Didn't mean for this to be about me announcing my arrival on the market, hehe. Just been feeling like a complete piece of shit the last 24 hours. Well, more so than usual.
sure sure :P
see, that's where you went wrong - sticking around so long Sorry to hear it's got you down....
I think the recovery from being the dumper is much quicker than for the dumpee....but there is a bonus outcome for the dumpee that the dumper doesn't have: an excuse to be a slut for a few months...
(sorry, that probably doesnt' make you feel much better )
Didn't mean for this to be about me announcing my arrival on the market, hehe. Just been feeling like a complete piece of shit the last 24 hours. Well, more so than usual.
sure sure :P
see, that's where you went wrong - sticking around so long Sorry to hear it's got you down....
I think the recovery from being the dumper is much quicker than for the dumpee....but there is a bonus outcome for the dumpee that the dumper doesn't have: an excuse to be a slut for a few months...
(sorry, that probably doesnt' make you feel much better )
it kinda does actually. the girl was my best friend for years before we started dating and i want nothing more than for her to be happy. apparently except for me to be happy. if she goes out and sluts around and it helps her get over it, i'll be the first to cheer her on.
i won't lie though... i plan to fully enjoy the single life.
All the world will be your enemy, Prince with a thousand enemies, and whenever they catch you, they will kill you. But first they must catch you, digger, listener, runner, prince with the swift warning. Be cunning and full of tricks and your people shall never be destroyed.
No doubt. But there were times when I was dumped when I really thought I could have been ok with being strung along long enough to try to change their mind... a delusion sure, but it didn't make it any less real at the time. What's the George Costanza quote from Seinfeld? Pity is very underrated
And from a guilt perspective, you make the assumption that the person dumping does know it's not right. What about when you're not totally sure and wonder if you're making a huge mistake? It's not much comfort to tell yourself that in time she'll get over it and appreciate you not stringing her along when part of you keeps wondering if maybe you could have done a little bit more or worked a little bit harder or changed a little bit to make things work. Or that you're just immature and don't wanna grow up and you're going to pay for it later, hehe.
There's a lot of truth in this thread: time does heal all (or maybe most) wounds. But that's never much comfort to someone that is in the moment.
that's simply life my friend.
obviously, there always IS wonder...but again, even amongst the wonder, if you right now do not feel up to "you could have done a little bit more or worked a little bit harder or changed a little bit to make things work" well that right there is your answer - she's not worth it to you. seriously. it really IS that simple. we work and work at it, until we just can't, or won't, anymore. for some, that may last a week, for others...a lifetime.
and nope, no real comfort in it in the moment, but it's good to keep in mind.
being dumped is pretty harsh...i guess i've never really dealt with dumping someone that i was in a serious relationship with, but i'm a big fan of not stringing things along. if things aren't working out...then i'd much rather end things than have someone try and see if things eventually get better or try and not hurt my feelings. i'll get over it!
pretty much spot on what i was thinking/trying to convey! while i am sure i have hurt a few in my time, i am also quite sure they got over it. and i don't mean for that to sound harsh, just realistic. i know even when i've been utterly crazy about someone and it didn't work out, you bet....my feelings were crushed at the time, but yes...i got over it. i think it far, far worse....especially the older you get...to string things along. you *know* when you are with the person you really want to be with. you do. and, hopefully, you both feel the same. doesn't mean you rush out to get married tomorrow, but it just means you know. and every day you don't, yet in an exclusive commited relationship...well, all the more time you are sucking up of this other person's life. yes, it's your life too...but you're the one unsure or want out. thus why i think in the long-run, kinder to just move on.
it kinda does actually. the girl was my best friend for years before we started dating and i want nothing more than for her to be happy. apparently except for me to be happy. if she goes out and sluts around and it helps her get over it, i'll be the first to cheer her on.
i won't lie though... i plan to fully enjoy the single life.
and she WILL be happy, in time. sure, she's probably heart-broken now, but yes...she will get over you. in all seriousness, you ARE 'helping her to be happy'....b/c who truly would want to spend the rest of their lives with someone full of doubts, or who is not head-over-heels in love with you now? long-term relationships/marriages can and often are difficult enough, for people who were/are madly in love...so if you are not feeling it now, you did her a favor by walking away. this way, ultimately, she WILL find the man who truly loves and appreciates her as is, and wants to spend his days making her happy. it's the mature and responsible choice. thus why it sucks so much now. that's the truth of it.
and yes, ENJOY!
always enjoy whatever you got going on!
