go. or become fuck buddies again...
i'll ask what every other man on this thread is thinking... what is the deal with women needing all those shoes?
oh wait... I meant to ask.. was the three ways with other women or with other men?
oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
Move on. I think you know it already, but just need us to agree.
I would love to be this guy's therapist. I am a social worker and just your story tells me so much about him.
Trust your instincts. ou are right on about it will never go anywhere except to deeper and deeper heartache the longer you hang on.
...and he doesn't pressure me into three ways, but he won't have any sexual relationship with me otherwise...
It sounds like you are holding on to this guy for the wrong reasons. As a female, you need to feel that your relationship is on equal footing, and that your partner will care for you the way you deserve to be treated. So tell me, no sexual relationship unless it's a three way...how is that NOT pressure??? And how is that being respectful to your needs???
it's not pressure because i've said no several times and it was dropped and we spent the rest of the night together, and then i've said yes and we did it, and it was over, and we spent the night together.
the reason we stopped having one on one sex is because an ex of mine followed me over one night. it is valid that he called the sex off, but the problem has been addressed, he just hasn't gotten past it. seems like this is his way of getting over the situation.
You stopped having sex because an ex of yours followed you over there?!! :? I would think for threesomes this would be ideal
oh wait... I meant to ask.. was the three ways with other women or with other men?
Why does she keep ignoring this question? That's the only thing I want to know about the whole situation!
If they're having three ways with her and and two men, maybe the old guy is gay....but having her there with him when he fucks men makes him "not gay". And that's why he won't fuck her on his own....because he's just not turned on by women anymore.
My call is that the old guy is either gay or bi....and struggling with his sexuality! Best to move on.
more like real cooking, filet mignon, deserts, foods i've never heard of, cooking from scratch, always packing leftovers for me for lunch.
but i do hear everyone...just sucks
ok he put a little more effort and money in... but my point still stands. Sounds like you know what's up, you're just looking for reassurance that you're headed in the right decision.... Doesn't make it any easier, but once you find something more fulfilling (and you will), you'll realize how abnormal this situation was.
I can't help but think that in a relationship with that big an age gap, at least one of the partners never intended for it to be long term to begin with - which puts you under the 'f-buddy rules': If either of you are misleading the other in regards to intentions, or if you feel that you're not on the same page, you're bound to have trouble. Have you talked to him about all of this?
On the bright side...your willingness to engage in threeways just got the attention of most of the guys on the board
yes i have talked with him about all of this and often actually. that is why throwing it away is so hard.
and we started off as fuck buddies, so the no-sex thing isn't a deal breaker. can't build a solid relationship off of sex. but the three way thing is really getting under my skin. i would be all for three ways if he would want just me more. i'm not rushing things, which is a huge reason why i haven't blown him off.
to be honest... it sounds like you've made him a father figure rather than a partner.
also in Dunk's world... men who are into theatre and not rock music are not to be trusted... it's the 117th law of Dunk's world... right before law 118 which is "never listen to man who refers to his own 'world' and its imaginary laws"
and are three ways what i think they are? and if they are.. are they with other women... and if it is.. this thread is useless without photographic evidence.
no need to thank me for the advice... now i'm off to help a fellow fan with the sudden and tragic loss of their beloved pet dog... which should be a laugh :thumbup:
well I told Tim we're only having sex if it's a 3-way and since you're in Canada he's just gonna have to go without!
Seriously when someone starts putting requirements and limitations on sex like that you know they're focus is more on getting off than on making any kind of relationship work. Which is fine if that's all you want too, but based on your post I would guess it's not. I just don't think I would let a guy who has such disregard for my feelings matter that much.
"I need your strength for me to be strong...I need your love to feel loved"
mmmm sounds like a high quality kind of guy.... would you take him home to meet the parents??? :roll:
my parents don't need to know about my sex life. that aspect aside, he is the type of guy i would bring home in time. but i doubt that will be happening since everyody seems to be on the same page. i'm on my way but it's not easy since i let myself fall for him.
i'll ask what every other man on this thread is thinking... what is the deal with women needing all those shoes?
oh wait... I meant to ask.. was the three ways with other women or with other men?
It seems everyone involved is male? No?
That has been my suspicion all along...
