Like others have said, 20 years is a long time. I know how much you loved Suki and Suki knows how much you loved her. I say 'loved', but of course that love is still there. All that caring can't and won't just disappear even though she's no longer with you.
Things like this are tough, I still feel awful for not having been able to visit our first kitty before she died, and that was years ago. But I can focus on the good memories I have of her, and that makes me feel better.
Warm thoughts to you (and the hubby + doggies), time heals all wounds.
*hugs*
sin't it amazing all we remember (and feel guilt over).....years later?
i was just recalling our dog mindy, we had her when i was a small child....and how devastated i was when she died at the vet's office, most especially since my mother was finally going to allow me to visit her....the next day. :(
i've loved, and lost...a great # of pets, and people. over the years....
guess on some level, i should be very thankful for that.
I’m a lucky (wo)man to count on both hands
The ones I love,..
Some folks just have one,
Others they got none, aw huh,..
Beavis: All my friends are brown and red? What does that mean?
Butthead: It means that his friends are like turds and that they like suck.
Beavis: Heh heh. Oh yeah. Yeah! Get those spoons out of my face before I shove them up your butt!
Butthead: Huh huh.
I'm so sorry, D2D. Suki was a beautiful kitty and it's clear you loved and cared for her. She had an amazing life span and that alone tells me how much she was cared for.
You said that you have a great vet. Instead of thinking of her dying alone, try to focus on the fact that she was in the hands of a caring professional. If he is as good a guy as you say he is, then his staff must have been attentive to her needs. I know it's not the same as her dying at home, with you there, but it's not as if you abandoned her. Animals seem to have a pretty strong sense of who means them well, and Suki was among friends when she passed. I hope it gives you some comfort to think about her being well cared for right up until she died.
I also "get" what you're saying. Each time I've lost one of my dogs (6 over the years) I make myself crazy wondering what I could have done differently or why I didn't do "whatever" could have changed things or made their passing easier. In 1996, we lost the dog that we've probably loved best over the years. Her name was Tess and she developed a rare, virulent form of breast cancer. She died less than 3 weeks after I found lumps on her. She had surgery but it was so aggressive that it soon filled her lungs and went to her brain. One morning when I found she couldn't stand up, I took her right to the vet and went on to work. Our vet (who is wonderful!) called me to tell me how badly the cancer had spread and that she had collapsed while they were doing x-rays. He advised us to get there quickly so she could be euthanized. I asked if we couldn't take her home that evening so she could die at home but he said that she didn't have that much time.
I called my husband and we both left work. We got to the vet's, only to learn that Tess had died a few minutes earlier. The vet tried to call us to tell us to hurry, but we were en route when he called. I felt something like you must be feeling--overwhelmingly devastated that we weren't there and she had died alone. My vet, however, assured me that she had never been alone. He and his staff adored Tess and someone was with her constantly that last day. Glenn and I both cried like babies and the vet hugged and comforted us both. I was broken-hearted for a long time over not being with her when she died. Our other dog cried every night at bed time for 2 weeks afterward, which made me even sadder.
I'm sorry you have to grieve alone at your workplace. My co-workers at the time were incredibly compassionate and even expressed surprise that I came to work the next day. I understand what you're saying, though. Many people don't understand the sadness of losing a beloved pet. I'm glad you're talking about it here, where there are so many caring people.
It took a long time but nowadays when I think of my Tess, I remember the pretty little dog that charmed everyone who met her. There will come a day when you no longer dwell on the sadness of Suki's death but remember the great friend and companion she was. Take care.
Carolyn
thank you for sharing your story.
eh, we who share our lives with wonderful animals, we all have these tragic stories eh?
i've got more than my fair share...and your story reminded me of my beloved sinead - my 'fave dog ever' - who died in route at age 10, in the car to the vets. :( it was shocking and tragic b/c it happened so unexpectedly, but i actually had some 'comfort' in the thought that she purposely stayed alive long enough for me to wake up, find her and try to help her.
and i DO have some very caring people at work, but it's just not something i want to share with a lot here...and thus why i don't want to leave early. that's all. i've shared with 3 people here, people i care about. it's just always better to be home.