I'd rather dump than be dumped. If you dump someone you've already thought about it and you've most likely checked out with your emotions. It sucks to hurt someone but usually you do it like a band aid...one rip and right off. To get dumped you usually feel like a bigger piece of shit because you feel like you're not good enough for the person that you like. That really sucks balls.
that's simply life my friend.
obviously, there always IS wonder...but again, even amongst the wonder, if you right now do not feel up to "you could have done a little bit more or worked a little bit harder or changed a little bit to make things work" well that right there is your answer - she's not worth it to you. seriously. it really IS that simple. we work and work at it, until we just can't, or won't, anymore. for some, that may last a week, for others...a lifetime.
and nope, no real comfort in it in the moment, but it's good to keep in mind.
I don't believe anything is truly simple when it comes to human emotion, but i do get what you're saying. and yeah, doesnt make me feel any less shitty about it at the moment. but you are about the 20th person after all of the friends i have that know my situation to tell me this, hehe. everyone agrees and they're all right. but it still doesn't make it a whole lot easier to break the news to someone you love knowing it will devestate them.
Um, ok, I thought I'd ask for advice here... I met a girl at a party a few months ago, we fooled around a bit, but we both knew nothing was going to happen because I was shorty going to move away. So we screwed around over the summer, and that was it...
Long story short, she came to visit the city I'm in now and we slept together twice, and she now claims to love me. I have some feelings for her, but not nearly the ones she does for me. I feel awful and I don't want to hurt her anymore than I have to. When I come back to visit, she has made it abundantly clear that she wants to screw again, which as fun as it would be, I think would be a bad idea.
She knows a relationship isn't going to happen, how do I dig myself out of this hole?
Believe me, when I was growin up, I thought the worst thing you could turn out to be was normal, So I say freaks in the most complementary way. Here's a song by a fellow freak - E.V
that's simply life my friend.
obviously, there always IS wonder...but again, even amongst the wonder, if you right now do not feel up to "you could have done a little bit more or worked a little bit harder or changed a little bit to make things work" well that right there is your answer - she's not worth it to you. seriously. it really IS that simple. we work and work at it, until we just can't, or won't, anymore. for some, that may last a week, for others...a lifetime.
and nope, no real comfort in it in the moment, but it's good to keep in mind.
I don't believe anything is truly simple when it comes to human emotion, but i do get what you're saying. and yeah, doesnt make me feel any less shitty about it at the moment. but you are about the 20th person after all of the friends i have that know my situation to tell me this, hehe. everyone agrees and they're all right. but it still doesn't make it a whole lot easier to break the news to someone you love knowing it will devestate them.
of course not.
this is all to make you feel better, stupid.
bottomline, you are the first to admit what an asshole you are ...so just think, you did her a big favor. hahahahaha.
keeponrockin'''don't be a dick. don't screw around with her again and tell her you're sorry, but you don;t feel the same way about her and it's best this way. always the best choice. i think not being a pussy about these things IS always the kindest thing to do. it's just really hard, b/c no one likes to reject others or be rejected, but being used is worse.
that's simply life my friend.
obviously, there always IS wonder...but again, even amongst the wonder, if you right now do not feel up to "you could have done a little bit more or worked a little bit harder or changed a little bit to make things work" well that right there is your answer - she's not worth it to you. seriously. it really IS that simple. we work and work at it, until we just can't, or won't, anymore. for some, that may last a week, for others...a lifetime.
and nope, no real comfort in it in the moment, but it's good to keep in mind.
I don't believe anything is truly simple when it comes to human emotion, but i do get what you're saying. and yeah, doesnt make me feel any less shitty about it at the moment. but you are about the 20th person after all of the friends i have that know my situation to tell me this, hehe. everyone agrees and they're all right. but it still doesn't make it a whole lot easier to break the news to someone you love knowing it will devestate them.
of course not.
this is all to make you feel better, stupid.
bottomline, you are the first to admit what an asshole you are ...so just think, you did her a big favor. hahahahaha.
oh i've tried telling her that. don't know why she won't believe me!
