Suki died today
decides2dream
Posts: 14,977
my beloved kitty, 20 years old...died about a half hour ago.
:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(
obviously, she had a great life....not many kittys get to make it to 20, and up until saturday, she had a happy and healthy life. out of no where she stopped eating and we took her to the vet tuesday evening, had a lot of tests, etc. we took her home that night. took her back to the vet wednesday morning fully expecting to hear it was time to let her go. her bloodwork showed lots of trouble, very bad results....kidney and liver issues. however, our vet said the only way to be sure the extent of it was to have an ultrasound, that it might not be that bad, may be treatable. we discussed in length her age and the appropriateness, and he truly believed it was a good idea. (he's been our vet for 18 years, a truly great guy) so we went for it and left suki there for IV treatment. i really did not ever want to leave her overnight b/c she's never been away from home overnight before, and i wanted her to die at home, or with us present at the vets. originally we had planned on picking her up last night at 6:30....and this is what kills me. we didn't. my husband called and talked with an assistant, said suki was the same but as we had to await the ultrasound results until today, we let her stay overnight and were either going to take her home tonight if she were in bad shape and put her down on saturday when we both could be present....or leave her again for more treatment if things were positive. she died at the vets office, and had not seen us since wednesday morning. i did not get to say goodbye to her, i did not get to hold her when she died, she died in a cage in a vet office, not knowing why we left her there, all alone. she would have died at home alone, but at least she would have had one more evening with her, i would've loved her up, i would've said good-bye to her this morning like i always do as i leave for work....and she would've died at home, in her own bed. THAT is what really hurts, i should've listened to MY instincts and broubht her home. we all knew it wasn't good, and while i was not expecting any miracle, i still felt i "owed" her a shot at life, so left her with the vet. her not dying at home, or at the very least with me present at the vet...is going to haunt me a long, long time. spent close to 1k these past couple days for her and she is worth every penny....but i wish instead i just followed my gut and brought her home one last night. i am sitting here crying in my cube.....
:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(
obviously, she had a great life....not many kittys get to make it to 20, and up until saturday, she had a happy and healthy life. out of no where she stopped eating and we took her to the vet tuesday evening, had a lot of tests, etc. we took her home that night. took her back to the vet wednesday morning fully expecting to hear it was time to let her go. her bloodwork showed lots of trouble, very bad results....kidney and liver issues. however, our vet said the only way to be sure the extent of it was to have an ultrasound, that it might not be that bad, may be treatable. we discussed in length her age and the appropriateness, and he truly believed it was a good idea. (he's been our vet for 18 years, a truly great guy) so we went for it and left suki there for IV treatment. i really did not ever want to leave her overnight b/c she's never been away from home overnight before, and i wanted her to die at home, or with us present at the vets. originally we had planned on picking her up last night at 6:30....and this is what kills me. we didn't. my husband called and talked with an assistant, said suki was the same but as we had to await the ultrasound results until today, we let her stay overnight and were either going to take her home tonight if she were in bad shape and put her down on saturday when we both could be present....or leave her again for more treatment if things were positive. she died at the vets office, and had not seen us since wednesday morning. i did not get to say goodbye to her, i did not get to hold her when she died, she died in a cage in a vet office, not knowing why we left her there, all alone. she would have died at home alone, but at least she would have had one more evening with her, i would've loved her up, i would've said good-bye to her this morning like i always do as i leave for work....and she would've died at home, in her own bed. THAT is what really hurts, i should've listened to MY instincts and broubht her home. we all knew it wasn't good, and while i was not expecting any miracle, i still felt i "owed" her a shot at life, so left her with the vet. her not dying at home, or at the very least with me present at the vet...is going to haunt me a long, long time. spent close to 1k these past couple days for her and she is worth every penny....but i wish instead i just followed my gut and brought her home one last night. i am sitting here crying in my cube.....
Stay with me...