7/2/06 - Denver, CO
6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
if it makes a difference, this is a gay relationship. didn't think it was necessary to clarify those details but here it is.
no it doesn't matter but i was really confused because i always thought you were a guy
it doesn't sound like this relationship has much future...but if you want a f-buddy then go for it!
I agree with Norm...but someone only having sex with you in a threesome is rather a control issue and if he isn't having sex with just you I don't think he is really interested in having a relationship with you...other than physical. I mean sure it is all well and good if you want to have a threesome (hell I am still trying to rope in Clive Owen and Trent Reznor for one ) Do whatever feels right for you
if it makes a difference, this is a gay relationship. didn't think it was necessary to clarify those details but here it is.
no it doesn't matter but i was really confused because i always thought you were a guy
it doesn't sound like this relationship has much future...but if you want a f-buddy then go for it!
I agree with Norm...but someone only having sex with you in a threesome is rather a control issue and if he isn't having sex with just you I don't think he is really interested in having a relationship with you...other than physical. I mean sure it is all well and good if you want to have a threesome (hell I am still trying to rope in Clive Owen and Trent Reznor for one ) Do whatever feels right for you
seems like all men i know. they want the relationship for the benefits and security but free from sexual commitment. i don't even require sexual commitment--just be safe and pay most of your attention to me.
do most guys really get bored of sex with the same person after a few months? i don't.
thanks everyone, talking this out is making it easier to move along.
if it makes a difference, this is a gay relationship. didn't think it was necessary to clarify those details but here it is.
no it doesn't matter but i was really confused because i always thought you were a guy
I'm totally confused....if it's a gay relationship and the older one is a guy, then pinwheel is a guy too, right? :wtf:
then again, as others have suggested, I'm kinda not buying this thread anyways :roll: . Good reading, tho .
If I had known then what I know now...
Vegas 93, Vegas 98, Vegas 00 (10 year show), Vegas 03, Vegas 06
VIC 07
EV LA1 08
Seattle1 09, Seattle2 09, Salt Lake 09, LA4 09
Columbus 10
EV LA 11
Vancouver 11
Missoula 12
Portland 13, Spokane 13
St. Paul 14, Denver 14
thanks for the clarification....now I gotta go back and start over, to fully appreciate the subtleties of this thread.
If I had known then what I know now...
Vegas 93, Vegas 98, Vegas 00 (10 year show), Vegas 03, Vegas 06
VIC 07
EV LA1 08
Seattle1 09, Seattle2 09, Salt Lake 09, LA4 09
Columbus 10
EV LA 11
Vancouver 11
Missoula 12
Portland 13, Spokane 13
St. Paul 14, Denver 14
if it makes a difference, this is a gay relationship. didn't think it was necessary to clarify those details but here it is.
it was highly necessary... I've been imagining threesomes with 2 women involved!! don't get me wrong, i'm not homophobic, in fact i love my house... but it is necessary to clarify as if you want advice, then its information that is vital to the advice received. i.e. if i was a hermaphrodite nun then me asking for relationship advice might not get the best info from a hetersexual aethiest, just as a gay man who has threesomes might not get the best relationship advice from someone who has kids and a wife.
oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
Comments
My first reaction to this is that it’s good that you have open communication…my second inclination is to think that, consciously or not, he’s manipulating you in those conversations. Don’t forget he has 20 years of ‘game’ over you. You say you don’t trust him, so…who’s to say that even if it IS open communication, you’re being told the truth and not what you want to hear? (...and really...if you don't trust him...this whole convo is moot - aside from the reassurance and solace).
Something else to ponder: Ive noticed that a lot of people are honest, but use their honesty as part of their game. They’ll tell people that they don’t want a relationship, but continue to flirt and do things to keep the other interested in order to stroke their egos and ‘steal their energy’ (read: fuck them)…..then…when things go sour….it’s “I told you all along I didn’t want anything from this” :roll:
Are you not rushing things because you don’t want HIM to blow YOU off?
For the record….he probably does care about you a lot. But there ALWAYS comes a time to let these situations go….sounds like you’ve recognized that your time is now. Good luck
Butthead: It means that his friends are like turds and that they like suck.
Beavis: Heh heh. Oh yeah. Yeah! Get those spoons out of my face before I shove them up your butt!