I don't believe anything is truly simple when it comes to human emotion, but i do get what you're saying. and yeah, doesnt make me feel any less shitty about it at the moment. but you are about the 20th person after all of the friends i have that know my situation to tell me this, hehe. everyone agrees and they're all right. but it still doesn't make it a whole lot easier to break the news to someone you love knowing it will devestate them.
of course not.
this is all to make you feel better, stupid.
bottomline, you are the first to admit what an asshole you are ...so just think, you did her a big favor. hahahahaha.
oh i've tried telling her that. don't know why she won't believe me!
duh, b/c she loves you!
besides, aren't you also one of the first to say that girls/women always want to be with the assholes?
anyhoo....all will be well my friend. not today, probably not tomorrow...but you made the right move. (for once ...oh my, conor IS growing up! *wipes tear* ) seriously - you did the right thing. for her and for you.
Um, ok, I thought I'd ask for advice here... I met a girl at a party a few months ago, we fooled around a bit, but we both knew nothing was going to happen because I was shorty going to move away. So we screwed around over the summer, and that was it...
Long story short, she came to visit the city I'm in now and we slept together twice, and she now claims to love me. I have some feelings for her, but not nearly the ones she does for me. I feel awful and I don't want to hurt her anymore than I have to. When I come back to visit, she has made it abundantly clear that she wants to screw again, which as fun as it would be, I think would be a bad idea.
She knows a relationship isn't going to happen, how do I dig myself out of this hole?
i don't think there's anything to be done but not sleep with her. maybe even go one further and only see her, if at all, for lunch or coffee or something in a totally public place and make it brief and platonic. and make it abundantly clear you don't share her feelings.
but clearly im not exactly the poster child for doing things right.
bottomline, you are the first to admit what an asshole you are ...so just think, you did her a big favor. hahahahaha.
oh i've tried telling her that. don't know why she won't believe me!
duh, b/c she loves you!
besides, aren't you also one of the first to say that girls/women always want to be with the assholes?
anyhoo....all will be well my friend. not today, probably not tomorrow...but you made the right move. (for once ...oh my, conor IS growing up! *wipes tear* ) seriously - you did the right thing. for her and for you.
yup, and i'm living proof!
don't go throwing a party yet. we don't do strong emotion in my family and i may yet fold. i plan to stick to a steady diet of drugs, alcohol, and sex to fortify myself though!
i kinda feel like i owe my ex an apology for what a dick i was... if nothing else, being in the shoes she was in has given me a lot of perspective and forgiveness on that whole mess.
Um, ok, I thought I'd ask for advice here... I met a girl at a party a few months ago, we fooled around a bit, but we both knew nothing was going to happen because I was shorty going to move away. So we screwed around over the summer, and that was it...
Long story short, she came to visit the city I'm in now and we slept together twice, and she now claims to love me. I have some feelings for her, but not nearly the ones she does for me. I feel awful and I don't want to hurt her anymore than I have to. When I come back to visit, she has made it abundantly clear that she wants to screw again, which as fun as it would be, I think would be a bad idea.
She knows a relationship isn't going to happen, how do I dig myself out of this hole?
i don't think there's anything to be done but not sleep with her. maybe even go one further and only see her, if at all, for lunch or coffee or something in a totally public place and make it brief and platonic. and make it abundantly clear you don't share her feelings.
but clearly im not exactly the poster child for doing things right.
From having been in that exact situation, what you said is the exact advice I would give.
oh i've tried telling her that. don't know why she won't believe me!
duh, b/c she loves you!
besides, aren't you also one of the first to say that girls/women always want to be with the assholes?
anyhoo....all will be well my friend. not today, probably not tomorrow...but you made the right move. (for once ...oh my, conor IS growing up! *wipes tear* ) seriously - you did the right thing. for her and for you.
yup, and i'm living proof!
don't go throwing a party yet. we don't do strong emotion in my family and i may yet fold. i plan to stick to a steady diet of drugs, alcohol, and sex to fortify myself though!
i kinda feel like i owe my ex an apology for what a dick i was... if nothing else, being in the shoes she was in has given me a lot of perspective and forgiveness on that whole mess.
ooooooooooooooo...you haven't done it yet? :?
well damn. as nike says.....just do it. seriously.
i know you've been 'eh' for well over half? your relationship, so in a sense...you have already strung her along a good long while. of course, can also be looked at as your period for trying to make it work, etc, etc. of course, don't tell her that! thing is, it IS the kindest thing you could do. it is also the most responsible/mature thing you can do. you know this of course. if you truly love/care about her, buut overall feel like she is not 'the one' for you, even with your doubts....it's the BESt thing you can do for her and her future happiness. it'll hurt now, but it would hurt MORE, later. you're late 20s now and is she close in age? yes.....primetime for relationship development. don't have her, or you 'waste' more time when deep down, you know she's not the girl for you. THAt is how you show your real love for her, as your friend, b/c you DO want to see her happy. the longer you wait, the more it'll hurt, and the bigger dick you will be....but of course, you already know this. good luck!