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
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20 years is a strong life though!
you gave her a wonderful life and lots of love
this is terrible
be with your hubby soon he will help you get thru
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my hubby sucks at this stuff....
i know he hurts too, tho not nearly as much (if this were igby it would be a whole other story)...he is a good man, but he just sucks at being 'comforting' ya know? i know there's nothing we can do now, and he sees it as counter-productive for me to focus on not being with her...but that is what truly HURTS.....and it would be a help if he would just understand that, that i need to focus on that a bit and get it out of my system. it sucks too that he told me over the phone. i knew the news was going to be bad, but i kept praying she'd live at least until tonight so she could home home and i could hug her one more time, tell i loved her, etc. i would feel sooooo much better about this all if that had happened. it just crushes me that she died in a cage at the vet office.
thanks for letting me vent all....truly appreciate your kind words. it sucks i am at work, but i'd feel ridiculous leaving. i had been on vacation from christmas until 01.05....and actually extended it one more day yesterday so i could go to the vet with suki and my husband, and did let my superiors know why i was extending it by one day with zero notice....but i would feel silly leaving. too many just don't understand/respect the grieving process for a pet. not saying they wouldn't understand, i've not tried....but i am not going to. i just wish it would appear perfectly normal to say hey....i just found out my pet died, i need to go home....and they'd all say, yes...go home! and not think you're weird, etc.
suki has lived with me longer than ANYone.....crazy eh? :(
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
That is tough how she left but ALWAYS remember you guys gave her an AWESOME LIFE!!!
(((((D2D))))
Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
I truly feel for you and I hope you are ok
that's amazing.
20 years is wonderful.
sounds to me like Suki had a great life.
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
I'm so sorry. :(
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just went through this with my Zillah Bear
>
back in august. I still cry over that big goofy bastard.
I have to take his sister to the vet tomorrow morning to get a lump checked out to make sure she don't have lymphompa just like him.
I feel your pain.
This board was a great source of comfort to me when we lost Zillah. I never got to thank everyone, because I would always strart crying so hard everytime I pulled the thread up to do so.
stay strong.
R.I.P. Suki. you were and always will be loved.
-steve
"To question your government is not unpatriotic --
to not question your government is unpatriotic."
-- Sen. Chuck Hagel
onyx didn't happen to be a black cat, was he?
my oldest sister's first cat- the first cat ever in our family in fact - was a black cat, also male, named onyx....who strangely too, had too short a life.
suki DID have a great, long life. i know that and need to focus on that.
it's just the where and when of her death that hurts me so much, and i think i would handle it all soooo much better if that circumstance were different. obviously, with a 20 year old cat....you expect death soon and i was prepared for that, just not the rest of it.
thank you all....this helps.
otherwise i would be blubbering alone in my cube.
i certainly hope no one actually comes up to me for work, b/c i am a mess.... :oops:
eyedclaar...i think your story is going to make me cry more....but of course you know i will be reading it.....
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
Not every pet / animal / person can say they had a warm, loving life and you gave that. It hurts so much because it is something that means so much to you and to Suki. If animals could express their feeling like we can i'm sure she would have told you that herself and so much more.
Take care
Dave x
That sucks
Im sorry for your loss
Suki had a good life
The ONLY thing better than a glass of beer is tea with Miss McGill
A protuberance of flesh above the waistband of a tight pair of trousers
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
she knows why you left her there, she knows you were trying to help her get better and that you loved her.
I know it hurts thinking about what ifs and all that other painful shit that goes with it.
Zillah and I were sleeping on the couch and his big ass was digging into me, and I made him get down. he died a few hours later, and I beat the shit outta myself for making him get down. He knew he was in bad shape and just wanted to lay with me i think.
don't go down that road of kicking yourself.
again, I'm so very sorry for your loss.
"To question your government is not unpatriotic --
to not question your government is unpatriotic."
-- Sen. Chuck Hagel
i might help try to consentrate more on all the days for 20 years of kitty loves you had with Suki...
but your upset is understood
angels share laughter
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
i hear that...and i appreciate it, truly.
but be honest...you know you would still kick yourself over it today if it happened all over again, for the first time. i think we all know what's what, and yet....we still have to 'go there' at these times.
thank you all tho, truly.