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.
As others have said, remember the good times! Suki seemed like a wonderful cat!
"Sometimes you find yourself having to put all your faith in no faith."
~not a dude~
2010: MSGx2
2012: Made In America
2013: Pittsburgh, Brooklynx2, Hartford, Baltimore
2014: Leeds, Milton Keynes, Detroit
2015: Global Citizen Festival
2016: Phillyx2, MSGx2, Fenwayx2 2018: Barcelona, Wrigleyx2
Try not to dwell on the circumstances. I know it will be hard, but you were doing what you felt was in the best interest of everyone given the situation, and you cannot be faulted for that, at all.
I'm so sorry D2D... there's not much I can say except I don't think anyone will consider you weird for being upset over your pet dying, especially considering how long she's been with you. One thing though... vets offices are very caring places, I'm sure her last night wasn't as cold as you're imagining.
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
All the world will be your enemy, Prince with a thousand enemies, and whenever they catch you, they will kill you. But first they must catch you, digger, listener, runner, prince with the swift warning. Be cunning and full of tricks and your people shall never be destroyed.
Animals having a shorter lifespan than us is such a hard thing to deal with, when the time comes. But it always comes. Keep thinking about the good times. You both shared them.
Thoughts are with you.
ADD 5,200 to the post count you see, thank you.
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*MSG 9/10/98 (backstage) *MSG 9/11/98 (backstage)
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*Bristow VA 5/13/10 *MSG 5/20/10 *MSG 5/21/10
thoughts and prayers your way. losing a pet, especially a favorite, is just the worst. when i lost my pooch, who was also my constant copilot and best friend, i was inconsolable. i thought i knew what depression was, until she died - turns out i only knew before what it was like to be sad. my first reaction was to come here to this board where the hearts and minds tend to be more benevolent than elsewhere. AC Weisenbecker (search of captain zero - he lost his dog at the end of the story) even sent a kind email along and his advice was pretty much "when you are ready, get another dog", which i didn't want to hear at the time at all, but turns out he was right. after about a year of guilt, anxiety, panic attacks, random crying, alcohol abuse, insomnia and finally coming to the conclusion that she had a great run, but it was just simply time for her to go. the wife and i adopted another dog, then another (then two cats and a frog and some fish) and they are all terrific. Belle will live in my heart forever (that's her over there), as will your Suki live in yours. even though they are gone, the love still remains strong as ever. maybe that is why it is so hard. pet lovers tend to have ginormous hearts, so when they get broken it just hurts that much more. sorry to ramble on. i hope things get better for you soon, and my deepest sympathies for your loss. jc
Oh wow, my condolences. Glad she lived a good life. 20 years is a long time especially for cats. Not sure what that is in human years. I'd be balling my eyes out when my cats go, which hopefully won't be for a long time (they're kinda young).
8/28/98- Camden, NJ
10/31/09- Philly
5/21/10- NYC
9/2/12- Philly, PA
7/19/13- Wrigley
10/19/13- Brooklyn, NY
10/21/13- Philly, PA
10/22/13- Philly, PA
10/27/13- Baltimore, MD
4/28/16- Philly, PA
4/29/16- Philly, PA
5/1/16- NYC
5/2/16- NYC
9/2/18- Boston, MA
9/4/18- Boston, MA
9/14/22- Camden, NJ
9/7/24- Philly, PA
9/9/24- Philly, PA
Tres Mts.- 3/23/11- Philly. PA
Eddie Vedder- 6/25/11- Philly, PA
RNDM- 3/9/16- Philly, PA
((((D2D))))) I'm so sorry. I know she was your child. Not a good way to start the New Year. Please don't feel guilty about not being with her. She knows you loved her with all your heart.
~*LIVE~LOVE~LAUGH*~
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
"FF, I've heard the droning about the Sawx being the baby dolls. Yeah, I get it, you guys invented baseball and suffered forever. I get it." -JearlPam0925
I am so so sorry and understand completely how you feel as I had a similar situation once with my PeeWee. Just try to remember what a wonderful life you did give her and focus now on the living and remember in the future to listen to your instincts! Big big hugs for you!