as to the ex, just let it go. she's moved on, you've learned....the apology is unnecessary at this point, life goes on...but good for you that you 'see' that now.
the one thing i would add ... regardless of how you perceive yourself ... don't be a dick ... for her to get her closure - you have to be there for her ... which means - when she calls at random times wanting answers - you give them to her honest and to the point (unless you are dumping her for superficial reasons - like weight) ... what i've learned is that in the long run you won't lose a good friend that way ... avoiding her and stuff only prolongs the hurt i say ...
it'll take her a while to get over it but it's a myth to think that being a dick is gonna make it faster or easier for her ...
Um, ok, I thought I'd ask for advice here... I met a girl at a party a few months ago, we fooled around a bit, but we both knew nothing was going to happen because I was shorty going to move away. So we screwed around over the summer, and that was it...
Long story short, she came to visit the city I'm in now and we slept together twice, and she now claims to love me. I have some feelings for her, but not nearly the ones she does for me. I feel awful and I don't want to hurt her anymore than I have to. When I come back to visit, she has made it abundantly clear that she wants to screw again, which as fun as it would be, I think would be a bad idea.
She knows a relationship isn't going to happen, how do I dig myself out of this hole?
i don't think there's anything to be done but not sleep with her. maybe even go one further and only see her, if at all, for lunch or coffee or something in a totally public place and make it brief and platonic. and make it abundantly clear you don't share her feelings.
but clearly im not exactly the poster child for doing things right.
That's what I was thinking to be honest... She wants to hang out next weekend, we might meet at a party or something with a bunch of other people, but that's about it.
Believe me, when I was growin up, I thought the worst thing you could turn out to be was normal, So I say freaks in the most complementary way. Here's a song by a fellow freak - E.V
ooooooooooooooo...you haven't done it yet? :?
well damn. as nike says.....just do it. seriously.
i know you've been 'eh' for well over half? your relationship, so in a sense...you have already strung her along a good long while. of course, can also be looked at as your period for trying to make it work, etc, etc. of course, don't tell her that! thing is, it IS the kindest thing you could do. it is also the most responsible/mature thing you can do. you know this of course. if you truly love/care about her, buut overall feel like she is not 'the one' for you, even with your doubts....it's the BESt thing you can do for her and her future happiness. it'll hurt now, but it would hurt MORE, later. you're late 20s now and is she close in age? yes.....primetime for relationship development. don't have her, or you 'waste' more time when deep down, you know she's not the girl for you. THAt is how you show your real love for her, as your friend, b/c you DO want to see her happy. the longer you wait, the more it'll hurt, and the bigger dick you will be....but of course, you already know this. good luck!.
i actually did it last night. but i've been letting her vent a bit because we're in different cities and it's her birthday next week and i feel like an asshole for not doing it face to face and at this time. i know it's not good for me, i can feel like a shit for a day or so while she blows off steam, then she can turn to her friends. but one valuable lesson my ex taught me was that venting can't go on forever. i just worry she'll punch enough guilt buttons in that time that i'll fold like a cheap suit, hehe. thus the wine weed and women!
but she is 25, and in a great city for being single (any chicagoans want a date with a beautiful and sweet natured girl on the rebound? jk... though she is short on friends in that city since she moved there to be with me) and if she gets the misery out over the winter, i think she will really be better off than if i delude myself into giving it one more shot and do it next year and wrecking her summer or her excitement over starting grad school.
as to the ex, just let it go. she's moved on, you've learned....the apology is unnecessary at this point, life goes on...but good for you that you 'see' that now.
oh dont worry. im an asshole, not an idiot not talking to her anytime soon if ever. that's the best apology i can give her anyway.
the one thing i would add ... regardless of how you perceive yourself ... don't be a dick ... for her to get her closure - you have to be there for her ... which means - when she calls at random times wanting answers - you give them to her honest and to the point (unless you are dumping her for superficial reasons - like weight) ... what i've learned is that in the long run you won't lose a good friend that way ... avoiding her and stuff only prolongs the hurt i say ...
it'll take her a while to get over it but it's a myth to think that being a dick is gonna make it faster or easier for her ...