Butthead: Huh huh.
This is what I was was thinking too...
6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
That seems like a paradox. If you started off as fuck buddies, with little in common...why was there a belief then that a solid relationship might be possible, but now the belief doesn't transpire?
Like others have said, he probably does truly care for you and your well-being. But maybe an intimate relationship between you too just isn't going to work, and a friendship is more suitable.
Good luck. You obviously know what's best for you at the end of the day.
6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
friendship is probably the best way to go. or become fuck buddies again...
oh wait... I meant to ask.. was the three ways with other women or with other men?
I would love to be this guy's therapist. I am a social worker and just your story tells me so much about him.
Trust your instincts. ou are right on about it will never go anywhere except to deeper and deeper heartache the longer you hang on.
You stopped having sex because an ex of yours followed you over there?!! :? I would think for threesomes this would be ideal
LMAO!
This thread is fucking hilarious....surely it can't be for real?
★ 2009 - Sydney, Brisbane, Auckland, Christchurch ★
★ 2011 - EV Newcastle, Melbourne 1, Melbourne 2 ★
Why does she keep ignoring this question? That's the only thing I want to know about the whole situation!
If they're having three ways with her and and two men, maybe the old guy is gay....but having her there with him when he fucks men makes him "not gay". And that's why he won't fuck her on his own....because he's just not turned on by women anymore.
My call is that the old guy is either gay or bi....and struggling with his sexuality! Best to move on.
Case closed. NEXT!
★ 2009 - Sydney, Brisbane, Auckland, Christchurch ★
★ 2011 - EV Newcastle, Melbourne 1, Melbourne 2 ★
That is what I thought...hence my earlier comment
I'll ***JOIN*** in...
Seriously when someone starts putting requirements and limitations on sex like that you know they're focus is more on getting off than on making any kind of relationship work. Which is fine if that's all you want too, but based on your post I would guess it's not. I just don't think I would let a guy who has such disregard for my feelings matter that much.
"I need your strength for me to be strong...I need your love to feel loved"
It seems everyone involved is male? No?
That has been my suspicion all along...
6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
no it doesn't matter but i was really confused because i always thought you were a guy
it doesn't sound like this relationship has much future...but if you want a f-buddy then go for it!
I agree with Norm...but someone only having sex with you in a threesome is rather a control issue and if he isn't having sex with just you I don't think he is really interested in having a relationship with you...other than physical. I mean sure it is all well and good if you want to have a threesome (hell I am still trying to rope in Clive Owen and Trent Reznor for one
I wrote this earlier and it still applies whatever the genders concerned are.
Hope you're working it out.
do most guys really get bored of sex with the same person after a few months? i don't.
thanks everyone, talking this out is making it easier to move along.
I'm a woman so not really qualified to answer. But from my experience no, some men just can't keep it in their pants though.
I'm totally confused....if it's a gay relationship and the older one is a guy, then pinwheel is a guy too, right? :wtf:
then again, as others have suggested, I'm kinda not buying this thread anyways :roll: . Good reading, tho
Vegas 93, Vegas 98, Vegas 00 (10 year show), Vegas 03, Vegas 06
VIC 07
EV LA1 08
Seattle1 09, Seattle2 09, Salt Lake 09, LA4 09
Columbus 10
EV LA 11
Vancouver 11
Missoula 12
Portland 13, Spokane 13
St. Paul 14, Denver 14
thanks for the clarification....now I gotta go back and start over, to fully appreciate the subtleties of this thread.
Vegas 93, Vegas 98, Vegas 00 (10 year show), Vegas 03, Vegas 06
VIC 07
EV LA1 08
Seattle1 09, Seattle2 09, Salt Lake 09, LA4 09
Columbus 10
EV LA 11
Vancouver 11
Missoula 12
Portland 13, Spokane 13
St. Paul 14, Denver 14
it was highly necessary... I've been imagining threesomes with 2 women involved!! don't get me wrong, i'm not homophobic, in fact i love my house... but it is necessary to clarify as if you want advice, then its information that is vital to the advice received. i.e. if i was a hermaphrodite nun then me asking for relationship advice might not get the best info from a hetersexual aethiest, just as a gay man who has threesomes might not get the best relationship advice from someone who has kids and a wife.