"I'd rather be with an animal." "Those that can be trusted can change their mind." "The in between is mine." "If I don't lose control, explore and not explode, a preternatural other plane with the power to maintain." "Yeh this is living." "Life is what you make it."
Hey You. Hope your OK. Sorry for your loss. You were only trying to do what was best for Suki. Don't stress about a couple of days, its sound like she had 20 very happy years with you. 20 years is awesome. Wish my doggies lived that long
Do NOT let this eat you up for a long time. You did what you thought was best for your cat, and it WAS for the best. She was not sitting there being spiteful of you. From what I hear you gave her a great life and she lasted a long time.
My cat died about a year ago and I felt guilt for kind of freaking out when she had a seizure and I feel if someone else was there they could have helped faster. I got over it after I realized I did all I could at the time.
Sorry for your loss.....but like you said, she made it to 20 years, so she had a great great life...really nothing more she could ever ask for....my first cat got run over by a car, who I found in a box on our stairs upon my return from school...my first dog was killed by a car also, at the age of 4...my second dog (beautiful lab) I had to take to the vet and put to sleep because no one else in the family had enough balls to do it..he was only 9 and otherwise healthy.....anyway, life goes on .....
'I want to hurry home to you
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'
She looked like a lovely little lady. I'm so sorry D2D :( Try not to beat yourself up about her not coming home for the last night, you loved her and she knew that from the life you gave her. 20 years is incredible and you should be very proud that you had her in your life. Cats, to me and many people, are the most wonderful animals on the planet and they're members of our families for a reason. I know you'll never stop loving her, I'm sure you have some great memories... and soon the tears will become a smile when you think of her.
{{{{{hugs}}}}}
Been to this many PJ shows: Reading 2006 London 2007 Manchester & London 2009 Dublin, Belfast, London, Nijmegen & Berlin 2010 Manchester 1 & Manchester 2 2012...
... and I still think Drive-By Truckers are better.
There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
i hate cats...but i am really sorry for your loss. 20 years???---why that is a long time. suki's probably happy wherever he is...
this post made me laugh.
i am doing better today, tho still pretty fuckin' miserable over it.
i really, really lost it last night....but today, no actual tears, just welled up a few times.
i think i got my mind in a better place over it, and that helps...but yea, it'll take time.
i tortured myself a little last night, i looked at the few pics i had *just* snapped of suki on saturday! and she still looked good! that was the first day that she stopped eating, so it really was such a quick process....which for my kitty i am glad she didn't have to suffer long. and yea, her ultrasound proved just how she was - basically her kidneys and liver were all utterly shot, looked like she might've had a blockage/possible cancerous tumors in her anal tract/intestines....just a mess. so i am glad in one sense that she did not seem at all ill until saturday. i'd hate to think she suffered in silence, so i think more than likely it may've been developing for some time, but didn't cause her actual pain until this past weekend. also glad we had one more christmas/new years with her, so yea....tryin' to focus on the good stuff.
someone just summarized it well for me...
one bad week in 20 year lifespan....pretty damn good, overall.
I miss having a cat. Wonder if i could persuade my house mates and letting agency to let me have one?
i will miss suki...a LOT of course, but i don't think i will ever get another cat. i will always love cats, but i love dogs more and having 2 dogs plus the cat was quite pricey and i also hate litter boxes. also, suki was declawed, but i now know how frowned upon that is, and i don't think i would choose to do it if i had another kitty....and yea...the claws are a pain too for the good of my furniture, etc. of course there are lots and lots of upsides to kittys.....thus why i've had 2!...but we're definitely more dog people, overall and given the expense of that and us being just regular folk ...we'll stick with the 2 dogs. i'll just be sure to keep myself away from the animal shelter so i don't cave in a moment of weakness.