thus why i've been letting her vent and trying to answer her questions. although i have no intention of telling her anything about any other women i may end up seeing (or may have already caught my eye) because i've been there and that is a head fuck like no other. besides while those may have been catalysts, they are not the reason for the split. although i have my limits... i badgered my ex for months and it only made things worse for me because i wasn't letting go. there's a difference between allowing for closure and letting them cling to you even after the split.
is lack of chemistry a superficial reason? i posted a semi-legendary thread here once on the old board that i hope has been forgotten or you might change your tune about how much of a dick i am about it.
ooooooooooooooo...you haven't done it yet? :?
well damn. as nike says.....just do it. seriously.
i know you've been 'eh' for well over half? your relationship, so in a sense...you have already strung her along a good long while. of course, can also be looked at as your period for trying to make it work, etc, etc. of course, don't tell her that! thing is, it IS the kindest thing you could do. it is also the most responsible/mature thing you can do. you know this of course. if you truly love/care about her, buut overall feel like she is not 'the one' for you, even with your doubts....it's the BESt thing you can do for her and her future happiness. it'll hurt now, but it would hurt MORE, later. you're late 20s now and is she close in age? yes.....primetime for relationship development. don't have her, or you 'waste' more time when deep down, you know she's not the girl for you. THAt is how you show your real love for her, as your friend, b/c you DO want to see her happy. the longer you wait, the more it'll hurt, and the bigger dick you will be....but of course, you already know this. good luck!.
i actually did it last night. but i've been letting her vent a bit because we're in different cities and it's her birthday next week and i feel like an asshole for not doing it face to face and at this time. i know it's not good for me, i can feel like a shit for a day or so while she blows off steam, then she can turn to her friends. but one valuable lesson my ex taught me was that venting can't go on forever. i just worry she'll punch enough guilt buttons in that time that i'll fold like a cheap suit, hehe. thus the wine weed and women!
but she is 25, and in a great city for being single (any chicagoans want a date with a beautiful and sweet natured girl on the rebound? jk... though she is short on friends in that city since she moved there to be with me) and if she gets the misery out over the winter, i think she will really be better off than if i delude myself into giving it one more shot and do it next year and wrecking her summer or her excitement over starting grad school.
as to the ex, just let it go. she's moved on, you've learned....the apology is unnecessary at this point, life goes on...but good for you that you 'see' that now.
oh dont worry. im an asshole, not an idiot not talking to her anytime soon if ever. that's the best apology i can give her anyway.
oh ok...whew......
and the parts i bolded...seriously....you really are growing up.
now i truly do feel old.
btw - i mean it in the best way possible, total compliment.
thus why i've been letting her vent and trying to answer her questions. although i have no intention of telling her anything about any other women i may end up seeing (or may have already caught my eye) because i've been there and that is a head fuck like no other. besides while those may have been catalysts, they are not the reason for the split. although i have my limits... i badgered my ex for months and it only made things worse for me because i wasn't letting go. there's a difference between allowing for closure and letting them cling to you even after the split.
is lack of chemistry a superficial reason? i posted a semi-legendary thread here once on the old board that i hope has been forgotten or you might change your tune about how much of a dick i am about it.
lack of chemistry is definitely not a superficial reason ... also - i agree that you can be selective in what you choose to answer ... i'm only going with my experiences - as long as i take the shit that goes with breaking up with someone - in the end we still have a great friendship ...
i dunno about that thread - all i can say is we all grow up and just because you may have been a dick before - doesn't mean you are one now or will be in the future ... that's for you to decide ...
ooooooooooooooo...you haven't done it yet? :?
well damn. as nike says.....just do it. seriously.
i know you've been 'eh' for well over half? your relationship, so in a sense...you have already strung her along a good long while. of course, can also be looked at as your period for trying to make it work, etc, etc. of course, don't tell her that! thing is, it IS the kindest thing you could do. it is also the most responsible/mature thing you can do. you know this of course. if you truly love/care about her, buut overall feel like she is not 'the one' for you, even with your doubts....it's the BESt thing you can do for her and her future happiness. it'll hurt now, but it would hurt MORE, later. you're late 20s now and is she close in age? yes.....primetime for relationship development. don't have her, or you 'waste' more time when deep down, you know she's not the girl for you. THAt is how you show your real love for her, as your friend, b/c you DO want to see her happy. the longer you wait, the more it'll hurt, and the bigger dick you will be....but of course, you already know this. good luck!.
i actually did it last night. but i've been letting her vent a bit because we're in different cities and it's her birthday next week and i feel like an asshole for not doing it face to face and at this time. i know it's not good for me, i can feel like a shit for a day or so while she blows off steam, then she can turn to her friends. but one valuable lesson my ex taught me was that venting can't go on forever. i just worry she'll punch enough guilt buttons in that time that i'll fold like a cheap suit, hehe. thus the wine weed and women!
