Suki died today

decides2dream

my beloved kitty, 20 years old...died about a half hour ago.

:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(


obviously, she had a great life....not many kittys get to make it to 20, and up until saturday, she had a happy and healthy life. out of no where she stopped eating and we took her to the vet tuesday evening, had a lot of tests, etc. we took her home that night. took her back to the vet wednesday morning fully expecting to hear it was time to let her go. her bloodwork showed lots of trouble, very bad results....kidney and liver issues. however, our vet said the only way to be sure the extent of it was to have an ultrasound, that it might not be that bad, may be treatable. we discussed in length her age and the appropriateness, and he truly believed it was a good idea. (he's been our vet for 18 years, a truly great guy) so we went for it and left suki there for IV treatment. i really did not ever want to leave her overnight b/c she's never been away from home overnight before, and i wanted her to die at home, or with us present at the vets. originally we had planned on picking her up last night at 6:30....and this is what kills me. we didn't. my husband called and talked with an assistant, said suki was the same but as we had to await the ultrasound results until today, we let her stay overnight and were either going to take her home tonight if she were in bad shape and put her down on saturday when we both could be present....or leave her again for more treatment if things were positive. she died at the vets office, and had not seen us since wednesday morning. i did not get to say goodbye to her, i did not get to hold her when she died, she died in a cage in a vet office, not knowing why we left her there, all alone. she would have died at home alone, but at least she would have had one more evening with her, i would've loved her up, i would've said good-bye to her this morning like i always do as i leave for work....and she would've died at home, in her own bed. THAT is what really hurts, i should've listened to MY instincts and broubht her home. we all knew it wasn't good, and while i was not expecting any miracle, i still felt i "owed" her a shot at life, so left her with the vet. her not dying at home, or at the very least with me present at the vet...is going to haunt me a long, long time. spent close to 1k these past couple days for her and she is worth every penny....but i wish instead i just followed my gut and brought her home one last night. i am sitting here crying in my cube.....

pjtradeking

Sorry for your loss! :-(

dcfaithful

Terribly sorry for your loss :(...my thoughts are with you in your tough time.

pearljgirl2010

awww D2D, I'm really sorry :( Suki knew how much you loved her and that you'd never purposefully leave her...maybe she didn't want you to see her lke that...

rival.

sorry to hear about this.


20 years is a strong life though!

pandora

Oh I am so sorry I wish too you could have had that time with her I know your heart is aching, it is true are instincts are strong- so often we don't listen- I am sorry
you gave her a wonderful life and lots of love
this is terrible
be with your hubby soon he will help you get thru

youngster

Very sorry. Losing a pet is losing a member of the family. It is so hard. Sending good vibes you're way.

decides2dream

pandora wrote:

Oh I am so sorry I wish too you could have had that time with her I know your heart is aching, it is true are instincts are strong- so often we don't listen- I am sorry
you gave her a wonderful life and lots of love
this is terrible
be with your hubby soon he will help you get thru

my hubby sucks at this stuff....
i know he hurts too, tho not nearly as much (if this were igby it would be a whole other story)...he is a good man, but he just sucks at being 'comforting' ya know? i know there's nothing we can do now, and he sees it as counter-productive for me to focus on not being with her...but that is what truly HURTS.....and it would be a help if he would just understand that, that i need to focus on that a bit and get it out of my system. it sucks too that he told me over the phone. i knew the news was going to be bad, but i kept praying she'd live at least until tonight so she could home home and i could hug her one more time, tell i loved her, etc. i would feel sooooo much better about this all if that had happened. it just crushes me that she died in a cage at the vet office.

thanks for letting me vent all....truly appreciate your kind words. it sucks i am at work, but i'd feel ridiculous leaving. i had been on vacation from christmas until 01.05....and actually extended it one more day yesterday so i could go to the vet with suki and my husband, and did let my superiors know why i was extending it by one day with zero notice....but i would feel silly leaving. too many just don't understand/respect the grieving process for a pet. not saying they wouldn't understand, i've not tried....but i am not going to. i just wish it would appear perfectly normal to say hey....i just found out my pet died, i need to go home....and they'd all say, yes...go home! and not think you're weird, etc.

suki has lived with me longer than ANYone.....crazy eh? :(

Lizard

Oh damn. So sorry to read this, M.

That is tough how she left but ALWAYS remember you guys gave her an AWESOME LIFE!!!

(((((D2D))))

VT2472

losing a pet is one of the toughest things to go through. may you find peace in the fact that you gave her the best life a kitty could ever have.

Black Diamond

Truly sorry to hear this but you had one heck of a run. 20 years is amazing and I wish I had that with Onyx but he only made it 10 years.

I truly feel for you and I hope you are ok

libragirl

I'm so sorry :(

chadwick

i just had a tear.
that's amazing.
20 years is wonderful.
sounds to me like Suki had a great life.

_

I'm so sorry. :(

eyedclaar

decides2dream, I am very sorry to hear about that. I had that happen once as well. Your post reminded me of a story I wrote. I am going to post it in the writing forum. You can read it if you want to. The main character didn't understand just how important goodbyes are. Very sad...

It's called "Goobyes"

the wolf

I'm so sorry D2D

just went through this with my Zillah Bear

---

>

back in august. I still cry over that big goofy bastard.

I have to take his sister to the vet tomorrow morning to get a lump checked out to make sure she don't have lymphompa just like him.

I feel your pain.

This board was a great source of comfort to me when we lost Zillah. I never got to thank everyone, because I would always strart crying so hard everytime I pulled the thread up to do so.

stay strong.

R.I.P. Suki. you were and always will be loved.


-steve

decides2dream

Black Diamond wrote:

Truly sorry to hear this but you had one heck of a run. 20 years is amazing and I wish I had that with Onyx but he only made it 10 years.

I truly feel for you and I hope you are ok

onyx didn't happen to be a black cat, was he?
my oldest sister's first cat- the first cat ever in our family in fact - was a black cat, also male, named onyx....who strangely too, had too short a life.


suki DID have a great, long life. i know that and need to focus on that.
it's just the where and when of her death that hurts me so much, and i think i would handle it all soooo much better if that circumstance were different. obviously, with a 20 year old cat....you expect death soon and i was prepared for that, just not the rest of it.


thank you all....this helps.
otherwise i would be blubbering alone in my cube.
i certainly hope no one actually comes up to me for work, b/c i am a mess.... :oops:


eyedclaar...i think your story is going to make me cry more....but of course you know i will be reading it.....

Digital Twilight

Don't beat yourself up honey.

Not every pet / animal / person can say they had a warm, loving life and you gave that. It hurts so much because it is something that means so much to you and to Suki. If animals could express their feeling like we can i'm sure she would have told you that herself and so much more.

Take care

Dave x

Phantom Pain

:(

That sucks

Im sorry for your loss

Suki had a good life

decides2dream

the most beautiful pic i have, i think, of suki.....when she was 15 i believe...

the wolf

dont beat yourself up D2D. there are a lot of things i would do different now having gone through it with Zillah.

she knows why you left her there, she knows you were trying to help her get better and that you loved her.

I know it hurts thinking about what ifs and all that other painful shit that goes with it.

Zillah and I were sleeping on the couch and his big ass was digging into me, and I made him get down. he died a few hours later, and I beat the shit outta myself for making him get down. He knew he was in bad shape and just wanted to lay with me i think.

don't go down that road of kicking yourself.

again, I'm so very sorry for your loss.