(that's how we ended up adopting 2 dogs within 2 months after my beloved sinead had passed away unexpectedly in 2000 - gotta stay away from the shelters when grieving! :oops: )
I miss having a cat. Wonder if i could persuade my house mates and letting agency to let me have one?
i will miss suki...a LOT of course, but i don't think i will ever get another cat. i will always love cats, but i love dogs more and having 2 dogs plus the cat was quite pricey and i also hate litter boxes. also, suki was declawed, but i now know how frowned upon that is, and i don't think i would choose to do it if i had another kitty....and yea...the claws are a pain too for the good of my furniture, etc. of course there are lots and lots of upsides to kittys.....thus why i've had 2!...but we're definitely more dog people, overall and given the expense of that and us being just regular folk ...we'll stick with the 2 dogs. i'll just be sure to keep myself away from the animal shelter so i don't cave in a moment of weakness.
(that's how we ended up adopting 2 dogs within 2 months after my beloved sinead had passed away unexpectedly in 2000 - gotta stay away from the shelters when grieving! :oops: )
Never had a dog but would love to have one. I just don't think i can commit to the time you need to walk it at the min. I won't get one otherwise. It wouldn't be fair.
Comments
sin't it amazing all we remember (and feel guilt over).....years later?
i was just recalling our dog mindy, we had her when i was a small child....and how devastated i was when she died at the vet's office, most especially since my mother was finally going to allow me to visit her....the next day. :(
i've loved, and lost...a great # of pets, and people. over the years....
guess on some level, i should be very thankful for that.
I’m a lucky (wo)man to count on both hands
The ones I love,..
Some folks just have one,
Others they got none, aw huh,..
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
Butthead: It means that his friends are like turds and that they like suck.
Beavis: Heh heh. Oh yeah. Yeah! Get those spoons out of my face before I shove them up your butt!
Butthead: Huh huh.
thank you for sharing your story.
eh, we who share our lives with wonderful animals, we all have these tragic stories eh?
i've got more than my fair share...and your story reminded me of my beloved sinead - my 'fave dog ever' - who died in route at age 10, in the car to the vets. :( it was shocking and tragic b/c it happened so unexpectedly, but i actually had some 'comfort' in the thought that she purposely stayed alive long enough for me to wake up, find her and try to help her.
and i DO have some very caring people at work, but it's just not something i want to share with a lot here...and thus why i don't want to leave early. that's all. i've shared with 3 people here, people i care about. it's just always better to be home.
you ALL are wonderful people.
:thumbup:
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
As others have said, remember the good times! Suki seemed like a wonderful cat!
~not a dude~
2010: MSGx2
2012: Made In America
2013: Pittsburgh, Brooklynx2, Hartford, Baltimore
2014: Leeds, Milton Keynes, Detroit
2015: Global Citizen Festival
2016: Phillyx2, MSGx2, Fenwayx2
2018: Barcelona, Wrigleyx2
Try not to dwell on the circumstances. I know it will be hard, but you were doing what you felt was in the best interest of everyone given the situation, and you cannot be faulted for that, at all.
Having hope is not something to regret.
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
Just try and remember all the good times you had with her and all the love she gave you.
Take care {{hugs}}
Animals having a shorter lifespan than us is such a hard thing to deal with, when the time comes. But it always comes. Keep thinking about the good times. You both shared them.
Thoughts are with you.
*NYC 9/28/96 *NYC 9/29/96 *NJ 9/8/98 (front row "may i play drums with you")
*MSG 9/10/98 (backstage) *MSG 9/11/98 (backstage)
*Jones Beach 8/23/00 *Jones Beach 8/24/00 *Jones Beach 8/25/00
*Mansfield 8/29/00 *Mansfield 8/30/00 *Nassau 4/30/03 *Nissan VA 7/1/03
*Borgata 10/1/05 *Camden 5/27/06 *Camden 5/28/06 *DC 5/30/06
*VA Beach 6/17/08 *DC 6/22/08 *MSG 6/24/08 (backstage) *MSG 6/25/08
*EV DC 8/17/08 *EV Baltimore 6/15/09 *Philly 10/31/09
*Bristow VA 5/13/10 *MSG 5/20/10 *MSG 5/21/10
Went through it last year, worst time ever.