but she is 25, and in a great city for being single (any chicagoans want a date with a beautiful and sweet natured girl on the rebound? jk... though she is short on friends in that city since she moved there to be with me) and if she gets the misery out over the winter, i think she will really be better off than if i delude myself into giving it one more shot and do it next year and wrecking her summer or her excitement over starting grad school.
as to the ex, just let it go. she's moved on, you've learned....the apology is unnecessary at this point, life goes on...but good for you that you 'see' that now.
oh dont worry. im an asshole, not an idiot not talking to her anytime soon if ever. that's the best apology i can give her anyway.
oh ok...whew......
and the parts i bolded...seriously....you really are growing up.
now i truly do feel old.
btw - i mean it in the best way possible, total compliment.
i know, appreciate it. but i was probably always this grown up, just let my anger and pain and bitterness get the best of me too often. i've never been as sadistic as i wanted.
mmm..this one is difficult..i think in general that pain is more powerfull and strong feeling that happiness..so,its not about dump or to be dumped,,its about pain..sometimes when u dump u release your self to move on..and maybe u feel happy for that..be dumped,was not your choice so the pain comes especially to hit your selfish ego....from the other hand ,when u dump someone and see the pain u provoke,maybe make u feel pain alot,,
"...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
mmm..this one is difficult..i think in general that pain is more powerfull and strong feeling that happiness..so,its not about dump or to be dumped,,its about pain..sometimes when u dump u release your self to move on..and maybe u feel happy for that..be dumped,was not your choice so the pain comes especially to hit your selfish ego....from the other hand ,when u dump someone and see the pain u provoke,maybe make u feel pain alot,,
for a guy whose first language isn't even english, you pretty much nailed it it there!
mmm..this one is difficult..i think in general that pain is more powerfull and strong feeling that happiness..so,its not about dump or to be dumped,,its about pain..sometimes when u dump u release your self to move on..and maybe u feel happy for that..be dumped,was not your choice so the pain comes especially to hit your selfish ego....from the other hand ,when u dump someone and see the pain u provoke,maybe make u feel pain alot,,
for a guy whose first language isn't even english, you pretty much nailed it it there!
i speak the best Greeknglish in the forum.. btw,very intresting thread..
"...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
i know, appreciate it. but i was probably always this grown up, just let my anger and pain and bitterness get the best of me too often. i've never been as sadistic as i wanted.
well maybe deep inside you were that 'grown up'...but.....you let the asshole/pussy side win out and did the hurtful things you used to do in the past! now you ARE making the mature/responsbile choices, ACTing on them, instead of just knowing they are right thing to do......;) but sure, i do believe in board-convo, you affected being the sadistic asshole way more than you probably ever managed in real life. that's a good thing!
i think far too often,men and women both.....say 'oh they don't want to hurt someone'...etc, etc....and really, it's simply being a pussy asshole. ok, cowardice to be nicer about it. better to let the truth out, nicely, with respect...let feelings be known, then to use someone, or to string someone along, etc. THAT takes balls, and sure, maturity. and now the old broad will shut up.
and yes...dimitri is the shit! too bad we never met while you were in NY!
and yes...dimitri is the shit! too bad we never met while you were in NY!
the only fuckin thing in life that dont have a price,cant buy it,u cant pass it ,or give it for a ride..is experience..u got to be in and play the game..thats why Black is the best song ever written from a human being in history of music,couse its about the most pain in the whole world..to fell your heart broke...and the song is the best couse says that u are feeling shit but u find the way ,the power to wish to the other person to find happiness...the same time u ask why can u be the one..couse u are human and u are wick,,feeling small the same time u did something so great..
and..yep u are right..but i always deside 2 dream ...so next time will not do the same mistake..
"...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
and yes...dimitri is the shit! too bad we never met while you were in NY!
the only fuckin thing in life that dont have a price,cant buy it,u cant pass it ,or give it for a ride..is experience..u got to be in and play the game..thats why Black is the best song ever written from a human being in history of music,couse its about the most pain in the whole world..to fell your heart broke...and the song is the best couse says that u are feeling shit but u find the way ,the power to wish to the other person to find happiness...the same time u ask why can u be the one..couse u are human and u are wick,,feeling small the same time u did something so great..
and..yep u are right..but i always deside 2 dream ...so next time will not do the same mistake..
that's some deep shit, man....;)
seriously, well said.
ouch.