2 more hours until i can go home....i can't wait until i can, and i can really grieve.
i'll be alone since hubby has band practice. the dogs will be a great comfort. igby has been extremely sad, and both igby and chloe knew suki was sick, their last interactions with her showed that. animals are amazing.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
Sounds like Suki was well-loved and had a wonderful life and I'm pretty sure she knew it
"I need your strength for me to be strong...I need your love to feel loved"
I'm not trying to be an ass.... I'm just trying to let you know I "get" what you're going through. You were a great Mom and you did get 20 years together, but the ending was not ideal. Beat yourself up if you must and get it out of your system so that you make make room for some better memories. I have these same feelings in regard to not having Gracie's tumor removed in August (rather than October). Take care. Shoot me a PM any time you want!
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aww i'm so sorry m...looks like suki had a good long life...hang in there
{{HUGS}}
as you work thru the grief try to think of the good times and happiness she gave you. i know when i lost my trixie folks here were very supportive and understanding, and it helps.
that pic shows how beautiful she was, and she couldn't have asked for a better life than with you. much love to you.
yep, that's it....and it sucks.
thank you all......:)
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
Like others have said, 20 years is a long time. I know how much you loved Suki and Suki knows how much you loved her. I say 'loved', but of course that love is still there. All that caring can't and won't just disappear even though she's no longer with you.
Things like this are tough, I still feel awful for not having been able to visit our first kitty before she died, and that was years ago. But I can focus on the good memories I have of her, and that makes me feel better.
Warm thoughts to you (and the hubby + doggies), time heals all wounds.
*hugs*
You said that you have a great vet. Instead of thinking of her dying alone, try to focus on the fact that she was in the hands of a caring professional. If he is as good a guy as you say he is, then his staff must have been attentive to her needs. I know it's not the same as her dying at home, with you there, but it's not as if you abandoned her. Animals seem to have a pretty strong sense of who means them well, and Suki was among friends when she passed. I hope it gives you some comfort to think about her being well cared for right up until she died.
I also "get" what you're saying. Each time I've lost one of my dogs (6 over the years) I make myself crazy wondering what I could have done differently or why I didn't do "whatever" could have changed things or made their passing easier. In 1996, we lost the dog that we've probably loved best over the years. Her name was Tess and she developed a rare, virulent form of breast cancer. She died less than 3 weeks after I found lumps on her. She had surgery but it was so aggressive that it soon filled her lungs and went to her brain. One morning when I found she couldn't stand up, I took her right to the vet and went on to work. Our vet (who is wonderful!) called me to tell me how badly the cancer had spread and that she had collapsed while they were doing x-rays. He advised us to get there quickly so she could be euthanized. I asked if we couldn't take her home that evening so she could die at home but he said that she didn't have that much time.
I called my husband and we both left work. We got to the vet's, only to learn that Tess had died a few minutes earlier. The vet tried to call us to tell us to hurry, but we were en route when he called. I felt something like you must be feeling--overwhelmingly devastated that we weren't there and she had died alone. My vet, however, assured me that she had never been alone. He and his staff adored Tess and someone was with her constantly that last day. Glenn and I both cried like babies and the vet hugged and comforted us both. I was broken-hearted for a long time over not being with her when she died. Our other dog cried every night at bed time for 2 weeks afterward, which made me even sadder.
I'm sorry you have to grieve alone at your workplace. My co-workers at the time were incredibly compassionate and even expressed surprise that I came to work the next day. I understand what you're saying, though. Many people don't understand the sadness of losing a beloved pet. I'm glad you're talking about it here, where there are so many caring people.
It took a long time but nowadays when I think of my Tess, I remember the pretty little dog that charmed everyone who met her. There will come a day when you no longer dwell on the sadness of Suki's death but remember the great friend and companion she was. Take care.
Carolyn