:(
So sorry to hear that.
I had two cats growing up. On lived to be 19, the other 18. Losing a family member (yes, pets are family members IMO) is always hard.
So sorry for you loss.
Oh wow, my condolences. Glad she lived a good life. 20 years is a long time especially for cats. Not sure what that is in human years. I'd be balling my eyes out when my cats go, which hopefully won't be for a long time (they're kinda young).
10/31/09- Philly
5/21/10- NYC
9/2/12- Philly, PA
7/19/13- Wrigley
10/19/13- Brooklyn, NY
10/21/13- Philly, PA
10/22/13- Philly, PA
10/27/13- Baltimore, MD
4/28/16- Philly, PA
4/29/16- Philly, PA
5/1/16- NYC
5/2/16- NYC
9/2/18- Boston, MA
9/4/18- Boston, MA
9/14/22- Camden, NJ
9/7/24- Philly, PA
9/9/24- Philly, PA
Eddie Vedder- 6/25/11- Philly, PA
RNDM- 3/9/16- Philly, PA
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
{{{decides2dream}}}
(((((((((HUGS))))))))))))
Take care
You and Mr d2d are in my thoughts. R.I.P. Suki ((((HUGS))))
My cat died about a year ago and I felt guilt for kind of freaking out when she had a seizure and I feel if someone else was there they could have helped faster. I got over it after I realized I did all I could at the time.
2010: Newark 5/18 MSG 5/20-21 2011: PJ20 9/3-4 2012: Made In America 9/2
2013: Brooklyn 10/18-19 Philly 10/21-22 Hartford 10/25 2014: ACL10/12
2015: NYC 9/23 2016: Tampa 4/11 Philly 4/28-29 MSG 5/1-2 Fenway 8/5+8/7
2017: RRHoF 4/7 2018: Fenway 9/2+9/4 2021: Sea Hear Now 9/18
2022: MSG 9/11 2024: MSG 9/3-4 Philly 9/7+9/9 Fenway 9/15+9/17
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'
She looked like a lovely little lady. I'm so sorry D2D :( Try not to beat yourself up about her not coming home for the last night, you loved her and she knew that from the life you gave her. 20 years is incredible and you should be very proud that you had her in your life. Cats, to me and many people, are the most wonderful animals on the planet and they're members of our families for a reason. I know you'll never stop loving her, I'm sure you have some great memories... and soon the tears will become a smile when you think of her.
{{{{{hugs}}}}}
... and I still think Drive-By Truckers are better.
The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
i truly appreciate it.
this post made me laugh.
i am doing better today, tho still pretty fuckin' miserable over it.
i really, really lost it last night....but today, no actual tears, just welled up a few times.
i think i got my mind in a better place over it, and that helps...but yea, it'll take time.
i tortured myself a little last night, i looked at the few pics i had *just* snapped of suki on saturday! and she still looked good! that was the first day that she stopped eating, so it really was such a quick process....which for my kitty i am glad she didn't have to suffer long. and yea, her ultrasound proved just how she was - basically her kidneys and liver were all utterly shot, looked like she might've had a blockage/possible cancerous tumors in her anal tract/intestines....just a mess. so i am glad in one sense that she did not seem at all ill until saturday. i'd hate to think she suffered in silence, so i think more than likely it may've been developing for some time, but didn't cause her actual pain until this past weekend. also glad we had one more christmas/new years with her, so yea....tryin' to focus on the good stuff.
someone just summarized it well for me...
one bad week in 20 year lifespan....pretty damn good, overall.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
i will miss suki...a LOT of course, but i don't think i will ever get another cat. i will always love cats, but i love dogs more and having 2 dogs plus the cat was quite pricey and i also hate litter boxes.
(that's how we ended up adopting 2 dogs within 2 months after my beloved sinead had passed away unexpectedly in 2000 - gotta stay away from the shelters when grieving! :oops: )
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
Never had a dog but would love to have one. I just don't think i can commit to the time you need to walk it at the min. I won't get one otherwise. It wouldn't be fair.