Wow, so you finally did it! I remember chemistry thread/this whole saga quite well because I know how shitty it feels to dump someone that's basically a great person, but is just not the one for you.
I don't have anything to add to this days-old conversation, except that I'm happy for you. She will heal. You did the only thing you could do, and it was really the best thing for both of you. Just focus on that and you'll be ok.
although i have no intention of telling her anything about any other women i may end up seeing (or may have already caught my eye) because i've been there and that is a head fuck like no other.
this is probably a good idea. I try to remain friends with exes, but this I can never seem to handle, even if I'm the one responsible for the break up. I broke up with someone 2 years ago, and to this day I can't look at his facebook page because I can't stand the sight of anything about his current girlfriend.
Comments
see, that's where you went wrong - sticking around so long
I think the recovery from being the dumper is much quicker than for the dumpee....but there is a bonus outcome for the dumpee that the dumper doesn't have: an excuse to be a slut for a few months...
(sorry, that probably doesnt' make you feel much better
it kinda does actually. the girl was my best friend for years before we started dating and i want nothing more than for her to be happy. apparently except for me to be happy. if she goes out and sluts around and it helps her get over it, i'll be the first to cheer her on.
i won't lie though... i plan to fully enjoy the single life.
that's simply life my friend.
obviously, there always IS wonder...but again, even amongst the wonder, if you right now do not feel up to "you could have done a little bit more or worked a little bit harder or changed a little bit to make things work" well that right there is your answer - she's not worth it to you. seriously. it really IS that simple. we work and work at it, until we just can't, or won't, anymore. for some, that may last a week, for others...a lifetime.
and nope, no real comfort in it in the moment, but it's good to keep in mind.
pretty much spot on what i was thinking/trying to convey! while i am sure i have hurt a few in my time, i am also quite sure they got over it. and i don't mean for that to sound harsh, just realistic. i know even when i've been utterly crazy about someone and it didn't work out, you bet....my feelings were crushed at the time, but yes...i got over it. i think it far, far worse....especially the older you get...to string things along. you *know* when you are with the person you really want to be with. you do. and, hopefully, you both feel the same. doesn't mean you rush out to get married tomorrow, but it just means you know. and every day you don't, yet in an exclusive commited relationship...well, all the more time you are sucking up of this other person's life. yes, it's your life too...but you're the one unsure or want out. thus why i think in the long-run, kinder to just move on.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
and she WILL be happy, in time. sure, she's probably heart-broken now, but yes...she will get over you.
and yes, ENJOY!
always enjoy whatever you got going on!
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
Either way it blows.
I don't believe anything is truly simple when it comes to human emotion, but i do get what you're saying. and yeah, doesnt make me feel any less shitty about it at the moment.
Long story short, she came to visit the city I'm in now and we slept together twice, and she now claims to love me. I have some feelings for her, but not nearly the ones she does for me. I feel awful and I don't want to hurt her anymore than I have to. When I come back to visit, she has made it abundantly clear that she wants to screw again, which as fun as it would be, I think would be a bad idea.
She knows a relationship isn't going to happen, how do I dig myself out of this hole?
of course not.
this is all to make you feel better, stupid.
bottomline, you are the first to admit what an asshole you are
keeponrockin'''don't be a dick. don't screw around with her again and tell her you're sorry, but you don;t feel the same way about her and it's best this way. always the best choice. i think not being a pussy about these things IS always the kindest thing to do. it's just really hard, b/c no one likes to reject others or be rejected, but being used is worse.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
oh i've tried telling her that. don't know why she won't believe me!
duh, b/c she loves you!
besides, aren't you also one of the first to say that girls/women always want to be with the assholes?
anyhoo....all will be well my friend. not today, probably not tomorrow...but you made the right move. (for once
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
i don't think there's anything to be done but not sleep with her. maybe even go one further and only see her, if at all, for lunch or coffee or something in a totally public place and make it brief and platonic. and make it abundantly clear you don't share her feelings.
but clearly im not exactly the poster child for doing things right.
yup, and i'm living proof!
don't go throwing a party yet. we don't do strong emotion in my family and i may yet fold. i plan to stick to a steady diet of drugs, alcohol, and sex to fortify myself though!
i kinda feel like i owe my ex an apology for what a dick i was... if nothing else, being in the shoes she was in has given me a lot of perspective and forgiveness on that whole mess.
From having been in that exact situation, what you said is the exact advice I would give.
ooooooooooooooo...you haven't done it yet? :?
well damn. as nike says.....just do it. seriously.
i know you've been 'eh' for well over half? your relationship, so in a sense...you have already strung her along a good long while. of course, can also be looked at as your period for trying to make it work, etc, etc. of course, don't tell her that! thing is, it IS the kindest thing you could do. it is also the most responsible/mature thing you can do. you know this of course. if you truly love/care about her, buut overall feel like she is not 'the one' for you, even with your doubts....it's the BESt thing you can do for her and her future happiness. it'll hurt now, but it would hurt MORE, later. you're late 20s now and is she close in age? yes.....primetime for relationship development. don't have her, or you 'waste' more time when deep down, you know she's not the girl for you. THAt is how you show your real love for her, as your friend, b/c you DO want to see her happy. the longer you wait, the more it'll hurt, and the bigger dick you will be....but of course, you already know this.
as to the ex, just let it go. she's moved on, you've learned....the apology is unnecessary at this point, life goes on...but good for you that you 'see' that now.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
it'll take her a while to get over it but it's a myth to think that being a dick is gonna make it faster or easier for her ...
i actually did it last night. but i've been letting her vent a bit because we're in different cities and it's her birthday next week and i feel like an asshole for not doing it face to face and at this time. i know it's not good for me, i can feel like a shit for a day or so while she blows off steam, then she can turn to her friends. but one valuable lesson my ex taught me was that venting can't go on forever. i just worry she'll punch enough guilt buttons in that time that i'll fold like a cheap suit, hehe. thus the wine weed and women!
but she is 25, and in a great city for being single (any chicagoans want a date with a beautiful and sweet natured girl on the rebound? jk... though she is short on friends in that city since she moved there to be with me) and if she gets the misery out over the winter, i think she will really be better off than if i delude myself into giving it one more shot and do it next year and wrecking her summer or her excitement over starting grad school.
oh dont worry. im an asshole, not an idiot
thus why i've been letting her vent and trying to answer her questions. although i have no intention of telling her anything about any other women i may end up seeing (or may have already caught my eye) because i've been there and that is a head fuck like no other. besides while those may have been catalysts, they are not the reason for the split. although i have my limits... i badgered my ex for months and it only made things worse for me because i wasn't letting go. there's a difference between allowing for closure and letting them cling to you even after the split.
is lack of chemistry a superficial reason? i posted a semi-legendary thread here once on the old board that i hope has been forgotten or you might change your tune about how much of a dick i am about it.
oh ok...whew......
and the parts i bolded...seriously....you really are growing up.
now i truly do feel old.
btw - i mean it in the best way possible, total compliment.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
lack of chemistry is definitely not a superficial reason ... also - i agree that you can be selective in what you choose to answer ... i'm only going with my experiences - as long as i take the shit that goes with breaking up with someone - in the end we still have a great friendship ...
i dunno about that thread - all i can say is we all grow up and just because you may have been a dick before - doesn't mean you are one now or will be in the future ... that's for you to decide ...
i know, appreciate it. but i was probably always this grown up, just let my anger and pain and bitterness get the best of me too often. i've never been as sadistic as i wanted.
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
for a guy whose first language isn't even english, you pretty much nailed it it there!
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
well maybe deep inside you were that 'grown up'...but.....you let the asshole/pussy side win out and did the hurtful things you used to do in the past! now you ARE making the mature/responsbile choices, ACTing on them, instead of just knowing they are right thing to do......;) but sure, i do believe in board-convo, you affected being the sadistic asshole way more than you probably ever managed in real life.
i think far too often,men and women both.....say 'oh they don't want to hurt someone'...etc, etc....and really, it's simply being a pussy asshole. ok, cowardice to be nicer about it.
and yes...dimitri is the shit! too bad we never met while you were in NY!
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
and..yep u are right..but i always deside 2 dream ...so next time will not do the same mistake..
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
that's some deep shit, man....;)
seriously, well said.
ouch.
and yes, indeed!
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
I don't have anything to add to this days-old conversation, except that I'm happy for you.
this is probably a good idea. I try to remain friends with exes, but this I can never seem to handle, even if I'm the one responsible for the break up. I broke up with someone 2 years ago, and to this day I can't look at his facebook page because I can't stand the sight of anything about his current girlfriend.
isn't that really the only reason to break up? (other than logistical ones and major mental issues...)
chemistry isn't superficial, it's the opposite.